Women with Too Many Past Sexual Partners!

[luvmy2ns]

Like in Florida's story of the ex call girl, that story is priceless and should be put into prespective with the reality that a lot of women are extremely promiscuous they just don't admit it. They also don't get paid for it, they give it up for free...but they down play it for fear of being called slags. I have more respect for a prostitute at least she makes a business out of it where two people end up in a win/win situation....where as the promiscuous goody two shoes offers it up to the first guy that buys her a drink....anyway don't want to go off topic thats another point.

 

Oh, TC, you disappoint me. Maybe these gals just wanted to get laid. The bolded parts above sounded super sexist. I do agree, though, that NOBODY should put on a false front. If you like sex and have casual sex, big f'ing deal. Why lie? And if you feel a need to lie to get a man, is he worth having?

[Phateless]

me neither, but like I said, emotions, especially ones that are rare and unfamiliar, can have unpredicatble effects. There's no doubt that retroactive jealousy is absurd in principle and illogical, but hell, so are love and romance!

 

lol, valid point. the thing is, emotions are one thing, but indulging them with neurotic behavior is another. nobody wants to think about their SO with someone else, but it's up to you to be grown-up enough to realize that they are not with that person anymore and get over it.

[Florida]

Woppsy I'm sorry if I have unleashed the hounds and broke some sort of female "code" :laugh: (I tend to be a straight shooter so...if my "edit" button seems broken, it's not. I was made that way) :laugh:

 

Well it was gutsy to bring it up, because I think the next few posts will see a strong reaction to that. If someone's literal numbers are so important-then I would suggest hiring a P.I.. I think my guidelines are better and more sufficient though!

 

So you can choose to not focus on the irrational stuff because at the end of the day when you are in a relationship there are plenty of "rational" things that are going to happen over time that will give you a run for your money, so why create more drama with things you have no proof or control over?

 

True!

[luvmy2ns]

lol, valid point. the thing is, emotions are one thing, but indulging them with neurotic behavior is another. nobody wants to think about their SO with someone else, but it's up to you to be grown-up enough to realize that they are not with that person anymore and get over it.

 

Yeah, like as if, "Before me, there was no one - NOT ONE GUY - who could ever compare to me. Therefore, how could she have possibly slept with someone else in the past - EVER!?" LMAO

[Tomcat33]

 

-did they have one night stands?

If yes, that makes me unhappy.I would hope it was something that would be approached with more solemnity.

 

-did he ever have a threesome?

If yes, I will feel strange about it, and not be so interested. Just because it points to a kind of division of what is important: hedonism vs non hedonism.

 

-did he ever lie to a girl/promise a relationship was his intention to sleep with her?

If yes, that is just wrong-not acceptable. No way.

 

-Did he have true feelings for the girls he had been with ? And had he hoped it would actually turn out to be something long lasting?

If yes, that is good.

 

-Had he ever turned down easy sex because he wasn't that into the girl, even though they could have done it no strings attached?

If yes-GREAT! that is a good guy.

 

I offer the same, so it is important that matches.

 

 

YIKES!!! that pretty much eliminates all of the male population from being elegible and deemed as "quality"... :laugh:

[Florida]

Oh, TC, you disappoint me. Maybe these gals just wanted to get laid. The bolded parts above sounded super sexist. I do agree, though, that NOBODY should put on a false front. If you like sex and have casual sex, big f'ing deal. Why lie? And if you feel a need to lie to get a man, is he worth having?

 

I always admired my friends or acquaintances who had a colrful past and were upfront about it, at any cost. Most of them found very loving compatible partners too, some of the guys have much lower numbers but they love who their GF/wife is as a whole.

 

And it's cool if someone isn't accepting, there are enough types to make the world go round and fall in love.

[blind_otter]

I've been wondering if perhaps the more partners you have had the less important any particular one can be.

 

Hah, this is bullcrap. Those men in my past, when I was promiscuous, don't stand out at all. I don't even remember names, faces, or particular sexual acts...truth be told I don't really know what my number is. Somewhere around 20-30.

 

The men who were special to me, the ones I had longterm relationships with - I DO remember them. And those, I can count on one hand. Four men.

 

My SO now is very special to me. To the point where I barely remember even those men who were special to me...the only thing that matters to me is what I have now, and I appreciate it and love it - maybe moreso than those who have had little experience - because I know the opposite side of the spectrum -- the violent, the ugly, the empty, the meaningless. I've experienced so many sides of sex.

 

And out of all the men I've been with, I choose the one I have now.

[Phateless]

I stand by my original statement - as long as she's clean and gives me her word to be faithful, I'm satisfied. And she has to have her head on straight, obviously.

 

I see nothing wrong with casual sex as long as both people are consenting and aware of what it is. If nobody is being manipulated and both people want to have a good time just for the hell of it, what's the big deal?

