joybean72 Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 (edited) I'm new here & haven't started my journal yet. To make a long story short, He cheated on me a year ago when he was out of town working for 9 months, but I wanted to work it out & stayed for a year. I moved out of our house in Nov. because of my husband's lack of caring, putting his friends & bar lifestyle ahead of our marriage. Even though I had moved out, I was still putting my paycheck in the bank, we were still Christmas shopping for the kids, still having sex. Fast forward to Christmas day when I went to the house to get some of my things & my daughter wanted some of her games off of the computer. I got nosy & went through his control panel of his computer. Found an email of a conversation he had with a woman from his work. It confirmed another affair. I emailed her from his computer this is what I wrote: This is Aaron's wife, this isn't the first time he has cheated on me...he will do it to you too! You can have him! By the way, he has Hep C....the gift that keeps on giving! Have fun with that! (I wasn't lying about the Hep C part either!) Then I get this back from her! Wow, This has never happened to me... I apologize if you feel like you've been cheated on by him w/ me but last I checked YOU left him... is that not true? You left him as FREE GAME... I mean, that is how I see it.....Personally, I don't care about how he treated YOU in YOUR marriage because that is just HE SAID SHE SAID bull**** and I don't have time for that elementary crap. I am sorry your marriage did not work out, really I am,.. but you obviously moved on and left Aaron so why do you care who he is seeing,,., what was the real point of this email? Let me guess, you are concerned for me and you are warning me.... please,.... I am a big girl and I do what I want... besides, I like cheaters and liars.... because my past isn't clean either. So since we are bothed "cheaters and liars" I guess we make a good couple don't we??? By the way, your email in regards to his HEP C ..... that was pretty ****ed up and a little childish don't you think... That is very low .... He is better off without you.... It should be Aaron's place to tell me about his "condition", not yours. That was way below the belt lady..... that shows the type of woman you are..... How do you look in the mirror.... ?? You can take all your future emails back to the trailer park now.... bye bye pumpkin! She's such trash!!!! How can he stick up for her!? "Don't call my friend trash!" he says!!! On Dec. 31 I went & got my stuff out oh the house. Well, what I went in to the marriage with anyway. My bedroom set, daughter's bedroom set, etc. He only put what he THOUGHT I should have in the garage which was only my daughter's stuff!!! He had the locks changed...but ****TARD forgot to lock the spare bedroom window. HAHA! He still had all his clothes & stuff in all the drawers!!! So I had to dump them all. Meanwhile, a friend of mine that went to help found this doorknob that I had bought to put on my daughter's bedroom door, plus the old one he had changed & started putting parts from both of those on the front & back doors! LMFAO! Too funny! The only thing I took that was community property from the house was the precious flat screen t.v. Oh well! I wonder how long it took him to get in?! Then today I'm going through stuff in my dresser & I find a note written by THE HOME-WRECKING WHORE to me!!! It says: "Thanks for the use of the mattress! It was great! You may need to wash the sheets sweetie!-Irene" WTF?!? Does this woman have no morals?!? (Well, I know either of them don't!) They are TRASH & made for each other really! I am going to be SOOOooooo better off! I am filing for divorce on Monday. Edited January 12, 2008 by joybean72 Link to post Share on other sites
Jordane Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 Wow!!! That's mature. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 Protect your kids. Rise above the crap, don't play their sick game...They deserve eachother. Link to post Share on other sites
Author joybean72 Posted January 13, 2008 Author Share Posted January 13, 2008 Oh, I know. I have quit answering his phone calls. I have NOTHING left to say to him. They are trash! I told him they totally deserve each other! I am filing my divorce papers on Monday...God willing, they are done correctly this time! He freaked out when I said I had an attorney, which I don't yet! I just had a consult. I will hire him next month when I have the $. The attorney said, it is unusual for someone who has cheated to act like this...fighting you on everything. I said I KNOW! It should be a simple divorce, but the way he is acting, I feel like I need to protect myself! It's craziness I tell ya! Link to post Share on other sites
mopar crazy Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 What a piece of trash this immature b!tch is! And I thought my H's OW was a skanky b!tch. WOW! They deserve each other. I'm sorry you are going through this. Link to post Share on other sites
marriedandsad Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 Did you save the note she left and e-mails? Those will be great in court Shows he was unfaithful and pretty blatant about it :-* Link to post Share on other sites
