Terribly sad today....

[PinkRibbon]

Today is overcast and dreary and my mood is about the same. It is has been about 3 and a half months since my stbx husband kicked me out of the house so he can "be with his friends". I am doing alot better but today I just really miss him so much. I miss his smile, I miss his goofy laugh and I miss his hugs. Things that bothered me now I would give anything to be able to be bothered again by them.

 

He had this awful habit which would drive me bonkers....he would sit in the bathroom off our bedroom with the door open and talk to me. I would be laying in bed reading and having to hear him go to the bathroom and talking to me would drive me nuts. I would just want him to shut the door so I didn't have to listen. Now I would give anything for that again. Being apart makes you realize that the things you thought were so so bad were really just petty things.

 

I think I am being nostalgic today because I finally went out with some friends last night to a bar to listen to 2 bands play. I had a really good time and enjoyed myself but I felt like I was faking it the whole time. The smile was fake, the jokes were fake and everything about me was fake. But that fakeness had people laughing and having a good time. When all I wanted to do was be with my stbx husband.

 

This week he emailed about some mail and I never emailed him back so he emailed one of the ladies I was with last night asking was I still here at work. His words were "he wasn't going to call over here and start sh**". I work at the same place as he does how in the heck can he not know if I am here or not and why doesn't he just grow some ba**s and pick up the phone and call and ask me if I am still here. It is just depressing to know that the last 6 years meant so little to him that he can't even make a civil call to see if I am here. And he could care less if I am here or not.

 

I really want him back and I had hoped maybe one day he would be civil enough that maybe we could work on it but when he doesn't even know if I still work here then he really could care less.

 

Sorry for venting to everyone. I am just really sad and wish things were different between us. I want the man that loved me back.

[Confused9]

Oh PR...these days are hard, but listen, go back and read your post when you were feeling amazing. I think it was Wednesday? Go back and read how uplifted you were.

 

I know you are lonely and feel sad. We all have those days, minutes, hours, whatever spurts they come in. But, you have been doing so well and you will continue to do so.

 

Focus on yourself. Do something that makes you happy. Go flaunt your new hairdo. You will get through this. Some days are going to be tough...just use all the strength you have to fight through those days.

 

H*ll I don't know if you caught up with what is going on in my soap opera of a life...but you know what...IT IS GOING TO GET BETTER. I may be living in a cardboard box with a broken heart because of him in a few months...but you know what...if I focus and take care of things for myself...I will be okay. I may be tired working 2 jobs...but I will be okay. AND SO WILL YOU!

[watchconcierge]

Today is overcast and dreary and my mood is about the same. It is has been about 3 and a half months since my stbx husband kicked me out of the house so he can "be with his friends". I am doing alot better but today I just really miss him so much. I miss his smile, I miss his goofy laugh and I miss his hugs. Things that bothered me now I would give anything to be able to be bothered again by them.

 

He had this awful habit which would drive me bonkers....he would sit in the bathroom off our bedroom with the door open and talk to me. I would be laying in bed reading and having to hear him go to the bathroom and talking to me would drive me nuts. I would just want him to shut the door so I didn't have to listen. Now I would give anything for that again. Being apart makes you realize that the things you thought were so so bad were really just petty things.

 

I think I am being nostalgic today because I finally went out with some friends last night to a bar to listen to 2 bands play. I had a really good time and enjoyed myself but I felt like I was faking it the whole time. The smile was fake, the jokes were fake and everything about me was fake. But that fakeness had people laughing and having a good time. When all I wanted to do was be with my stbx husband.

 

This week he emailed about some mail and I never emailed him back so he emailed one of the ladies I was with last night asking was I still here at work. His words were "he wasn't going to call over here and start sh**". I work at the same place as he does how in the heck can he not know if I am here or not and why doesn't he just grow some ba**s and pick up the phone and call and ask me if I am still here. It is just depressing to know that the last 6 years meant so little to him that he can't even make a civil call to see if I am here. And he could care less if I am here or not.

 

I really want him back and I had hoped maybe one day he would be civil enough that maybe we could work on it but when he doesn't even know if I still work here then he really could care less.

 

Sorry for venting to everyone. I am just really sad and wish things were different between us. I want the man that loved me back.

 

Hey... I had a rough night and I'm having a rough morning, too. My NC is up to about 40 1/2 hours. I don't remember it being this rough last time when I made it 6 days before returning her calls.

