mikeraw Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 There's this girl in Austin, TX that to me is complete perfection. We've hooked up plenty of times before, sex and all, but not on a consistent basis. This past weekend I saw her and she was happy to see me, we hooked up but I was completely tired and getting over a cold (selfish of me to have kissed her, I know, but I wasn't exactly sober, either). Since I wasn't in top form both physically and mentally, I didn't really engage her in conversation or charm her the way I usually do. We usually make plans for lunch for Sundays when I'm there, but since I live in Houston, TX and I wasn't driving this time, my friend and I went back to Houston early. It's happened before that we don't end up meeting for lunch for a variety of reasons, so this past Sunday when she didn't answer, I didn't particularly mind. Figured she was still asleep because she had been drinking a lot the night before. Anyways, I found out that that Saturday night she kissed some guy with heavy petting. Of course I'm upset about it, but I'm no saint either and I don't even live in her city, so there's little I can do. But I'm still upset about it and want to talk to her about it because as I mentioned above, to me, she's complete perfection. I know I'll feel stupid about this in a few days when I snap out of the amorous daze of having seen and kissed her again, but should I call her to confront her about her behavior? I know she's human and we all make mistakes and there's nothing serious going on between us, but if I were to have a girlfriend, I'd pick her over anyone. I guess I'm just realizing that what if she starts seeing this guy? That'll piss me off and I don't wanna "lose" her. I don't want to sound desperate, but I'll probably end up calling her like a retard, so any tips? I'll be on a cruise ship for the next few days, but I think I can go visit her the weekend of JAN 25. I appreciate any advice in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
RichC Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 She is not your girlfriend she is under no obligation to treat you as a boyfriend. Did you make your intentions known? And even if you did it sounds like she may see you as an option where you see her as a necessity. Bad combination. Have you even started courting her yet? Link to post Share on other sites
SeraBella Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 Unless you're going to commit to her and be more than hookup, you have no right to say anything. I understand that you can be upset about it, but why should she avoid other men because she hooks up with you once in a while? All you seem to offer her (gathering this from your post) is attention when you're in town. If this upset you that much, maybe you should reevaluate things with her and discuss a relationship. Other than that, don't be an ass. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mikeraw Posted January 14, 2008 Author Share Posted January 14, 2008 SeraBella, I think that since this upset me this much, I would be open to commiting to a relationship. I did some thinking over lunch and I don't think I should even call her because then I'll look needy, desperate, etc... but I do want to breach the subject of a potential relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mikeraw Posted January 14, 2008 Author Share Posted January 14, 2008 Oh, and I am drawing a blank on how to even confront her about her actions since how would I know? I found out by pure coincidence... and what do I tell her over the phone? That I love her? I'm hoping to snap out of this soon so that I don't push her away. Link to post Share on other sites
Leoni Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t130858/ Going back on a past thread of yours, it appears this might be a pattern of behaviour of not appreciating a woman until she's gone or possibly on her way out. If this current woman agrees to an exclusive relationship, will this devalue her in your eyes again? Link to post Share on other sites
SeraBella Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 Mike, if you're sincere, I don't think that you'll look needy or desperate. If you're doing this simply because you don't want her to be with someone else, that's wrong, but if it's because you truly care for her and want more, then why play games with it? Do you think she's interested in a relationship? Has she expressed anything along those lines? Is there a possibility that you're just a guy on the side for her and not something that could be more? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mikeraw Posted January 14, 2008 Author Share Posted January 14, 2008 This definitely appears to be a pattern with me. Maybe my ego is bruised. But I want her for a serious relationship and have thought about this for months. In fact, Leoni, the post that you pulled from a few months ago deals with a girl that overlaps with this one precisely because I liked them both as people so much. In that time I was torn between to women that I loved and I chose the local girl out of convenience (redhead nurse). Had I known that she was dating others then I would've never fallen for her. I am currently dating several other girls including a scorching hot stripper and I would leave them all for this Austin chick. But doing something so drastic can be interpreted as being needy by the other girl, and even though I will never tell her about the decision to stop seeing other girls, I've always believed that women are smarter and more perceptive than men, and she would definitely smell by commitment to her. So, assuming that I'm 100% determined to be a good person to this Austin chick, and 100% sincere and that I have the most honorable intentions in the most chivalrious manner possible, can anyone out there advice me on what to tell her if I do call her to confront the issue of her behavior? Link to post Share on other sites
