MAKE LOVE! Keep Passion alive!!! and other ideas

[SerenityX2]

I had this in another post but I had some additions and thought maybe there's some insight here.

 

I thought I would share what works for us...maybe it can give others some ideas ...if some works, great, discard the rest. Whatever works for you. YMMV

 

And I want to say this comes from a good place in my heart...I hope it doesn't come across like I have all the answers and do it my way or not at all! LOL I'm learning that it's really hard to come across right on msg boards!but really I want for people to be happy...if I can help w/some ideas of what works for us then that's great! But hopefully my wording is okay!

 

#1 is communication...without it you can't build trust.

 

Put the other one first...(the M should come 1st) If you're each doing this the needs are met...when one's selfish it doesn't work! but never be a doormat...it's def give and take..but if something is really important to you...don't be afraid to say it...b/c if you don't it will harbor resentment...which brings me to...Never play head games...say what you want/need don't play games to get it. You should not be afraid to convey to your spouse what your needs are in any arena.

 

Stay in touch throughout the day...even just 2 min calls at lunch or while you're driving home to say you're thinking about them...end calls with "I love you"...in fact we say that often throughout the day....this of course isn't necessary, but it's really nice to touch base esp if you're having a rough day...to connect w/the one you love.

 

Enjoy really being together...talk about your day...we do a thing called high/low at dinner...what was your "high" for the day...etc Gives you introspection and appreciation for the little things. Unplug sometimes and learn the beauty in the little things..take a walk make cloud pictures! (seriously!)

 

Keep passion alive...MAKE LOVE and often!!! Have candlelight full body massages. If the excuse is kids...there's no reason that they can't know mom and dad "do it" lol. Take time out away for each other. Take a shower together...I didn't say videotape and show them ...but let the kids see affection. Make oridanary things sexy like doing the dishes...and since I/we love water...make a date....or spontaneously drive or walk to a secluded spot when it's raining or thunderstorming and have fun!

 

Tease each other...if there's company step into another room and just wrap yourselves around each other caress and even drive each other wild for a bit...it'll make the rest of the night more interesting with your guests having that little "secret" between you two...or if it's just the family home it'll still be interesting to wind each other up knowing what's to come later.

 

One of the best things is to be watching an old movie or football game (esp if you have a fireplace) and be snuggled under a blanket...then fall into making love when you're just in jeans or sweats....and of course MORE candles! (ladies no makeup!) instead of needing to get sexed up in lingerie and make a theatrical production! That's fine too once in a while but I don't think that should be expected.

 

Tell each other often how sexy and hot you find each other...again you know it...but it's good to hear....keeps the fires burning.

 

IMO It's crap that passion fades...only if you let it...feed and nuture and like anything else it grows.

 

Like I said...this works for us, maybe we're just wired differently though...and yeah we do things not involving sex lol! We have family game night (not as often as we sometimes would like) We make it a point to go out or meet for drinks once or twice a week...we talk, we plan...but yes sex...making love is a huge part of this marriage!

[wanttoknow]

I am real happy to see these ideas, but what if your wife is really uncomfortable with issues about how she looks. I tell her that she is beautiful, sexy, and so on, but she does not feel that way.

 

I think if I would start saying a lot again - it would make me seem pushy about the physical side of things. I am not saying that I do not think we could get there - but from a female perspective for those reading this, I would guess that I should start really low-key until she gets used to certain things and gradually build.

 

I am not sure, but wanted to know if I am thinking correctly. thanks!

[marriedwithtwo]

I totally agree and what you describe is EXACTLY what I want. It takes both parties to agree though.....

[DazedandConfused66]

Great thread, good advice.

 

The key issue was the first. The Marriage comes first. Not the kids, not retirement plans, not making money, not having a big house, not the SUV in the driveway, not Monday night football, not "I need validation," not the career, not your buddies, not your girlfriends, not PTA, not the bills, not anything else. ITS THE MARRIAGE STUPID.

 

You were a couple BEFORE most of the other things got in the way. Kids are a wonderful addition to your couplehood and makes you a family. But if you dedicate yourselves to each other and the marriage, being great parents is a spinoff "value add" that comes from that. That's where people screw up their marriage all the time....they trade in being a great marriage partner for trying to be something else...great provider, great parent, great something.

 

We received a wedding card when we were first married from a rather financially strapped couple we knew. They couldn't afford to get us a gift and they said so in the card. But their card remains framed and hanging above our marriage bed to this day. I see it all the time. It was the most valuable gift we received.

 

They wrote this:

 

"The secret to a lifelong love affair and a healthy marriage is to live each moment of each day dedicating at least 51% of your time towards making the other person happy. If you BOTH do this, at ALL times, you will each get 100% of your needs met....and realize just how rich life can be by giving an extra 1% of yourself for someone else."

 

It sounded a bit cryptic at the time...but it works. Nobody says you have to die to yourself to be married. But you have to be willing to live your life just a little bit more to make your spouse happy than yourself. If they do the same, you both get 100% of your needs met...but in full recognition that it's because the other person is doing it FOR YOU.

 

Beautifully simplistic when you think about it. Harder than hell to practice consistently. But I can tell you factually that it works. 20 years and counting here. The only time our marriage suffered is when we tried to be something other than 51% focused on each other.

[zomgsavemymarriage]

I totall agree with keeping passion alive, but unfortunately I married a cold hearted prude. She only gets passion out of switching between channels on the TV.