my ex bf is bringing his new gf to sisters wedding

[marlena]

i am appalled at the amount of immature, uninformed, uneducated, thoughtless advice i am seeing here. crash diet? 'fake it til you make it'? please. this isn't a talk show, this is someone's life.

 

 

 

No doubt, her sister was insensitive. And, of course, it is up to her to choose whether she wants to go or not.

 

All I am saying is that if she chooses to go, she should walk straight and proud.

[SunnyLady]

I'm not. I think that a few women use their weddings as an excuse to behave like spoiled brats. "It's my big day, therefore absolutely everything must be exactly as I want it, and everyone must jump to my tune or I'll accuse them of ruining the most important day of my life..."

 

I love my brother. If I got married and there was some reason he really didn't want to attend, I'd be disappointed - but I'm sure I'd have a great day anyway, and I certainly wouldn't feud with him over it for the rest of my life. People just get a bit stupid over weddings. It's a special day, but it shouldn't be an excuse for any woman to turn into some sort of Bridezilla-dictator who regards nobody's feelings other than her own as having any importance on the Big Day.

 

Precisely, do what is right for "YOU". And like someone mentioned, it's not a talk show, its real life. I understand the sentiment behind the saying "the best form of revenge is success/ looking good is the best revenge". But this applies to cases where the dumpee is emotionally stable and over him/her to a reasonable standard. And where she/he DESIRES to embark on such a task. Example when you have replaced your ex or when you have moved on. Not where the dumpee is still so raw from residual emotions, now that's like asking you to jump from the frying pan into the fire. Quite a few cliche quotes I am using but they effectively convey my thoughts.

 

Sometimes we need to do what's best for us and stop trying to be good samaritans, a few times in life, we are permitted to put our needs above that of others. This is such a situation.

 

Moving on is gradual, no one should put pressure on your for an accelerated moving on process. You are your own priority. Please do what is best for your health and your wellbeing. Best of luck.

[katty774]

I got up and walked my dogs today and felt a little better than I did last night. I have no option but to go to the wedding, my sisters wedding is in a place that is quite a drive for me so she has already paid for me a room at the inn. I can't be angry at my sister, she has been friends with my ex bfs brother for a long time, she had to invite him, so I think she really didn't expect my ex to RSVP along with his brother for a party of 4 Yuck. I am just confused as to why my ex has to come. When we first broke up he was still telling me he wasn't seeing anyone, etc. and I found out on my own one day after he had spent the night with me, I returned his phone call and the new gf answered. He even lied to me after that about not knowing who she was, etc. He tried seeing us both, anyway now I try my best to avoid them, luckily we live in seperate towns so it hasn't been too hard. His new gf even called me one day to enlighten me of their rs, so now my biggest problem is why do they want to come to my sisters wedding. It isn't like he and my sister were close, heck maybe they want to get wedding ideas (I just made my stomach turn inside out). So why does this happy couple want to come to my sisters wedding? why? why? why? You would think they wouldn't want to be around me or my family. I know I keep repeating myself but it still makes no sense to me why they feel the need to come. They have already RSVP'd so they are coming.

[KenzieAbsolutely]

I can't be angry at my sister, she has been friends with my ex bfs brother for a long time, she had to invite him, so I think she really didn't expect my ex to RSVP along with his brother for a party of 4 Yuck.

 

wait, so she didn't really invite him, he just decided to tag along and rsvp'd along with his girlfriend on his brother's invitation? what the hell?

 

that's not how invitations work, you don't get to just bring whatever family you feel like bringing with you, that's bizarre. he's bullying his way into this wedding, if that's the case, and if your sister is such good friends with the brother, then she should have no problem talking to him about it and saying

 

"listen, i think it's really nice that your brother and his girlfriend want to help me celebrate, but we have a guest list that we need to stick to, not to mention, it's going to be really awkward for my sister. as much as it would be nice to have them, because of these reasons, i really have to ask that they don't attend. i hope this doesn't cause an inconvenience for anyone, but i guess there was some misunderstanding. i really don't want my sister to be uncomfortable on my wedding day, it's important to her, too. maybe some time after the wedding, we can all get together."

 

big deal if your ex feels slighted...better him than you.this day has nothing to do with him, he'll live.

people are so selfish and rude, it turns my stomach sometimes.

Edited January 13, 2008 by KenzieAbsolutely

[lindya]

"listen, i think it's really nice that your brother and his girlfriend want to help me celebrate, but we have a guest list that we need to stick to, not to mention, it's going to be really awkward for my sister. as much as it would be nice to have them, because of these reasons, i really have to ask that they don't attend. i hope this doesn't cause an inconvenience for anyone, but i guess there was some misunderstanding. i really don't want my sister to be uncomfortable on my wedding day, it's important to her, too. maybe some time after the wedding, we can all get together."

