What should I do?

[angelofdeath0101]

Well, me and my girlfriend have just recently broken up. We had been together for almost two years up until that point. About a year into our relationship, she went to Panama city and had a fling with some guy whom she met down there. When she came back, I could tell she was a completely different person. For a week or so she had been secretly calling him and e-mailing him. I eventually found out about it and caught her. It was a pretty bad day for me. We broke up and I felt like dirt. Well we still remained friends for about 3 months. During this time I constantly told her that I still loved her and I wanted her back. She kept telling me that she wasnt ready for a commitment but that she was still in love with me. Also during this time, the guy she met drove 600 miles to spend the weekend with her here in town. That was the longest weekend of my life. I was really depressed. Well he went back home and she told me that her feelings for him had changed and she realized that I was the one she wanted to be with. Well considering the fact that I was madly in love with her, I gave it another shot. Three months of hell, and "boom" we were finally back together, I was so happy. Oh, I failed to mention that she also dated other guys during that time and I did not date any girls because my sights were set on her and only her. Well there we were happy again. It seemed like it was perfect. The holidays game around, then we bought each other promise rings for Valentines Day. We were constantly talking about engagement to each other. We were just freaking wonderful.

 

 

Well 10 months after being back together, something changed. I could tell she was acting funny again. I feared the worst. She started telling me that she wasnt sure about us anymore. That she wasnt sure that we were meant to be. I couldnt believe it. Well a couple of weeks of tention went by, nothing about her had changed, she was still acting funny. So one night I went to were she worked to see her. Right before i opened the door to the restraunt, (Oh, shes a waitress by the way), I saw her sitting in a booth, very close to some guy. When she saw me she jumped up and hugged me and sat me across the room from him. Shortly after he left. I confronted her about that, and she snapped at me. She told me that if I loved her I should trust her and stop accusing her of things. I didnt accuse her of anything, so it kind of led me on that there was something i didnt know about. i let it slide and never said anything about it again.

 

A week later me and my closest buddies decided to have a guy's night at his house. I told her and she said that she was gonna hang out with her best friend at her house and for me to call her that night. Well about midnight rolls around and I call her. She had was acting very funny again. I heard a deep voice in the background when she picked up. Yeah, ruined my night, now Im curious and play it off like I didnt hear anything, told her my usual I love you and have a good night baby. The minute we hung up, I took a little ride. My curiousity was killing me. I was scared, I feared the worst. As I turned on the road to her friends house, my stomuch felt weak. Theres the house, I see her friend's car, my girlfriend's, and another vehicle I had never seen before. I didnt know what to do. I panicked, so I drive up in the front yard, and I wal in like I own the place. The she sits on the couch with that guy I saw at the restraunt. My heart was crushed. He jumped up and didnt say a word. He was scared out of his mind. I told him to leave, and he did, lucky for him.

 

 

After he left, me and my girlfriend had a talk. She told me that she was sorry. She said that she had feelings for him a couple of months now. She said that she still loves me, but she said she loves him too. I couldn't understand. Well, I just drove off. We didnt speak for 3 days. i finally called her and told her I wanted her back. I still love her more than anything or anybody. I was killing me. She said to give her a couple of weeks, so I did just that. Two weeks later, she called me and told me that she was sorry, but she had chosen to be with that guy. I couldnt believe it. I was heartbroken, and I still am.

 

Now to all the forum readers that took the time to read this:

 

I love her alot. Its killing me. Even though she cheated on me twice, I still want her back. We havent contacted each other for over a month now, but i still think about her all the time. If the time ever comes that she would want to try try again, should I? Is it really worth it for someone that you love so dearly? Or should I just continue as we are now, no ontact, nothing? And if the day ever comes where she runs to me, should I give her a chance? Im so confused, I dont know what to do. But any comments or suggestions from you guys and gals would help alot. Thank you.

[clia]

Even though she cheated on me twice, I still want her back.

 

Why on Earth do you want someone back who has hurt you so much? I know "you love her", but really...think about this.

