my ex bf is bringing his new gf to sisters wedding

[marlena]

Remember.

 

Confidence (faked or real) is very attractive.

[Ariadne]

Exactly!! Walk in there as if you were "your Highness, the Majesty." Pretend if you have, too! You can do it and come out a winner!

 

Remember.

 

Or...

 

She can get drunk, and go to the guy and hang herself from him and tell him....

 

Why did you dump me? Why??? I'm better than this woman! I am, you know I am! Bwahhhhhhhh.... I love you! I love you!

 

 

Hey, that would be fun too. She'll remember that forever!

[lindya]

She knows how I feel, I told her today when she dropped the bomb on me. As for telling my sister that I will not come to the wedding, that is not an option. Even though what she has done upsets me I can't or won't do anything to stress her out or upset her bc I know I have to be the bigger person. I really don't want to go to the wedding now but I love my sister and want her to have her special day.

I just hate myself right now. I know I am throwing a pity party, but then again it is Sat. night. My friend just reminded me of that by calling me from the bar and trying to get me to come out with her and her husband.

I am just going to hang out at home though. I am a basket case.

 

Right, well. If you've made the decision that you're going to the wedding, then you have to start thinking in terms of "I want to go to this wedding, because I want to see my sister get married." Repeating "I don't want to go" like a mantra really isn't going to help you out.

 

Next - the weight thing. You've got a month. It's not long enough to lose 15 pounds, but it's certainly long enough to go on a health kick that will leave you a few pounds lighter and also looking (and feeling) good.

 

Are your ex and his new girl likely to try to deliberately try to make you feel bad about yourself? Generally people will do that because they're in some way threatened by you. Feel in some way inferior.

 

Didn't you say that you have a great job? I think you may have a lot more going for you than you yourself realise....but perhaps other people realise it, and maybe it pisses them off a bit. Jealousy is a curse.

[marlena]

Nah, Ariadne.

 

I'd never let her give him that satisfaction!!! NEVER!

 

She'll go on a fad diet for a month, highlight her hair, choose a basic black flattering garment and act oh, so , gay and carefree and flirt,flirt,flirt!

 

Yeah, that's what she'll do!

 

He'll go absolutely livid!!!

[Ariadne]

Nah, Ariadne.

 

I'd never let her give him that satisfaction!!! NEVER!

 

She'll go on a fad diet for a month, highlight her hair, choose a basic black flattering garment and act oh, so , gay and carefree and flirt,flirt,flirt!

 

Yeah, that's what she'll do!

 

He'll go absolutely livid!!!

 

Ok ok. Do what Marlena says then katty774...

[katty774]

well you guys are all right and give good advice. I will start looking at this as inspiration to look as good as I can by the wedding and just maybe if I starve myself for the next two weeks I will look half way decent. I just hate that he is coming. I desperately need a hot date but that isn't going to happen. Everyone at the wedding is married or in a rs so flirting with men won't be a option. Well maybe this is what I needed to get a wake up call to get my act together but I am so dang depressed.

[marlena]

Ok ok. Do what Marlena says then katty774...

 

 

:):):):):):):):)

[Ariadne]

:):):):):):):):)

 

Hey,

 

That probably would have been me though, the other part. Not the I'm better than her but all the rest.

 

I'm stupid like that. Especially with the I love you part. Probably would run that guy out of the party lol

 

Ariadne

[katty774]

Or...

 

She can get drunk, and go to the guy and hang herself from him and tell him....

 

Why did you dump me? Why??? I'm better than this woman! I am, you know I am! Bwahhhhhhhh.... I love you! I love you!

 

 

Hey, that would be fun too. She'll remember that forever!

 

Oh God no that is not an option for me. I may sound strange but my pride will not let me do that. My worst fear would be getting too drunk and doing the above but it is the last thing I want to do. You would have to know him, this would only feed his already big ego. Why would I want him to think that I am sure this is good advice for some but for me it isn't a good one. I would feel like such an a-- later and worry about everyone talking about me,etc. besides I just couldn't give them that satisfaction.