Author joybean72 Posted January 13, 2008 Author Share Posted January 13, 2008 Yes, I saved them. I ripped it up at first then I thought about it & had to tape it back together. lol. I don't know if it will make any difference in court though. I live in California & it is a no-fault state. Bummer Link to post Share on other sites
mopar crazy Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 Yes, I saved them. I ripped it up at first then I thought about it & had to tape it back together. lol. I don't know if it will make any difference in court though. I live in California & it is a no-fault state. Bummer No fault state here too. However, I did give my attorney the cell bills where they called each other several times and gave him all the letters and poems he wrote to her. He never said they were no use and he did keep them. I don't know, but it doesn't hurt to give them to your attorney. Link to post Share on other sites
Author joybean72 Posted January 17, 2008 Author Share Posted January 17, 2008 Totally drained from last night. He kept going on & on about how we can talk, how we can be friends. I told him he was nothing to me, just someone from my past that I knew once. I wasn't very nice at all...but at least I got EVERYTHING out that I needed to say & I hope he feels like ****! He's still denying the affairs, I told him I have proof. He said they only went out one time...I told him that was bull****. The note that the OW left in my drawer for me about using my bed w/ him...he said that was a joke! Can you ****ing believe that?!? His mind if ****ing warped & I told him that. I told him he wasn't a good husband. & I continually told him that we could not be friends! I wouldn't have a friend like him. Then he asks if I want anything out of the kitchen! I said *****tard*...do you understand that you CAN NOT get rid of anything in that house until this divorce is final & then everything will be split in half?! NOT just the kitchen stuff! You've been divorced before...you should know this! I never have & even I know that! Then he says, you can have whatever you want. I am moving at the end of the month, I told you I couldn't afford it here on my own. I said, Oh yes you can, I've seen your pay stubs! Then he gets scared again & asks me if I am going to tell his other ex-wife about his overtime! I told him no. haha! Then he asks if there are going to be any other surprises in the divorce. I think he was digging for information. I think he's scared that he is going to have to pay alimony. "Oh ****ing well! You should have thought about that before you screwed the whore!...I mean your friend, sorry!" LOL! Then he keeps telling me he doesn't have a girlfriend. I told him I could care less if he does or not! It doesn't matter now anyway! I just don't know what he's up to...something is up! Well, it ended with me telling him again that if he wants to contact me do it through his work e-mail if he doesn't have e-mail anymore at home. Link to post Share on other sites
mopar crazy Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 He sounds a lot like my H during our D. Trying to fish for things and I wouldn't tell him anything. I didn't plan on getting him for alimony, it was never discussed between my lawyer and I until one day his office called and said I needed to come in and sign papers for alimony. I told them that I had not planned on doing that, I just wanted the child support. They told me that since I am quitting my business, moving back to my hometown where I have no job b/c of him wanting a D I need to ask for it. Well, the judge agreed to A but not as much as my lawyer asked for but at that point I was happy w/ what I was going to get. He chose to stick his dick in some skank from work he was going to pay. When I moved out my brother told me he was putting the big screen tv in his trailer and taking it w/ my other belongings. I told my brother I didn't agree to that w/ H. He told "Look what he is doing to you, you deserve the tv." So, I took it. H brought the kids back to me after spending some time w/ them. When he went into the house he came back out and asked me where the tv went. My dad told him "It's gone!" The jerk had the nerve to call the police! An officer came and talked to H first and then came to talk to me. He said there was nothing my H could do about the tv, it was the courts to decide. So, take what you want, you deserve it and if the judge says you have to give it back then you have to but until they say so, it's yours. Again, sorry for the crap he is putting you through, you don't deserve this. Link to post Share on other sites
JustBreathe Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 I'm giggling over here imagining what's going to happen when she finds out he actually does have Hepatitis C. Link to post Share on other sites
Tripper Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Wow. The words, trashy, tacky, immature come to mind... Link to post Share on other sites
