Women with Too Many Past Sexual Partners!

[MakeLemonade]

The overarching point is that there is a fundamental difference in how people view sex.

 

Some think that it is special, and are selective in who they choose.

 

Others seem to disagree arguing that it isnt anything special... more just something fun.

 

And there is the black and white mentality rearing its ugly head again.

 

Most people would probably say they see it as something in between - that it is the individual person and their individual needs at the time that decide whether it is sex for sex's sake, sex for fun & friendship, sex for warmth & companionship, sex with hopes of much more, sex in a LTR etc. As long as both people involved are more or less on the same page, sex can great for any number of reasons, it doesn't just have to be oh so special and so I will be very selective to the point of abstaining if I can't be with someone in a LTR (black) or sex is meaningless, I am going to have some tonight just for the hell of it (white).

 

Do you really see it that way? I don't understand that mentality at all. Sorry, I am not saying there is anything wrong with it, I guess - but I certainly don't understand it.

 

Edited to add: I guess it's not really that YOU see it that way - but it seems you are simplifying it down to two seemingly opposite POV's - all I am saying is that to see that people are saying it is either one way or the other, period...is oversimplifying it.

Edited January 16, 2008 by MakeLemonade

[luvmy2ns]

And there is the black and white mentality rearing its ugly head again.

 

to see that people are saying it is either one way or the other, period...is oversimplifying it.

 

Absolutely. There are varying degrees of almost everything, and circumstances are different in every case as I pointed out about my relationship with my honey.

[blackbird]

Nice post oppath,

 

Another reason though why I would not date a guy with lots of sex partners though is also resentment that I didn't have the same. I would be jealous because he got to have sex with lots of different women while I didn't... I would feel like it's not equal.

 

The only reason why I haven't had lots of partners is because I'm socially inhibited and very shy/reserved. I bet if I wasn't so inhibited I would be a whore and sleep with 100guys. I don't have anything morally against having indiscriminate sex, my morals are loose, I barely have any to be honest.

 

It's about jealousy about the women in the guys past and anger that I didn't experience the same things.

 

It's like they got to have fun and I didn't, even though the only thing holding me back is myself.

 

 

I don't agree with other points you've presented in this thread (like that men who sleep around are dirty sluts) but I find the above refreshingly honest and I can understand it. I've been following this thread with interest since I'm with someone now who has had an above average level of promiscuity in his past (he says he's been with 50-100 partners). My rather average number (9, this relationship inclusive, and we're both approaching 30) seems positively prudish in comparison! And the great majority of his partners has been sex for fun, not sex within relationships, lots of one night stands, fwbs, 3ways with swinger couples, etc. The majority of mine have been within LTRs, with the exceptions being more or less completely forgettable flukes. I feel like he got to experience this entire part of his sexuality I never did, though it's of course not his fault that I led my life the way I did. Still I can't help feeling like I have a lack in my experience and I have no way to 'catch up'. That's my main reason for discomfort with my fiance's high numbers.

[AAlike]

I'm having a heck of a time getting the quoting to work, so I'll bold your stuff...

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by AAlike

First of all, I think that there's a very big difference between drawing a line in the sand excluding people that fall outside of a specific criteria and having that criteria affect you once you have begun to get close to someone. The former is simply being judgemental - it's certainly your choice but with how rare love is these days, blocking out a significant part of the population for something that would have taken place before you had met them is mighty restrictive and might have you squandering a great chance with a great person.

 

 

I don't see how this is different at all. If I can't deal with a number in a certain range, it doesn't matter when I become aware of the number.

 

Sure, that I agree with - if you are 100% certain that hearing that a person has been with five people is going to render them unappealing then yes, it doesn't matter if you hear about it after five minutes or five years of marriage. This is simply preselecting / categorizing. totally your prerogative.

 

The point that I was making and that I think was OP's point is that the guys that have these issues with their lover's past generally do not do so because they have some predefined range - in many cases they react this way even if their "number" is higher than their girlfriend's! If that's the case, then I think it's more the illogical effects of love that are driving this reaction than any predetermined "range".

 

Exluding people based on their number is certainly restrictive or maybe even judgemental. What I fail to see is how is this any different than excluding people based on their looks, not having chemistry or incompatible personalities?

