jules_sugar Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=black] My husband left 7 months ago, as we had some issues that have been going for years. I didnt want him to leave and suggested we go to a counsellor to fix it. He left anyway and i decided that i needed to be strong for our kids. Infact i have been happier on my own with the children since then as i realised how miserable he made me. He is now living away is a small bedsit and is a student. When he wanted to visit the children (which was not often) i allowed him to stay over as he lived far away. I helped and accomdated him whenever i could and he never returned the respect and has made things difficult for me to move on. Telling me he is lonely and depressed and blaming me for being strong...he wont except that he chose to leave. The last time he visited i checked his mobile (wrong i know but i had my doubts) And i found out he is in a relationship with another student. The messages were very intimate and suggested they are in love and have been sharing their room. Now i feel crushed....I cant sleep or eat and the messages go round and round in my head....i visualise things i shouldnt. He was never romantic with me and i feel worthless. I was upset with the deceit that he let me believe he was lonely and depressed and that he was only away to "assess the situation" Suddenly all my strengh has gone and i want to talk with him, and hug him. I feel like i need him to comfort me when i should be angry with him? I keep thinking of the things I should have done to save the relationship. But rationally i know i tried really hard and that he never treated me well. Whats going on with me? I feel like i am going insane? jules AT[/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT][/FONT] Link to post Share on other sites
guessjeans Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 I know exactly what your feeling as I am going thru the same emotions. And its normal. My common law husband and I split 4 yrs ago, but I realized how much I still loved him and wanted to make a go of it 3 yrs ago, but then he announced he was moving in his elderly parents to care for them. I didnt say a word! I kept how I felt to myself and figured I didnt want him to have to choose. I still dont regret not saying anything, and I have loved him from afar since. We had a great friendship and never has he ever mentioned about getting back together except in the early months of us split but i declined because I felt we havent solved anything. We would have only split again and I didnt want that. I said maybe one day we can be together again. We have a 20 yr old son together. Well, in October of this yr he announces that a girl he hired when we were living together, from his office, has now left her husband, and they are now an item. It seems to be a serious level relationship. He told me just 2 weeks after she left her husbands home that they will probably move in together at some point, and that he really wants it to work with her. I was devasated. I am still hurt. I, like you, feel that I was kicked in the stomach. I feel betrayed...but I wasnt...but I feel that way because I have loved him for so long. I finally told him how I felt and he has chosen to stay with this woman. But i have accept it. I cant do anything else can I. I dont know even if he came back tomorrow, I could get past him sleeping with another woman and chosing her over me. Although he was free to date whoever, it still feels like I have lost my best friend. I cant bare to see him or talk to him. He has said some jerky things to me since being with this woman almost like I dont matter anymore. I knew things would change between us one on moves on, but I cant see him or talk to him anymore because it hurts too much. My only advice to you is, let it run its course. I know exactly how you feel, and I am lucky in one respect, my son is old enough that I dont have to be the go between, between him and his father. NC and not seeing him has helped me try to cope with this sadness. But i will get over it...i will see that this is what is meant to be, that I am meant to be single because hopefully, one day, the one that is truly meant for me will cross my path in life. Link to post Share on other sites
guessjeans Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Oh, and one more thing! He will go through these exact same emotions you are going through today, one day himself, when he discovers that you have moved on with some else too! Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 Or look at it this way...he is living in a crappy little bedsit (by his own choice) and hs no cash (I presume - gven his living situation andstudent status), but you are in your nice home with your lovely kids and are doing very well without him! He walked out on his children...he isnt one of lifes winners and I am sure he knows this. Having a female interested in him is probably a desperately needed ego boost so he isnt gonig to turn that away... And wanting to have him there to cuddle, etc...I think you want comfort and intimacy in general, not specifically with him. Look at it this way...if a hot guy with great manners asked you out you'd forget about your H pretty damn quick when it came to who you want to cuddle you (and good for you!). Keep on truckin...I bet you have a lot of happiness in the future but he only has his bedsit Link to post Share on other sites
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