[Ariadne]

Nah,

 

Don't worry about it. Feelings are that way.

 

You would have to know him, this would only feed his already big ego.

 

Well, at least he deserves it, I mean, he owns it or some.

 

Anyway, marlena's approach will work ok for you I think.

 

Good luck.

[KenzieAbsolutely]

I never said that I wasn't one of the many. This is your very own inference which, of course, you are entitled to.

 

you said, 'not so', indicating your disagreement.

 

 

I wouldn't miss my sister's wedding for any guy!

 

 

your missing the whole point. it isn't just about the guy being there, it's about her sister being completely insensitive to her feelings and being selfish by not even consulting her sister first.

 

i wouldn't miss my sister's wedding for the world either, but she doesn't treat her like myself and my feelings don't matter. there's a difference.

[PLAYBRAT]

Katty, I admire you for wanting to do the right thing for your sister.

For now just forget your ex will be there, even though it's hard..

otherwise you are making this HIS day and not hers.

 

In the next month you can prepare yourself..

Just start eating healthier...exercise everyday.That alone will

make you feel better and give you confidence.

 

Get a massage.

Get your nails done..

Get a new haircut/ color

Pamper yourself totally..."REVAMP" yourself..

 

The day of the wedding/ reception, mingle as much

as possible. Don;t sit in the corner, watching everyone else.

 

The true test will be if you see your ex and his date.

If it were ME...I'd smile my biggest smile and say hello to

them both. Then I would excuse myself gracefully.

 

It does not HAVE to be a bad experience. It's only as bad as you allow it to be. And who knows...maybe he is coming just to gloat. Maybe he

expects you to be hurt or upset. Why give him the satisfaction??

You are in total control of the situation.....just remember that.

[KenzieAbsolutely]

you said, 'not so', indicating your disagreement.

 

 

 

your missing the whole point. it isn't just about the guy being there, it's about her sister being completely insensitive to her feelings and being selfish by not even consulting her sister first.

 

i wouldn't miss my sister's wedding for the world either, but she doesn't treat her like myself and my feelings don't matter. there's a difference.

 

that should be 'me'.

 

[quankanne]

guys, I think we may be overlooking something here: If sis invited Katy's ex and his new GF, there's a HUUUUUUGGGGGEEEEEEE chance that the girlfriend is uncomfortable with the idea of them attending a wedding of a family member of his ex-girlfriend! And there's a possibility that they might not even show up because of that.

 

so hope for the best, katy, but plan otherwise, you know?

 

nicely put, PB – and I know a fantastic pick-me-up: Get a pedicure. Because even if you feel like shxt and you're too lazy to hack at the hairs on your legs or you think you look like a troll (I can vouch for all three at certain times, lol), having someone do something as simple as clean, massage and pretty up your feet makes you feel really girly-good inside. And believe you me, I'm not the girly kind, but I treat pedicures as my reward nowadays because they just make me feel so good about myself.

 

really it could be anything to lift your spirits that makes you feel happy inside *– and it'll go a long way in helping you get mentally prepared for the big day. And in the meantime, start being a little flirty with guys you meet ... that's always a bit of good fun!

[katty774]

that's what I am having a problem with, why does he wants to come and gloat? It would be so different if I had dumped him but why does he want to gloat? I just found out what the girl looks like, I didn't ask anyone, I did it a sneakier way. my space.com, she isn't as great as I envisioned her. She is probably skinnier and she is 10 years younger than me but he is 11 years younger too so it makes sense they would be together. Its just been a lousy few months for me. I use to be the hot girl with the smokin figure and it is just hard for me to realize and come to accept myself as the old has been that I am now. I wish I could afford to have an extreme makeover. lol. I just don't know why he wants to come, maybe its the free booze. lol

[katty774]

 

really it could be anything to lift your spirits that makes you feel happy inside *– and it'll go a long way in helping you get mentally prepared for the big day. And in the meantime, start being a little flirty with guys you meet ... that's always a bit of good fun!