Author joybean72 Posted February 23, 2008 Author Share Posted February 23, 2008 To update everyone who has commented on my post. A lot has happened since then! He moved out of our old house, threw away the rest of what was left. I tried to ask the land lord about letting me in the house if he leaves anything, but the land lord (my husband's co-worker) didn't want to get involved. I did file the divorce papers, but they got lost in the court system for 8 days and now my attorney's office is having a hard time serving the @sshole! I don't get it! He keeps calling me at my work when I've already told him to contact me through emails. It's getting to the point I don't even want him to do that because all they are is calling me names...now I'm even getting them from his 13 year old son!! WTF?! He has been completely horrible...I just want to get it done already!!!! I'm tired of the mind games and bulls#%t!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted February 24, 2008 Share Posted February 24, 2008 Trashiness & tackiness aside, how exactly does she qualify as the 'OW' if in fact she took up with your H AFTER you had left ? From what you posted she wasn't the OW he had the affair with while you were with him? She is really just 'another woman' not an OW Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted February 24, 2008 Share Posted February 24, 2008 Technically and legally they're still married. There also appeared to be signs of a possibility of eventual reconciliation since, in her words, "Even though I had moved out, I was still putting my paycheck in the bank, we were still Christmas shopping for the kids, still having sex." When the ex left me and moved the boyfriend she'd met seven months before into her home, I considered it infidelity since I was still striving to save the 25-year marriage. Of course, now I'm glad it didn't work! Link to post Share on other sites
Elena62 Posted February 24, 2008 Share Posted February 24, 2008 Technically and legally they're still married. There also appeared to be signs of a possibility of eventual reconciliation since, in her words, "Even though I had moved out, I was still putting my paycheck in the bank, we were still Christmas shopping for the kids, still having sex." When the ex left me and moved the boyfriend she'd met seven months before into her home, I considered it infidelity since I was still striving to save the 25-year marriage. Of course, now I'm glad it didn't work! Did your wife refuse counsellign with you? Did she play you at all? I've had a relationship as long as yours as his infidelity has been the root of evil in our marriage. I think once the purity and trust is gone from a marriage is just a fools/waiting game for the final straw to come along and end it all. Link to post Share on other sites
Elena62 Posted February 24, 2008 Share Posted February 24, 2008 To update everyone who has commented on my post. A lot has happened since then! He moved out of our old house, threw away the rest of what was left. I tried to ask the land lord about letting me in the house if he leaves anything, but the land lord (my husband's co-worker) didn't want to get involved. I did file the divorce papers, but they got lost in the court system for 8 days and now my attorney's office is having a hard time serving the @sshole! I don't get it! He keeps calling me at my work when I've already told him to contact me through emails. It's getting to the point I don't even want him to do that because all they are is calling me names...now I'm even getting them from his 13 year old son!! WTF?! He has been completely horrible...I just want to get it done already!!!! I'm tired of the mind games and bulls#%t!!! I hope you have a supportive network to help you with your emotions. Try to discard as much drama as you can and get back peace for your wellbeing. I wish you all the best! Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted February 24, 2008 Share Posted February 24, 2008 To update everyone who has commented on my post. A lot has happened since then! He moved out of our old house, threw away the rest of what was left. I tried to ask the land lord about letting me in the house if he leaves anything, but the land lord (my husband's co-worker) didn't want to get involved. I did file the divorce papers, but they got lost in the court system for 8 days and now my attorney's office is having a hard time serving the @sshole! I don't get it! He keeps calling me at my work when I've already told him to contact me through emails. It's getting to the point I don't even want him to do that because all they are is calling me names...now I'm even getting them from his 13 year old son!! WTF?! He has been completely horrible...I just want to get it done already!!!! I'm tired of the mind games and bulls#%t!!! He shouldn't be contacting you at all. Your attorney should handle all correspondence, calls and any other communications. As for others calling you, talk to your attorney about restraining orders and/or harassment charges. I represented myself in the divorce and would not speak with the ex, only her attorney, who ended up liking me better than her client because I was the reasonable one. When I remarried two years following the separation and divorce, the ex, who had married her boyfriend, started making ugly phone calls, leaving nasty messages on our voicemail and my office voicemail and having my two minor daughters do the same. I contacted her once to tell her that it would cease immediately or I would file for a restraining order for harassment which was contrary to the peace and good order of my home and office. It worked for a couple of years. Then she called again to yell and scream and when she took a breath I asked her if her train of thought had a caboose. She slammed down the phone and I haven't heard a word for the last five years. By the way, those formerly minor daughters are now adults and we have lovely relationships. It's the ex they now want nothing to do with. They figured her out on their own. