indecisive Posted June 17, 2003 Share Posted June 17, 2003 Like many people who have been living together a long time, my partner and I are wondering if we're missing something by not getting married. I've lived with my partner for 10 years. In those years, we've had a mixed bag: Some months are fantastic, romantic, passionate, silly, fun, etc. and others are absurd, dull, painful, tragic, etc. We've been through thick and thin and recognize that we still have miles to go on this journey. I suppose we're "romantic realists," meaning that while we are both committed to making our relationship stand the test of time, we know just how many obstacles will continue to make things difficult for that to happen. (Our society wants to believe in "forever" but, ironically, our social constructs do not foster that.) Anyhoo, we got engaged about three years ago. Since then, we have done very little in the way of planning a wedding. The fact is, we aren't interested in what we know weddings to be. We are not religious, we are not particularly interested in "legalizing" the union, and we are not concerned about having children out of wedlock. So, with that said, I'm wondering if anyone can tell me why we should get married? I'd be interested in hearing from men, in particular, who lived with their partners for several years before they wed. I want to know if they really "felt" something when they wed their loved one, and if marriage has changed anything about their union (good or bad). Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 17, 2003 Share Posted June 17, 2003 Congratulations!!! If you are living in the United States, you are already married and may have celebrated your third wedding anniversary. Common law, observed in most states, pronounces a couple man and wife after cohabitation for seven consecutive years. Being legally married simplifies a lot of property matters, especially in the event of the death of one of the partners. However, you can cover that stuff in other legal documents. It also confers some property rights on minor survivors. You should contact an attorney in your state for all the reasons for getting a marriage license. Since you are already married in the eyes of the law, your question becomes pretty mute. Link to post Share on other sites
Jamie31 Posted June 18, 2003 Share Posted June 18, 2003 Tony was absolutely right in his response. But my question is..is there any particular reason that you two have NOT gotten married? I mean is there some reason that you are afraid to take that next step or have you just not bothered to take time to do it? Marriage is a beautiful thing and it can be wonderful if both partners are willing to give 100% at all times. And if you and your partner have already made that commitment to each other, why not make it legal? I mean it does bring you closer in every way. Plus when and if you do have children, what last name will you give them? Doen't you think they will want their parents to be married like all their friend's parents are? If you aren't interested in have a religious ceremony, that's fine! It can be a civil ceremony that takes place outdoors. Outdoor weddings make some of the most beautiful ones. I, myself, had an amazing outdoor wedding ceremony by the lake and it was prettier then and church wedding I have ever seen. Or even better - plan a trip to Jamaica, Hawaii, or somewhere like that and have a beachside ceremony. THere are plenty of ways to have a beautiful civil wedding ceremony. All I am saying is that marriage is a beautiful union that makes two individuals one. If you are already planning on spending your lives together........why not? Link to post Share on other sites
Lila Posted June 20, 2003 Share Posted June 20, 2003 Weddings are basically for the family. Everyone likes an excuse for a get-together or a party. If you don't want to get married, don't feel like you have to. Sometimes having to entertain a bunch of relatives that you don't particularly care for can be a drag. Sometimes eloping and going on an extravagent vacation works, but then the family/friends get ticked that they weren't included. Link to post Share on other sites
Jamie31 Posted June 20, 2003 Share Posted June 20, 2003 actually, many people go off somewhere and get married. It's getting more and more common these days. And why should the family get mad? I mean it's not like you can fly all of them out to whereever you are going. And don't be pressured to have a wedding if you don't want one, getting married is about what you and your husband-to-be want. Do what you wanna do, don't worry about your family or anything else. Link to post Share on other sites
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