 

If only I lived in a place where there was some guys to flirt with besides I feel so ugly right now and so old that I am just afraid they would laugh at me and make fun of me. I would like to have a good looking escort for the wedding any ideas??lol Really guys you have no clue how small my town is, there is no men around or the ones that are around don't have any teeth. I hate to be picky but I still need a man with teeth. lol

[Geishawhelk]

Well now you see? At least there's a "lol" there, when there wasn't before.

 

I hate to say it, but all these wonderful women have given you tons of brilliant (if occasionally different) advice. But if you go back to my first post, I explained that it's all in your head, where it starts.

Someone disagreed, as is her right, and I'm not picking that.

But since then, the ladies have been advisng you to lose weight, look stunning, be defiant, go drop-dead-gorgeous (outshine the bride even... yeah!! Now that would be a deal!! LOL!!)

...and where does all this great "Attitude" start?

 

In your head.

 

Because sweetie, you need to convince yourself first and foremeost that you are darned-well worth it.

And trust me - believe me... and all the others here... you are. Absolutely.

 

Take a good long look at yourself, right now. You may not like the image you see, but hang that - you can change it....! I lost seven lbs in two weeks, but all I did was to start a walking regime (I bought a dog....!!) I didn't diet change. If you do both, you'll be a winner.

 

And the most important thing?

 

Don't do it to prove a point.

Don't do it to defy your sister.

Don't do it because you resent him.

Don't do it to show his gf up.

 

Do it for yourself because you are worth it.

 

The rest of it will take care of itself.

If you re-evaluate your own significance and importance in your life, become the confident person you know you can be, and start treating yourself as number one - people will notice the difference.

 

Frulk 'em.

[blon_dee]

I feel for you girl.. This is a really tough one... I agree with some of the others that its a bit on the nasty side for your sister inviting him.... I was invited to mutual friends wedding just a few months after my husband left me and he was groomsman and i knew his new gf would be there... I couldnt do it.. I went overseas on a holiday instead.. Lol.. You cant do that seeing as its your own sister though... Doh.... My tip would be just to doll yourself up and look fantastic, and just be nice! Dont get too drunk and say anything though, you could end up looking a bit crazy... Soo hard... I wish you luck!!!

[marlena]

Crash diet for a month and wlak an hour a day. Definitely a pedicure/manicure. Then highlights in your hair. Then a facial. Try out some new make up ideas. Buy some great accessories. New undergarments and sexy shoes. Then, go for the stunning black dress. Practice your posture (very important) with that good ol' book-on-the-head trick.

 

You can do it. Change your attitude and walk in their like you won the place.Put on your most gracious and winning smile. Be condident and amenable to everyone.

 

Like someone said, say hello to your ex and then excuse yourself.

 

Don't for a minute let on on how you feel.

 

Maybe if you do all this, you WILL feel like a million bucks inside - where it really counts.

 

Best of luck!

 

Get started today.

[lindya]

If only I lived in a place where there was some guys to flirt with besides I feel so ugly right now and so old that I am just afraid they would laugh at me and make fun of me. I would like to have a good looking escort for the wedding any ideas??lol Really guys you have no clue how small my town is, there is no men around or the ones that are around don't have any teeth. I hate to be picky but I still need a man with teeth. lol

 

It seems to me that this wedding is forcing you to confront a number of issues. Your weight gain, your negative self image and the fact that you're in a rut living in a small town where there's a distinct lack of eligible men.

 

Might it be time for you to move onto bigger and better things? Develop a spirit and appetite for adventure? Your age isn't entirely irrelevant, but neither does it need to be an insurmountable obstacle that prevents you from having any fun. If you have a great job, then that indicates that professionally you're doing okay....which is your best springboard towards a better life.

 

A bigger city would offer you more opportunities professionally, socially and romantically. You say you used to be the hot girl with the smoking body. Well...is there any reason why you can't, with a bit of sensible dieting and exercising, become the hot woman with the smoking body? You mentioned starving yourself before the wedding. I'm not sure you need to develop an eating disorder to complicate your life further. All that's likely to happen if you starve yourself is that you'll look drawn and ill by the time of the wedding - and the moment you have a glass of champagne you'll either pass out...or worse still, you'll start behaving like the pathetic, stalking lush that Ariadne seems to think would be a fun/interesting approach for you to take (pathetic dysfunctionality craves company, I guess).

