HEEELP!!!!!!

[Charlie Digital]

Hey, I'm new here. I was just wondering if you could help me with my situation. My ex fiancee broke up with me almost a couple years ago. We had been together for 4 1/2, we also have a child together. I think I understand why she axed me, it's probably because of my anxiety problems. But so anyway, she's dated one guy since we've been broken up, and I haven't dated any girls. My thing is, I know we didn't really get along, but I think I know the reasons why, and I'm diligently working on them. We have a 4 year old son together, and it's just, I feel guilty, but I also have love for her still. I just feel like she gave up on it too easily. I don't want my son growing up with different "dads" and all that, I wan't him to have a father that's there for him and who's also married to his mother. We're both young (im 22, she's 21) but that doesn't change the descision we made.

 

p.s. anyone can reply to this, I need all the help I can get.

[Tony T]

This is something you have absolutely no control over. That may be part of the root of your anxiety problems, the need for control.

 

A person your age with anxiety problems needs to get help immediately. Life is way too short. Learn meditation, self hypnosis and do whatever you can do to change your thinking and relax without taking medication. Find a counsellor who can teach you appropriate ways to responds to life's difficulties and your own fears and frustrations. You only live one time and if you are anxious enough to have a partner walk out on you, you've got problems serious enough for immediate attention.

 

Some of the problems may stem from your childhood and other components may be genetic. If you desire, you can overcome both with good medical help.

 

You need to respect your ex's rights and leave her alone. Have contact for the benefit of the child. But why in heaven's name would you want somebody in your life who can't accept you the way you are. You have anxiety problems and you need someone who is kind, understanding and willing to accept those and work around them. You don't need somebody who is going to be adding to your stress and making your days more weary and problematic.

 

You've got a LOT of work to do on yourself. I hope you will think about spending some time improving yourself, healing yourself and making your own personal life easier and less time on trying to bring people back in your life who are going to add to your stress.

 

Perhaps in time this lady will see an improvement in you and your personality and once again have a desire for your company. Meanwhile, don't feel a rejection. Use this as motivation to begin a new life, free of stress and anxiety. It's very likely that once you are on your road to healing and you straighten out the thought process that causes you to be uptight, you will no longer desire the company of this lady. We always tend to draw people into our lives to teach us lessons and I think her job will soon be over. Just stay close to your child.

 

I know this hurts real bad but you are young and you've got to get on the right track now.

[NEONINK]

You son doesn't have to have different Dad's. As long as you stay in a nearby city. Get your legal rights as a Dad. Son's need their fathers and Father need their children as much as mothers do. Now, he may have a stepdad one day, but he'll only have ONE FATHER. That is, if you follow the job description of father.

 

The reason kids are so great. They don't divorce us. They will always love us, if we deserve and earn that love. They don't just go out and pick out a New Father one day because you were a jerk on the phone. They stick it out. Their kids!

 

Love your son, even if his mother doesn't love you anymore. And one day after giving so much love to your son, and working on your own problems, love will find you again.

 

We get what we give.