[Florida]

YIKES!!! that pretty much eliminates all of the male population from being elegible and deemed as "quality"... :laugh:

 

It is definitely rarer as one gets older, that isn't snark- just the facts!

 

Based on what I wrote-If I didn't meet my BF I think I would become celibate for the remainder of my days, because it is very rare, and almost impossible to expect.

[Tomcat33]

Oh, TC, you disappoint me. Maybe these gals just wanted to get laid. The bolded parts above sounded super sexist. I do agree, though, that NOBODY should put on a false front. If you like sex and have casual sex, big f'ing deal. Why lie? And if you feel a need to lie to get a man, is he worth having?

 

Newsflash!! We live in a sexist society still, promiscuous women are slags men are studs. That's the bottom line, and if you don't believe me look at the opening statement of this thread vs the posts on this topic on this site. why is that it is always men who complain about a woman's past but never a woman? well the answer is simple, because women are conditioned to have sex for emotional reasons and not just for pleasure because if you do you will be considered a slut, and men are pushed to have sex because if they don't there is something wrong with them. It's not ME who is sexist it is society that makes it that way. I am just pointing out the obvious.

 

 

Women lie to men for the very same reason this thread was initiated to question things, because men will think of them less if they are honest. It's not a one off, MOST guys don't want to know their women were promiscuous, they just don't. So it is not about about "well is the guy worth having if you need to lie to him" the question is

"are men in general worth having if women can't be as sexual as they are and be upfront about it."

some guys are liberal and fine with it until they fall in love with a woman they want to make his, tHEN that is when all the machismo and double standards and feelings of threat come out. I believe that was the original question...

Edited January 17, 2008 by Tomcat33

[Florida]

They also don't get paid for it, they give it up for free...but they down play it for fear of being called slags. I have more respect for a prostitute at least she makes a business out of it where two people end up in a win/win situation....where as the promiscuous goody two shoes offers it up to the first guy that buys her a drink....anyway don't want to go off topic thats another point.

 

Tomcat you bring up such interesting points, in this scenario it reminds me of an argument about what is "slutty behavior" vs not.

 

The answer emerged that the girl who did it to be liked, or to secure the guys feelings regardless of if she was actually ready or willing was kind of slutty.

 

In opposition to a woman who knows before hand what she wants and is in no way any kind of victim or being used because she knows what the stakes are.

 

I thought that was interesting....need for validation=slutty, just wanting to =empowered.

edit: I doubt the guys would agree, that is an arguing point for women mostly.

 

Another interesting read was a new finding that young women are choosing celibacy or FWB's because they believe there are not enough good guys out there to invest in a relationship and be used.

 

That could be a whole other thread!

Edited January 17, 2008 by Florida

[luvmy2ns]

Newsflash!! We live in a sexist society still, promiscuous women are slags men are studs. That's the bottom line, and if you don't believe me look at the opening statement of this thread vs the posts on this topic on this site. why is that it is always men who complain about a woman's past but never a woman? well the answer is simple, because women are conditioned to have sex for emotional reasons and not just for pleasure because if you do you will be considered a slut, and men are pushed to have sex because if they don't there is something wrong with them. It's not ME who is sexist it is society that makes it that way. I am just pointing out the obvious.

 

It's not a news flash. I live in the 21st century, just like you. I just wasn't aware that you subscribed to such archaic notions. I thought you were beyond that, but the way you posted, it sounds like you're not.

 

If you are, post how you think, not how others think.

[Tomcat33]

It's not a news flash. I live in the 21st century, just like you. I just wasn't aware that you subscribed to such archaic notions. I thought you were beyond that, but the way you posted, it sounds like you're not.

 

If you are, post how you think, not how others think.

 

 

Well you don't know me so why would you think I think one way or another? Well you may live in the 21st century but you are missing the point that just because women WANT to be like men they are not, and women who act like men in every respect are still not accepted by a big part of the male population. This "archaic" mentality is basic male ego talk. It is a smaller % of men who are 100% cool with the woman they love having a promiscuous past. It's just a fact.

 

 

Tell you what: why don't you let me post from the prespective I want to post? I don't tell you what to do do I?

[luvmy2ns]

Kind of pointless to post other peoples' perspectives. Especially from such an opinionated person.

 

and if you aren't part of the solution (sexism), you're part of the problem.

[Tomcat33]

Tomcat you bring up such interesting points, in this scenario it reminds me of an argument about what is "slutty behavior" vs not.

 

The answer emerged that the girl who did it to be liked, or to secure the guys feelings regardless of if she was actually ready or willing was kind of slutty.

 

In opposition to a woman who knows before hand what she wants and is in no way any kind of victim or being used because she knows what the stakes are.