 

If the time ever comes that she would want to try try again, should I?

 

No. You have given her two chances and she keeps leaving for other guys. You may be in immense pain right now, but you will (trust me) eventually get over her and meet someone else. What would you rather have? A girl who keeps leaving and hurting you over and over again throughout the rest of your life, or pain now for the next few months, and a girl eventually who loves you and wouldn't dream of hurting you? Don't look at the short term. Look at the long term.

 

Is it really worth it for someone that you love so dearly?

 

No. It's not worth the hurt. You will be miserable. It's impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone you can't trust, and I do not see how you could ever trust her again.

 

[fquote]Or should I just continue as we are now, no ontact, nothing?

 

Do this. Put her out of your mind and work on yourself. Focus on moving on and getting over her. Like I said, this may take awhile, but you will get there eventually. YOu really will.

 

And if the day ever comes where she runs to me, should I give her a chance?

 

I wouldn't look twice at her ever again if I were you. She's blown it and you deserve much better.

[zoecharlene]

You need to stay away from her.

 

She is using you to her advantage, and you are a fool for this.

 

No matter how much it hurts.....move on. Talk to other girls. You don't have to sleep with them or even try having what you had with your ex, just keep busy.

 

It's gonna hurt like hell, but don't ever get back with her unless you want to be treated like dirt over and over again.

 

It sounds like every time she has problems with the current guy she is seeing she goes back to you. **** she may be doing this with several people.

 

Just keep busy with anything that will help you through this time. It's gonna take a long time too, so try to get into an activity that will be helpful for you.

 

Just stay strong!!!!!! In the end she's not worth your devotion!!

[wideawake]

Don't ever take her back. Don't ever talk to her again.

 

Even if she begs you to take her back.

 

She'll just continue to break your heart.

 

Never take back a cheater.

 

Good luck bro. There's a ton of really nice girls out there, now get off your ass and go find one.

[Onnie]

I completely agree with everyone else... You sound like a decent guy, save yourself and learn from the mistakes she has made.

 

It sounds like this woman can't commit to anything. One day you will meet someone that respects you and will always have your happiness in mind.

 

I was once in a similar situation myself and it took over a year to get over it and have a healthy relationship...I learnt a lot and was able to bring my feelings and thoughts of what a relationship exactly is to the table with my new guy.

 

In the long run you are far better without her...put as much space between you and her as you can.

[Tony T]

YOU ASK:

 

1. "If the time ever comes that she would want to try try again, should I?"

 

No. She has proven herself to be an untrustworthy sneak. She has betrayed you, lied to you, played you like a fiddle, she has no respect for you, no consideration...I mean she thinks so little of you. She can SAY anything she wants. But the proof of how she feels about you is in her behavior. She sneaks away from you to see other people. There's got to be a reason for that. Maybe you make it very hard for her to leave. Hey, man, you gotta start letting these chicks who don't want to be with you go without a hassle.

 

2. "Is it really worth it for someone that you love so dearly?"

 

Yes, but you don't love her. You love who you would like her to be. You love some silly idea in your head. But there's no way you can love a low class, lying, cheating scuzzbag like her unless you are absolutely out of your mind...in which case you need to get checked in to the nearest sanitarium.

 

3. "Or should I just continue as we are now, no ontact, nothing?"

 

Yeppers, just like that...for the rest of your life and even longer if you can pull it off. She's trash, 100 percent. And she sees you as a total fool for putting up with her stuff. As a matter of fact, I'd bet you millions she spends hours talking to her boyfriend about what a lovesick wimp you are. You gotta be a pretty decent guy. Don't let this happen to you. Have some respect for yourself and stay away from her forever. You don't exist for her convenience.

 

4. "And if the day ever comes where she runs to me, should I give her a chance?"

 

Hell, no. Well, uh, what kind of chance are you talking about. If you're selling raffle tickets...sure, sell her some chances. But not in this lifetime or your next 1,000 lifetimes should you ever let this female get closer than five miles from you. She is trouble with hair on it.