 

What you need is to develop a positive proactive approach towards improving your life. A healthy diet and an exercise regime that's fun rather than punishing. Right now circumstances are conspiring to make you feel like a victim. Don't let them. Whether you go to this wedding feeling like a total victim, or determining to rub other people's noses in something, it'll probably end up feeling like an unpleasant drama.

 

Your best bet is to get yourself firmly into adult mode. Get to a place where you can be a calm, poised woman who can deal with other people's unpleasantness/childishness without getting overly phased by it. Plan in advance. How does alcohol affect you? Fine after a couple of glasses, maudlin after 4 or 5? If so, set strict limits for yourself and stick to them.

 

I'd also recommend you do a bit of research into the Alexandra Technique. I can't claim to know much about this, but someone who does taught me one or two techniques for bringing about fast relaxation and recovering poise in stressful situations. I believe it's a technique that's popular with performing artists who are affected by stage fright, and it might help you a lot in this potentially taxing situation.

 

In a bizarre way, this unpleasant situation might be the catalyst that forces you to change certain things about you and your life for the better. Good luck, be proactive...and do everything you can to escape from this pity party you're having, because that's really not going to help you get your life back on track.

[Chrome Barracuda]

I feel for you kattty but let me tell you a funny story.

 

IT's similar to yours except I was the one who was kinda dumped , I mean she did have feelings for her ex and lied about meeting him to me, but I let her go.

 

Anyway's after I done moved on, she invited me to her wedding.

 

Yes my ex invited me to her wedding!

 

And I wanted to go. I was gonna dress to the nines and I had a hot asian looking spanish chick with a phat ass and prety eyes that wanted to go as well.

 

When I informed my ex I was bringing a date she was LIVID!!!

 

She called me back 2 days and cursed me out! I had no idea where that came from. I was just laughing she was just screaming and ranting!

 

I didnt go, and I just told her to forget it.

 

See when you have moved on you could just brush that dirt off of your sholders.

 

You go to that wedding and bring one of your handsome male Straight friend. Someone who you know isnt gonna let you down. Someone who can for at least one day will take your mind off of your ex.

 

The more you think about your ex, the more power you give him. Show him your stronger by moving on.

[SunnyLady]

For me, the fact that your "sister" is putiing you through all this is unfathomable. I simply can't comprehend it. My sister would never ever do that to me. And if she did, she would definitely understand why If i chose not to attend her wedding!

It's sad that you are being subjected to so much mental torture simply just by envisaging this day. Couldn't you possibly speak to her? She is your sister, you don't have to be mild about it, pour out your heart to her, say all you need to say and listen to what she has to say about how much pain she is putting you through. I'm sorry if I sound so bitter but my sister and I share a very close rship. Throughout my split she has supported me fully. This is why I find it so hard to understand your sister's insensitive actions. How would she feel if her husband left her and turned up at an event with his new girlfriend?? On your initiation! It's just so unfair!

 

Having said that, most people on here have adviced you to go ahead with it and I agree. Ensure you look good for the day etc. But I still feel you must speak to her in order to avoid such a messy situation next time. Who knows, with the rate things are going, she might make him a regular visitor to her home and you may run into him when visiting her or something. I read a story similar to yours in a magazine, recently. It was said that your sister owes you a duty above any one else. It doesn't matter that she is friends with this ex of yours, she is your sister and family come first. I think the story was of a woman who who dumped by her ex. This woman's sister was good friends with her ex and maintained a friendship with this ex of hers. Of course the dumpee hated this, in timesof troubles we need full support from thoes dearest o our hearts. So the dumpee's sister sought advice from "Aunty Anne" who told her to put this friendship on hold because she owed a duty to her sister FIRST. Anyway I guess I should stop crying over spilt milk but I really do think you should have a heart to heart talk with your sister!

