I am a bank teller and desire this married man 20 years older...help!

[danavladeem]

I work in a bank. There has been this one Asian customer that I see regularly for the last year and a bit as a customer. He is very handsome, tall, sweet, very well spoken and polite. I have met both his kids who are customers of the bank where I work. His son is 16 (he is amazingly handsome) and his daughter (she is a knockout) is 10. Both kids are extremely good looking. I dream and have fantasies about this guy constantly. I dropped lots of hints about my interest in him but all to no avail. But recently, I found out he is married since I did a profile search on the bank's computer. I have seen his wife in the bank as a customer. She is this attractive french woman. His kids seem to have the best traits from both the Asian and European side. I constantly dream about having good looking kids with this man! (I am 5' 6" 130lbs and blonde....I can imagine what beautiful kids we could have!) He is also very wealthy so I know he can take care of me. I just found out thru a co-worker that he drives a nice Porsche and a Ferrari! My two favorite cars in the world! He has everything I could dream of having. He is 47 and I am 27. I know it is wrong but all the men I have dated and met are lacking....this guy has it all....I want this guy real bad....help....I am so confused....Is it so wrong for me to desire this guy!

[LucreziaBorgia]

I think he represents superficial desires. You don't want him. You want his lifestyle and his genes. Plenty of people have superficial desires like that. Its normal. What would not be normal is trying to bust up his family for such reasons. That would be ridiculous actually. Not unheard of, but definitely ridiculous.

[bentnotbroken]

What do you know about his medical history, his educational background, his criminal history, his extended family, his plans, his goals, how he got where he is, how he feels about politics, does he have pets?

 

 

Come on you have watched an attractive man, who treated you politely, with a few material things, and great looking kids(that he has with his wife) and made a fantasy world for yourself. O.K. so you are fantasizing....move on. He has a wife and trying to step into her life would be way out of line.

 

All the things that make a person real, you don't know anything about. If he lost his possessions tomorrow, would he still look so good. If he came to the bank in a Honda, would he still be HOT? And who is to say, just because he made beautiful babies with this woman, you would get the same result. Just because you consider yourself attractive, doesn't mean there weren't some unattractive people in your family. You do know that genetics plays a huge role in what babies look like.:)Attractiveness comes in more packages than 5'6", 130, and blonde, just so you know.

Edited January 12, 2008 by bentnotbroken

[Frances]

I work in a bank. There has been this one Asian customer that I see regularly for the last year and a bit as a customer. He is very handsome, tall, sweet, very well spoken and polite. I have met both his kids who are customers of the bank where I work. His son is 16 (he is amazingly handsome) and his daughter (she is a knockout) is 10. Both kids are extremely good looking. I dream and have fantasies about this guy constantly. I dropped lots of hints about my interest in him but all to no avail. But recently, I found out he is married since I did a profile search on the bank's computer. I have seen his wife in the bank as a customer. She is this attractive french woman. His kids seem to have the best traits from both the Asian and European side. I constantly dream about having good looking kids with this man! (I am 5' 6" 130lbs and blonde....I can imagine what beautiful kids we could have!) He is also very wealthy so I know he can take care of me. I just found out thru a co-worker that he drives a nice Porsche and a Ferrari! My two favorite cars in the world! He has everything I could dream of having. He is 47 and I am 27. I know it is wrong but all the men I have dated and met are lacking....this guy has it all....I want this guy real bad....help....I am so confused....Is it so wrong for me to desire this guy!

 

Not wrong to desire this guy if you do not want peace of mind.

You are just day dreaming, enjoy the dream but wake up and live your own life. He is 20 years your senior when you are 40 he will be 60 worse still when you are 50 he will be 70.

 

You would be very wrong if you let your fantasies do anything to cause trouble with his family.

 

Enjoy your life as best you can and try not to hurt other people or yourself while you are doing it.

[justice]

Yes, it is wrong for you to obsess about this guy.

He's married, therefore, that should automatically put him off limits to anyone other than his wife. So what if he drives nice expensive autos? If you concentrate more on your job, and work hard you could purchase one of those in your own right and earn it yourself instead of fantasizing about him and his cars. Wouldn't that be more satisfying?

 

I don't know you and I don't know him, but I do say that if you acted on this obsession with him and he took you up on it, then he's not worth the buckshot it would take to blow him away.

