What do I do?

[Cool2bjess]

To anyone that will help me out:

 

I recently broke up with my boyfriend, my first love and it's really ripping me apart.

We met when a mutual friend gave us eachother's screennames, after about 2 months of chatting back and forth and really connecting we agreed to meet at the local mall (he lives about 40 mins away from me).

We really hit it off, and had an awesome relationship for 2 months. I was soooo happy, we're perfect together, and he just made my life everything I ever wanted.

However, there are some down sides to the relationship. Mainly that I'm 15 and he is 17 (18 in a week). He's goin down to New York city (about 100 miles away) for a job this summer, and then in November he ships out to join the Marines. We both new this, and I asked him from the beginning how we'd handle all that. He said we'd deal with it when it comes, and that he loves me.

Everything was great until about 5 days ago. It was a friday, and we didn't get to see eachother. (he always came up on weekends and some weekends after school)

He had a baseball sports awards banquet to go to (he's graduating high school). That night he mentioned that a kid in his town committed suicide because he was dating an under-aged girl and the mother was stalking this guy and he couldn't take it anymore. My boyfriend mentioned that he knew this kid, and he started mentioning that he was having doubts, because if he got arrested (he's almost 18) then he can't be in the Marines. I cried and he begged my forgiveness, he said he was just thinking about it, and that he'd bring it up at a better time.

The next day he picked me up from work, and we rented a movie to watch at my house. We were home alone and watching the movie and he started crying. He kept saying stuff like he felt sick because it was driving him crazy. And that I'm the only thing he cares about so why should three years matter (mind you I'm not sleeping with him so what's he gonna get arrested for?)

We cried together for a few hours and he kept saying things like lets take a break and be good friends and see how much we mean to one another. He didn't want to make a decision that night, so he said he'd see me the next day. He kept kissing me and saying he loves me and that this is killing him.

The next day I cried all day. When he picked me up he drove me to a secluded place and explained that he had found out that for his job this summer he won't even be able to come home on most of the weekends. Then he said stuff like, I'm goin to bootcamp soon for 13 weeks and then the Marines is 4 years of his life. He asked was I ready to be with him for 4 years? Would I love a guy I met when I was 15 and want to be with him while he was never around for 4 years?

I cried and he took me home....assuring me that he wanted to be my friend. I said I wasn't sure about the friendship (I am truly crushed) and that he couldn't contact me for a week at least so I could get over him. He dropped me off (both crying).

It took about an hour after he dropped me off for me to call his cellphone. I knew I shouldn't have, I couldn't even follow my own 7 day rule. I should've called a friend.....but the sad part is he has BECOME my best friend. My best GIRL friend wouldn't understand.

He was happy to listen to me....and said we could always be friends. It's not the same.

The next day I called him, begging him to take me back. I could handle him being away. I was willing to make it work.

And if he really loves me shouldn't the age thing not matter?

He said he had to end it now because it would just be harder later if we waited to breakup.

I begged him to reconsider. He won't. He said that when he leaves for bootcamp he'll be leaving behind his family, his friends and he doesn't want to have a heartbreak to deal with too.

I have been crying so hard. It's been almost 2 days, and he hasn't called. I don't want to be the stalker girlfriend who can't let go...so I told him to call me and that he has to make the effort in our "friendship".

Is there a solution to this? Please....I'm dying inside.

[yes]

- forget the friendship for now - tell him to contact you when he's back from the marines if he feels like it, but he should leave you alone now - no calls, no IMs, no nothing

 

- stalk up tissue & cry it all out - bang your head on the wall (carefully) if it helps

 

- put all of his gifts, etc, in a box and in the attic, or any place you won't see it for years

 

- breathe deep & move on! keep yourself busy ... go out with friends ... etc.

 

You're only 15, and there will be (IM SURE) many more men in your life. The first break up is always tough. However, it seems perfectly reasonable to break up if he's going away for 5 years - you're lucky he realizes long-distance wont' work.

 

good luck,

-yes

[NEONINK]

You are 15 years old. Go to the mall and hang out, call some friends up and go to the movies, see if there is an Avril concert in town, or whatever.

 

YOU are too damn young to be wasting good youth on him! One day you will be older, you'll have a car payment, a mortgage, maybe a crying baby and a husband that acts like a baby. You'll have a boss, a 9 to 5 job that consumes you. You'll have phone bills, utility bills, insurances due, and something always breaking.

 

So, in the meantime, enjoy life. Cry just as hard as you like for an hour, then pick yourself up and get out in the world and live. Dust yourself off because you know in your heart, life is just starting for you. This isn't the end of romance and dating and boys.

 

This is just the beginning.

[quankanne]

I commend your boyfriend for being so upfront and open about what path lies in front of the both of you, should you continue the relationship, and not just dropping you like a hot potato without explaining why. As hard as it is to lose him for now, count your blessings that you dated someone who was honest as he was with you. I'd have killed if my first boyfriend (who was much, much older than me) would have been that considerate, instead of being a jackass about the whole thing ...

 

anyhow, you've got two choices while you recoup: one, you can completely try to forget about him and go on about about your life. Believe it or not, as heartbreakingly painful this is, you WILL recover, because the heart heals and time is a salve. Second option, you take his advice to heart, going on about life and being his friend, yet retaining your option to have him as a boyfriend later, when both of you have cleared certain hurdles.

 

You don't want to consider "only" friendship with him for now, because you might think it's a consolation prize, but many solid relationships are grounded in the couple being good friends as well as lovers. I realize that 15 is pretty young to be thinking about these kinds of sacrifices when you want instant gratification, but sometimes the things you work your butt off to get/achieve are so much better than something handed to you.

 

I guess the question is whether a relationship this young man is worth the sacrifices you've been asked to make.