 

Well, I guess I see what you're getting at, in principle it sucks that we are shallow enough to reject based on looks, but those are things that affect you as the rejector in both the present and future. If you're not attracted or compatible with your mate going forward, that's an issue. The only way someone's sexual past should affect you going forward is if they are diseased, have children, or are harboring enough guilt about it that it affects their personality.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by AAlike

I understand the "people don't change" sentiment to a degree, but as a 31-year old adult for someone to write me off because I slept with 10 or so people while a 16-22 year old kid is pretty asinine.

 

It might be asinine to you but I don't feel that way.

 

again, it depends on if you're considering this a moral issue or not. if you shun casual sex as a whole due to values or beliefs, then yes, you probably need someone with comparable values, either that or someone who can prove that they've changed their ways. again, I don't think that was what the original poster meant though. casual sex is ok or it isn't. that's it. and for somebody who has also engaged in casual sex at some point to judge me for doing the exact same thing a few more times than her during the Reagan adminstration (sorry, USA jokes) is absurd - that I do maintain.

 

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by AAlike

Those experiences are SOOOO insignficant to me and are no different in magnitude than "one night when I was 20 I drank 18 beers and puked" or whatever. it's no different - although I guess I get the "sex is sacred" view and can respect it, I really don't see how in today's times you can judge others for not having it.

 

 

Well, I am not necessarily looking at sex as sacred but comparing it to "one night when I was 20 I drank 18 beers and puked or whatever" is very different, to say the least, from how I view it. And I certainly do judge a woman for not having the same morals/views on sex as I do. If she hasn't, we are not a good match and we can both move on. It is important for me that the woman I am with has at least similar morals/views, otherwise I can't have a relationship with her.

 

I'm only comparing it as such as to how much it affects me on a daily basis now - it's nothing but a distant memory. for a potential signficant other to obsess over it or act like it plays a significant role in my life now is entirely counterproductive and frankly, inaccurate.

 

I do agree though that you should definitely look for a girl with similar morals/values. Just realize that in today's sex obsessed culture you might want to consider a little bending room. I don't think that the point of this discussion was moral issues, though.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by AAlike

Honestly, my number is in the mid-20's and that's with behavior that I feel is almost prude, esepcially relative to the **** that some of my friends, both male and female, do. Had I taken a large chunk of the opportunities that presented themselves, or slept with all of the women that I had made out with, triple digits would not be out of the question - and this is simply a product of never being in a serious relationship (not due to being adverse to one I don't think, at least over the last few years) and having a fairly avid social life.

 

Well, we will not find a common ground on what each individual interprets as a high or low number, prudish or more liberal mindset,etc.

Again, I agree totally - what I'm saying though is that its important not to apply your own interpretation of that to the actions of your significant other that were taken prior to your involvement with her. As long as her behavior WHILE WITH YOU falls under the realm of what you find acceptable it shouldn't be a problem.

 

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by AAlike

And with the weird love-hate nature of sex in modern society, especially American, things that are outside of our comfort zone quickly mold from "I wouldn't enjoy that" to "that's dirty and something that a slut/pig would do" when in reality it's just all variants on the same basic thing. When you're in love, especially in the early stages when sexual past information tends to be revealed, you are apt to see your partner as immaculate, and them disclosing that they did something that's outside of your comfort zone is naturally tough to deal with - you don't want to associate this person that you put on a pedestal with something that you consider "cheap". yes, it's still insecurity but it's also something that intrinsically goes with the emotions that accompany love.

 

I don't know if it is necessary insecurity that is responsible for that kind of thinking. For example, I am not intimidated by or jealous of a high number (which I would consider insecurity), I am rather appalled that a person would hand it out like candy.

 

Your usage of the phrase "hand it out" implies that you ascribe to gender roles and stereotypes a little bit. the assumption that the girl is "giving it out" whenever there is casual sex is an archaic notion that is fueled only by your perception of something that you presumably do not engage in, and is certainly not uniformly the case at all.

 

what I'm saying here is sex is sex is sex. the distinctions that people draw about what makes sex go from "hot" to over the top is completely arbitrary, but it's generally something that people feel strongly about.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by AAlike

...

The thing that most people feeling this syndrome are missing the point about is that the sex that you're having with your bf/gf (if you're in a good relationship) is probably worlds apart from any sex that some random partner had with them. Look at your own previous partners and realize how insignificant they are to you now (again, at least they should be if your relationship is good). Any time I've had a minor issue handling her past, I just look at mine and how it's not even a blip on my radar screen.

 

The past is a part of who we are. A significant part in my opinion and not just a blib on the radar screen. I am not saying the past should prevent us from living today but rendering the past nearly meaningless seems very strange to me. Maybe I just misunderstood you.