It's ok to fantasize about things like that, but keep it right there, when you decide to act on your fantasy that's all you'll get, a fantasy that will quickly become a nightmare for you.

 

The grass is definately NOT greener on the other side of that teller's window.

[InvisibleGirl]

Sounds like a nice little fantasy and you show no indication he is interested back so my answer is find someone else and look but don't touch.

 

I'd never chase a married man, mine chased me....(and chased and chased and chased)

[whichwayisup]

You are wasting time, energy and thought on a man who is married with 2 kids and has worked hard to have a nice life. You can't just go help yourself to him, let alone replace his wife and have a life with him.

 

Enjoy the crush but don't let this eat you up and make it into an obsession. He isn't yours for taking...Infact, from what you've said, it seems this all one sided.

[brothermartin]

No. Its not wrong to look. It's wrong to try ANYTHING other than look. Don't be another LS statistic. Your attitude paints you as the kind of woman that most decent guys should stay away from anyway.

[whichwayisup]

I know it is wrong but all the men I have dated and met are lacking....this guy has it all....I want this guy real bad....help....I am so confused....Is it so wrong for me to desire this guy!

 

Yes, it's wrong. Re-read your post and tell me if you think what you 'want' is right? This man is MARRIED and not up for grabs! You want what you can't have.

[GreenEyedLady]

I work in a bank. There has been this one Asian customer that I see regularly for the last year and a bit as a customer. He is very handsome, tall, sweet, very well spoken and polite. I have met both his kids who are customers of the bank where I work. His son is 16 (he is amazingly handsome) and his daughter (she is a knockout) is 10. Both kids are extremely good looking. I dream and have fantasies about this guy constantly. I dropped lots of hints about my interest in him but all to no avail. But recently, I found out he is married since I did a profile search on the bank's computer. I have seen his wife in the bank as a customer. She is this attractive french woman. His kids seem to have the best traits from both the Asian and European side. I constantly dream about having good looking kids with this man! (I am 5' 6" 130lbs and blonde....I can imagine what beautiful kids we could have!) He is also very wealthy so I know he can take care of me. I just found out thru a co-worker that he drives a nice Porsche and a Ferrari! My two favorite cars in the world! He has everything I could dream of having. He is 47 and I am 27. I know it is wrong but all the men I have dated and met are lacking....this guy has it all....I want this guy real bad....help....I am so confused....Is it so wrong for me to desire this guy!

 

I don't think you want the man, you want his lifestyle...Which is fine but he is married and doesn't sound like he is interested in you...

 

You seem fixated on his children and having children with him...He already has a family so you should leave your fantasy of having children right where it is: a fantasy...

 

I don't mean to come off as rude, but I don't see anywhere in your post anything indicating he wants to have an A with you...I would back off or you might come off as a stalker...

[danavladeem]

He is 20 years your senior when you are 40 he will be 60 worse still when you are 50 he will be 70.

 

He doesn't look his age. He looks 35 and is in great shape. He wears nice tailored clothes. He came in once in a tailored business suit, I noticed from his tailored dress shirt he has a six pack! And a very nice set of buns, too!

[LucreziaBorgia]

 

This is getting hilarious.

[danavladeem]

No. Its not wrong to look. It's wrong to try ANYTHING other than look. Don't be another LS statistic. Your attitude paints you as the kind of woman that most decent guys should stay away from anyway.

 

I am not a gold digger. I am not a Paris Hilton type. My friends tell me I am a sweet, nice, intelligent girl. It's just there are no nice single guys out there who are self-motivated, intelligent and ambitious and have their head screwed on right. Most guys I dated, unfortunately as I found out as the dates progress, are into themselves, their beer and their immaturity.

 

This guy is intelligent, a gentleman, and a bonus...a looker! I wouldn't mind parking my shoes under his bed!

[Frances]

I am not a gold digger. I am not a Paris Hilton type. My friends tell me I am a sweet, nice, intelligent girl. It's just there are no nice single guys out there who are self-motivated, intelligent and ambitious and have their head screwed on right. Most guys I dated, unfortunately as I found out as the dates progress, are into themselves, their beer and their immaturity.

 

This guy is intelligent, a gentleman, and a bonus...a looker! I wouldn't mind parking my shoes under his bed!

 

 

You sound like a gold digger or a immature teenager. Paris Hilton does not need to be a gold digger, she has pots of money.

 

Are you for real? talking about guys you have dated been immature, talk about the pot calling the kettle black.

