DementedDave Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 I am completely useless at dating and would appreciate some advice about a girl that I have gone on two dates with. Here's the situation: She was in highschool with me and there was an attraction back then but nothing happened because of the age gap. recently my friend met her and she asked about me. He then got her number for me. She was in a serious 5 year relationship (bought a house together etc.) but walked out on her ex two months ago. So we met for the first time in 10 years. She looks amazing and the first date went really well. We got quite drunk by the end and she ended up coming home with me (though nothing happened). The following day she sent me an sms saying she had a great time. We met for a second, alcohol-free date 5 days later (last wednesday). We got on really well but I did feel a little bit of reluctance when I went to kiss her. I am not sure if this was in my head or not. I left it four days until saturday, before sending her a message to see how she was. She waited hours before sending a brief reply, giving nothing away. I left it until last night (4 days) before sending her another message, asking her on a third date. she said she is unavailable this weekend but the following weekend she is free. I tried to get some text conversation going but again she waited hours before replying and her replies were short, as if she was uninterested. I am not sure how to read this. To be honest, I am useless at reading women. I come across as very self confident and she said this to me, but deep down i struggle with the whole dating thing. I really like her but am not sure where to go from here or if I'm wasting my time. I feel that if I get another date with her the whole thing could develop. She is quite a confident and non-emotional person. It might be a lack of interest but she is keeping her distance for whatever reason. I understand that she has just broken up with someone and I would like to keep things very light for the moment. A date here and there and just a bit of fun really. I really want to call her next week to confirm the next date but am afraid she doesnt want anything to do with me. really not sure how to approach this. advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Dave Link to post Share on other sites
StartingOver07 Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 I left it until last night (4 days) before sending her another message, asking her on a third date. she said she is unavailable this weekend but the following weekend she is free. I don't think she would have said this if didn't want to see you next weekend. Go ahead and seal the deal. In the future, I would contact her within a day of the date (as she did with you, after your first date) to let her know you had a good time. Waiting 4 days signals to her your lack of interest, so she responds in kind. Now you are both wondering if the other is interested. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 I understand that she has just broken up with someone and I would like to keep things very light for the moment. A date here and there and just a bit of fun really. Yes, that's definitely important to keep in mind. Two months is a really short period of time after a 5 year relationship. I wouldn't get too attached to her if I were you. But on the flip side, I don't think a few hours delay for text messages is that big a deal. If she was totally uninterested it's unlikely she would reply at all. Just call her up next week and set up the date. The worst that can happen is she turns you down. Big deal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DementedDave Posted January 17, 2008 Author Share Posted January 17, 2008 Thanks guys, I think i was trying to be too cool just to keep her interested but I never know how long i should wait before calling. Think i need to grow a pair of balls, give it a few days and then call her. As you said, even if she has no interest, what harm. Link to post Share on other sites
bozwa Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 You really don't need to wait 3 days or so between contacts. The frequency of calls/contacts you make to the girl gives her an idea of how interested you are. Look at it from her perspective: he didn't even try to kiss me after TWO dates. He must not be interested. He waits 4 days to contact me after the second date. He must not be interested. He can't even take a couple of minutes to call me and say hello. He must not be thinking of me and must not be interested. If you're interested, you call. Simple as that. And if you move in to kiss her and she pushes you away, at least you know. What have you really lost. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DementedDave Posted January 17, 2008 Author Share Posted January 17, 2008 I'm just anxious that I will push her too hard if I contact her all the time. She was in a serious relationship which ended so I think she is looking for something fun. Also, I did kiss her last week and it was great. But she pulled away after a few seconds, possibly because we were on the street. I dont know, but her behaviour could be interpreted in two ways - she could be annoyed with me for showing a lack of interest or else she just aint interested. Not sure which one but I just dont want to crowd her. Link to post Share on other sites
Mistaken Identity Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 I agree that four days is too long to wait. She has already agreed to go out with you twice, so I don't think you would be pushing her by calling her the day after your date. Link to post Share on other sites