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted February 24, 2008 Share Posted February 24, 2008 Did your wife refuse counsellign with you? Did she play you at all? I've had a relationship as long as yours as his infidelity has been the root of evil in our marriage. She refused to lift a finger to save the marriage. In her mind it was over with and had been. It was all my fault and she was as pure as the driven snow and completely blameless. Of course she played me. It's what narcissistic people do. Like an idiot, I would get hopeful, only to crash again. But I finally got smart and she lost all her clout and control and to this day she despises me for seeing her for who and what she truly is. Interestingly enough, our children do as well and four of the five want little, if anything, to do with her. I never said a negative word about her to them. i didn't have to. I'm sorry your relationship is going badly. If I learned nothing else from the experience it's that life is too short to stay in toxic relationships any longer than is absolutely necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
Elena62 Posted February 24, 2008 Share Posted February 24, 2008 She refused to lift a finger to save the marriage. In her mind it was over with and had been. It was all my fault and she was as pure as the driven snow and completely blameless. Of course she played me. It's what narcissistic people do. Like an idiot, I would get hopeful, only to crash again. But I finally got smart and she lost all her clout and control and to this day she despises me for seeing her for who and what she truly is. Interestingly enough, our children do as well and four of the five want little, if anything, to do with her. I never said a negative word about her to them. i didn't have to. I'm sorry your relationship is going badly. If I learned nothing else from the experience it's that life is too short to stay in toxic relationships any longer than is absolutely necessary. Thank you! I don't want to interrupt the thread but your situation sounds close to mine. It's an eye opener, really I don't intend to stay in this toxic relationship or invite any other toxic relationship into my life. I hope everyone that comes on here heals their pain with time Link to post Share on other sites
Author joybean72 Posted February 24, 2008 Author Share Posted February 24, 2008 Trashiness & tackiness aside, how exactly does she qualify as the 'OW' if in fact she took up with your H AFTER you had left ? From what you posted she wasn't the OW he had the affair with while you were with him? She is really just 'another woman' not an OW To clarify...The reason I left was because he was going out with this "friend" and others from his work & leaving me at home. And although I had left, we were still sleeping together, went to marriage counseling once, Christmas shopping for the kids...etc. So in my little pea sized mind...SILLY ME, thought we were "working" on the marriage. This "friendship" they had was going on for a while...it just ALL came to a head when I found the documented proof. And to clarify again...this was his 2nd affair within the span of a year. Link to post Share on other sites
Author joybean72 Posted February 24, 2008 Author Share Posted February 24, 2008 LookingForward...I take it you are the OW? Just a guess.... Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted February 24, 2008 Share Posted February 24, 2008 wanna try again ? Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted February 24, 2008 Share Posted February 24, 2008 To clarify...The reason I left was because he was going out with this "friend" and others from his work & leaving me at home. And although I had left, we were still sleeping together, went to marriage counseling once, Christmas shopping for the kids...etc. So in my little pea sized mind...SILLY ME, thought we were "working" on the marriage. This "friendship" they had was going on for a while...it just ALL came to a head when I found the documented proof. And to clarify again...this was his 2nd affair within the span of a year. Okay, yes, that does clarify that this was an ongoing thing while you were still working on the marriage (at least as far as you knew), so she qualifies - to be honest it sounds like they are a perfect match for each other and you're better off without him Link to post Share on other sites
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