 

If this man is as intelligent as you say he will certainly not look in your direction. Do you want to be a home wrecker?

 

Go live your life and stop dreaming about being in some one elses.

[imstunned]

I am not a gold digger. I am not a Paris Hilton type. My friends tell me I am a sweet, nice, intelligent girl. It's just there are no nice single guys out there who are self-motivated, intelligent and ambitious and have their head screwed on right. Most guys I dated, unfortunately as I found out as the dates progress, are into themselves, their beer and their immaturity.

 

This guy is intelligent, a gentleman, and a bonus...a looker! I wouldn't mind parking my shoes under his bed!

 

If you pursue this guy and he goes with you while being married then he will show himself to be worse than the guys you have dated. Nothing wrong with having a fantasy, but thats providing that the fanstasy stays just that.

[whichwayisup]

I dare you then. Tell him that you want his body, his baby and want to steal him away from his wife so you could help yourself to HIS life that he and his wife have worked so hard to build together. You feel you deserve it and are entitled.

 

His son is 16 (he is amazingly handsome) and his daughter (she is a knockout) is 10

 

I find this sickly odd. I've NEVER known ANYONE to call a 10 year old girl a 'knockout', let alone comment on a teenage boy's looks like that. It almost sounds sexual, and that's wrong.

Appearances, and how people look obviously makes a difference to you.

[PLAYBRAT]

Well if this guy is as intelligent as you THINK he is he would run far far away from you if he knew your intentions with him. Sounds like you have completely fabricated an image of this guy based soley on his looks and possessions. For all you know the guy goes home and beats on his wife

everyday. Not all criminals or scumbags are blue collard.

 

Sounds like you've been reading one too mnay Harlequin romances.

[Lyssa]

He doesn't look his age. He looks 35 and is in great shape. He wears nice tailored clothes. He came in once in a tailored business suit, I noticed from his tailored dress shirt he has a six pack! And a very nice set of buns, too!

 

You actually noticed from his tailored shirt that he has a six pack?? Wow. Was it a see-through ? I mean seriously, my staff is standing right in front of me and I am trying real hard to see his six pack - this guy works out a lot so I am pretty sure he has a six pack.

 

Back to topic - there is sooo much more to a man than his material possessions. You love the fact that he is good looking and has a picture perfect of a family - along with the nice cars (what a coincidence that the cars are your dream cars!) and I bet he has a nice mansion too - like the rest of the posters said - it's just a fantasy and really, fantasy is just that - a FANTASY.

[OpenBook]

- like the rest of the posters said - it's just a fantasy and really, fantasy is just that - a FANTASY.

 

I agree. It's just a harmless crush, happens all the time to us girls. I think your best bet is to KEEP it a harmless crush. Don't act on it, and try not to dwell on it too much... just look at it as a little amusing thing for you that has no significance in the overall big picture of your life.

[danavladeem]

I dare you then. Tell him that you want his body, his baby and want to steal him away from his wife so you could help yourself to HIS life that he and his wife have worked so hard to build together. You feel you deserve it and are entitled.

 

 

 

I find this sickly odd. I've NEVER known ANYONE to call a 10 year old girl a 'knockout', let alone comment on a teenage boy's looks like that. It almost sounds sexual, and that's wrong.

Appearances, and how people look obviously makes a difference to you.

 

I was Daddy's little girl. My mom was a former beauty queen. Yes, looks are important in that first impressions are critical. That is what my parents taught me, first impressions that is.

 

Also, I don't really want to wreck his home life. I don't know too much about him since he is very reserved about his private life. It seems most Asian men are that way from my experience.

 

But I like to have a friendship with him. But if his wife ever fails him, I will be there to help him, that's all. I know the odds are long but I just found out from my Aunt that is how she got her husband. She worked as a car salesman in one of the largest auto dealers in the country. Became a top performer. Became a friend of the owner's son, who was married, and eventually he divorce his wife and married her. They have been married for 20 plus years now. My Aunt and her hubby now owns the largest Honda Dealer in a major western Canadian city. And yes, she was a former beauty queen. Yes, let's face it, we girls use our looks to hook guys. What is wrong with that. My looks will fade with time. Gotta strike while the iron is hot as the old saying goes. By the way, I never said I'm out to wreck his life. But if he has problems with his wife, I want to be the answer. So, if his family life is great, his life with his wife is great, then nothing will happen. There is nothing wrong in me being a friend. Anyhow, I saw him on the street today, and chatted with him for about ten minutes about Ferraris. He was surprise I had such a knowledge about the cars. Apparently, he is a Ferrari fan. Anyhow, I ask to drop by the bank one day with the Ferrari so that I can see it. He said he may do it but no promises. And if he does, I will ask him for a quick ride in one. That's innocent enough.

