Woggle Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 I hate to bring up the women do it too thing but I never once got an apology from my ex either. I caught her in bed with the other guy's man fluids on her shirt and she still blamed me for everything. From what I hear she still blames me for the shooting as well so don't act like this is specific to one gender. Link to post Share on other sites
cj1988 Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Woogle, I will tell you I AM SORRY and I feel your pain ! How can they blame us, what a crock of s--- ! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Woogle, I will tell you I AM SORRY and I feel your pain ! How can they blame us, what a crock of s--- ! Some people have no accountability for their actions and go through life blaming everybody else. Link to post Share on other sites
cj1988 Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 That would be H to a "T" ....everything is my fault....he has been unhappy for 12 years because of me....not his drug and alcohol addiction or his lousy friends and family, but me. The ONE person that has been here no matter what.....drunk nights, stinky feet and all ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 Oh Wogs and CJ THAT is exactly what I was trying to get at with this thread! The inability to say sorry when you are 100% in the wrong! Men and women do it, of course, it is not gender specific, the thread started getting a bit men v women and that was not the case. How can anyone just sit there silent when they know they are wrong? Surely the wronged person deserves an apology? If I am wron I always say sorry as I am sorry that I hurt another person! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 CJ that is what my ex does when he is confronted with something that makes him wrong, he stays silent and when he is not 100% wrong he turns it on me and makes it all my fault! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 In a sick way I am almost glad the shooting happened because my ex showed her true colors. After her making me out to be some sort of monster that did everything wrong she proved what a psycho she is. It sort of vindicated me. The sad thing is that I spent a good part of the marriage apolgizing to her. Link to post Share on other sites
cj1988 Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Lishy, I know that all to well and to go even further....I will say, you know you owe me an apology...he will say, yes, but you are not getting it......you see, to me that is about pride, manipulation and worst off emotional abuse. I, like you ALWAYS tell someone I am sorry if I am WRONG including him....he is just a narcisst idiot that holds himself higher than me so he feels no need to validate my hurt with an apology..... Like someone said on another thread that gets to the root if your question....This includes an apology,they do not care enough to make you feel better..... When he percieves your value to be low... you can no longer validate him nor will he vaildate you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 I would never expect him to say sorry just to make me feel better. What I do not understand is that he knows he is in the wrong and wont apologise. It's almost as if, if he apolgises he admits to being wrong, but it was no secret that he was in the wrong to start with! Does that make sense? lol Link to post Share on other sites
climbergirl Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Lishy, I know that all to well and to go even further....I will say, you know you owe me an apology...he will say, yes, but you are not getting it......you see, to me that is about pride, manipulation and worst off emotional abuse. I, like you ALWAYS tell someone I am sorry if I am WRONG including him....he is just a narcisst idiot that holds himself higher than me so he feels no need to validate my hurt with an apology..... Like someone said on another thread that gets to the root if your question....This includes an apology,they do not care enough to make you feel better..... When he percieves your value to be low... you can no longer validate him nor will he vaildate you. Agreed. Also, isn't an apology like a promissory note that a person will modify or change behavior? Perhaps they refuse to apologize because they have no intentions/motivation of doing so. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Agreed. Also, isn't an apology like a promissory note that a person will modify or change behavior? Perhaps they refuse to apologize because they have no intentions/motivation of doing so. Very good point. In acknowledging one's own wrongdoings, there would then be an expectation of behavior modification. Some people are just not willing to do that. They want to go through their lives just doing whatever they damn well please. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 Well he can do that, but he will be doing it without me! I am very easy going to be in a relationship with and I ask for nothing as I provide everything I need for myself. One thing I request is respect, thats it, respect! It is not much to ask for is it? I respect every one in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 Okay, I was thinking about this question tonight. I was raised in a family that totally did not know how to deal with conflict. My dad would blow up and my mom would go silent and avoid the subject. I had absolutely no examples of positive ways to deal with disagreements. As a result, I f*cked up my share of adult relationships -- not just romantic, but friendships as well. I had to make a conscious effort to learn how to resolve conflicts and deal with anger. I mean, like, years of therapy. <-- new yorker So that was my issue. Conflict resolution skills were the big thing that stood between me and mature relationships. I admitted that and made an effort to learn, and it wasn't easy. It took a good therapist and a lot of work. And it was scary, and a lot of people just aren't willing to face what they're afraid of. If you're not willing to face what you're afraid of, you can't grow as a human being. I really think it's as simple as that. Until you face that fear, you're just going to keep hurting other people in your efforts to avoid it. As long as you can make it all about someone else, you can keep telling yourself you've got your sh*t together. You don't have to apologize if you make it all their fault. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 Real men don't say sorry! Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 Real men don't say sorry! Unless they are at fault. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 Unless they are at fault. I'll say it again, Real men don't apologize Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 (edited) I'll say it again, Real men don't apologize and I will say it again: real men don't apologize unless they are at fault. A real man is not stubborn. (that stubborn) Edited January 16, 2008 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 and I will say it again: real men don't apologize unless they are at fault. A real man is not stubborn. (that stubborn) Men like to subtract, women like to add Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 Men like to subtract, women like to add Care to elaborate on this one? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted January 16, 2008 Author Share Posted January 16, 2008 Care to elaborate on this one? Rid, he has to go ask a real man, he will be back soon to elaborate for you Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted January 16, 2008 Author Share Posted January 16, 2008 Sedge ... You made a great point and thinking about it my ex's family are like that - All of his borthers do the same thing, his mum is really dominannt and his dad is passive so they have grown up watching the mum rule the house. Could that be something to do with it? Or is he just still an immature prick? lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted January 16, 2008 Author Share Posted January 16, 2008 I just saw my ex walking down the road as I was driving, we just waved at each other! It has made me feel very sad and strange! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 I get the feeling you still have some feelings for this guy or else you wouldn't keep posting about him. Not saying you would go back but I can tell you haven't completely gotten him out of your system. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted January 16, 2008 Author Share Posted January 16, 2008 Oh Woggle I love this man! I have just dealt with the same problems for too long now so I have come to the conclusion that enough is enough I have made a choice to end it with him for my own sanity and because I can not do a thing to change it! If I thought it would change I would jump at giving him another chance. I have learned that you cannot change someone else, it has to come from that person alone! They can make an effort for a while but they will always be the same when the s*it hits the fan! But even though I am at peace with the fact that we have split, I can't help but feel sorry that he was not willing to make this work. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 He probably looks at it as you giving up on the relationship. Not saying he is right but his view of things and your view of things are drastically different. Link to post Share on other sites
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