underpants Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 Maybe it stems from the same logic that prevents men from asking for directions? Link to post Share on other sites
Leoni Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 Well I can't say it is getting to me but it amazes me that it could have been so simple and yet he has made it so huge just by his inability to communicate! Its so amazing he has got to his age and not learned how to communicate in conflict! You have passive tactics, aggressive tactics and assertive tactics. We're all built differently. When conflict arises, it's a good way to gauge personality types and compatibility by how they react to these conflicts. If you're a conflict-comfortable person, a passive or passive-aggressive tactic will infuriate you. If you're a passive or passive-aggressive person, you'd rather avoid discussion with someone who's conflict-comfortable so you retain full control of the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
brothermartin Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 So guys if you did something wrong and your girlfriend ended it with you and you knew it was wrong, would you not say sorry? If not then why not? Maybe I will get to the bottom of it I apologized time after time to my ex for not being as great with my money and my bank account as she was or wanted me to be. Time after time I apologized for not being able to understand why she took it so personally. She dumped me, insulted me and my friend, and destroyed my self worth. And she has never apologized for any of it. ANY OF IT! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted January 14, 2008 Author Share Posted January 14, 2008 Yeah he is passive I think and I am comfortable with conflict and conversing about problems Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted January 14, 2008 Author Share Posted January 14, 2008 I am not saying ONLY men do this I am just asking WHY men do this - We do not need stats and percentages of men versus women I know women do it too but we are talking about men here lol Link to post Share on other sites
ninjaturtles Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 I apologized time after time to my ex for not being as great with my money and my bank account as she was or wanted me to be. Time after time I apologized for not being able to understand why she took it so personally. She dumped me, insulted me and my friend, and destroyed my self worth. And she has never apologized for any of it. ANY OF IT! Same here. Infact, I didnt actually do anything wrong per say, I just wanted to work things out. I apologised times without number! I have no difficulty in apologising..yet alone when I am in the wrong. Anyway, as usual, he took my passiveness for granted and my apologies did not make a difference. Have you considered asking him why he refuses to apologise? Since you speak etc. Why not ask him subtly? Just a suggestion. Link to post Share on other sites
Leoni Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Yeah he is passive I think and I am comfortable with conflict and conversing about problems You're solutions-oriented, he's conflict-adverse. Can you see how this plays out? The more you push him, the more he pulls away by acting out in different ways. The harder he pulls away or acts out, the more you push him or hang onto him. It's not a healthy dynamic Lishy. Maybe you need someone who can address small issues as they arise, gain resolution so they don't escalate as with someone who's conflict-adverse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 Oh Leoni I totally agree - I am not getting back with him as I dont need the drama, it is tiring! I was just amazed that he lacks such simple skills! Link to post Share on other sites
Leoni Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Skill is subjective. Two passive people might just avoid their way to a successful relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
alterego1234 Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 So guys if you did something wrong and your girlfriend ended it with you and you knew it was wrong, would you not say sorry? If not then why not? Maybe I will get to the bottom of it If I had the opportunity to, yes. My ex divorced me and I apologized to her for what I felt I had done wrong. She has yet to apologize since the divorce. But then, she has only apologized twice to me in the past 16 years. When I asked a friend-girl about why my ex hadn't apologized, one suggestion my f-g had was that my ex didn't want to look weak and/or wishy-washy and give me false hope that the relationship was on the mend. But that explanation doesn't really fly in your case if the guy is calling you. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Lishy, maybe he doesn't apologize because he genuinely doesn't think he's wrong on certain points that he knows you do think he's wrong about. So maybe your question to him should be, WHY doesn't he think he's wrong about those points. That's where I'd start that conversation. If you're even of a mind to have a conversation with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 Touche I have a feeling there is truth to what you say! However, I dont want him back, he had his chance and blew it. I am done with men for a long time. I would rather be single than walked all over. I would hate to be that type of girl to be honest! Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Touche I have a feeling there is truth to what you say! However, I dont want him back, he had his chance and blew it. I am done with men for a long time. I would rather be single than walked all over. I would hate to be that type of girl to be honest! Well, I can certainly understand that. But I don't know. If it were me, I guess I'd still want to know why he thinks he's not wrong about certain things. It would give you a lot of insight into how he thinks. Link to post Share on other sites
