New Relationship??

[Stan]

Any advice would be appreciated (QUICKLY). It's easiest to do this chronologicaly:

 

October - broke up with girlfriend of 5 years.

 

January 20(ish) - (re)meet girl (Brenda) I was friends with in college (6 years ago). Immediate connection - LOTS of laughs. She tells me she's only 3-4 weeks out of 6 month relationship

 

January 21 - Feb 5 - go out with Brenda 4-5 times. We've been having a great time, really hitting it off. It's very obvious that she feels the same way. (I get worried that she's actually calling me too often - too serious too quickly).

 

Last night - after talking to her over the weekend, last night Brenda tells me, "Blah, blah, blah - you're great, I've been having so much fun . . . I want to be honest, I have been talking to my ex. I still want to see you but want to be honest . . ."

 

So there is is! I know that Brenda and I have some 'connection' that I haven't felt in a LONG time. DO I fight for her? I laid all my feelings out on the table for her. I know that she's VERY interested in me, but it seems very easy to back away and protect myself. I think I should probably give her some space and let her resolve her issues on her own, but I also do like her a lot and wonder whether I should put in some effort!!!!!!!

 

Any advice?!

[Guest]

I feel for your dilemma. Having just gone through a silmilar situation myself, I can spare you a lot of heartache by advising you to keep away from this woman as she has unresolved feelings for her ex. You need to be strong and realize that you have not known this woman for a long time and that she may need some time to sort things out emotionally. You do not want to be the other guy and get seriously involved with her only to have her leave you and get back to her ex in a few months , do you ? Trust me , a little time, distance and maybe the realization to procede with caution are in the best interests of everybody involved... You may tell her this as well. Good luck and hang tough.

 

 

Steve

[Stan]

Thanx for the response. It's actually funny b/c after I posted my situation, I scrolled down and read about your issues and was amazed at the similarities. Though, unfortunately for you, your situation played out longer. I think you've given me good advice, and I'm sure it's advice that has taken you a while to come to terms with (if at all).

 

Good luck to you . . . and here's to our next date (with different women - smile)!!

[Been There]

Yeah I just had to second what Steve said -- right on the money. I went through it too about four months ago when I got very close with a woman who still had "unresolved" issues with her ex. Bottom line is that her heart wasn't yet ready for a commitment because it was still healing from someone else, and it was VERY hard to develop trust with a woman who is still struggling with feelings about another guy. So even if your friend here does decide to stay away from her ex, just remember that part of the time you're with her she'll be "getting over" her ex and probably (although unintentionally) comparing the two of you. It's a lousy place to be and I'll never go there again. We all deserve more than that. Good luck.

Thanx for the response. It's actually funny b/c after I posted my situation, I scrolled down and read about your issues and was amazed at the similarities. Though, unfortunately for you, your situation played out longer. I think you've given me good advice, and I'm sure it's advice that has taken you a while to come to terms with (if at all). Good luck to you . . . and here's to our next date (with different women - smile)!!

[been there too.... but in the girl's shoes!]

Any advice would be appreciated (QUICKLY). It's easiest to do this chronologicaly: October - broke up with girlfriend of 5 years.

 

January 20(ish) - (re)meet girl (Brenda) I was friends with in college (6 years ago). Immediate connection - LOTS of laughs. She tells me she's only 3-4 weeks out of 6 month relationship January 21 - Feb 5 - go out with Brenda 4-5 times. We've been having a great time, really hitting it off. It's very obvious that she feels the same way. (I get worried that she's actually calling me too often - too serious too quickly).

 

Last night - after talking to her over the weekend, last night Brenda tells me, "Blah, blah, blah - you're great, I've been having so much fun . . . I want to be honest, I have been talking to my ex. I still want to see you but want to be honest . . ." So there is is! I know that Brenda and I have some 'connection' that I haven't felt in a LONG time. DO I fight for her? I laid all my feelings out on the table for her. I know that she's VERY interested in me, but it seems very easy to back away and protect myself. I think I should probably give her some space and let her resolve her issues on her own, but I also do like her a lot and wonder whether I should put in some effort!!!!!!! Any advice?!

I was in the shoes of the girl you are talking about and let me tell you... the person i met after my relationship opened my eyes to how much is really out there. I told him the same things she is telling you. I didnt want to hold the responsibilty of him saying I "led him on" if things didnt work out. I knew I had feelings for him, but was feeling so confused. I took some time, permanently exited my old relationship and put my head back on straight. Luckily for me he was still ready to be with me. I was so impressed that he would not give up on me. And not in an annoying way. He told me that he only wanted to see me happy even if my choice did not benefit him. But, he also told me no one would love me the way he would and I realized how true that was!...... good luck!

[Shirley]

Any advice would be appreciated (QUICKLY). It's easiest to do this chronologicaly: October - broke up with girlfriend of 5 years.

 

January 20(ish) - (re)meet girl (Brenda) I was friends with in college (6 years ago). Immediate connection - LOTS of laughs. She tells me she's only 3-4 weeks out of 6 month relationship January 21 - Feb 5 - go out with Brenda 4-5 times. We've been having a great time, really hitting it off. It's very obvious that she feels the same way. (I get worried that she's actually calling me too often - too serious too quickly).

 

Last night - after talking to her over the weekend, last night Brenda tells me, "Blah, blah, blah - you're great, I've been having so much fun . . . I want to be honest, I have been talking to my ex. I still want to see you but want to be honest . . ." So there is is! I know that Brenda and I have some 'connection' that I haven't felt in a LONG time. DO I fight for her? I laid all my feelings out on the table for her. I know that she's VERY interested in me, but it seems very easy to back away and protect myself. I think I should probably give her some space and let her resolve her issues on her own, but I also do like her a lot and wonder whether I should put in some effort!!!!!!! Any advice?!

 

Hi!

 

You can't "fight" for anyone's love. And what do you mean, "Should I put in some effort?" Date her if you want to, and have fun with her, but don't do it just to try to win her over. It's not a game where the best man wins. She will love who she loves. Nothing you can do will make her love you any more than she does. Love is a feeling, it's not something that can be learned. It just happens.