carrot10 Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Hi everyone! I'm new here and appreciate any input. My background: I was married for 11 years to a workaholic. He traveled 3 weeks out of the month and when he came home, he spent time doing his own thing or with our daughter. So after doing EVERYTHING I could do for attention, I left in 2005. We are good friends now. I started dating in 2007. I was introduced to a great guy in Sept. We met on a friday night (thru a mutual friend) and by Sunday night, he wanted to be exclusive. We saw each other for 2 weeks-every night. He was really attentive to me-very respectful. Then he would get busy and we would't see each other for a week. It's just completely different nowthan what I fell for. The problem is that I feel like I like being with him way more than he does with me. He has never been married and is close to 50. My question is do I continue with this and just let it happen or get out now and find that attentive type person I want? i am scared to death that I get into another relationship with someone who doesn't make me a priority. I don't want him to be glued to me. I just feel that if I am in a relationship with someone, you want to spend time with them. For the record, when my daughter is with her dad, I make time to go to his house. Am I overreacting???? Link to post Share on other sites
bozwa Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 How long has it been since your first date? I don't think you're overreacting. It depends on how long you have been dating. You definitely don't want to make the same mistake twice. I know I sure wouldn't. And if he needs days or weeks away from you and isn't very attentive during the times you are together, then it looks like it would put you back where you started...or ended, so to speak. Does anything stick out in your mind that might have changed things? Link to post Share on other sites
makemyblackrosesred Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 No. I think he is just busy. What does he do for a living? You just want to make sure he isn't doing something on the side. 50 and never been married? Once again sounds similar to someone I know. Maybe you should have a conversation with him and say. "Look, I really like you and spending time with you, however, I just feel like you don't want to spend the same amount of time with me. Should I be worried you're starting to lose interest"? I know that sounds almost cliche, but the more honest you are with him..the better you'll get a grasp on this whole relationship thing. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Carrot10, I'm a 57 year old man. Married 25 years, divorced 7 years ago. Without a doubt most people would describe me as "cautious" to a fault. I can just imagine a man of 50 who has never married. He must be down right paranoid. What does "being attentive" mean to you, describe it for me. Does "being attentive" to you mean being committed and exclusive? What do you need, or want from a realtionship? Fill in the blanks so I can give it a serious thought, please. Link to post Share on other sites
Author carrot10 Posted January 11, 2008 Author Share Posted January 11, 2008 Thanks to everyone for their replies! I guess my main concern is that he was calling and wanting to see me so much the first 2 weeks and after that time period something else would come up. I really don't believe he is seeing anyone else. We still see each other every weekend and he calls me 2 or 3 times a day. I know most people would look at this and say "there's nothing to worry about" I guess because my ex was really good to me at the beginning- cards, letters etc.. and it faded away. I'm probably being paranoid and shouldn't compare but it's hard..I did ask him if he was losing interest and he said no. I know he is busy but I'm busy too. I don't think I'm going to bring it up to him again because I do not want to appear to be needy and clingy. basically, this is my decision if I can be happy without seeing him so much. Link to post Share on other sites
makemyblackrosesred Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 Hey Carrot- This guy isn't a teacher is he? He sounds just like someone I know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author carrot10 Posted January 11, 2008 Author Share Posted January 11, 2008 No he's not a teacher. out of curiosity, what is your friend like when he has a girlfriend? I know that they are not the same people, but if their behavior is the same, maybe I could get some insight:) Link to post Share on other sites
makemyblackrosesred Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 Well everything he says you've gotta take with a grain of salt. I dont think he has a g/f he says sometimes he has a ladyfriend but they've been friends for years. So they just go out to dinner and stuff..but he mostly goes out with his guyfriends. He is rumored to be a player, but like i said you've gotta take everything he says with a grain of salt. He doesnt want any commitments and lives by himself so he has the freedom to do what he wants. Its hard to get a straight answer from him..but he makes it sound like he has a g/f then he doesn't its confusing. Bottom line is he is single and ****s with womens minds on purpose. Like the way he flirts with me. You should check out my threads to get a better understanding of him. He is 50 though. Turned 50 in October and I think he was married once. Thats why it sounded familiar, but this guy is a commitmentphobe and makes people think different things, but his friends say he is single and he likes it like that. Hes a big jokester...what he says varies from day to day. Hes got that Italian charm..so hopefully your guy isnt italian lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author carrot10 Posted January 12, 2008 Author Share Posted January 12, 2008 thanks for that info! No hes not italian. Everyone keeps telling me that there is a "reason" he has never been married. I guess once you get to a certain age, you get stuck in your ways so to speak. I'm proceeding with caution!! anyway, thanks again:) Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 I don't think I'm going to bring it up to him again because I do not want to appear to be needy and clingy. I think if you avoid it this time (like you did in your marriage), then you may be repeating a pattern that appears to be coming from a fear of appearing needy and clingy. For myself, I believed that I had to be "strong, brave and responsible", and my strong sense of duty/obligation kept me from knowing the difference between being able to express and ask for what I needed (support, encouragement, assistance, understanding, etc., etc.) versus what is unhealthy neediness and clingy-ness. Of course, what was messed-up was my wrong belief about what being "strong, brave and responsible" really means to me, and the accompanying belief that I needed to be that, for others. Link to post Share on other sites
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