 

Why wouldn't you think you deserve somebody who will treat you better? I'm so sorry I can't draw pictures on this forum. This lady smells so bad her stinch is coming through my computer screen and I have to air out the room now.

[BrkenHearted]

First and foremost I'm truly sorry for the pain you had to endure with this woman. I agree with the people on this post that say she is no good for you. What I didn't agree with was the quote wide awake said which was never take back a cheater. I say this because I my self have been a cheater and people do change I never was intimate with a man but I did kiss 2 men that I do regret very much till this day It cost me my marriage I think he took this to far but everyone deals with situations differently. But this girl who you were dating to me seems like she wasn't giving anything to this relationship it seems to me that when she would get scared of commitment she would run away to the nearest guy that was around. You seem like a nice guy and you don't deserve this pain that she has put upon you. Good luck angelofdeath0101 hope you find happiness one day.

[hkroos00]

Exactly how did you treat this girl? Did you treat her like a princess? Did you make her feel like dirt? HHmmm?? Tell me that? If you're going to post something like this you might as well tell the truth, angelofdeath. Don't leave out bits and peices of the story to make yourself look like the good guy. If you messed up, if you made her feel on a daily basis that she was dirt, tell everyone. why don't you? Bc if she ever reads this it'll prolly hurt her so badly that she'll never be able to look at you again, let alone come back to you. She'd probably be crying so hard she'd have to excuse herself at work and leave. Bc she is a hateful B*&^h and you didn't do a darn thing wrong did you? NO never.

[hkroos00]

no she wasn't giving anything to the relationship, at all. She didn't come to see you everynight and sit and watch you play video games just to be with you, did she? She didn't show up and spend 8 hours at a time at work with you even when you were busy justso she could be in the same room with you, did she? She didn't buy you cards and flowers and do little things like finding some toy from a movie you like and buy it for you just to see your smile, did she? she may have messed up, but the lying cheating scuzzbag did love you. I can promise you that. maybe she just couldn't take daily emotional abuse.

[manofpiece]

Even if his girlfriend was doing these things and even if he didnt treat her like she wanted him to, that doesnt give any excuse for her doing that to him. If she really loved him, she should had told the truth and broke up with him instead of lying to him and stabbing him in the back. That is the number one way to show somebody that you dont give a crap about there trust or feelings.

 

Dont listen to this person Angelofdeath0101, they are obviously trying to justify a cheating heart. The truth is, you can't. She lied to you, knowing she was lying to you, knowing it would hurt you, and she took the fork in the road anyway. She obviously thinks that she loves you but like they all say, everytime another spark entered the picture, she would drop you like a piano and ride off into the sunset. Think about it AngelofDeath, if she truly loved you, would she do this to you? Why would she hurt you like that? She doesnt care about your feelings and probably never has cared. Forget her, she'll understand what kind of man she lost one day and its going to eat her alive. Dont give in to her, everyone deserves a second chance but never a third. Good luck bro.

[mistreatedburl]

I think you should move on even though I know it's not easy because i've been in a similar situation, people are constantly telling me forget about the person but as you and I both know easier said than done, but my advice to you from experience is your only hurting yourself and destroying your life over a girl that obviously is playing around with your emotions, if she cares about you she would realize how miserable she is making you and how much she is destroying your chance to be yourself and find another someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

 

I hope you find this helpful

[Jtizzle]

I agree 100% with what everyone else said....u should definately leave this girl alone..if she really loved you she wouldnt have cheated...i know thats easier said then done..but it takes committement and REAL love for someone to give up temptation...

 

If u did get back with her,u would be on ur toes and out of ur mind trying to see if shes cheating again, and u will never be able to trust her again..u will always have that thing in ur head saying.. maybe she is....what if she is....maybe im not....etc...and thats not the way to life your life buddy....