StartingOver07 Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 I'm just anxious that I will push her too hard if I contact her all the time. She was in a serious relationship which ended so I think she is looking for something fun. Also, I did kiss her last week and it was great. But she pulled away after a few seconds, possibly because we were on the street. I dont know, but her behaviour could be interpreted in two ways - she could be annoyed with me for showing a lack of interest or else she just aint interested. Not sure which one but I just dont want to crowd her. Ok, but this could become a self-fulfilling prophecy for you. If you asked me out for this wekend and I told you that ihad plans but that I was free next weekend and you didn't jump on it and say, "Great, let's have dinner next Saturday" (Or whatever), I would wonder whether you were truly interested in me. and is you then waited several days (which I am assuming must be the case by now) to get back in touch with me, I may very well have lined up plans for the weekend that I originally said I was free for, simply because I'd think you weren't going to come through. Your insecurity is making you appear disinterested and she is going to react to that. So be prepared for some hesitation on her part. She probably does not understand why you didn't immediately sieze her offer to do something the following weekend and may be feeling rebuffed. Just call her alread. Now. Not in a few days. Urg. Link to post Share on other sites
bozwa Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 It's not pushing too hard to call her right away. Hell, I've had guys call me the SAME NIGHT as the date! LOL And I LOVED it! They couldn't wait to talk to me again and to me that was great. There was definitely no doubt they were interested in me. Start calling her on a regular basis, and even be honest with why you haven't been calling or setting up dates or seizing the moment. Tell her. Chances are, if she IS interested in you, she'll find your honesty endearing (I would), she'll be understanding and eager to go out with you again. If she's not interested in you, she'll let you know. Link to post Share on other sites
OrangeSnack Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 (edited) Hi Dave You're still in the game buddy. She said she had a great time with you on the first date and you guys went out on a second date. You asked her out for the third date and she said she's not available but free next weekend. Remember, she needs some space too, mainly because she just got off in a 5 year relationship. You seem like a nice guy and you don't sound desperate. Don't worry, everything that you have described in your date has been good, she is just having some emotional set-backs which is totally understandable. Give her some space for now and call her up to see how she's doing and try and seal the deal for your next event. Like Bozwa said, if she's not interested in you, she will let you know. I assume you both are in your mid twenties, so maturity is not an issue. Good luck Edited January 20, 2008 by OrangeSnack Link to post Share on other sites
Author DementedDave Posted January 23, 2008 Author Share Posted January 23, 2008 ok, so i called her on monday of this week and she seems to respond when i text or call her. However, she kept letting my know how busy she is and that she cant meet until next tuesday, wednesday or thursday. My problem is that i am in the middle of a confidence crisis. I feel that if i could be myself and stop worrying about things, i'd be in with a shout. Should i call her before next tuesday (6 days) to see how she is getting on? Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 ok, so i called her on monday of this week and she seems to respond when i text or call her. However, she kept letting my know how busy she is and that she cant meet until next tuesday, wednesday or thursday. My problem is that i am in the middle of a confidence crisis. I feel that if i could be myself and stop worrying about things, i'd be in with a shout. Should i call her before next tuesday (6 days) to see how she is getting on? Well, IMO, you should have nailed down a specific time when you last spoke with her. But as things stand now call her up this weekend and ask her out for a SPECIFIC DAY AND TIME. If she's interested she'll accept or make a counter-offer. If she talks about being too busy and gives you vague dates when she's available then just drop the subject and get off the phone. Don't do it rudely, just be like "ok, no problem" and end the conversation. Chances are at that point that she just wasn't interested. Link to post Share on other sites
StartingOver07 Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 Well, IMO, you should have nailed down a specific time when you last spoke with her. But as things stand now call her up this weekend and ask her out for a SPECIFIC DAY AND TIME. If she's interested she'll accept or make a counter-offer. If she talks about being too busy and gives you vague dates when she's available then just drop the subject and get off the phone. Don't do it rudely, just be like "ok, no problem" and end the conversation. Chances are at that point that she just wasn't interested. Exactly! When she says, I can't see you tonight but I am free next Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, THAT is when you say, How about dinner Tuesday at 7. That is what she is expecting you to do and you are dropping the ball bigtime! Link to post Share on other sites
Author DementedDave Posted January 24, 2008 Author Share Posted January 24, 2008 Sorry, forgot to mention that we settled on tuesday evening of next week. i'll call her at the weekend to confirm. Just wish i could be confident around her but I'm like a shy teenager. Link to post Share on other sites
StartingOver07 Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 Sorry, forgot to mention that we settled on tuesday evening of next week. i'll call her at the weekend to confirm. Just wish i could be confident around her but I'm like a shy teenager. Yay - progress! You don't have to be confident; you just have to act it. Link to post Share on other sites
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