Let me rephrase - yes, the past as a whole is certainly important, and plays a huge role in who we are today, but what I'm referring to as a blip was the part of my past that could potentially concern a partner on similar moral ground as myself - which, as a whole totalled probably about six hours in a 31-year time span. and since I don't harbor any guilt about these incidents, yeah, that's a blip my man. When you judge someone solely because they've had two one-night stands, you're carving out what is probably a grand total of three hours out of their past and disregarding the entire remainder of it.

 

Again, none of this applies if you are morally opposed to casual sex and your mate is not, that is a legitimate issue. But again, in most of the cases where the guy can't handle their girl's past it's probably more along the lines of "I know how I treated girls when I was 18, I can't handle that someone may have treated MY girl that way." It's the silly complex of "I'm the sucker dating this girl that random guy 1A "scored" without doing anything." The whole "merit-based" sex perception is the problem.

[Cobra_X30]

Absolutely. There are varying degrees of almost everything, and circumstances are different in every case as I pointed out about my relationship with my honey.

 

Well, I'm attempting to be brief. I have no interest in typing a novel here.

 

Beside the point. Right or wrong... some see this black an white... some do not. That's the way it is.

 

Also... as I see it neither you nor I can prove to someone what we believe is special if our actions say otherwise.

[luvmy2ns]

I don't know if it is necessary insecurity that is responsible for that kind of thinking. For example, I am not intimidated by or jealous of a high number (which I would consider insecurity), I am rather appalled that a person would hand it out like candy.

 

Your usage of the phrase "hand it out" implies that you ascribe to gender roles and stereotypes a little bit. the assumption that the girl is "giving it out" whenever there is casual sex is an archaic notion that is fueled only by your perception of something that you presumably do not engage in, and is certainly not uniformly the case at all.

 

I so LOVE your posts!

 

This part, particularly, got my attention. I, too, noted the "hand it out like candy" comment. Are we in Leave it to Beaver world, or what?! I remember my mom saying to one of my sisters a long time ago something to the effect of "letting a boy do that to you!" Geezuz, she was 19 years old, and her and her boyfriend had sex! She made it sound like my sis was laying there enduring some awful thing being done to her when, in actuality, my sis was just hot for her boyfriend and wanted to have sex with him!

 

If all you judgemental, holier than thou people on here spouting off about "too many sex partners" are really serious, then you'd better NEVER have sex outside of marriage lest your relationship fail, otherwise your numbers may just become one number too high for anyone like yourselves to ever want to be in a LTR with someone so unworthy.

[tanbark813]

I feel like he got to experience this entire part of his sexuality I never did, though it's of course not his fault that I led my life the way I did. Still I can't help feeling like I have a lack in my experience and I have no way to 'catch up'. That's my main reason for discomfort with my fiance's high numbers.

 

I would bet that this is a core reason for a lot of people.

[Cobra_X30]

I feel like he got to experience this entire part of his sexuality I never did, though it's of course not his fault that I led my life the way I did. Still I can't help feeling like I have a lack in my experience and I have no way to 'catch up'. That's my main reason for discomfort with my fiance's high numbers.

 

Well, you view his experiences as positive... thus you come from a place of jealousy.

 

Now ask yourself... are they really positive? Not all experiences are worth having.

[Stockalone]

I do agree though that you should definitely look for a girl with similar morals/values. Just realize that in today's sex obsessed culture you might want to consider a little bending room. I don't think that the point of this discussion was moral issues, though.

 

To be honest, I wouldn't know how to discuss my view on sex without involving my morals. And as far as giving it a little bending room, that's not going to happen.

 

 

 

Again, I agree totally - what I'm saying though is that its important not to apply your own interpretation of that to the actions of your significant other that were taken prior to your involvement with her. As long as her behavior WHILE WITH YOU falls under the realm of what you find acceptable it shouldn't be a problem.

 

It is a problem for me. It's not something I am proud of nor am I ashamed for feeling that way. It is what it is.

 

 

 

Your usage of the phrase "hand it out" implies that you ascribe to gender roles and stereotypes a little bit. the assumption that the girl is "giving it out" whenever there is casual sex is an archaic notion that is fueled only by your perception of something that you presumably do not engage in, and is certainly not uniformly the case at all.

 

I can see how it might seem like that but I don't think that it's true. I am simply focusing on the women because I don't have to evaluate the men's sexual history. Men are not my target group, the women are. Having said that, I would agree that I do believe in certain aspects of gender roles but I do not apply double standards.

