Looking for some

[LostinLifetoo]

I just want to say Hi first. I have been reading the forums here for about a year or so now and lost my original login (though I only posted once before).

 

Anyway I am looking for a little advice. A little background on the situation at hand...

 

My gf and I have been together for over 9 years. We have a child together. She just moved in about 5 months ago. We have had ups and downs, like most relationships over the years. She had a serious problem with flirting with people on online games. We've broke up around 5 or 6 times over the years, but it was more like 'a break from each other' and we agreed not to see anyone else. These were mostly when the relationship started, or the next year or two. After our daughter was born we 'took a break' only once. What I didn't know was her ex bf came into the picture. I had an idea, and eventually our child is the one who told me about "mommy's bf". She said she seen him once, and nothing happened. Just gave him a hug. Something didn't feel right about it. My daughter said they "left her on the couch all night and forgot to get her when they went to bed" She denied that and said that our daughter was lying, or "dreaming". I again ignored it. This was about 6 months after it actually happened. That was in 2005 that it happened. Our daughter told me about this in May of 2006. (She was only 4 4 at that time). I found out she was flirting with various people online on a game we played, and constantly had people calling her from there after she promised she wouldn't give out her phone number with all of the psycho's out there. I had a feeling she was doing it, and my feelings were right again. Next is when our daughter was in Kindergarten. She was spending a LOT of time over our daughters school friends apartment. A lot more than she should. I started getting bad feelings again, and told her to watch out for this guy, from the things she was telling me. To cut to the chase, I found out one night that she was sleeping with him. "It only happened like 3 or 4 times." In my book that's 3 or 4 times that it shouldn't have. I finally snapped and really thought I had lost my mind at that point. (Insert a little backstory as to why here....) From Dec 2005 - Jan 07 I lost my entire family that I had. My last uncle and my last aunt, both of my parents, and my dads daughter filed a law suit on me trying to take my home. It was a very stressful time. In March 07 is when it happened with my gf and him. She said she was sorry, never denied it. A few days later, and many many beers later, I talked to her on the phone and told her I wanted the whole truth. She told me she slept with her ex as well back in 05 and at the time "She didn't know what she wanted". She told me that in 07 as well, and that she "was scared to move out of her dads house" and "felt like she was trapped" but she appologized over and over and said she knows it wasn't the right thing to do. After talking a little more, even though I couldn't even look at her without wanting to throw up, I agreed to take her back if she would go into counceling, quit smoking (which she promised me in 06 when I had just lost my aunt and my mom 2 weeks apart from each other from lung cancer), and answered what I needed to know. It broke my heart because my daughter wanted to move in and have all of us together FINALLY. I have been trying to get her to move in with me for about 8 years, and finally she was going to move in. That was until she slept with these other people. She also told me she had kissed a couple of people as well. She went into counceling, but that only lasted about 2 or 3 months. She did stop smoking, but never answered any of the questions. Always came up with some kind of excuse like "My mind went blank" or "I can't remember". I asked her why she did it... were they better than me? Treated her better? What made them so much better than me??? "I never said they were better, just different." They moved in in August of 07, which I honestly did only for my daughter. We don't let our daughter hear/see anything that went on. Things aren't too bad for the most part, but all of these things are bugging me and she is now just ignoring me when I ask her about these things. I loved her with every bit of me that I had left. After losing my family when I'm in my 20's her and my daughter were the only things I had left and devoted every ounce of my heart and soul to them. When she did this I have felt completely shattered and cold. I don't want to let myself ever get hurt again. I don't ever want to put myself in the position to be hurt like that ever again. She says she wished it never happened, and that she was stupid and things like that. I feel that sometimes she just feels like "I did it, deal with it" or "Get over it". I also feel that she says that it was stupid just to get pity from me, which she won't. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm in a seriously bad depression because of my parent's deaths, my aunt, who was like a mother to me, my uncle, my cousin, and hell even my dog's deaths. All of that happened in a little over a years time. Plus her cheating on me in the middle of it had me just wanting to end my life. After all of the girls that she knew I could have cheated on her with, but didn't, it hurts. Every time that I was in a situation where like that, I told her about. I had a friend strip in front of me and tell me to sleep with her. It was very hard, but I turned my head, and walked out of her apartment. I had another girl shove my hand down her pants, I pulled it out, and walked away. Many things like that. I wouldn't touch another person. I thought I would get the same respect, but I was wrong. I don't even know if I love her anymore. She trys to tell me she loves me, and I don't believe it. If you love someone how could you do something like that? I mean if you really, honestly, love someone with all of your heart, how could you ever do something to someone going through what I was going through, and am still going through?!?

 

Our sex life has went back to the way it was before the baby, finally, and that was a big part of my problem. Now I wonder if she was just sleeping with other people the whole time and that's why our sex life was gone. I'm thinking about doing couples counceling. I just don't know what else to do. Depression runs in my family, and I have a serious case of it. I don't want to wake up in the mornings, I'm miserable during the day, everything seems to be going wrong in my life that can. I have been trying to look for the good in everything, but every time that I do, 2 more bad things seem to happen and it's really starting to get to me. If anyone has any advice on where to go from here I'd appreciate it. Sorry for the rant too lol

[Bryanp]

I am very sorry for you. It sounds like your wife has been a serial cheater for a long time and who did not care about putting your health at risk for STD's. She has constantly lied and cheated throughout your marriage. I would certainly get a paternity test done just for your piece of mind. It makes me sad that you seem to settle for someone like this who has constantly humiliated and disrespect you over the years. You deserve better.

[LostinLifetoo]

She went to be tested, I made sure of that. Multiple times. Even now after close to a year afterwards she still goes to get checked. It makes me sad that I settled as well. I do it mainly for our child. She's the only thing I really have to look forward to in my life at this point. I just don't want to give her up that easily, and she is the only reason I even thought about working things out with her mother. It just eats me up that she knew I had all of the opportunities to cheat, but I am not like that, nor have I ever been. I'm just sick of being cheated on. Nobody is serious about a relationship it seems around here. That's not the kind of things I want my daughter to grow up around. Seems like if someone shows her any attention she'll do anything to keep that attention. Maybe I'm being a little over dramatic on that, but that is how it seems at this point.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Why are you with this chick.

 

Other than your kid what do you realy have in common.

 

If you got a place of your own, kick her out and keep your daughter she's placed you and your kid at risk with her behavior. She could just be a serial adulterer and BPD.

 

you dont know.

 

But what I do know is that , it is not your fault!

 

Clearly she's messed up in the head! and you dont have to take scraps from her.

 

I suggest you go get a lawyer and see what your rights are and man the F up. She's gonna start being trifling with you trying to take your money next! mark my words. Why should you give her a free ride?

 

F that chick, move on. Sayonara!