 

I am sorry you have to go through all this. This situation is being imposed on you and its unfair that you have NO choice or say ...you have to simply go there, dress your best and subject yourself to seeing your ex possibly get all cosy and lovey dovey with his new girlfriend. Simply beacuse your sister is celebrating the happiest day of HER life with a man she intends to spend the rest of her life with. The same thing you are mourning about, is the same thing she is celebrating. It will be her happiest day, but you fear it will be your worst day. It is just so unfair.

 

Make all the preparations like others on here have suggested. But ultimately the decison lies with YOU. Everyone is concerned about the scandal of you missing her wedding. But we've forgotten how much it will hurt to see your family members embrace someone who has caused you hurt. It's like your ex is being commended and given a pat on the back. "Yes you hurt my sister, but it doesn't matter...you can still visit have drinks and live your lovely life...oh and yeah your new girlfriend is very welcome too". Without giving a thought to her mourning and sorrow filled sister. Jeez.

 

Good Luck. Please speak to your sister. And make all the preparations. But if you feel you cannot handle it, emotionally please don't go! People underestimate how deeply breakups etc penetrate the heart. It shdnt be until you have a nervous breakdown or become diagnoised with clinical depression, that people begin to apprecaite your current state.

 

Well I guess there is a positive side to it though. . . I.e the wedding issue. Who knows you may regain your confidence etc.

 

Good Luck. Keep us posted.

Edited January 13, 2008 by SunnyLady

[lindya]

Everyone is concerned about the scandal of you missing her wedding.

 

I'm not. I think that a few women use their weddings as an excuse to behave like spoiled brats. "It's my big day, therefore absolutely everything must be exactly as I want it, and everyone must jump to my tune or I'll accuse them of ruining the most important day of my life..."

 

I love my brother. If I got married and there was some reason he really didn't want to attend, I'd be disappointed - but I'm sure I'd have a great day anyway, and I certainly wouldn't feud with him over it for the rest of my life. People just get a bit stupid over weddings. It's a special day, but it shouldn't be an excuse for any woman to turn into some sort of Bridezilla-dictator who regards nobody's feelings other than her own as having any importance on the Big Day.

Edited January 13, 2008 by lindya

[underpants]

Even the nicest people can turn a little bridezilla over these things. I don't understand it, however I have witnessed it. It is kind of funny. After dealing with a few weddings and seeing all of the silly drama that chair covers can cause I am convinced that Vegas is the way to go (for me). Part of me wants to think that the actual anxiety of getting married gets deflected over into silly details.

 

Does this sister just want lots and lots of gifts?

 

That does stink that she did not take into consideration your feelings on the matter of your ex. However, it just may be all about her and her big day.

 

On an evil note, you could invite one of her ex's to attend as your date. Or just suggest it and piss her off for a minute.

 

Other then that Lindya gives excellent advice.

 

If you feel like you have to attend then go for the ceremony and leave. You don't have to stay for the whole thing. If you are part of the wedding party then stay for the pictures, sign the little book and make a quiet exit. She will probably be so distracted that she won't realize you have left.

[KenzieAbsolutely]

I'm not. I think that a few women use their weddings as an excuse to behave like spoiled brats.

 

People just get a bit stupid over weddings. It's a special day, but it shouldn't be an excuse for any woman to turn into some sort of Bridezilla-dictator who regards nobody's feelings other than her own as having any importance on the Big Day.

 

so very true. i am appalled at the amount of immature, uninformed, uneducated, thoughtless advice i am seeing here. crash diet? 'fake it til you make it'? please. this isn't a talk show, this is someone's life.

 

good luck katty, and please, whatever you do, stay healthy. lindya's given you some great advice, and so have some others. ignore the childish responses of those who just want to see their words posted on the internet; they're empty and void of any merit. someone else's day is not more important than your feelings and your life. wedding or not, this would have affected you somehow, and if that was the case, you might have been more willing to stand up for yourself. do it anyway, you have every right to.