 

This is an older post of mine that might illustrate my point of view.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1466708&postcount=28

[Leoni]

Some think that it is special, and are selective in who they choose.

 

Others seem to disagree arguing that it isnt anything special... more just something fun.

These are the core differences. I believe the former, that it's the most intimate way to say you love someone, which also ties into my moral values and standards.

 

I don't think it wrong to want matching core values, beliefs and moralities from your mate, if it's something that you've also adhered to, your entire life.

[blackbird]

I'm having a heck of a time getting the quoting to work, so I'll bold your stuff...

Tip: When in doubt, just put quote and /quote inside square brackets around the part you want to quote. Like so:

[quote]
Words you want to quote.
[/quote]

 

I don't know if it is necessary insecurity that is responsible for that kind of thinking. For example, I am not intimidated by or jealous of a high number (which I would consider insecurity), I am rather appalled that a person would hand it out like candy.

 

Your usage of the phrase "hand it out" implies that you ascribe to gender roles and stereotypes a little bit. the assumption that the girl is "giving it out" whenever there is casual sex is an archaic notion that is fueled only by your perception of something that you presumably do not engage in, and is certainly not uniformly the case at all.

 

what I'm saying here is sex is sex is sex. the distinctions that people draw about what makes sex go from "hot" to over the top is completely arbitrary, but it's generally something that people feel strongly about.

 

I've found a lot of what you've had to say to be intelligent and insightful. But I have to offer a different opinion on just a point here. I don't think the phrase 'hand it out' has only to do with stereotyping archaic gender roles. I think it's a fairly accurate assessment of gender differences in practice out there when it comes to sex. Ideally perhaps there would be no such difference but that's not how it is in my perception/experience.

 

If a girl has been very promiscuous it generally means something different than if a guy has been very promiscuous. Your average girl can be promiscuous without doing anything but accepting advances, allowing guys to get what they're out to get. Your average guy can't be promiscuous like that -- he has to go out and make those advances and try hard to get 'it', it's far more of a rarity for a girl to try to pick up a guy than the other way around.

 

Sure, ideally sex isn't about one party giving and the other taking in some kind of transaction. But in practice, in general, there are more guys out there actively seeking sex than there are girls. Let's say you live in a town with a bunch of interior decorators. Let's say interior decorators are in high demand. Those interior decorators get a lot of business and their prices reflect their demand. Let's say a new decorator moves to town and starts giving away interior decorating sessions for free, even knowing she could charge more. Customers are probably going to be suspicious: why is she 'handing it out' when there are plenty of people who would pursue her services? Why does she value her services less? Why does she want more customers (quantity) instead of a few she can spend more time on (quality)? Is she trying to hook me in with something? Is she going to drug me and sell my organs on the black market? I know this isn't a perfect analogy (for example girls enjoy sex too, it's not as if it's a job or a favor that they are doing, at least ideally) but maybe it helps in thinking about differences between how promiscuous women and promiscuous men are perceived. Girls who want sex have an easier time being more discriminating, so if they are not being discriminating by engaging in lots of casual sex, then it is like 'handing it out'.

 

/ramble

[Cobra_X30]

These are the core differences. I believe the former, that it's the most intimate way to say you love someone, which also ties into my moral values and standards.

 

I don't think it wrong to want matching core values, beliefs and moralities from your mate, if it's something that you've also adhered to, your entire life.

 

Leoni, I think you have the right of it.

 

The problems seem to arise when someone changes that core value, or there is a mismatch.

 

I've been wondering if perhaps the more partners you have had the less important any particular one can be.

 

It really comes down to what Stockalone and Dutchguy where saying about choosing to make it special or not.

[blackbird]

Blush! The code tag does something different here than I'm used to. Ignore that part of my previous comment!

[tanbark813]

Sure, ideally sex isn't about one party giving and the other taking in some kind of transaction. But in practice, in general, there are more guys out there actively seeking sex than there are girls. Let's say you live in a town with a bunch of interior decorators. Let's say interior decorators are in high demand. Those interior decorators get a lot of business and their prices reflect their demand. Let's say a new decorator moves to town and starts giving away interior decorating sessions for free, even knowing she could charge more. Customers are probably going to be suspicious: why is she 'handing it out' when there are plenty of people who would pursue her services? Why does she value her services less? Why does she want more customers (quantity) instead of a few she can spend more time on (quality)? Is she trying to hook me in with something? Is she going to drug me and sell my organs on the black market? I know this isn't a perfect analogy (for example girls enjoy sex too, it's not as if it's a job or a favor that they are doing, at least ideally) but maybe it helps in thinking about differences between how promiscuous women and promiscuous men are perceived. Girls who want sex have an easier time being more discriminating, so if they are not being discriminating by engaging in lots of casual sex, then it is like 'handing it out'.