 

Here's what I had to teach myself to do when she betrayed me if I started thinking about it... I would look at something... anything... and start telling myself what it is and describing it to myself (non-verbally)... over and over and over until I forgot about the issue... I had to do that last night and this morning a little... Maybe if you try it, it will help.

 

Take care my friend.

[watchconcierge]

I don't know if this will help, but I signed up for match.com and date.com and it takes your mind off of the ex and seems to give you some additional hope that there's someone else out there. And people will write to you and wink at you on these sites... so that does something for your ego. You don't have to date anybody if you don't want. But just to know that somebody is interested... And you can sign up for free!

Edited January 11, 2008 by watchconcierge

[jdeedee]

Count me in on the worst morning ever crowd. You all in the northeast, too?

 

It's funny, a few days ago it was foggy and rainy and I felt amazing because of the weather. Meanwhile this drizzly overcast morning has torn me apart.

[watchconcierge]

Count me in on the worst morning ever crowd. You all in the northeast, too?

 

It's funny, a few days ago it was foggy and rainy and I felt amazing because of the weather. Meanwhile this drizzly overcast morning has torn me apart.

 

I'm in Denver... It does seem weird that so many of us seem to be having a rough day.

[Confused9]

Let's hope we can all get through this. One step at a time...

[watchconcierge]

Well my day just changed... A friend of mine who is the prez of a magazine that interviewed me awhile back said that he's setting up an interview with a major celeb who's moving to Denver. And he's going to hook me up with a date! LOL Not kidding!!!!

[trulysomething]

It's normal. I'm 4months along with my breakup (and he's in contact every day)

I get minutes of complete depression and tears..but they pass with a few more minutes.

It'll be normal to have weeks and days like that and hours and minutes...

that is when I usually pull out my pros and cons list.*LOL*

 

I highly recommend reviewing these a lot! Esp the cons! (I have 2 sheets so I can avoid looking at the pros)

 

One minute at a time *hugs*

[s_n_d]

I know exactly how your feeling.

I too miss the little things about my ex.. Little things like how he would kiss my hair, or when he would look at me sometimes and say " WOWW.:love:"

Little things make me miss him the most.

[PinkRibbon]

I will be fine once I get home and can curl up in my warm PJ's and watch a good movie.

 

Oh yea when I came back from lunch today I had flowers delivered to me! Wow! And for a min I thought it was from him but it was a girl friend of mine at work telling me I am special. How sweet is that.

[s_n_d]

Aww that was SO sweet of your friend to send you flowers.

[so_sad]

Rough day here too. I had a dream last night in which my ex and I were talking about getting back together. Of course, that is never going to happen in real life. It was pretty hard waking up and having reality hit me.

 

I'm also feeling bad because I think the breakup and ensuing depression have impacted my performance at work, and I hate that. Even if it's to be expected, I don't like it and I'm worried that I'm not going to break out of the pattern.

 

And finally (saving the most pathetic for last...) I feel like no one's ever going to want to date me again. I am the classic case of the 30 something girl of who everyone says "of course you'll meet someone...you're smart and cute and funny", but the thing is, no one has shown any interest in me since my breakup. It's not like I'm out actively looking, but I just feel like I must be unwittingly emanating waves of "don't date me", somehow.

[watchconcierge]

Rough day here too. I had a dream last night in which my ex and I were talking about getting back together. Of course, that is never going to happen in real life. It was pretty hard waking up and having reality hit me.

 

I'm also feeling bad because I think the breakup and ensuing depression have impacted my performance at work, and I hate that. Even if it's to be expected, I don't like it and I'm worried that I'm not going to break out of the pattern.

 

And finally (saving the most pathetic for last...) I feel like no one's ever going to want to date me again. I am the classic case of the 30 something girl of who everyone says "of course you'll meet someone...you're smart and cute and funny", but the thing is, no one has shown any interest in me since my breakup. It's not like I'm out actively looking, but I just feel like I must be unwittingly emanating waves of "don't date me", somehow.

 

I will take you out if you're ever in Denver!! I know this is gonna sound lame, but I had some pictures taken when my breakup first happened, and I didn't look happy... So I've been doing smiling exercises... holding the biggest, widest-eyed smile I can for a minute or two several times a day... Now my face looks happier all the time. And people are attracted to happy faces. I highly recommend it!

