nextel Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 (edited) For those of you that are aware of my situation here it goes..... MM has been with me since last week Thursday and went back home yesterday evening. He has spent every night with me, we've gone out, movies, dinner, hang out with his friends etc etc. Anyways, we had fun. He called me this afternoon and told me that when he got home last night at midnight, W told him...."Welcome back". He said to me, "its something. Your husband has told you to leave his home and does not love you, you refuse to go. He has not touched you in almost a year, has been gone for 5 nights straight, comes to his home in different clothes and all she had to say is welcome back. Its scary that she is ok with this situation. Very few women would put up with something like this". I was quiet, and he said...."There is nothing she can do. I am done". The W is very patient. She is waiting it out and hoping that he will change his ways. Oh boy, this is going to be tough. Edited January 17, 2008 by nextel Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 For those of you that are aware of my situation here it goes..... MM has been with me since last week Thursday and went back home yesterday evening. He has spent every night with me, we've gone out, movies, dinner, hang out with his friends etc etc. Anyways, we had fun. He called me this afternoon and told me that when he got home last night at midnight, W told him...."Welcome back". He said to me, "its something. Your husband has told you to leave his home and does not love you, you refuse to go. He has not touched you in almost a year, has been gone for 5 nights straight, comes to his home in different clothes and all she had to say is welcome back. Its scary that she is ok with this situation. Very few women would put up with something like this". I was quiet, and he said...."There is nothing she can do. I am done". The W is very patient. She is waiting it out and hoping that he will change his ways. Oh boy, this is going to be tough. Well, she loves him - she's not going to give up without a fight that much is clear! Yes, you've got to be prepared for some very tough times ahead. Fingers crossed that your R is strong enough to survive this! Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 He's going to have to just leave and start the paperwork... She should have more respect for herself...Who wants a M that's like that? Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 I'd agree, GEL...no one would want a marriage like that. My money says its not always been like that. There must have been some good in it at some point for her to fight so hard. And she's doing a great job of fighting too. If I were here, I'd be using very similar tactics. There's no reason for her to leave the home. She's smart to realize that. She knows that fighting over this isn't going to solve her problems either...so she's remaining calm. Odds are, if she's smart she's also got something else on the back burner to help this 'work out'. She'd be a fool to move out on his say so. Actual residency in the marital home often decides who ends up with it after the divorce, depending on the country/state they're in. I gotta give her some props. I wonder what else she's got cooking... Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 I am impressed, she has a faith in her M. I don't know why I don't think he worth anyone wanting. If he was such a coward, he would just start the paperwork instead of waiting for her to give him his exit ,so he can say to everyone she filed, not me. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 I am impressed, she has a faith in her M. I don't know why I don't think he worth anyone wanting. If he was such a coward, he would just start the paperwork instead of waiting for her to give him his exit ,so he can say to everyone she filed, not me. I am not impressed...This is not the 180 at all...You can't R a M if the other partner doesn't want to R and won't go NC... But you're probably right about not wanting to be the one who filed first...I'll never understand why, though...The one who files first has the best negotiating position... Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 I am impressed, she has a faith in her M. I'm not impressed. It does not sound reasonable to me for her to have faith in someone unfaithful. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 I am impressed with her faith, not her M. I think he is a step above ameba, but her faith impresses me. Faith is not an easy thing to have or hold on to in the face of adversity. Link to post Share on other sites
Frances Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 I agree with what Owl says. I think the wife has her own agenda and why should she let the cheating pair have it all their own way. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 If I was his wife, I wouldn't leave the house either. Who the hell does he think he is? He's the one cheating, and SHE should leave? F that! He can leave and live with woman he's cheating with if he wants her so bad. Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 If I was his wife, I wouldn't leave the house either. Who the hell does he think he is? He's the one cheating, and SHE should leave? F that! He can leave and live with woman he's cheating with if he wants her so bad. Exactly. He wants his cake, his icing, AND the ice cream, and life doesn't work that way. If you ask me he has some nerve. He just needs to stop toying with everything and divorce her. Just get it done so he can be with the person he truly wants. Link to post Share on other sites
noforgiveness Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Nextel I'm confused. Why did he go back home if he is done? Why are you ok with him going back home? Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 I was just thinking of something... Nextel, are you in a "no fault" state? Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 I was just thinking of something... Nextel, are you in a "no fault" state? I've never heard of that. What is it? Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Some states allow marital partners to file for specific reasons...such as for infidelity, lack of support, etc... The division of marital assets and any alimony/support may be determined based on "fault" as determined by the judge. Basically, if the filing spouse 'proves' the reasons for the divorce, they can end up with a greater share of assets and such. These are "fault" states. Some states don't allow for that, and the division of assets is pretty much 50/50, or at some set rate by the state based on other considerations. "Fault" isn't a factor in these determinations. These are "no fault" states. Additionally, some few states and countries also allow for "alienation of affection"...which in effect allow the BS to 'sue' the OP for the deterioration and destruction of the marriage. I'm curious what the legalities are where nextel is at...that may be a factor in what the wife's doing right now. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 “The W is very patient. She is waiting it out and hoping that he will change his ways. Oh boy, this is going to be tough.” “She should have more respect for herself...Who wants a M that's like that?” “I think the wife has her own agenda and why should she let the cheating pair have it all their own way.” boy, what jaded views! And I imagine they've been made by women or men who've invested what? Maybe two, three, four years in a relationship with a married lover? from my end of things, that cannot compare to a marriage that's been in existence 10 or more years, where a unique bond has been forged even if one of the partners has conveniently forgotten it. what is so lacking in respect of a woman who possibly wants to see her marriage succeed, even though it means she's consciously choosing to stay with feckless partner who has no problem ignoring the vows he made to be faithful to his marriage? If he's dragging his feet, she senses divided loyalty and probably figures that if he's not making any moves to leave, then surely he's not attached to his lover as may to think. And that gives her hope that her marriage can be saved. it's possible that she's hanging on just to make him miserable, but any woman worth her salt is going to give it the old college try to heal her marriage before chucking away what she's invested in it, and only a foolish person fails to consider this. because if a married lover is serious about leaving the relationship, nothing is going to stop that person from leaving. Period. Link to post Share on other sites
PLAYBRAT Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 I think the MM is full of crap. He doesn;t want to leave his W any more than SHE wants him to. If he wanted to leave he could. What's stopping him? Certainly not his W. I think she is waiting him out. Silently calling his bluff. Yes, maybe she should have more respect for herself....but she is smart for using this tactic. The guy has an open door, and the ability to leave yet he chooses not to. That says it all right there. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 (edited) So, in my opinion, the fact that he was gone for so long and his wife didn't make an attempt to get him to come home earlier, or call the police and report a missing person tells me that she really didn't care if he came home at all. I think the MM here has an inflated ego and thinks his wife's nonchalant reaction means that she wants him back. There is the possibility that she was hoping he wouldn't come home. There is nothing in the OP that says the wife made any attempt at intimacy or talked about working on the marriage. She just said welcome home. At face value that means that she acknowledged that he was there and that it's their home. I agree with the others that say, she is staying put because she wants to keep it her home and she has no reason to leave. Why would she leave? She is married to the guy and if anyone wants to leave, that's up to that person. He should leave if he wants to. Does he want to? Sure, she's waiting it out probably hoping that he will stay with you forever and she can move on with her life in her home. Also, I think the W is being very smart. Why should she have to find a lawyer, file the papers and do all the work when she can just stay in her house and wait for him to do all the work? If she does live in a state were finances get spilt 50/50, she has nothing to lose but a cheating husband she probably doesn't want anyway. Sounds like a smart woman to me especially if he stays with you. That way she don't even have to deal with him in her home. I could be totally wrong, but with the limited info in the OP, this is one reason a woman would just say "Welcome Home" to a man who has told her that the marriage is basically over. Edited January 17, 2008 by herenow Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Depending on whether or not they live in a "fault state" or whatever the laws are, she may be planning a good deal more than that. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Depending on whether or not they live in a "fault state" or whatever the laws are, she may be planning a good deal more than that. Absolutely correct! The one thing I have learned about some MM that have affairs is that they also have big egos. No doubt this MM believes that both women want him and he has positioned himself in the middle of what he thinks will be a fight over who gets him. Won't he be surprised when it becomes a fight over what he has and is very likely going to lose? If this wife already has a lawyer, it's a good one. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Absolutely correct! The one thing I have learned about some MM that have affairs is that they also have big egos. No doubt this MM believes that both women want him and he has positioned himself in the middle of what he thinks will be a fight over who gets him. Won't he be surprised when it becomes a fight over what he has and is very likely going to lose? If this wife already has a lawyer, it's a good one. ...and I hope she nails his cheating a55 to the wall! Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 This sounds very fishy...I don't believe the MM is telling you the truth. And the W sounds like she's being very clever in all this-but good for her - this is her whole life! Either that, or the MM is still enjoying being with her, has never told her to leave, and told her he was on a business trip the last 5 days....he sounds like he's a cake eater and has spun you quite a line so he can keep both of you...is there any way you can confirm stuff he's told you WITHOUT it coming from him? Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 my vote is on cake-eater. Because he damned sure would have divorced his old lady if he truly wanted to be with his lover; my guess he's lying to both of them and playing them so he can get what he wants without repercussion Link to post Share on other sites
JustBreathe Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 The ping pong ball man. The chaos maker. Runs back and forth between his wife and his OW, lies to them both, because the women let him do it. He'll do this until one or the other of the women gets tired of it. Why should he let one of them go? How empowering it must feel to have two women vying for his attention. Yep, he is one blue ribbon prize of a man. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 One positive thing...if I remember right...Nextel has set a boundary for the end of this month. Hopefully something will happen to resolve the situation at that point. Link to post Share on other sites
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