thoughts on one final communication???

[Confused9]

Thanks Ronni. I really love his parent's and I hope they understand too.

 

I really love my X though as well and I am really conflicted. It's almost like I would rather lay down and let him walk all over me than rock the boat and make this any uglier than it has been. Of course the ugly behavior has been 1 sided since this whole thing started. I really have allowed him to just do whatever and I didn't say a thing.

 

I want the letter to just let him know I am no longer willing to sit by the sidelines and take whatever negative treatment he throws at me. He owes me this money...he should pay it.

 

However, I am not ready for it to get any uglier. I just hope he does the right thing. I don't know why I expect him too since he hasn't from the beginning, but maybet his time...he will.

 

Please keep me in your thoughts!

[Ronni_W]

It's almost like I would rather lay down and let him walk all over me than rock the boat

Fear of conflict can indeed be debilitating. Do you think it's true that it comes from low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence?

 

Definitely I'm hoping that things work out for the best, for everyone involved

[Confused9]

Yes, I definately think it comes from lack of self confidence. I have NONE.

 

I am also extremely codependent so I count on others to make me feel the way I feel. If that makes sense.

 

I hope things work out best for me. I don't know if I wish him the best...not right now. I am so jaded by what he's done and continues to do to me. He seems to be happy now. I would just like to be happy first...then he could be happy.

 

You know what I'm saying?

 

I just want this to be over with. I want to get my money and be done!

[so_sad]

I think you do need to get what he owes you; it really isn't fair for him to walk away from your joint debt. I think going through your landlord is a good idea because it will limit your contact with him and may produce a better outcome.

 

I can totally sympathize though with feeling like you don't want to rock the boat. I am dealing with financial issues with my ex now and I have a hard time standing up for myself. I still love him too and I don't want any more drama. But (big but) someone was telling me that in breakups and divorce there is a tendency to want things to be over as quickly as possible, and as a result some people settle the financial things to their great disadvantage, just in the interest of ending the situation asap. And then in time they regret it. So I am trying to fight for what's fair and not let him take advantage of me.

 

I know what you mean about being co-dependent too. I am single now for the first time in AGES and even though I need to be, it feels so weird. I really look for the approval and security other people can provide. I am trying to get over that and realize that I alone am enough...but it's hard.

[Ronni_W]

I am also extremely codependent so I count on others to make me feel the way I feel. If that makes sense.

I was just doing a piece on codependent patterns so it makes perfect sense .

What are you planning to do to change your patterns, and when are you planning to start?

 

When I said "the best for all", I was talking in a 'bigger picture' way -- his Karma will take care of him; and yours will take care of you.

[Confused9]

I think you do need to get what he owes you; it really isn't fair for him to walk away from your joint debt. I think going through your landlord is a good idea because it will limit your contact with him and may produce a better outcome.

 

I can totally sympathize though with feeling like you don't want to rock the boat. I am dealing with financial issues with my ex now and I have a hard time standing up for myself. I still love him too and I don't want any more drama. But (big but) someone was telling me that in breakups and divorce there is a tendency to want things to be over as quickly as possible, and as a result some people settle the financial things to their great disadvantage, just in the interest of ending the situation asap. And then in time they regret it. So I am trying to fight for what's fair and not let him take advantage of me.

 

I know what you mean about being co-dependent too. I am single now for the first time in AGES and even though I need to be, it feels so weird. I really look for the approval and security other people can provide. I am trying to get over that and realize that I alone am enough...but it's hard.

 

 

sosad...I called my landlord in a panic and ask him to stop and not send the letter. I am not sure if I was successful as I talked to his wife and I'm not sure if he will listen but I hope he does. To be honest...I just want this to go away. I may end up regretting it, but I know it will get uglier and I can't have that. I am too scared.

He has won throughout this whole thing. He is happier without me, better off without me, loves another woman, may or may not be having a child, etc. etc. He isn't sad about losing me and says he never loved me. I am the one who is lost without him. So...I lose money out of the situation too. Whatever, I guess I am willing to take that blow because to me...it's just not worth it to fight. I may regret it, but I am too scared to fight right now.

If the letter has already been sent...I guess there is nothing I can do...if he didn't send it yet...it wasn't meant to be.

I don't know. I feel like I am laying down and letting him walk all over me, btu I also don't care right now. I would rather walk away from this with what's left of my dignity and as the better person. I am stupid huh?

I know what you mean about being co-dependent too. I am single now for the first time in AGES and even though I need to be, it feels so weird. I really look for the approval and security other people can provide. I am trying to get over that and realize that I alone am enough...but it's hard.

[sIZE=2][/sIZE]

[Confused9]

I was just doing a piece on codependent patterns so it makes perfect sense .

What are you planning to do to change your patterns, and when are you planning to start?

 

When I said "the best for all", I was talking in a 'bigger picture' way -- his Karma will take care of him; and yours will take care of you.

 

 

 

For one I am going to go to codependency meetings. That's a start. I at least realize my problem and maybe I will be able to stop some of my behaviour?

 

I am scared for my new life. It seems so meaningless without him and after the way he treated me I feel worthless.

 

I don't think I will pursue him in court, either. I am too scared. UGH!

[brothermartin]

hey BM, i'm not sure I like your tone here. Are you insinuating that because I have been forthcoming with my x about the damage that he has done and continues to do to me and my kids that I am somehow lacking in character? Malarkey! Why shoudn't they know? He brought my fury and despair on himself. He didn't marry and have children with a girl with a friggin' stiff upper lip. And anyway, like I said, no matter what I say he writes it all off anyway or at least resents me for pointing out that he's a narcissistic jerk. After what he did to me, if he is struggling with his conscience because of something I said to him, then GOOD. Someone needs to spell it out for him obviously. One day I'll be over this and hopefully I will then be able to treat this horrible experience with benign indifference but until then, he's just going to have to ride this bull**** out with me.

 

You said it yourself, it dose him or you no good and changes nothing. But because you have children with him I can see why you have to keep in contact. But constantly throwing it in his face only keeps you angry and thats not good for you. So what if he is struggling with what he did to you? What dose that do for you? Every time you bust on him, you get some sense of satisfaction, that you got a little revenge off your chest, right? But after that, what's different? Dose it make your situation with him any better? Being forthcoming is one thing. Being vindictive is another.