Married in one week...fiance pushing me away

[overanalytical]

my fiance and i are leaving saturday for a destination wedding...things have taken a turn for hte worse though...i don't know what is going on.

 

my fiance basically freaked out last night and we got in a huge fight over petty things but it just got more and more loud and he left to get some time to himself. well i cried myself to sleep. why is this going on? does he nto want to get married?? is this a sign? waht do i do??

 

i've talked to him today and he's been up and down, one second he's sweet and the next he's not wanting to even go to our destination wedding!! wtf.

 

a little background, is he's been out of a job for 5 months and i htink maybe going into a marriage and not being teh 'bread winner' or helping contribute could be really affecting him. he gets monthly unemployement due to the company laying him off so money is okay, not great but it's there.

 

what do i do?? i've tried to talk to him. he says he's just so frustrated at everything and needs to get things out nad this is how he deals.

 

is it a sign or does he need me or is he doing this to push me away??

[Ronni_W]

Could just be pre-wedding jitters combined with his employment situation. It happens to the best of us, and it does blow over.

 

 

Neither of you is coping with the stress very well at all (you're feeling all queasy and questioning the foundation of your relationship even though you ought to know by now how he deals with his frustrations; and he's acting insensitively and a bit like a big baby. Like I said, tho, that isn't terribly unusual the week before.)

 

But learning effective communication and stress management skills are things that you two can have lots of fun working on together during your marriage.

 

I do hope that things will smooth out from here, and you'll both have a fabulous wedding and honeymoon. Congratulations - may you be happy together the rest of your lives!!!

[overanalytical]

thanks...i thought this could happen...but when it is happening now i'm scared. is this a sign that he doesn't want to or we won't work out/? or is it just normal something that is helping us grow even more?? i'm so confused. all i want is him to be happy and us to grow old together. he means the world to me. what do i do? leave him alone??

[Ronni_W]

all i want is him to be happy

May I encourage you to make YOUR happiness a priority? At least something like "all I want is BOTH of us to be happy"

 

I really can't tell you what to do, only what I would do (or, at least, what I'd like to do in the same circumstance.)

 

Start off by acknowledging his need to be alone. Admit that you are feeling a little stressed out too -- that'll put both of you in the same place without talking specifically about his feelings or your deeper fears. (Anyway, he'll tell you fast enough if it's not just "normal" pre-wedding stress.)

 

If he goes, "yeah" and gives you a hug, suggest that you go for a 10-minute walk or for coffee or something, "so WE can relax and just be together."

 

If he indicates something deeper is going on with him, tell him the truth: you don't want to add to his stress but right now the state of your relationship is concerning you and you do need some reassurance -- ask if you need to be worried of if you can go and continue packing your honeymoon bikini .

 

And just take it from there. The point is that you MUST express your concerns and give him a chance to explain what's going on. Do NOT create a crisis where none exists; do NOT freak yourself out just because your thoughts are working overtime right now.

 

You KNOW this guy -- how does he normally deal with stress??? If he normally withdraws (and whatever else he's doing right now) then it is NORMAL -- it is always going to be like this until you both decide to do something different about it.