PerfectLee Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 Think of it from his perspective. Please do. Link to post Share on other sites
Keara Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 , especially as it was the sale of my house that paid for it! Throw him back. You got a bunk one. I was married previously, and my ex **cough* cheap skate loser *cough ** bought my engagment ring with the money I had gotten for a home improvement loan. I paid the loan back with MY money. He paid... Zilch. I am still pissed about that. If I'd known he had done that at the time I would've f'ing dumped his azz right then. And he had to get the MOST EXPENSIVE ring possible at the time too. All gloating like he was doing me a big f'ing favor. It wasn't even a type of ring I really wanted, but nooooooo... stupid me, I believed in loving the symbolism of it. It represented our marriage all right. Him = selfish prick. Me = stupid. Then he wanted it back after I left him. HA! Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 My fiance bought my ring without telling me, he always said that if he proposed to someone, he would buy a ring that he thought she would like, and it was like offering a contract to marry him. He also said that if she really didn't like it, then he didn't know her as well as he thought she did, and maybe they shouldn't be getting married. When he proposed to me, he had my ring in his pocket waiting for the right moment to propose while I dragged him down 5th Avenue dropping LARGE hints. He even pointed out the ring he had bought me, and asked me if I liked it, and i said, "nah, I don't like the six claw setting"...... A couple of hours later, the ring was on my finger, and I loved it simply because of the way he chose it and went to such lengths to conceal it from me. I LOVE it.... I am so glad he took the agony of choosing out of my hands, and I can't stop looking at it even though I have had it since October... don't give away the ring... have it reset, anything... but if you give it away he will be so offended. Link to post Share on other sites
vander Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 (edited) especially as it was the sale of my house that paid for it! Am I understanding this correctly? Did he really buy your engagement ring from the sale of your own house? Doesn't this make you angry in some way? If he did this, then he essentially stole your money and made a purchase without your authorization. Isn't that fraud? Perhaps the jewelers will refund you if fraud is involved. If he really used your own money without your consent to purchase your engagement ring, he's either intentionally dishonest or hopelessly uncouth. Either way your instinct to call off the engagement should not be ignored. Were you really considering calling off the engagement due to disliking the ring -- or was it because he violated your trust? (You don't have to answer that openly -- just think about it) This is all assuming, of course, that he took your money without permission to buy the ring ... otherwise nevermind this post Edited January 20, 2008 by vander Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 especially as it was the sale of my house that paid for it! I agree with the other two posters. Take a LONG hard look at this. I know the whole ideals regarding men purchasing rings are out dated, but this shows a complete lack of consideration for you. He spent NO money, NO time, and no forethought on finding something that would represent a commitment of forever with you. Take the look of the ring out of the equation, and you have a man who did absolutely nothing to prove he's commited to putting 100% toward this marriage. Go with your gut on this one. The whole concept of the man purchasing the engagement ring, spending 3 months of his salary, etc, was because men were supposed to be showing they are good enough of a provider that they could take care of the woman for life. (old values) However, what did your man just prove? That as long as you have the money available then he's commited to you? Sweet. As long as it takes no work, and no effort, then he'll sort of get you something. What happens when you two do get married? There are going to be times where one persons needs are going to conflict with the other persons. Is he going to treat it the same way? As long as he can put forth the least amount of effort then he'll do what little he can to meet your needs? AND best yet, be sneaky and underhanded about it by going behind your back to steal it from you first. You have a serious issue here. And if you don't put some serious thought into this then you'll be divorced in less then 2 years. Link to post Share on other sites
cicada Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 that is tough , i would say tell him how you feel by saying something positive. like I love the ring you got me and I love that you took so much time and effort surprising me , I Love the ring but i think a different diamond would compliment my ugly hands better .. or something like that so it doesnt seem like your telling him that the ring sucks you know what i mean ? lol.. .i think you should tell him how you feel cause you have to wear it for the length of your marriage right? and that could be for the rest of your life LOL. Link to post Share on other sites
stbx2007 Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 (edited) If your ring isn't itty bitty like mine you should be grateful. I have the tiniest ring ever. I once saw someone with a GORGEOUS ring and I said " someone must really love you" and she got a sick look on her face. She said, "well, someone used to". I never forgot that. Its not about the ring. Edited January 21, 2008 by stbx2007 typo Link to post Share on other sites
PerfectLee Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 She said, "well, someone used to". I never forgot that. Its not about the ring. Damn that's really sad. I agree though, it's not about the ring. Link to post Share on other sites