[s_n_d]

I know this is gonna sound lame, but I had some pictures taken when my breakup first happened, and I didn't look happy... So I've been doing smiling exercises... holding the biggest, widest-eyed smile I can for a minute or two several times a day... Now my face looks happier all the time. And people are attracted to happy faces. I highly recommend it!

 

Yeah Ive done that too.

Haha sounds absolutely CRAZY. But it helps

[Confused9]

Well my day just changed... A friend of mine who is the prez of a magazine that interviewed me awhile back said that he's setting up an interview with a major celeb who's moving to Denver. And he's going to hook me up with a date! LOL Not kidding!!!!

 

 

That's right...you're like sort of famous, right?

 

Maybe you should read me post about my x and his not paying the debt we created together, feel bad for me, and give me a loan. HA! HA! I'm funny!

 

PR...hope your day changed. I just had to go apply for a second job. I think I will try waitressing that way I can be on my feet since I am at a desk all day and won't be able to go to the gym all the time and maybe I will meet some cute boys? We'll see.

 

Hang in there everyone!

[PinkRibbon]

The day is almost over everyone!! Tomorrow is another day to try and move forward in our lives. I just hope it is not another day like today. I hope to God it is not another day like today. I am almost at the point that I wish I had never met him. I often sit around and imagine what it would be like to never have had him in my life and I can't think of one thing he has ever done in the past to make my life better. He caused pain and misery since our first date. Now I wish I could just erase him from my life and memory.

[watchconcierge]

The day is almost over everyone!! Tomorrow is another day to try and move forward in our lives. I just hope it is not another day like today. I hope to God it is not another day like today. I am almost at the point that I wish I had never met him. I often sit around and imagine what it would be like to never have had him in my life and I can't think of one thing he has ever done in the past to make my life better. He caused pain and misery since our first date. Now I wish I could just erase him from my life and memory.

 

It's not almost over for me. I'm at the gym. I brought my laptop. It's only 6:19pm right now. I have so many emotions right now... I just ran on the treadmill and have a decent sweat going. But I'm in so much pain right now.

 

I hope I can sleep tonight!!!!!!!

[sedgwick]

I'm in the northeast US too, and today has totally sucked! I've been so sad all day. It doesn't help that a chunk of money I thought was coming my way has been delayed by several weeks, leaving me at a loss as to how I'm going to pay my rent next month. Sometimes being an adult really blows.

 

I do take comfort in the fact that there are others out there going through the same thing I am. I have to have hope that we'll all get over it. so_sad, I'm in the exact same position as you. Mid-30s, cool and interesting life, people tell me all the time that I'm good-looking (I get requests for photoshoots on myspace frequently), and all my friends have said that they never understood what I saw in him in the first place. The classic, "You're so much better-looking than he is." But I tell myself they have to say that because they're my friends. I feel like nobody will ever want me again. I hate feeling like this.

[watchconcierge]

I'm in the northeast US too, and today has totally sucked! I've been so sad all day. It doesn't help that a chunk of money I thought was coming my way has been delayed by several weeks, leaving me at a loss as to how I'm going to pay my rent next month. Sometimes being an adult really blows.

 

I do take comfort in the fact that there are others out there going through the same thing I am. I have to have hope that we'll all get over it. so_sad, I'm in the exact same position as you. Mid-30s, cool and interesting life, people tell me all the time that I'm good-looking (I get requests for photoshoots on myspace frequently), and all my friends have said that they never understood what I saw in him in the first place. The classic, "You're so much better-looking than he is." But I tell myself they have to say that because they're my friends. I feel like nobody will ever want me again. I hate feeling like this.

 

I'm not kidding when I say that today is the toughest day since I left my wife over 2 months ago. I think that maybe the 6 days of NC followed by 3 days of brawling and then the new NC... I think it's really affecting me... But I haven't broken it. I only ate breakfast this morning. No lunch. No dinner. I went to the gym twice. That helped, but... I feel like crying... And I can't cry. I haven't cried since we broke up. My body won't allow me that release because I stifled tears for so long... ever since I was a kid... but I feel like I'm close.

 

I feel horrible. I don't get how I could feel this bad over 2 months later.

