NedFlanders Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 I have been in love with my closest friend for a very long time. To me she is perfect, but I know it will never be because she is married. Through a lot of pain I have learned to finally accept that, and that is fine because being friends with her means the world to me. I just found out that someone I confided in about my feelings for her told her last week. It was mentioned that she commented that she would now distance herself from me. When I found out about this I didnt belive it because everything was the same with me and her this week. There were no signs that she had been told, at least I didnt pick up on any. Now what do I do? Do I confront her about it? Do I say nothing? Like I said I learned to accept what will never be between us a long time ago, and that if all we can be is friends than I accept that because she means the world to me as a friend. I have no idea on how to handle this. Confront the situation, or do I say nothing? Link to post Share on other sites
bozwa Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 I don't see where anything would be accomplished by saying anything. Really, it might just make the aituation all that more awkward. Now, if you notice her definitely starting to distance herself from you, then you should say something at that point. Tell her that you love her as your friend, don't want to lose her, this is just something you have to work out for yourself and you WILL. That it is something that you WILL get past. I was in love with my best friend for years..or so I thought I was. It was when I met my boyfriend that I understood true love is NOT unrequited. It was infatuation only. Love only happens between two people mutually. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NedFlanders Posted January 12, 2008 Author Share Posted January 12, 2008 this is just something you have to work out for yourself and you WILL. That it is something that you WILL get past. [/QUOTe] Literally I pray you are right. This is someone who is the cornerstone of my life as a friend. You mentioned that if I start to notice her distanceing herself from me than say something, but at this moment I am so depressed over the situation that I am going to probably mistake any simple thing the wrong way and get worried and say something. Link to post Share on other sites
bozwa Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 Ned, calm down. This isn't as bad as you think. If she views your friendship as importantly as you do, this will blow over. I have known the guy I was telling you about for half of my life (close to 15 years). He knew VERY early on in our friendship about my feelings, but never made it awkward for me. I held onto to those feelings for a very long time. I worked through it and they are now a distant memory. I love him very much, but a different kind of love. He's like my family, like my blood. He's always there for me when I need someone and I for him. This doesn't have to be the end of your friendship. Relax. I have a feeling this will be just fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NedFlanders Posted January 12, 2008 Author Share Posted January 12, 2008 I wish I could put in to words just what your advice means to me. I know it isnt as bad as it seems, but at this point honestly it feels like the world is crashing down on me. Its just like I said, I know I will overreact to any little thing, and take that as her trying to withdraw from me. I just pray that things dont change, she is the only person that I can talk with about anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 Are you a woman or a man? I would confront her about it and tell her that you will respect her choice to never be with you... and it's her decision to either stay friend with you or not.. you'll have to respect what she will decide upon. Link to post Share on other sites
bozwa Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 Anything I can say to help. I know it's rough right now and you're scared. Understandable. I don't talk to my best friend as much as I'd like (as he is in the Navy, married with 2 kids in another state), BUT I would never, ever want to lose his friendship. I don't know what I would do if I did. Keep some of these words we've exchanged under your belt in case you need them. Otherwise, just let it blow over and act as if nothing has happened. Keep me posted, okay? Link to post Share on other sites
Author NedFlanders Posted January 12, 2008 Author Share Posted January 12, 2008 bozwa, thank you. It does seem you like you know how I feel. I just wish I could fast forward through all this pain, worry, and doubt I am feeling now. Lizzie60, I am a man. Link to post Share on other sites
bozwa Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 You'll get through it quicker than you think. Any hobbies you can throw yourself deeper into? Any prospective dates you can go on? Online dating can be fun (if done responsibly ). Even just finding a female buddy to chat and flirt with on IM can be mind distracting. You can do it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author NedFlanders Posted January 12, 2008 Author Share Posted January 12, 2008 I know it sounds stupid, but at the moment I can barely eat. I just want all of this to be okay. I guess I will take your advice from your first reply. If you decide I should take a different approach please let me know. Thanks you again. Link to post Share on other sites
bozwa Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 You're welcome, and good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NedFlanders Posted January 14, 2008 Author Share Posted January 14, 2008 bozwa just wanted to ask your opinion on my problem, and give you a quick update. Every Sunday we go running together, and well Saturday night she never called so my worry really set in. So early Sunday morning my phone rung and it was her calling to make sure we were still running this morning. Well long story short our run felt as normal as always. We talked about stuff, and unless I am missing something it seemed to me she acted the same around me as she always has. Do you think I should still go with your first bit of advice and not say anything unless it really starts to seem she is trying to distance herself. Thank you for all the advice, I definitely need it. Link to post Share on other sites
MysticStar Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 Ned, She commented to your mutual friend that she was going to distance herself. She might have said it but not meant it. She might have said it because she didn't know how else to respond. She might have been surprised by what she heard but I doubt it. My guess is that she already knew how you felt before she was told. And said what she said to disarm the situation with the person that told her. Just some thoughts. My advice to you. Don't act any differently, and don't address the issue. If she doesn't see any change in the way you are towards her, and she really values your friendship, nothing will come o fit. Link to post Share on other sites
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