Justfedup Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 Hello all, I'll try to keep this as concise as I can, but badly need some level headed advice. Basically, I have a very close female best friend, who I found myself falling hopelessly in love with over a year ago. However, she's married, and when we discussed it she said the idea had crossed her mind but she loved hubby and had she'd sworn to herself never to be unfaithful; that's perfectly fair and I respected it. Here's the problem though, she 'says' we can only be friends and would never knowingly suggest/encourage anything else, yet she continues to do little things that to me seem either very thougtless or pretty close to flirting; e.g. calling me wet pet names, telling me during a walk that there's no-one she'd rather be with, sitting really close so we're touching, resting her head on my shoulder, texting me trivia when she's not here, sending a pic of herself in a bikini, inviting compliments about her new hair/clothes, showing off her newly toned tummy for me to see/feel, teasing me so I'll chase her and play fight, stripping to her panties in my kitchen to remove a stain from her jeans, ruffling my hair & tickling my neck, sending the 'kiss' on messenger, placing her legs in my lap after I twiddled her toe one day, wearing a top when visiting that patently revealed her t*ts, repeatedly pulling up her summer dress to crotch level to "cool her legs", ... Then yesterday, sitting together, she complained of a slight headache; I reached out and stroked her forehead, she then leant forward into my arms/chest and my instincts took over, nuzzling/kissing her her/head and stroking her neck/face. This lasted a couple of minutes before I, feeling slightly uncomfortable, bottled out and suggested we go have a chocolate binge. The day carried on and later I got a text saying thank you for being such a totally wonderful friend. So am I just making too much of harmless/normal things because I'm blinded/confused by emotions, or is she behaving in a way that doens't totally match what she's saying? Please note; I don't want/intend to have an affair with her, I just desperately want to know if she's acting honestly and/or I'm imagining things. Thanks anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 (edited) Yes, her behaviour is thoughtless and without any consideration and respect for you or your feelings or your integrity. Yes, her behaviour is not congruent with her words (but you already know that.) You also already know that she's acting completely dishonestly...and wrecklessly, too. She is using you to release whatever flirtatious behaviour she doesn't have another outlet for -- and could well be it helps her to feel even sexier with her husband. You are a good and convenient "foreplay person" for both of them. I'm sure her husband would thank you, if he knew. Yes, you do want/intend to have an affair -- you're just waiting for her to give the green light for that. Your 'site name' says it all -- stop the madness. Get a real, honest, wonderful woman who will support and encourage you to be everything you want to be! And enjoy a real, intimate and totally satisfying and mutual relationship. Darn -- that is a tough "welcome" to have to deal with -- genuinely, welcome to LS . I do hope you will find the guidance and insight that we all seek. Edited January 12, 2008 by Ronni_W fixed crazy sentence Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 Yes, she's using you to stroke her ego and make herself feel good, desired and sexy. The more time you spend with her, the less time you have to meet someone who can actually be yours. Link to post Share on other sites
niceguy27 Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 I think when people have these "emotional affairs" they do it because there is something lacking in their r/s, marriage. Unfortuneatly it looks like you got caught up in something that will probably never amount to anything. She is having an emotional affair with you. There is something lacking in her marriage that is causing her to stray to you for affection, attention, and emotional support. This will most likely tear you up and put a big strain on your friendship. Married people imo dont have those types of friendships. Friends yes, but not touchy feeling, flirty, and basically being a tease. Put it all out there and tell her to leave her either fish or cut bait. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 (edited) I think when people have these "emotional affairs" they do it because there is something lacking in their r/s, marriage. Unfortuneatly it looks like you got caught up in something that will probably never amount to anything. She is having an emotional affair with you. There is something lacking in her marriage that is causing her to stray to you for affection, attention, and emotional support. No, not necessarily. Some selfish people are perfectly content with their marriages, but just want the ego stroke and validation of having someone else who totally wants them. It's more likely there is something lacking within HER that makes her seek validation outside her marriage, and to tease a guy whom she knows wants her but will never have her. That something lacking within her is character, integrity, honesty, loyalty, and common decency. Edited January 12, 2008 by norajane Link to post Share on other sites
Author Justfedup Posted January 13, 2008 Author Share Posted January 13, 2008 Thanks for the responses everyone. Ronni, I'm really not sure I would go there, powerfully tempting though it would be; it happened to my parents and that's hard to forget. Anyway, I really just wanted some outside objective views on whether those things could possibly be genuinely innocent, accidental, unintended and platonic, because if I could be absolutely certain they're not then I'd have to agree with norajane that she's not treating anyone very well except herself Link to post Share on other sites
blackbird Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 I dislike seeing the word 'love' thrown around like that. Infatuation and lust does not equal love. You may be 'very close friends' but from what you've shared, I have to doubt how well you know and respect this person. Also, if you're 'twiddling her toe' and 'reaching out to stroke her forehead' because she complains of a headache, then letting your 'instincts take over' to 'nuzzle and kiss her' (not your doing at all! it was just your instincts! sheesh), you're just as involved as she is in this deceitful and I'm sure quite titillating flirtation. It's cool that you're at least troubled by this enough to ask about it, but I think you already know. Link to post Share on other sites
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