jmoon727 Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Recently, I discovered a text message on my g/f's cell phone from a previously unknown guy. She received it at 2 a.m. and the guy asked her why she had hung up on him. I was working the midnight shift that night. We've lived together for 2 months, dated 7 months total. To make a long story short, she lied several times about who he was, finally admitting it was a guy she works with. She went through great pains to hide this from me. I demanded to see her cell phone records, and was shocked to see 50 text messages to/from each other just over the previous 5 days. There are only occasional phone calls. She swears they are just friends. I called the guy at his office number and he apologized to me for causing this problem, but stated she never told him she lived with me. She denies this, but I understand anyone would if faced with that. They have worked together for 6 months, and I expect to see hundreds of texts between them when I see a more detailed bill (due to 50 in a 5 day period). She does not text me or anyone else nearly that much. Question: Does the exsistence of hundreds of texts to/from a guy she had hidden from me for 6 months give evidence of a physical or emotional affair? This is likely the only evidence I will ever get, and I realize I must make a judgement call. Either way I am furious and deeply mistrustful. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 By itself I wouldn't take it as solid. But when you couple it with her attitude towards this, her duplicity and your conversation with the guy I would lock this one away as dodgy. If I were in your shoes it would be time to cut my losses. Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 I think you have a huge problem because when you asked her who he was she lied to you about it and then eventually told you. If there was nothing but innocence she would have told you who he was from the start. She lied to you, there for there's a trust issue, and that's a huge problem. You have to call her out on that fact. Link to post Share on other sites
Leia Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 I don't think it's natural to text one another late at night. 50 sms to just one number at that hour is pretty high and I don't know.... this sounds kinda fishy to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 If there was nothing but innocence she would have told you who he was from the start. Agreed. And if they were truly "just friends," don't you think that with all that talking, he would have been aware that she was living with a boyfriend. Why did he apologize? Because he suddenly understood the reality of what she was doing... The alternate possibility is that he did know she had a boyfriend, and was working her anyway - obviously with her cooperation - and was lying to you about it. Either way you consider it, it doesn't look good for her, does it? Link to post Share on other sites
HisLove Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Well I think she's hiding something. If he was just 'a friend'...that phone would be lying around and you'd know who was texting. She'd be talking to you about it like couples do about what's happening in their lives. Do any of these texts arrive when you're together or are they all miraculously when she's at work or you're at work? Is she particularly protective of her phone, making sure it isn't left around unattended? If something happened and it looked suspicious, I would happily hand my phone and/or bills over (or purse or emails or whatever) to my partner - I would volunteer the info to put their mind at ease. And I mean straight away so there was no opportunity for me to delete stuff or censor it. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 She is doing this while leaving with you? She has lied to you and lied to this other guy about living with you. It seems quite clear that she is a liar and untrustworthy. I would cut my losses. She sounds like bad news. If you do not have trust and honesty in a relationship then what do you really have? Link to post Share on other sites
Racquel Colette Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 What kind of stuff do the texts say? Anything sexual or romantic in nature or just words between friends who were bored at work? That is the question here. Link to post Share on other sites
downthatslide Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 I don't believe that anyone on here will disagree that this doesn't sound too kosher. The lying is what would bother me the most, if she goes to great lengths to hide something like phone calls and text messages, there is reason to believe there is more at stake and more going on. You don't need to jump to any conclusions just yet, but what I would reccomend is either keeping an eye on your bedding, or maybe coming home on your break unannounced and surprise her. I remember reading this random relationship article on yahoo or msn a while ago. It explained the 5 guy's in your girl's life that you should be keen to. One was the ex, one was the best friend, and one was the co-worker. I don't remember the rest, but it makes sense and its logical. This guy is with your girl for 8 hours per day, and it only takes a touch of office tension for them to get a drink after work, etc. Now if the guy tells you that she never said she lived with you, that should raise a red flag immediately. You live with her! She should surely be telling people that she has a boyfriend and that you live together. Remember, if the situation was reversed, you meet a girl at work and text eachother rampantly while your present girl is at work, and your girl doesn't know about it, and you never tell her, its apparent that your interested in more than just some shady texting. Am I right? Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 Dated for 7 months, shacked up for 2 months.. your investment is minimal. If you keep getting warning signs, move on ! Live is way to short to embrace this kind of drama. You may believe you have the time to waste... I promise you that you don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 Walk away from a liar and a cheater. You barely know each other and she's already pulling this type of crap. She's not worth any further investment on your part. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 Question: Does the exsistence of hundreds of texts to/from a guy she had hidden from me for 6 months give evidence of a physical or emotional affair? This is likely the only evidence I will ever get, and I realize I must make a judgement call. Either way I am furious and deeply mistrustful. Thanks. Yes - if the more detailed bill confirms what you suspect, it is 99% certain they are having an affair, and it is probably physical. You need no more proof. Do not try and ask her if it's true, she'll just lie. If anything you should ask the guy - just be matter of fact, say you have broken up with the girl, but wanna know if he had sex with her so you can tell if you have to get an STD test. I would throw her out immediately, and go to the STD clinic for a checkup. Delete/block her number and email from your phone, and never speak to her again. Then go out, get drunk with your friends, and f*ck some hot chicks to get over her. Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 90% chance that she's cheating. She's lying about him and even if she isn't cheating thats bad enough. If she can't stay faithful for seven months there is no hope of her staying faithful long term. Cut your losses before she does some real damage and you can't walk away so easily. Link to post Share on other sites
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