Leoni Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 (edited) You cannot have issues with this: Anyways, I found out that that Saturday night she kissed some guy with heavy petting. Of course I'm upset about it, but I'm no saint either and I don't even live in her city, so there's little I can do. If you're doing this: I am currently dating several other girls including a scorching hot stripper and I would leave them all for this Austin chick. If you're prepared to become exclusive with her, you can discuss it with her and see if she agrees to the same. It's about as much as you can do without becoming a hypocrite. The only problem I see, in an exclusive relationship, is that you're not addressing your underlying issues, therefore, are potentially recreating another dysfunctional relationship. Edited January 14, 2008 by Leoni Link to post Share on other sites
Author mikeraw Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 She didn't answer. How likely is the possibility that she is avoiding me out of shame? For fear that I will chew her out? Regardless... e-mail time. Link to post Share on other sites
SeraBella Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 uhhhh...maybe she's busy? I miss a lot of calls, and I would assume most other people do, as well. Link to post Share on other sites
mylovegrowsdeeper Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 .................... Link to post Share on other sites
Author mikeraw Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 I miss a lot of calls, too. But I don't believe in coincidences like this one, especially not with a positive track record leading up to our latest encounter. Something changed this SAT night... maybe it was the fact that I asked her not to come with me to the next club, maybe she feels guilty over having kissed this guy, maybe she just doesn't want to deal with me in any way, shape or form... at this point, I'm assuming the worst. Since she won't answer my calls, I'm opting for writing an email. I charged people to write their essays in high school and the university. It's jsut that I don't know what to say. On a different note, I've noticed that the number of nay-sayers in this forum vastly outnumber the positive members. No one here is a saint and no one here is a complete failure at relationships. I'm a guy. I'm stupid. I don't know how to successfully remedy my situation. That's why I'm here. Thanks in advance, Mikeraw Link to post Share on other sites
SeraBella Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 You will have that in almost all forums. You can't take it to heart if you're posting in a free, public arena. And if you only want positive feedback, you're fooling yourself. I'll be the first to say I'm not a saint, but I am female, and I am giving you my honest opinion of how I react, and how females I know react. You also have to keep in mind that we don't know the whole story. We only know as much as you've told us. If you're honest, and sincere about wanting a relationship with her, apologize for what you've done wrong and tell her you'd like more. It's not needy or desperate. It's the truth. There comes a time when you need to stop playing games. If the girl is into you, she doesn't want you to play games with her. You can tell her how you feel without sounding needy. You really have no right to confront her about what she did, though. I don't even think you should bring it up. She was under no obligation to you, and it sounds like you acted as if you didn't want to spend the rest of the evening with her. Of course she felt rejected...just like you feel rejected now. I think you need to just drop that point. How did you find out about it, anyway? If I was in her position, I wouldn't feel guilty about kissing another guy. But if you were rude to me, I would probably be mad, but would give you another chance if it was the first time. If you've repeatedly been rude to her, well, you really don't deserve her and you should move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 How far away is Houston from Austin ? I think if you want more you need to tell her. She is no mind reader. The fact that you are seeing a hot stripper ( and that alone makes me wonder how you value women ) and another girl ..Can you honestly settle for just being with one woman ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mikeraw Posted January 17, 2008 Author Share Posted January 17, 2008 Mary3, Austin is 2 hrs from Houston. If I could somehow set up a meeting with her, then I would go, even if for a couple of hours. I don't mind driving that distance for her. The thing is that she just won't answer my calls, nor my txt messages, nor my instant messages. I haven't done anything wrong, at all. She's just acting weird. I know she's getting these messages because a friend of hers told me that she's there next to her sometimes when I try to contact her. Her friend is another story, but knowing people on this forum, I won't even go into details. Suffice to say her friend knows that I like this girl. I told this mutual friend that I think she didn't answer because I thought she was hungover, to which the mutual friend replied that she heard that so was I, so right there I told her, "no, I was sick. I just went out that night to greet Girly". I hope she passed that message on. I hate playing these high school communication games. My IRL friends have adviced me to hold off on witing an email until early FEB since I made 4 attempts to contact her in two days. I'll be uncreachable until next weekend, but I'll write her on FRI, JAN 25. And another point. Why would I want something serious and still mess with other chicks? If I just wanted to keep casually hooking up with Girly then I wouldn't be stressing over this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 I'm sorry to say this but 4 attempts and she is not returning any of the messages... this likely means she is not interested. Unless she is in a coma at the hospital then you need to back away from this. Go on with your life and find a nice girl that does return your calls. This same advice applies to women who are not getting phone calls or any form of communication from men they are interested in..... Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Maybe like attracts like? In other words, you reap what you sow. Link to post Share on other sites
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