klee Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 I have never been engaged before, so I guess I don't know what you are going through, but I think you should be happy just to have someone that loves you enough to give you a ring! I think a half eternity sounds pretty. I never much considered myself a solitaire kinda gal anyways... Link to post Share on other sites
InferiorityComplex Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 I personally have worked in several jewelery stores...and I ended up leaving because I couldn't stand the deception of lying to a customer to get them to buy something or to upgrade items. There's a couple things I'd like to comment on... #1. It was mentioned that most shops carry "conflict" or "blood" diamonds even if they don't say so. This is not true, because of the Kimberly Convention there is very VERY strict processes on how diamonds are certified and shipped into the US. Unless he bought the ring from a pawn shop it is highly unlikely they had any conflict diamonds. #2. I understand that getting the ring you want is important, so is having the perfect wedding, and having the best children. But what is important is that the man proposing loves you, (Have you ever seen the Count of Monte Cristo? She wraps a piece of twine around her finger and says that will be her ring.) Marriage for the most part is about love, and I know that if my boyfriend gave me a cracker jack box ring I would absolutely adore it. Things don't go perfectly, you may lose the stone out of your solitaire (very likely), your wedding cake may show up 2 hours late, your child may be born with autism. But you have to role with the punches. #3. The fact that you even considered calling off the wedding over your engagement ring...seems to me that there is another issue here. If you loved him enough to marry him, then come hell or high water you would want to. Someone just doesn't want to marry the one they love because the setting isn't correct. #4. The way he spent your house sale money is of some concern. #5. If you donate that ring to charity, I guarantee he is going to look at you like "OMG what am I getting myself into." That sounds like a gorgeous band...and maybe you don't like it as your engagement ring...that's fine...but why not use it as a diamond wedding band with your engagement ring. Sounds like a beautiful compliment especially if you get a round stone solitaire. (Jeez, the sales person coming out in me eh?) Oh, and BTW...did the ring he give you come with any sort of certification? because he may have gotten you a 7 stone ring with all colorless near imperfection-less stones in 18k white gold or even platinum. Now it is quality over quantity. My dream ring is a 1/3 Carat Round Cut Solitaire with D Color (Colorless) and VVS1-2 in quality (Very little imperfection) in a 14k white gold 4 prong setting set low. I'd take this any day over a 1 carat yellow diamond with a chunk of carbon in it. And I guarantee you, my 1/3 carat would cost more. Take a moment to think about that! Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 he spent her money to buy her ring. Link to post Share on other sites
HoustonScrewed Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 If he didn't take the time to get you the ring that you wanted then you need to kick him to the curb. For my ex I spent almost six months getting her ring, it was very custom and very hard to build. It took someone all the way across the country to build it. It had a diamond to die for, VSi F color if you care, but it ment something very special. The ring should be something for you and you only! Don't just take something off the shelf that wasn't even thought about. Link to post Share on other sites
Racquel Colette Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 If he didn't take the time to get you the ring that you wanted then you need to kick him to the curb. For my ex I spent almost six months getting her ring, it was very custom and very hard to build. It took someone all the way across the country to build it. It had a diamond to die for, VSi F color if you care, but it ment something very special. The ring should be something for you and you only! Don't just take something off the shelf that wasn't even thought about. Umm, yeah, but....it's over. A ring is nothing, it is a piece of metal with a stone. Love lasts, and she may have this with her fiance, and she may have what was actually lacking, a ring means squat as shown by your situation. Link to post Share on other sites
THE THRONE Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 he spent her money to buy her ring. That is what he was supposed to do. Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 I can understand your predicament about disliking the ring. I recently got engaged and my fiance and I are still in the process of choosing a ring. He is adamant that I get the one I want (within reason financially, of course) as I will have to look at it every day for the rest of my life. I know if I were buying something for someone I would want them to like it too. Especially something as important is this. I would have hated for him to have chosen me a ring and for me not to have liked it and it would have been awful to have hurt his feelings. I say come clean about the way you feel. Your fiance loves you and I am sure he would want you to be 100% happy with the ring you will be wearing. Perhaps explain the fact that you told your sister you didn't like it but she didn't listen. That may soften the blow a little. I must admit it concerns me that your man has bought your ring from 'joint money'. That's like asking you for half towards it! I think I'd be a bit put out by that. If it were me, I would rather just wear a plastic ring from a Christmas cracker (it's what it symbolises that counts) than wear a ring that (a) cost a lot but wasn't to my taste or (b) wasn't even paid for solely by him. This is coming from someone who definitely isn't materialistic OR into bling. I don't wear much in the way of jewellery (if I do, it's costume jewellery) and couldn't care less if my ring only cost £50 so long as it was something I liked. Link to post Share on other sites
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