 

That's a great idea for a response. It's diplomatic, but puts the point across honestly and firmly. Like most potentially awkward situations, this really doesn't have to be a tortuously long and drawn out symphony of pain. The gruesome twosome will be told "you're not coming to the wedding. See you around." They'll either understand and accept that (if they're not actually a gruesome twosome) or they'll feel angry and thwarted in their plan to play mind games. If it's the latter, not only should the bride to be not feel guilty about upsetting and offending them; she should positively revel in the opportunity to do so.

[Sweetcheripie]

Just a thought here .....but maybe HE wants YOU to be jealous! Follow the others advice....get the gorgeous dress, manicure/pedicure, new hairstyle and look breezy and happy! Your family will be there to support you and you will never be alone. Your sister will be the center of attention and just keep busy doing things for her if you feel like you have nothing to do. Weddings are usually so busy and go very fast.

 

If he invited himself, maybe he still has feelings for YOU. Yes he broke up with you but that doesn't always mean that he is over you. He may want you to see him with his new gf because he wants you to think he has moved on. That is his insecurity. Feel sorry for him. I doubt if they do actually come they will stay long - it will be one of those "let's just make an appearance" things.

 

You are in a funk and feeling low - we have all been there. But it is not a forever thing. I like how you can use the next month as a goal to do a lot for yourself.

 

You sound intelligent, sweet and caring in your posts. You have a lot going for you. Enjoy your sister's wedding, take pictures, talk/flirt with the DJ or visit with an Aunt or Uncle that you haven't spent time with whatever - just make the most of it and keep busy so the ex is not on your mind.

[katty774]

I think my sisters mistake was sending the invitation to the entire Family. I guess I was just defending her reasons. The truth is she should have only sent the invitation to Malcolm (her friend) and not the entire family. I can only hope that I can stay busy at the wedding but since we live in different towns (and this is her 3rd wedding) she didn't invite alot of our family, mostly his family and her friends from the town she lives in. I just know that I would rather not see him. I still feel alot of resentment bc before I found out about the new gf he was still trying to see us both, anyway I will do what I can do to make myself look good on my sisters wedding day and I just pray there is someone there who I can hang out with. I feel better about it today than yesterday.

I do have a question though? Everyone keeps telling me I should wear black, do you think it will be ok to wear a black dress to my sisters wedding?

Well I just want to thank each of you for all of your great suggestions.

I even thought about texting him and asking him not to show up. I even thought about telling him that if he did show up I would go ahead and show his gf the text messages that he sent to me, (they are still on my phone) claimng not to know the girl etc. I won't do this though it is just a mean thought I had. I just wish it was me that was happily in a new rs and not him.

[katty774]

Just a thought here .....but maybe HE wants YOU to be jealous! Follow the others advice....get the gorgeous dress, manicure/pedicure, new hairstyle and look breezy and happy! Your family will be there to support you and you will never be alone. Your sister will be the center of attention and just keep busy doing things for her if you feel like you have nothing to do. Weddings are usually so busy and go very fast.

 

If he invited himself, maybe he still has feelings for YOU. Yes he broke up with you but that doesn't always mean that he is over you. He may want you to see him with his new gf because he wants you to think he has moved on. That is his insecurity. Feel sorry for him. I doubt if they do actually come they will stay long - it will be one of those "let's just make an appearance" things.

 

You are in a funk and feeling low - we have all been there. But it is not a forever thing. I like how you can use the next month as a goal to do a lot for yourself.

 

You sound intelligent, sweet and caring in your posts. You have a lot going for you. Enjoy your sister's wedding, take pictures, talk/flirt with the DJ or visit with an Aunt or Uncle that you haven't spent time with whatever - just make the most of it and keep busy so the ex is not on your mind.

 

See that is one thing I am having a problem with, why he wants to come. Why would he want to make me jealous? why would he have to show me that he has moved on? I already know that.

[confuused55]

Ok, this is my opinion only. I think you need to first of all tell your sister one way or another that her inviting your ex and his family without even consulting you is messed up. Then, go to the wedding and who cares if you have gained weight, you're still the same cool you. As long as you are confident you can pull off anything and it won't matter what you look like. You don't have a date? Who cares. Just go in there with your head held high and don't give a hoot about your boyfriend. He is obviously a jerk who doesn't deserve the time of day. Who is he to cause you to be so upset? Just go in there, say hi to him only if he says hi to you and then that's it, you don't need to talk to him anymore than that. Don't pay any attention to him and if possible go ahead and talk to another guy in front of him, it doesn't matter if the guy is cute or not, it will drive him insane. Good luck to you and don't let this jerk make you depressed.