brothermartin Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Same here. Infact, I didnt actually do anything wrong per say, I just wanted to work things out. I apologised times without number! I have no difficulty in apologising..yet alone when I am in the wrong. Anyway, as usual, he took my passiveness for granted and my apologies did not make a difference. Have you considered asking him why he refuses to apologise? Since you speak etc. Why not ask him subtly? Just a suggestion. SHE and I don't speak anymore. We haven't spoken to each other since September last year. And even if I tried, she wouldn't give me an answer. That would be an admission of guilt for wrong doing, and SHE is incapable of being wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
HarryR Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Women have this problem just as bad if not worse than men do. Yes, its the immature that will not accept it Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 (edited) First of all, I offer up my mother as a shining example of a woman who can't apologize. My ex-husband is way better at apologizing than my mother. Consequently, I trust him more. Secondly, you can't imagine not saying sorry when you are because you are an adult with manners. Simple as that. But some people weren't raised as well as we were!! Edited January 15, 2008 by sedgwick Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 I don't know this guy but there is a chance that he doesn't believe he did anything wrong. I know I only apologize if I truly feel I have done wrong. I was wrong for the situation with my wife and neighbor and I apologized but I will never apologize if a woman is mad at me and I don't know why like I did in my first marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Leoni Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 What good is saying you're sorry if you don't mean it? It might as well be ashes, getting a non-heartfelt apology. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 Yes so true! Maybe he truly does not think he was wrong. BUt to be honest for him to not think he was wrong when he did something that when I did it (and apologised) he was so annoyed as I was so wrong! Double standards! It does not work for me Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Hi, So guys if you did something wrong and your girlfriend ended it with you and you knew it was wrong, would you not say sorry? If not then why not? Maybe I will get to the bottom of it Well, personally, I find you hypercritical. I'd imagine that guy would have a hard time doing anything right. I'd think that if he starts apologizing it'd be no shorter than a litany. Yes, guys do apologize, but when they are being treated fairly. You expect things to be done your way or the highway, otherwise they are wrong, and should be sorry for it. Eventually you get some rebellious reaction, like you did with the Hilton ordeal, similar to the reaction that you'd get from a teenager when you push them. Maybe some mature older man would know better how to handle you, Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 I guess the problem is that he NEVER says sorry - How you can expect to sort anything out when you NEVER admit you are in the wrong even when you so blatantly are? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 I don't know this guy but there is a chance that he doesn't believe he did anything wrong. I know I only apologize if I truly feel I have done wrong. I was wrong for the situation with my wife and neighbor and I apologized but I will never apologize if a woman is mad at me and I don't know why like I did in my first marriage. I agree and I would not say sorry unless I was, I would never apologise if I was not sorry or did not think I was at fault. The thing is Woggle, that he knows exactly what I am upset over and he also knows he was very wrong but yet will not admit it! It makes no difference to me now as we are done but it just made me wonder how people can be like that! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 I don't know the whole situation but maybe he sees why you are mad but still doesn't feel he was wrong. I am not saying I agree with him but that might be where he is coming from. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 Yeah I think you could be right there babe Men eh ... Can't live with em, Can't shoot em! lolol Link to post Share on other sites
cj1988 Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 I totally understand this thread....My H never said he was sorry. After I confronted him with the tape and it is PROOF he was wrong, he just sat there....did not say a word and stared off into space. I went on and on telling him how gross and disgusting the tape was and how he should NOT be talking that way to anyone other than me.....3 days later after he was able to get the STORY straight with the OW, not only did he not say he was sorry, he justified it all and DID NOTHING WORNG and I became the bad guy......how about that s--- ! Link to post Share on other sites
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