 

/ramble

 

This only applies to prostitutes.

 

I've been wondering if perhaps the more partners you have had the less important any particular one can be.

 

It really comes down to what Stockalone and Dutchguy where saying about choosing to make it special or not.

 

Some women I've been with are/were very special to me. Others not so much. It depends largely on how we felt about each other and the particular relationship. How special one girl was is completely independent of others.

[Cobra_X30]

Blush! The code tag does something different here than I'm used to. Ignore that part of my previous comment!

 

Duly noted!

 

I think what you just said was pretty insightful.

 

I believe that the plain and simple biology backs up what your saying. I think there is a certain amount of genetic hardwiring into how we feel about this particular topic.

[Cobra_X30]

Some women I've been with are/were very special to me. Others not so much. It depends largely on how we felt about each other and the particular relationship. How special one girl was is completely independent of others.

 

Then prove it!

 

Are you not doing the same thing with each girl?

[Leoni]

Leoni, I think you have the right of it.

 

The problems seem to arise when someone changes that core value, or there is a mismatch.

I agree. If there's conflicting core values, you will have issues within your relationship. Whether you can resolve it or not, is individual-reliant. Be careful though, when things start to get rocky in your relationship, any past resentments can and do raise their ugly heads.

 

I've been wondering if perhaps the more partners you have had the less important any particular one can be.

 

It really comes down to what Stockalone and Dutchguy where saying about choosing to make it special or not.

Once again, it's values and beliefs. If you seriously believed in them, you wouldn't be indulging as often. If you aren't that type of person, whether never believing them or tossing them for whatever reason(s), you will indulge.

 

Yes, I agree.

[blackbird]

Well, you view his experiences as positive... thus you come from a place of jealousy.

 

Now ask yourself... are they really positive? Not all experiences are worth having.

 

That's a very good point, and something we've talked about. At first it seemed to me that he was stressing the positive in those experiences, like the chances for erotic exploration (especially in group scenarios and exploring bisexuality), the ability to distinguish between sex and love/emotions, etc. In retrospect I see that of course he would have stressed the positive, he wouldn't have wanted me to see his past in a bad light.

 

He actually convinced me rather too well that having a lot of sexual experience with different partners was a good thing so I started wanting that for myself (talking about swinging, opening up the relationship, etc), which has led to a lot of interesting talks. In more recent talks, he's actually expressed the more negative side, such as how empty those encounters made him feel, how they were the only ways he felt he could have intimacy with people because he couldn't find emotional intimacy, et cetera.

[tanbark813]

Then prove it!

 

Well first off, I'm not really sure how one goes about "proving" emotion. No one can really know how another person feels inside. That being said, I guess I can reiterate that some women were special to me and others were not, as I imagine I was special to some and not others. I was devastated when cheated on by gf's I cared about or loved. But in some FWB situations I couldn't have cared less if they were f**king some other guy.

 

Secondly, it's a little offensive for you to get on your high horse and command that I prove to you how I feel. How about you prove to me that you should go f**k yourself? Show your work.

 

Are you not doing the same thing with each girl?

 

No, I'm not. Anyone who does the same thing with each partner is not much of a lover. Some women like it hard and fast, some soft and loving and carressing. Often they like it mixed up to varying degrees. Some love having their neck bitten, others their ass slapped, and even others their ear canal licked (yes that actually was the case once). Some women can't get enough of receiving head, some could take it or leave it, some don't even like it.

 

Some women can't get off without dirty talk. Others get uncomfortable by it. To look into the eyes longingly of a FWB would be awkward, but to do so with a woman one loves is expected and heightens the experience, so much so sometimes that they may even cry.

 

There are major and minor differences from woman to woman and sometimes it takes quite a while to learn all the nuances. But to claim that the experience is the same with each one or that I'm doing the same thing each time is just grossly inaccurate. Almost laughably so.

[Cobra_X30]

Well first off, I'm not really sure how one goes about "proving" emotion. No one can really know how another person feels inside. That being said, I guess I can reiterate that some women were special to me and others were not, as I imagine I was special to some and not others. I was devastated when cheated on by gf's I cared about or loved. But in some FWB situations I couldn't have cared less if they were f**king some other guy.

