Tekguy1970 Posted June 18, 2003 Share Posted June 18, 2003 I was dating a girl for a week. The problem is that she recently broke up with her boyfriend 2 weeks before. Her boyfriend is an alcoholic. Even though I was dating her for just a week, I have strong feelings for her. To make a long story short, she went back to her boyfriend after a week. I know she likes me a lot and she told me that she does not want to deal with an alcoholic, but she feels that she needs to give him a second chance. I am still friends with this girl and we still have lunch together. I want to get her back and I feel that I'm the better guy for her. I feel that if I just wait it out, she will come back to me. Am I foolish to think this? She tells me she loves her boyfriend. She was dating him for 6 months before she dated me. Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted June 18, 2003 Share Posted June 18, 2003 What she says and what she does seem to be two different things, don't they? How much admiration can you have for somebody that walks back into an alcoholics house? How much can you love somebody that flirts then walks away? How can she say she loves him (problems and all) after only 6 months? Don't you think she's afraid of having a HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tekguy1970 Posted June 18, 2003 Author Share Posted June 18, 2003 I'm really asking for advice. The week we went out, she called me every night. She told me how comfortable she is with me and she has told me her most personal secrets. I know she wants me, but I think she is in denial. Her boyfriend was the one who actually broke up their relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted June 18, 2003 Share Posted June 18, 2003 But I think if you answer those questions, you'll have your advice. And incidently, there is something wrong about knowing a person for one week and they share their innermost secrets and give everything up in that first week. She might have been grabbing for a compassionate ear instead of an eligible relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted June 18, 2003 Share Posted June 18, 2003 Also, I think deep down this is more of an ego thing for you. Your ego is hurt because she appears to prefer him over you. After all you tried to do. She shouldn't have that much power over you. It was only a week. The fact is, you can pick your ego up, dust it off, and move on. Hanging on to her will only hurt YOU more. You don't know what she wants. Put the ego aside, and you'll feel more a peace, you'll see things more clearly, you'll not dwell on her. Then continue your life. If she changes her mind, ok. If not, you'll still be okay because you didn't waste precious time and energy on her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tekguy1970 Posted June 18, 2003 Author Share Posted June 18, 2003 It hurts more because I haven't found many girls that I click with. I really do care about this girl and I know she is better off with me. I think deep down she knows this too. One trait about her is that she gets guilty very easily. She's actually been divorced twice and she is only 33. I am 33 too. I'm a single guy, never been married. This would seem like a typical rebound scenario, but I don't look at it this way because her boyfriend is an alcoholic. I can see it not working out. Maybe that's too optimistic, but there's not much optimism in my life. My self-esteem is low. I'm tired of all the "good" ones being taken. I will date other girls, but I'm not ready to give up on her yet. Maybe I made a mistake of caring too much, too quickly......we had sex on the second date and spent the whole day together after. We had a total of 3 dates. I'm attached to her and it's been 2 weeks since she broke it off. Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted June 18, 2003 Share Posted June 18, 2003 So, you've been apart 2 weeks and the relationship was only 1 week. She's been divorced twice already, and in a relationship with a drunk. Buddy, count your blessings and rent Shallow Hal!!!!!! Duh. You aren't clicking with people, because you are either too shy to get out there and meet people or nobody stacks up to your Vogue idea of women. Either of those items can be fixed. Women are people too. We have our fears and insecurities. Heck, it's even harder on us because 99% of us are not the "model" types that you guys seem to ogle over in the supermarket checkout lines. Nobody is airbrushing the cover of Time when guys are on the cover. In case you hadn't noticed at the age of 33, some of us are even starting to lose our figures and get a few gray hairs and even a laugh line or two. Why be afraid of that? You guys age more gracefully it seems. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tekguy1970 Posted June 18, 2003 Author Share Posted June 18, 2003 I guess I'm trying to save her from herself. She's not the brightest in her choices of men. She told me I'm different from other guys that she's ever dated. All the guys she's dated, she met in bars........HELLO, something wrong there. She met me at work. She works 2 floors above me. The thing that really attracts me to her is: she makes me laugh. I've never been hurt this bad before.....I'm very sensitive. Link to post Share on other sites
wideawake Posted June 18, 2003 Share Posted June 18, 2003 Originally posted by Tekguy1970 I guess I'm trying to save her from herself. Come on bro, you know better than that. You can't save people if they don't want to be saved. Start looking out for yourself and stop wasting time on this one. Link to post Share on other sites
wideawake Posted June 18, 2003 Share Posted June 18, 2003 Originally posted by NEONINK You aren't clicking with people, because you are either too shy to get out there and meet people or nobody stacks up to your Vogue idea of women. Either of those items can be fixed. Women are people too. We have our fears and insecurities. Heck, it's even harder on us because 99% of us are not the "model" types that you guys seem to ogle over in the supermarket checkout lines. Nobody is airbrushing the cover of Time when guys are on the cover. In case you hadn't noticed at the age of 33, some of us are even starting to lose our figures and get a few gray hairs and even a laugh line or two. Why be afraid of that? You guys age more gracefully it seems. I think your comment about what you assume his idea of woman should be is off base. Some of us are pretty decent guys that don't objectify every woman. Some of us even stand in check out lines without looking woman up and down. Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted June 19, 2003 Share Posted June 19, 2003 tekguy: Do you want to tell us why you haven't clicked with women? Link to post Share on other sites
jeannie_mcbeal Posted June 19, 2003 Share Posted June 19, 2003 Tekguy sounds like those guys who like to rescue a damsel in distress while The Girl sounds like those girls who are attracted to bad guys. And usually, The Girl will not choose the hero kind of guy but like some hanging around so she will get some comfort when she's sad. Perhaps, she can only feel her love for someone if she gets upset by them - but Tekguy kind of guy never makes her feel sad because they are always there to rescue her. I know how you feel Tekguy, because I always see myself as the "better one" for "someone" and I know that "someone" knows it too. But bad qualities have their own attraction - like how moths get attracted to flames. So "goodies" usually lose out not because they are not better, but because they are not as exciting. If you really love her, then you make up your mind and wait for her without blaming anyone else later on if she never reciprocates your love. It's your choice if you want to spend some time of your life waiting for this girl. It may seem foolish to some people, but it's your life and if you feel she's really worth it, then wait. Thing is - if the girl's personality is really what I perceived, she will only keep you around because you're a "hero" but she will always go back to the "baddie" once he begs for her to return. One day, you will feel very tired and frustrated with this, and want to leave her. Only then will the damsel open her eyes and really sit down to make a choice. Would you be willing to sacrifice your time for this? Link to post Share on other sites
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