When do I give up?

[agl518]

I've been with him for five years, and when we first started dating, we were young and i didn't think that the relationship would last. He had told me in the beggining that we could be married in 2 to 3 years, and I was like, yeah, NO, we young!, But now its like we changed directions, he wants to wait longer to get engaged, and I would be more then happy to get engaged and start arranging for us to be together in marrage.

 

What do I do? I've tired to tell him how much i love him and that I think that we should wait any longer to start planning, but its not getting though to him.....!

[Tony T]

Love and marriage has more to do with timing that with anything else. It's a bitch when it's time for one and not the other.

 

If you stay with him, hopefully one day the two of you will get your timing synchronized. Otherwise, you will have to find another partner with whom you share both love and timing.

 

This cannot be forced. No matter how forcefully you move the hands of a clock, it does not change what time it is.

[Jamie31]

Don't try to rush things like this. It takes time. If you try to rush him into something it will more than likely just drive him away, or if you do get him to propose, then he will probably just do it because you pressured him into it. If he really loves you and trul wants to marry you, he will ask you in due time. How old are you anyway? You sound young, and you have plenty of time to get married. Try to focus on yourself right now while you have the opportunity. This is the only time in your life that you have to be selfish. When you get married and have children, you will have to put their needs first. Concentrate on your life and what you want for YOUR future. Establish a career so that when you have that family you have always dreamed of you will be able to support them and give them the things they need. Just don't rush these things. The best things are worth waiting for.

[Sunneybear]

If your relationship is built on trust be patient. 5 years is a long time so maybe you should sit down and discuss the reasons why he wants to wait.

[noelle]

If he doesn't know after 5 years that you're the one he wants to be with than get out of that relationship. Why does he want to wait?

 

I think many times relationships start out like this, exactly as you described yours did, and then things change and people just hang in a relationship that eventually falls aparts.

 

there's a bell curve in relationships, and commitment has to happen on the upswing. When it seems all hope is lost and the waiting period is exhausted, the relationship goes...crash and burn.

 

It has happened twice to me and I'm 34. My advice is without being a nag, continually do a state of the union address every six months and step out of the bubble for a reality check. If you and your significant other aren't on the same page in terms of time frame than your needs and goals are different and its time to move on.

 

Some of my friends hung in there too long and can either no longer afford fertility procedures or are just too old to start families now. Be aware and don't let the window of opportunity for what you want pass you by.

 

Good Luck!

[michiganmale27]

Is there any kind of extenuating circumstances in this situation? I know my brother dated the same woman for 11 years before finally marrying her. There was several reasons as to why it wasn't done sooner, but that is neither here nor there.

 

The point of the matter is, marriage will happen when it happens. There is no "Rule" book out t here that says that marriage is impossible if the proposal occurs after x date.

 

To me this is very old school. People get married much later in life these days, and some people still want to enjoy freedom as well as the company of someone very special.

 

That's just my opinion on the matter.