 

Secondly, it's a little offensive for you to get on your high horse and command that I prove to you how I feel. How about you prove to me that you should go f**k yourself? Show your work.

 

No itention to be rude. The point is to make you consider what your partner is thinking. See your not proving this to me per/se, what I'm really asking you to do is explain how you show the woman your with that she is special to you.

 

All I can think of is by providing time and affection. I was hoping you had a better answer.

 

No, I'm not. Anyone who does the same thing with each partner is not much of a lover. Some women like it hard and fast, some soft and loving and carressing. Often they like it mixed up to varying degrees. Some love having their neck bitten, others their ass slapped, and even others their ear canal licked (yes that actually was the case once). Some women can't get enough of receiving head, some could take it or leave it, some don't even like it.

 

Some women can't get off without dirty talk. Others get uncomfortable by it. To look into the eyes longingly of a FWB would be awkward, but to do so with a woman one loves is expected and heightens the experience, so much so sometimes that they may even cry.

 

There are major and minor differences from woman to woman and sometimes it takes quite a while to learn all the nuances. But to claim that the experience is the same with each one or that I'm doing the same thing each time is just grossly inaccurate. Almost laughably so.

 

LOL... Not exactly what I meant.

 

Your talking about trees, I'm referencing the forest.

 

'Well Cindy, your extra special to me because the last 104 women I slept with before you liked my tongue in thier belly button'

[tanbark813]

No itention to be rude. The point is to make you consider what your partner is thinking. See your not proving this to me per/se, what I'm really asking you to do is explain how you show the woman your with that she is special to you.

 

All I can think of is by providing time and affection. I was hoping you had a better answer.

 

I'm heading out of work now or I would have a better answer but the short response is: It depends on the woman and the relationship. It might be some item they saw in a store months ago that you get them for a gift. Or maybe it's cooking them a meal. Or, like you said, spending time with them or being affectionate. For others it could be as simple as always including them in activities with family and friends. How I show a woman she's special to me depends more on what she values than on how I think I should show it.

 

 

LOL... Not exactly what I meant.

 

Your talking about trees, I'm referencing the forest.

 

'Well Cindy, your extra special to me because the last 104 women I slept with before you liked my tongue in thier belly button'

 

So if you consider it the same with every woman then why do numbers matter so much to you?

[luvmy2ns]

Girls who want sex have an easier time being more discriminating, so if they are not being discriminating by engaging in lots of casual sex, then it is like 'handing it out'.

 

No matter how many pretty words you try to wrap around this way of thinking, it will always remain a sexist and, yes, archaic thought process of a person with double standards.

 

A couple years ago I was in the mind set of not wanting a relationship with ANYONE. However, I have a high sex drive, and it had been about six months since I'd had any. I wouldn't just go pick any old guy I didn't have to double-bag to get laid - I'm a little more discriminating than that - but I did look for and eventually find a casual sex partner until I was ready to consider a relationship again. I wasn't "handing it out." I was looking, and I was doing the picking and choosing.

[luvmy2ns]

He actually convinced me rather too well that having a lot of sexual experience with different partners was a good thing so I started wanting that for myself (talking about swinging, opening up the relationship, etc), which has led to a lot of interesting talks.

 

Now, see, this is a completely different thing than just many past sex partners. This is absolutely devaluing the supposed commitment made between the two of you. I mean, weren't (or aren't) you in a relationship together? This isn't just lots of past sex partners, this is all about inviting multiple sex partners into your relationship, and something I (and my sweety) would never consider.

[luvmy2ns]

No itention to be rude. The point is to make you consider what your partner is thinking. See your not proving this to me per/se, what I'm really asking you to do is explain how you show the woman your with that she is special to you.

 

He already did. If he didn't give a damn about these gals, he'd just satisfy himself and not worry about their pleasure. Obviously, this is not the case.

[Cobra_X30]

He already did. If he didn't give a damn about these gals, he'd just satisfy himself and not worry about their pleasure. Obviously, this is not the case.

 

Is that all you ask for from a man?

 

When we enter into a relationship part of what we need to do is to prove to our partner that they are someone we greatly value... someone special.

 

Now, as with anything else in life... if you have a large number of something... the intrinsic value of each one decreases. In other words, if you have 55 cars... you may have one that you like, but it's less special to you than if you had 4 cars.

 

So, hypothetically speaking, if you have been with lots of people, how do you prove to your partner that they hold more value to you?