lizzie Posted June 17, 2003 Share Posted June 17, 2003 well I just joined and read all these interesting post, because I have needed someone to talk to so bad, and reading all this has helped me decide to write. I met this guy 3yrs ago, we instantly started dating,but our relationship has been an on and off one,but through it all we have always been friends,except once. i guess I should better explain, we would date I would feel good about us, then he would decide he didn't want to be with me, he would stay away for months, then slowly work his way back in and we would get back together. I should say I have always had all his attention he would make me the center when HE wanted too. well last july we got back together and dated until Dec. and then again he decided that I did not show him enough affection and didn't get anything out of our relationship and left me again. only I realize that this is the man I love and I did take his love forgranted and didn't show him very much affection. well now he will NOT speak to me or anything, we have all the same friends and it makes things difficult. but the worst part is that he is seeing this girl, and it gets even worse, the girl he is seeing, is HIS exwife's best Friend..., well now they are not best friends i hear. our mutual friends say it is a sex based relationship and it will never work, but he really gets attached and has a hard time letting go sometimes, I think she made it easy for him to let go of me. oh I forgot to tell you that she is married,and her husband is in California in the service. she is supposedly not happy in her marriage so she moved back here with their child. my friends say ah she will go back to her husband and when he gets lonly he will call you again. I have sent him emails telling him how I feel and that I know I was wrong and tried sending him things but he just doesn't respond, someone please tell me what they think I know that I love him but I can't understand why It hurts so bad when I know that what he is doing is wrong and I shouldn't want someone like that. I sure hope this made sense I am aweful at writing things. Link to post Share on other sites
maskee28 Posted June 17, 2003 Share Posted June 17, 2003 It's understandable how you feel, since you don't always choose who you fall in love with. But you can choose whether to be available or not when & if he does seek you out when his current fling ends. Honestly, I don't think this guy is worth your time. He is dating a MARRIED woman... I certainly couldn't respect a guy who has no respect for marriage. How could you trust him if you two were to ever get married? Don't wait around to be this guy's 'soft place to land' when his girlfriend goes back to her husband. He doesn't deserve you - let go and find someone who does. Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted June 17, 2003 Share Posted June 17, 2003 but he really gets attached and has a hard time letting go sometimes He's not the only one. You have a hard time detaching from this relationship as well. The way I see it is, 1) He's already moved on. You two as a couple had your chance, it didn't work out. You haven't been together in so long now, that what's the point. It's just an addiction that you need to get over. 2) Why weren't you more loving to him? Maybe it didn't feel right, if that's the case, then problem solved. Find somebody that it does feel right with. Do you need to address problems with intimacy? Now's the time to do that, while you are alone. Then when the right one comes along, another problem solved. 3) You seem to be other-oriented, instead of self-oriented. You need to involve yourself in your own wants, needs, goals and desires. This does not include him or his new girlfriend or the nature of their relationship. Look, if it didn't work out after all the times you tried, why would it ever work out? Try moving on, get involved in your life, not his, take care of any residual problems that may lie within yourself. Focus on you for a while, and you'll see some surprising things happen. I sure of that. You sound considerate, you sound like you are willing to change, you sound like you want to address problem, so why not be considerate and change for yourself for a change. Decide what you really want in life. Not Who! If you want love in your life, then focus of receiving love. If you prefer to not be involved with anybody, that's ok too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lizzie Posted June 17, 2003 Author Share Posted June 17, 2003 thank you for such honesty, and you are so right. thanks again! Link to post Share on other sites
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