 

u shouldnt love someone who lies to you about things..and cheats...why would u want that?? do u like to feel pain or so.. I DONT THINK SO....nobody wants to be hurt by someone they love...and this is just God's way or teaching you a lesson..everything happens for a reason, you jus have to find the meaning behind this whole situation..

 

i know ur hurting right now...but trust me...u will get over it...when u find that special someone who loves u for u and wont hurt you,then u will totally forget about that other chick....goodluck

[Jim206]

Hey buddy, Forget her. She lied to you. She'll keep lying to you if you take her back. I can promise you that there is a good chance that this guy will end up dumping her eventually and she'll probably have second thoughts about you. If that ever happens, DO NOT give in to her. If you do, she'll do it again, knowing that she can get away with it. Not only that, but you'll get hurt AGAIN in the process. She probably jokes to him about how much you love and care for her.

Ive seen it time and time again. Girl cheats, girl gets caught, girl runs to her new lover, new lover loses interest and dumps her, and then girl runs back to her ex that she left with his heart ripped out. Don't let yourself be a part of this very common line. Hang in there man, youll feel alot better as time goes by. Time will heal you, not her.

[jalexy]

is that your girl writing those weird replies?? how strange, it sounded way to personal to me, weird.

leave that girl, what a nasty person

[angelofdeath0101]

Well, to put it bluntly I love her. I love her so much it makes me crazy. I know all of you out there posted in this forum that I shouldnt take her back. Maybe I should have listened. Who knows where I'd be right know.

 

I ended up going back to her guys. Around August I believe after she broke up with the guy that i was talking about in my earlier posts. We gave each other another chance. I was so happy again. I enjoyed being with every moment that I could now that she was back with me. I was even going to propose to her on Christmas. I know, I know, you all are thinking Im really dumb for wanting that. Truth is, I didnt care. I loved her so much that I was willing to risk getting my heart broken again just to be with her a little more. I screwed up so bad. I trusted her again but i didnt let her know I did. I hounded her about what she did to me in the past because i was scared she would do it again. So a couple of days ago, she finally broke down and left me for good. Now I got to live it. I finally got her back and just got my heart broken all over again.

 

To everyone out there that is reading this. I love her much and she has no idea how much i really do. My arrogance to admit forgiveness caused me to be hurt again. If any of you ever try again after a break-up, dont do what i did and screw it up. You really have to forgive that person and make sure they feel you have forgiven them or its doomed from day one. I love that girl so much but I got to get on with my life without her now and there isnt a thing i can do about it. Thank you everyone for your advice and input. God be with you all.

[ramble on rose]

Honey you just have to cut your losses right now. It sounds like you are so confused and entangled in this that you can't see or think clearly. Let some time pass with NO CONTACT. Every day gets easier. Sometimes you do all you can and the result isn't what you hoped for. It's OK. You do deserve better than being cheated on and being played like a puppet on strings. You will come to see it in time. Keep yourself busy, let yourself cry and be upset but don't contact this girl anymore.

[jmargel]

First off.. How old are you two? Sounds like both of you have issues you need to deal with. This isn't healthy for either of you. I would highly suggest counciling if not couple counciling then at least individual. You may love her with all your heart, but sometimes that isn't enough. She needs to love you back completely as well. Here are some of the things I go by regarding my relationship with my girlfriend. Just a little background first. I knew her for a year, we were best friends, but she had a bf for the past 8 years. He treated her bad in that he took her for granted, neglected her and only saw her as a trophy. Very egoistatical. My feelings grew for her, and so did hers. But I could tell she was fighting it, cause she wanted to make sure. Well it finally happened in Sept. and been together 3 months. However I have her ex-bf to deal with in him trying to get her back. So instead of jealously insuing I realized I needed to do the things in this list:

 

1. Communication - NEVER assume things, NEVER let your fears dictate on what is going to happen in your relationship. Any sort of questions, problems (no matter how small they may seem to be) you must let your mate know.

 

2. Listen - Listen to your mate! If he/she tells you something, its because there is a reason. Not only listen but react accordingly. If your mate tells you something is bothering them about you then change it. Actually take it one step beyond just listening, and from time to time ask them has anything you've done or said in the past bothered them. Sometimes your mate won't speak up unless given the chance.