[KenzieAbsolutely]

Ok, this is my opinion only. I think you need to first of all tell your sister one way or another that her inviting your ex and his family without even consulting you is messed up. Then, go to the wedding and who cares if you have gained weight, you're still the same cool you. As long as you are confident you can pull off anything and it won't matter what you look like. You don't have a date? Who cares. Just go in there with your head held high and don't give a hoot about your boyfriend. He is obviously a jerk who doesn't deserve the time of day. Who is he to cause you to be so upset? Just go in there, say hi to him only if he says hi to you and then that's it, you don't need to talk to him anymore than that. Don't pay any attention to him and if possible go ahead and talk to another guy in front of him, it doesn't matter if the guy is cute or not, it will drive him insane. Good luck to you and don't let this jerk make you depressed.

 

for someone called confused, you certainly don't sound it!

 

katty, he's (she's?) right. you've decided to go to the wedding, so go, and have a good time. but don't let it go unsaid how upset you are with your sister, she should know that what she did is insensitive and be given the chance to fix the situation, or at the very least, apologize to you.

[katty774]

I thought about texting my ex and telling him that if he chooses to come to the wedding that I will feel obligated to show his new gf the text messages he sent to me. I know I wouldn't really do that but I was thinking if he wants to be a jerk and come then he should suffer the consequences.

[KenzieAbsolutely]

I thought about texting my ex and telling him that if he chooses to come to the wedding that I will feel obligated to show his new gf the text messages he sent to me. I know I wouldn't really do that but I was thinking if he wants to be a jerk and come then he should suffer the consequences.

 

well, i don't know if i would be that to the point, because it sounds like you care too much. but it might not hurt to say something like, "i look forward to meeting her, i'm sure we have a lot to talk about..." leave it to his imagination.

 

if all else fails and they end up coming anyway, the best way to piss him off is to befriend his new girlfriend. not only will he be annoyed, but he'll also be nervous about what you two could possibly be talking about for all that time! spend as much time with her (her, though, not him) as you can stomach and it'll drive him nuts. be funny, and get your little digs in, too. it might not hurt to mention how you know it might be awkward for all of you, but all you want is to have a good time, and you wish them the best of luck and that you realize she's braver than you are for taking a chance with your ex! haha.

 

or ignore them completely, look really busy, and don't bother with them at all. but either way, yes, i think you should instill a little fear into your ex. he deserves it.

Edited January 15, 2008 by KenzieAbsolutely

[katty774]

Yes Kenzie I wouldn't really be so forward and threaten him but your suggestions make a lot of sense. I think I will try making friends, etc. that always seems to bug the exes in my past than being mean. If I appear to not care at all or befreind them, I have a couple of weeks to prepare myself. Thanks for your great suggestions.

[KenzieAbsolutely]

Yes Kenzie I wouldn't really be so forward and threaten him but your suggestions make a lot of sense. I think I will try making friends, etc. that always seems to bug the exes in my past than being mean. If I appear to not care at all or befreind them, I have a couple of weeks to prepare myself. Thanks for your great suggestions.

 

sure thing, please keep us posted, let us know how it all goes!

[katty774]

I posted earlier how the wedding went. However I wanted to come back to my old post so I could read back thru the post in order to thank all of you beautiful, wonderful, caring people. You are so awesome. Thank you- s n d, kenzleabsolutely, oppath, lindya, Ariadne, marlena, quankanne, playbrat, Geishawhelk, blon dee, Chrome Barracuda, sunnylady, underpants, sweetcherripie, confused55 and so many others for all of your great advice, view points, and your awesome support.

 

I believe I would have made you all proud, even though I don't actually know you.

 

As for the wedding, yes the ex came with the gf, however I was one hot babe and put her to shame, lol, I was nice and cordial to everyone and I had a real young hot date that was totally into me. I laughed all night and smiled and pulled it off that I was so much better off without him. He would have to be half dead not to be having dreams about me, the one he lost, lol.

 

Just wanted to say you guys are awesome and you helped me so much.

[KenzieAbsolutely]

I posted earlier how the wedding went. However I wanted to come back to my old post so I could read back thru the post in order to thank all of you beautiful, wonderful, caring people. You are so awesome. Thank you- s n d, kenzleabsolutely, oppath, lindya, Ariadne, marlena, quankanne, playbrat, Geishawhelk, blon dee, Chrome Barracuda, sunnylady, underpants, sweetcherripie, confused55 and so many others for all of your great advice, view points, and your awesome support.

 

I believe I would have made you all proud, even though I don't actually know you.

 

As for the wedding, yes the ex came with the gf, however I was one hot babe and put her to shame, lol, I was nice and cordial to everyone and I had a real young hot date that was totally into me. I laughed all night and smiled and pulled it off that I was so much better off without him. He would have to be half dead not to be having dreams about me, the one he lost, lol.

 

Just wanted to say you guys are awesome and you helped me so much.

 

awesome! i am so happy you came back and posted this.

 

it couldn't have gone better. you're welcome, but you're the one who made it happen. good for you.

[marlena]

I knew you could do it!!! Perfect!

 

I am proud of you! Bet your ex is, too!