jdeedee Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 Do people who deal with breakups healthily still miss their exes? I guess what I mean is -- I've never been able to handle a breakup healthily. I always miss my ex, feel abandoned, want to do anything and everything to get back together. As many of you know I am trying my hardest this time to not cling, not harass and beg/plead for a second chance. That said, I miss her. A lot. Do you think that my ex or any ex in general misses their other half after its over? I have to believe for my own sake that she isn't hating on me, doesn't have a grudge but it hurts when I wonder if she is ever thinking of me. I know, I know, what does it matter? It shouldn't matter but sometimes it does. I want to think she misses me, it makes me feel like I'm less alone in this pain. I just wonder all the time if she does, maybe she's moved on, met someone else who is better for her? Sigh. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 It shouldn't matter but sometimes it does. I want to think she misses me, it makes me feel like I'm less alone in this pain. If it matters, it matters. And if it helps you (makes you feel better able to cope) to think that she sometimes thinks of you, then there is no harm in just deciding that she does sometimes think of you. Just don't let your "pretend belief" be anything other than that in your conscious mind . -- If you use it to help you move forward, there is NO problem. If you start believing it and you use it to stay stuck back here or start to contact her, it will be a BIG problem. Obviously the next guy IS going to meet her needs and desires in a better way than you were able to. In that sense, yes, he will be "better" for her. That's fine. It still doesn't make you "bad" or "not good" or whatever you mind may conjure up about you. Just keep working on achieving higher self-esteem and this won't be an issue for too long. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkRibbon Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 That is a problem I am dealing with today also. Is he ever missing me??? I am sitting here yet again crying about him not ever contacting me and the answer is staring me right in my face....no he is not missing me. No No No No No they are not missing their ex's. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jdeedee Posted January 13, 2008 Author Share Posted January 13, 2008 What is wrong with me that I obsess over her constantly. I feel so broken. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 What is wrong with me that I obsess over her constantly. I feel so broken. You are NOT broken! You are stuck in a pattern of thinking that has become addictive and non-productive. Your ability to feel and think is whole and complete; there is nothing about your spirit (or soul) that is "broken". What needs some adjustment is your thought patterns. That is all. Try something different: What would you be doing or thinking about if you were not obsessing over her? And then, what part of this stuff do you find unappealing or scary? Link to post Share on other sites
CalamitousJane Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 jdeedee, you're not broken you're just grieving. And believe it or not it WILL get better, especially if you just let it happen. Being loving and kind to yourself while you're heartbroken gives you the chance to heal ALL your heartbreaks, including the ones that you didn't let yourself feel before. My grief started almost exactly six months ago. My heart felt broken like it never has been before. That's how I knew that I wasn't just grieving this man and this lost relationship - I was mourning all the hundreds of times in my life when I wasn't truly loved. I was also mourning the hundreds of times when my well-founded fear of not being loved kept me from really loving. I literally cried for months, uncontrollably sometimes. I thought it would never get better. But at the same time I was crying, I was filled with a drive to understand, to communicate and to connect. At first this energy was all focussed toward my ex, but slowly I was able to focus bits of it elsewhere, first toward myself, then toward the rest of the world. These days I feel sad sometimes, especially when I remember the warm, nourishing feeling of physical closeness with my ex when all was going well between us. But these days my thoughts and feelings are much more in my own life, and I find myself able to connect with the rest of the world more openly and lovingly than ever before. While I was in the middle of grieving I couldn't believe it would ever end. Now it is ending. It will for you too. Hang in there! Link to post Share on other sites
phillips Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 I love your comment . It is true but hard as well. I just broke up with my ex and it is very hard not to miss the person you love .... it is hard also too leave that person not because you stopped loving them but because they don't love you enough. I was with my partner for a year and a half. She has a kid from her expartner. We lived together for 6 month. Now she is gone...I come home to an empty apartment every night. She and her expartner where apart for 4 years. But they always have contact due to the kid. Her parnter has not been with anyone unitl now which happens to be a friend of my partner. She flipped out and had a major nervous breakdown where she ended in the hospital. I became insecure and realize she still had unresolve feelings for her ex. I stayed because she said otherwise ...it is not about her . I believed her . Things changed for us . insecurties , jealousy flared. She explained that she felt always guilt because she had cheated on her and left her for someonelse ( her friend) . It incredible how Karma works. Now she moved and said it is for us. Then I ask if she is still inlove with me her answer is I don't know. It hurts alot ...especially when I've heard those words before in my past from another ex. I miss her a lot but also realized you can't pressure or push someone to feel something they don't . Only you can change is hard . If they love you they will come back but do not stop living. Please comment Link to post Share on other sites
Nomad1 Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 Whether and how much they miss you depends on the history of the relationship. You are part of their life history, so they will always remember you and possibly miss you. However, does it really matter? Break-ups are hard, usually harder for the one who did not want the relationship to end. In most cases, those who end the relationship have a plan, which usually includes others. They are too busy enjoying the new beginning to miss those they left behind. Change your thought patterns. They belong in the past and you do not want them to be part of your future. At least by the sound of it you do not have kids with your SO and you don't have to see him/her again. In my case I will have to see her for many years to come because we have 3 children. We have lived together for 17yrs and still living together since we split up 4 months ago. I have applied for the divorce and the house is on the market. I will continue to maintain a good relationship with her, be happy for her and continue to do the best I can do for me and my children. Be strong. Nomad1 Link to post Share on other sites
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