 

3. Trust - Trust your mate! Your mate is IMO your other half, so why not? Your mate is with YOU because they want to be with YOU.

 

4. Forgive & Forget - Don't let the past of what either something has happened in their past bother you to the extreme. In order to have a healthy relationship you can't hold anything over their head.

 

You really never did answer the question on how you treated her in the past. Be honest with us & yourself. Otherwise you aren't gaining any ground. Did the romance fizzle out? Did you neglect her or take her for granted? Look back and do some real soul searching.

 

With that said sounds like the items I listed numbers 3 & 4 are your problems & you identified. My only advice would be to give her time, and to suggest that you would be willing to goto counciling for yourself, and that you would like things to work out between you two & would do couple counciling as well. They would be able to give you insight on alot of things that we couldn't. It wouldnt hurt to try.

[AllyKat]

I took my ex back after he cheated on me, it didnt stop.

 

This girl doesnt know what she wants. I mean, she hurt you...she is the source of your pain?! Why want her back? She has proved to you she cant be trusted, twice!

 

The only way I could get out of my relationship was NO contact with this man. Finally, when I got back to loving me and respecting myself, I demanded respect from others! You need time...you are living off this girl, when she ****s on you. Please know Im not trying to be mean or rude.

 

This girl doesnt care about you...she is full of it. Let another guy have her, there is someone wonderful out there for you who wont pull this with you. Trust in it.

[angelofdeath0101]

Time is a funny thing. We all go through it in a certain way. Time has brought a new love in my life. She is the most beautiful and caring person I have ever met. I met her while I was working in Knoxville. She is 2 years older than me and a college grad from UT.

 

I wasn't expecting nothing out of it, but it just happened. I knew I was done hurting and ready to move on. She treats me so much better as a person than my ex did. Being with her helped me enjoy all the things in life I have that I couldnt see in the past when I was in pain. A nice apartment, a great job, loving family, hell and now even my Dodge Viper.

 

I havent contacted her, I decided to leave her alone and let her be, just like you guys said to. You all were right. I just wanted to say that to everybody and thanks for your input in the past. Life is the art of drawing without an eraser, you just gotta keep living even when life screws up and doesnt go as planned.

 

For those of you that have lost a love, give it time. Live! Get out there and get your mind off of her. There will be another! Remember that always. I felt the same way. (Just scroll up and read all my posts if you dont believe me)

 

Well Im a busy man these days, I have to go now. Farewell.

 

Kevin

[jlove421]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been there. I had a boyfriend for 5 years and during that time had cheated on me numberous times. I always went back because I felt like I couldn't be without him. And the first few months are the worst.

A little more than 3 years ago we broke up. I was jus tired of the lies, the cheating, and the lack of time that he spent with ne. And believe me that was one of the hardest things that I've had to do. He was my first love. It took quite a bit of time, at least a year. I started dating this guy about 4 months after we had broken up. Even then I was still confused because I still had feelings for him. Well me and the guy have been together for almost 3 years now and I couldn't be happier. I can't stress to you how much I love the fact that I can trust him. He has no history of cheating and it's such a relief not to have to worry. So basically, I think by calling it quits is the right thing to do. It doesn't seem like that now because you're miserable. I was too...I took this time for me. It's such a cliche but you should take this time to find yourself. Besides, do you want a girl that you always have to wonder about? And eventually if you keep questioning her it could ruin the relationship. You sound like a wonderful person and I'm sure that in time things will seem better and you'll be ready to be with someone who appreciates you.

[from ND]

wow dude, you are in the same boat as me..... I dumped my chick cause she cheated, now i wanna take her back, but im afraid of what to do, cause she tried turnin it around after i left her...if you REALLY love her, then follow your heart, we only live once. good luck man

[Tony T]

Nothing like giving advice on a situation that's now on exhibit in the Smithsonian.