 

I thought that was interesting....need for validation=slutty, just wanting to =empowered.

edit: I doubt the guys would agree, that is an arguing point for women mostly.

 

Another interesting read was a new finding that young women are choosing celibacy or FWB's because they believe there are not enough good guys out there to invest in a relationship and be used.

 

That could be a whole other thread!

 

 

Yeah well that I think boils down to women trying to be like men, when we are not. Here we are trying to be all unemotional and casual about sexual flings and a lot of women just can't pull it off like a guy can. Why? for the simple reason that we grew up with the very clear notion that sex is something that should be shared with the person we love, so we associate sex with emotion. We are taught from our teen years that we should not be having sex openly because we could get pregnant and ruin our futures, we will be seen as easy and disrepected, sex is something that two people in love do, sex should be saved for the person we love, or saved for marriage... Guys don't deal with that they have NOTHING to lose. So how can a woman who grew up with those ideas planted in her head be comfortable with having open sex, she can't pull it off, too much programming in the brain to allow her to let go and really enjoy the exprience for what it is. NOT to mention women's need for closeness grows after intimacy and men's need for intimacy grows when he wants to have sex.

 

WE ARE DIFFERENT. As soon as women can accept that we are not men, I think it will be easier for everyone. Some women pull it off but a lot of women can't and that is where all the insecurities and emotionally imbalanced women act out due to not being able to handle what they choose to do.

[luvmy2ns]

Well, during my period of swearing off relationships, I had no problem with a FWB situation. I'm a woman who isn't afraid to admit that I like sex. That's not to say, for God's sake, that I think I'm just like a man. That is the most ridiculous notion I ever heard of. Just because I'm not some simpering, brainless twit of a female who has to do everything the way "men" think I should doesn't mean I'm acting like a man. Maybe I should also pretend I don't know how to fill the oil in my car, or prime my furnace, or change a tire. :lmao:

[Tomcat33]

Just because I'm not some simpering, brainless twit of a female who has to do everything the way "men" think I should doesn't mean I'm acting like a man. Maybe I should also pretend I don't know how to fill the oil in my car, or prime my furnace, or change a tire. :lmao:

 

 

So women who let guys do the car stuff are simpering brainless twits? Interesting you making that comment given that a few posts ago you said this:

 

and if you aren't part of the solution (sexism), you're part of the problem.

 

Anyway call me a brainless twit, but as much as I can do all those things if I really need to I would much rather let a guy do it. Besides if I get under the hood myeslf I might end up getting blisters and grease under my nails and that makes for an unpleasant experience for my man when I want to massage him.

 

At least my sexism includes a woman who is feminine and a man who is manly. That's the problem with today's feminism some women think that "strong" equals having to emulate a man in every sense, but that's not being strong that is just trying to be a man.

[luvmy2ns]

So women who let guys do the car stuff are simpering brainless twits?

 

No. Women who pretend they can't do it themselves are simpering, brainless twits. Label yourself how you see fit. My man loves me just the way I am. And he also loves my massages, even though I don't pretend to be stupid to please him. I have a man who is confident enough to not need empty ego stroking.

[Tomcat33]

No. Women who pretend they can't do it themselves are simpering, brainless twits. Label yourself how you see fit. My man loves me just the way I am. And he also loves my massages, even though I don't pretend to be stupid to please him. I have a man who is confident enough to not need empty ego stroking.

 

Nahhh I never pretend, and when I need help I have no problem reaching out to a man. It just so happens they just prefer to do it for me because as one boyfriend of mine used to say "you are just too pretty to be tucked away under the hood of your car"

Now how can I argue with that?

 

A lady needs to know her place.

[Tomcat33]

No. Women who pretend they can't do it themselves are simpering, brainless twits. Label yourself how you see fit. My man loves me just the way I am. And he also loves my massages, even though I don't pretend to be stupid to please him. I have a man who is confident enough to not need empty ego stroking.

 

 

Some men do like more manly women some men like girly girls...

Edited January 17, 2008 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Removed insulting remarks.

[AAlike]

-did he ever have a threesome?

If yes, I will feel strange about it, and not be so interested. Just because it points to a kind of division of what is important: hedonism vs non hedonism.

 

 

This line strikes me as interesting - probably because the only experience of problems with a girl's past or "retroactive jealousy" centered around this very thing for me. My current girl and I had our conversation about the past in the early stages of meeting - well before we anticipated we'd go nuts over one another. maybe we shouldn't have had it but we did. our "numbers" were similar and all that and that has never bothered me before - but she told me about one isolated incident when she was 21 or 22 that involved her and three guys. it didn't sit well with me.