[so_sad]

I will take you out if you're ever in Denver!! I know this is gonna sound lame, but I had some pictures taken when my breakup first happened, and I didn't look happy... So I've been doing smiling exercises... holding the biggest, widest-eyed smile I can for a minute or two several times a day... Now my face looks happier all the time. And people are attracted to happy faces. I highly recommend it!

 

Ha ha...okay, it's a deal. If I'm in Denver, I'll take you up on it. I'll try the smiling exercises too. I've read that's it's one of those things where if you do the action, you'll eventually feel the feeling associated with the action. You're right, people are attracted to happy faces. And definitely less so to "woe is me" faces.

[watchconcierge]

Ha ha...okay, it's a deal. If I'm in Denver, I'll take you up on it. I'll try the smiling exercises too. I've read that's it's one of those things where if you do the action, you'll eventually feel the feeling associated with the action. You're right, people are attracted to happy faces. And definitely less so to "woe is me" faces.

 

I changed my myspace page song to "Let U Go" by Ashley Parker Angel. You should check it out.

 

http://www.myspace.com/ashleyparkerangel -- make sure you're on the correct song and then read the lyrics while it's playing.

 

It's a great song with perfect lyrics for this thread. Here are the lyrics....

 

[FONT=Verdana][sIZE=4][COLOR=#000000] ASHLEY PARKER ANGEL LYRICS

[/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

[sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana][COLOR=#000000] Let U Go

[/COLOR][/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana]

Broken promises

But you don't really mind

It's not the first time and you know it

Don't you know

Tell me why it is you only smile inside

But when you break me into nothing

Don't you know

It's not like I haven't tried over and over again

Stupid fights, wrong or right

Goodbye

 

[Chorus:]

I remember when you came with me that night

We said forever, that you would never let me go

But here I am again

With nothing left inside

Know I don't wanna

But I gotta let you go

 

You're the one mistake I really didn't mind

So beautiful, unmerciful

It took me down

Too little and too late

See now I know your kind

You fake it easy just to please me

Don't you know

It's not like we haven't tried over and over again

Sleepless nights, wrong or right

Goodbye

 

[Chorus]

 

I gotta let you go

It's you

There's nothing I can do

 

[Chorus][/FONT][/sIZE]

 

-------------

 

Let me know what you think!

 

Thanks.

T

[so_sad]

...so_sad, I'm in the exact same position as you. Mid-30s, cool and interesting life, people tell me all the time that I'm good-looking (I get requests for photoshoots on myspace frequently), and all my friends have said that they never understood what I saw in him in the first place. The classic, "You're so much better-looking than he is." But I tell myself they have to say that because they're my friends. I feel like nobody will ever want me again. I hate feeling like this.

 

Oh, I hate getting the "You're better-looking than he is" ! I get that too, not to mention the even worse "you can do better than him". Um, apparently not, since I couldn't keep him, so what are my chances with someone "better"? I know people mean well when they say stuff like that, but it just depresses me. It makes me feel like I have a hidden flaw that only he saw because he knew me so well.

 

I too really hate feeling like no one will want me again. I'm really contemplating a conscious choice not to get involved with anyone (no dating, no relationships) and just becoming an eccentric 21st century spinster.

[watchconcierge]

Oh, I hate getting the "You're better-looking than he is" ! I get that too, not to mention the even worse "you can do better than him". Um, apparently not, since I couldn't keep him, so what are my chances with someone "better"? I know people mean well when they say stuff like that, but it just depresses me. It makes me feel like I have a hidden flaw that only he saw because he knew me so well.

 

I too really hate feeling like no one will want me again. I'm really contemplating a conscious choice not to get involved with anyone (no dating, no relationships) and just becoming an eccentric 21st century spinster.

 

I hate those comments, too. On another note, when I was at the gym... I train at a serious gym that I trained at as a teenager. I was a competitive bodybuilder before I got busted for steroids when I was 20. And there's this new guy in there... HUGE! You have to see people like this in real life to appreciate it. His name is Phil Heath. He's one of the top bodybuilders in the world. Apparently he recently moved here and is starting to train at my gym.

 

I have a pretty muscular build, but I felt like a little child in his presence. A friend of mine who is a top national level bodybuilder was there, too, but he looked small next to this guy... That was pretty off topic, but at least I wasn't in misery over my ex.

[sedgwick]

watchconcierge, for what it's worth, bodybuilders freak me out! i'm all about skinny dorks.