[danavladeem]

You actually noticed from his tailored shirt that he has a six pack?? Wow. Was it a see-through ? I mean seriously, my staff is standing right in front of me and I am trying real hard to see his six pack - this guy works out a lot so I am pretty sure he has a six pack.

 

Back to topic - there is sooo much more to a man than his material possessions. You love the fact that he is good looking and has a picture perfect of a family - along with the nice cars (what a coincidence that the cars are your dream cars!) and I bet he has a nice mansion too - like the rest of the posters said - it's just a fantasy and really, fantasy is just that - a FANTASY.

 

Yes, you can, if he is wearing a nice custom fitted silk shirt. He took his jacket off as he was getting ready to sit down at my desk. As he twisted his torso, he can see the muscles straining at the tightness of the shirt.

 

Dunno about the mansion, but I am sure it is probably a nice house.

[Chrome Barracuda]

You need serious help.

 

Have you ever seen misery??? lol.

 

Do you understand the moral of that story?

[whichwayisup]

I was Daddy's little girl. My mom was a former beauty queen. Yes, looks are important in that first impressions are critical. That is what my parents taught me, first impressions that is.

 

Also, I don't really want to wreck his home life. I don't know too much about him since he is very reserved about his private life. It seems most Asian men are that way from my experience.

 

But I like to have a friendship with him. But if his wife ever fails him, I will be there to help him, that's all. I know the odds are long but I just found out from my Aunt that is how she got her husband. She worked as a car salesman in one of the largest auto dealers in the country. Became a top performer. Became a friend of the owner's son, who was married, and eventually he divorce his wife and married her. They have been married for 20 plus years now. My Aunt and her hubby now owns the largest Honda Dealer in a major western Canadian city. And yes, she was a former beauty queen. Yes, let's face it, we girls use our looks to hook guys. What is wrong with that. My looks will fade with time. Gotta strike while the iron is hot as the old saying goes. By the way, I never said I'm out to wreck his life. But if he has problems with his wife, I want to be the answer. So, if his family life is great, his life with his wife is great, then nothing will happen. There is nothing wrong in me being a friend. Anyhow, I saw him on the street today, and chatted with him for about ten minutes about Ferraris. He was surprise I had such a knowledge about the cars. Apparently, he is a Ferrari fan. Anyhow, I ask to drop by the bank one day with the Ferrari so that I can see it. He said he may do it but no promises. And if he does, I will ask him for a quick ride in one. That's innocent enough.

 

So, you want his friendship...AKA you're the waiting hawk, in hopes his marriage will fall apart and then he will run into waiting arms, wondering where you were all his life....Then you could step into his lovely life, take the roll of his wife, stepmom to his beautiful children and have the life that you DID NOT EARN nor deserve! WTF is wrong with this picture? Do you know see how screwed up this is?

 

I wish you the best, I hope you find a single man to build a life with, not someone else's man whom you feel you deserve. That's just warped, selfish thinking and I tell ya, one day you'll wish you had a loving heart instead of being materialistic and wanting to look good. NONE of that counts, and it's sad you were brought up that way to feel all that material stuff is much more important. It's not.

 

Anyhow, I ask to drop by the bank one day with the Ferrari so that I can see it. He said he may do it but no promises. And if he does, I will ask him for a quick ride in one. That's innocent enough.

 

I hope he recognizes that you are not a woman he should be friends with and says NO to you. Then, I hope leave him alone after that.

[Lyssa]

And if he does, I will ask him for a quick ride in one. That's innocent enough.

 

And you wouldn't try anything else? Are you trying to say that, all you want is to be his friend and nothing else - for real?

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

I want this guy real bad....help....I am so confused....Is it so wrong for me to desire this guy!

 

Yeah, whenever you find someone you like, they are taken.

 

All the time they are taken..

 

Good luck with finding the perfect guy that is "single and available."

 

It gets to the point where all you can do in fantasize with some perfect guy that can't be yours, or settle for whatever is available.

 

Ariadne