 

In an earlier post of mine, I said something about "comfort zones" when it came to sex - and for me, the idea of sex with multiple partners (regardless of the breakout of gender - FFM doesn't appeal to me either...it's very one-on-one to me) is something that does not interest me in the least. My only concept of it was "something you do in porno" for the most part, and as we know, the marketing/general male-centric perception of such a situation is that the eroticism for the guys lies in the degradation/domination of the woman - now after researching this it's very far from the truth (the hype and myth about threesomes is most often a falsehood apparently), but at the time, I had this beautiful, intelligent, perfect girl that I had to reconcile with this unspeakable act - and it was frickin' tough to do...I tried to tuck it away but as I fell harder for her it just became more and more of an issue.

 

logically, I knew I was being a retard - she was clean, had no kids, I had no trust issues (we're eerily in love and never fight), I had no sexual performance issues (the physical stuff is so good we repeatedly laugh about how everything leading up to each other was like training wheels), and I knew that she was past that stage in her life. but it was still this weird blemish that I felt I needed to "clean up" - like it was a driving record or something. So I asked her about it, to level with me. There were some things that I didn't particularly love hearing (as in what could have been done was done) but overall her description of the situation is that she was going to hook up with the one guy and just had an impulse since she was between relationships to try something crazy so she actually had to persuade the other guys a little bit (aka she wasn't "used", if anything she was the user and knowing what I knew of her I should have figured that), and the whole thing lasted a grand total of five minutes and everybody got a little weirded out, and she realized that sort of thing just wasn't for her. she said that she had never been embarrased about it or even really thought about it much until I reacted to it, and although just to help me out she wished that she could take it back because it was SO minor to her and hated to see me like that, she also thought that it was crazy that I was obsessing over something that she hadn't even thought of in years other than in the context of swapping silly youth stories. and she was right...and I realized how stupid I was being and how I was projecting my own comfort zone mentality onto her.

 

I guess my point to you Florida is this - there is nothing wrong with having a laundry list of do's and don'ts like you have - however, to use them as an absolute and irreconcilable judge of character and just dismiss someone based on them is crazy. Had I blew this girl off and ruined what has now been the happiest five months I've ever had (that's a LOOONG time for me, trust me) because I threw a fit about a five-minute long, misguided stupid experiment that may have even been a good thing since it "got it out of her system" no harm, no foul, would be insane. If you do feel the need to ask about pasts and number and ONS and threesomes - that's fine, many people do, it's natural to be curious about someone you want to love. but just because someone has had a threesome or ONS does not mean that they are ultimately hedonistic or that the sword of judgement came down at that very moment. Talk to them about it - and not in an accusative manner but moreso like a friend that they can confide in, and I think that "humanizing" those actions will make you more able to detatch them from the person in question as simple, isolated incidents and not character-defining monents. I know it did for me.

[hotgurl]

A lady needs to know her place.

 

wow. What place is that. I think a woman can be strong and feminie at teh same time.I also think a woman who enjoys sex, even casual sex is not trying to be like a man she is just enjoying her orgasms.

[Tomcat33]

wow. What place is that. I think a woman can be strong and feminie at teh same time.I also think a woman who enjoys sex, even casual sex is not trying to be like a man she is just enjoying her orgasms.

 

 

The place of being a woman and not a man. If you can't understand the concept perhaps you are having identity issues?

I think a lot of women these days are consumed with this equality nonsense and they forget what they are about. It confuses the heck out of men and it sure as heck does NOTHING for women.

 

Women want chivalry and want to be taken care of and pampered and treated to things and want to be cared for and protected and at the same time want to be treated as an equal. Welll which is it do you want to be treated as an equal or pampered and protected? So in sex women want to act like men in that they want to be able to have meaningless sex with whom they please because the orgasm is good, but they also want to find a good man who respects them and who is not afraid of commitment to them and those same women complain when the guy they had this great sex with doesn't call back for seconds. Constant mixed signals bieng sent out. Time and time again you see posts here of women complaining about why won't he call, why won't he make me his g/f...well wich is it do you want casual sex or do you want to be someone's g/f?

 

So a woman's place is doing what she was programmed to do and that which makes her feel comfortable, not trying to outdo nature.

[hotgurl]

Constant mixed signals bieng sent out. Time and time again you see posts here of women complaining about why won't he call, why won't he make me his g/f...well wich is it do you want casual sex or do you want to be someone's g/f?.

 

Well in this case the woman are not having casul sex they are using sex as a tool. They think if they have sex with a man than his is more likely to be thier BF. Which is not true.

 

also one thing this thread has not touchde on is the different ways in which men and women use sex.

[sarme]

So a woman's place is doing what she was programmed to do and that which makes her feel comfortable, not trying to outdo nature.

 

I agree with that Tomcat33!

 

The other day I posted a similar comment and it seemed to offend some women, I don't know why some women feel offended by the idea that some of us don't want to be equal to men!! By nature we are instinctually more emotional then men and we are programmed to equate intimacy with sex, so why would be expect to have emotionless sex like men have?