24 year old birgin at a loss.

[eightvalve]

Gotta love the internet for the anonymous upchucking of ones problems.

 

So here goes...

 

 

I'm 24, a college graduate, i have a great job, a great place to live and car. I work hard, and i have the respect of my friend and coworkers.

 

I am also a virgin. I have been in one relationship with a girl that started towards the last half of my final year in college. We spent six months together, enjoying almost every second of it. We also reached the height of our physical intimacy then, but then as people do, we graduated. And we spent a year and a half in a LDR, and things just went downhill from there. We broke up almost one year ago this February, and i haven't made an attempt to get a date or meet a girl since the day she left. I should also mention that during our two year relationship, i never quite had the balls to push it to that level of physical intimacy. even though i wanted to very much. She was foxy.

 

During my high school years i went to an all boys school so as you can imagine there was limited female interaction, and the fact that i was a 5 foot 5 chubby Irish kid didn't help my chances very much either. Thank god for growth spurts. I grew to 6 foot 4, and i have been your typical big white dude ever since, if not a little girthy. I think this left me with a pretty poor opinion of my body and even now as i type this the idea of being intimate for the first time with a women, while incredibly excited, still draws up all those old feelings of anxiety and fear about how i feel about myself.

 

I have taken steps to remedy this within the last 6 months. I work out regularly and eat right. I am losing weight, building muscle, and it gets noticed every day. So i think as far as being the kind of yuy women might want, and doing pretty well.

 

 

The main problem is how i feel about myself and the panic i feel when i think about taking those big social leaps and bounds. Since my break up my romantic interests have cosistsed mostly of crushes on unattainable women, married , coworkers, etc. I think largely because its a safe way for me to like somebody but not risk myself by putting myself out there.

 

I also dont go out very often, i hang out with family alot, because they are important to me QWhen i do go out, its mostly with coworkers and new friends ive made since i moved out on my own, we go to bars, drink, i try and dance ( the white boy stomp is my favorite dance). ut i dont rally want to meet a women that way, its lod, nisy, hot, and peple have their guards up.

 

 

I'm now sort of at a loss about how im going to make these steps that are part of being an adult. and i will be honest, for the first few months i was enjoying being alone. The free time, the extra money, not answering to anyone. Now, i get lonely, and i want someone special in my life.

 

 

If you managed to read all this, thanks. I appreciate it.

 

 

-Si.

Edited January 18, 2008 by eightvalve
cuz i cant spell

[katiebour]

I met my first b/f through a friend of mine- he was an acquaintance of her boyfriend. Chance meeting on the 4th of July led to a 3 year relationship.

 

Second b/f I met online- browsed Yahoo! Personals and when I saw his ad my hormones went wild. I gathered my courage, sent him a message, and we went on a date that day. Another 3 year relationship.

 

Current b/f picked me out on MySpace. We corresponded for a few days, went out on a date and the rest is history. We've been together for 2 1/2 years now.

 

I've never tried to meet someone at a bar... I'm not big on bars or clubs and really, what are the chances that you'll have anything in common with a person at a bar? I'm a big fan of the internet for meeting people- I tend to be sort of shy in person and I prefer to break the ice and get to know a little about them before I go out on a date.

 

I recommend:

Myspace

MeetIn

Craigslist

 

I've met interesting people through all 3 of these and I'm able to pre-screen for interests and looks that interest me.

 

As for going the next step, physically, the question is really- do you just want to lose your virginity? Or do you want to lose it to someone with whom you are in love?

 

If the former post an ad in your local Craigslist Casual Encounters section, or answer an ad there.

 

If the latter, well you'd have to find a nice gal and get to know her. I'd say since you are lacking experience you would want to find someone with experience... No blind leading the blind. Plus a lot of single women would love to play teacher, I'm sure Don't hide your inexperience- use it to your advantage.

 

Good luck!

[Green]

Dude craigslist atleast in my area is mostly filled with like 90% fat women or men pretending to be women. First off you sound really shy, you really should have had some more guts with that other girl who you dated for so long. I'm a man so I know how you feel, losing my virginity was kind of like a right of pasage. Being a virgin doesn't make you any less of a man. Don't you dare look at the casual encounter section of craigslist. Look you have to be a little more aggressive.

[mental_traveller]

You have to overcome and confront your fear, then go out and just meet women. On the subway, at the mall, smalltalk/flirting with waitresses, internet dating, anything. Just get some experience relating with the opposite sex.

 

In a way I can relate to you because I went to an all-boys school too. They should be outlawed IMO, it seriously messes with your ability to interact with women. The good news is it's not permanent. I was a bit of a late developer as well, partly due to that but also being shy as a teenager. But once I got to about 25-26 I got a lot more confident and since then I've never had any problem with women - in fact I'd say I probably do better than most people I know nowadays, quite a reversal!

 

There were two things I did which were a huge help: i) improving myself and my life. I applied more effort at work and that paid dividends, boosting my confidence and allowing me to afford basics like nice clothes, being able to take women to good restaurants etc; I paid more attention to dressing/grooming (before that I was an untidy slob). You are doing that already so that's a good step. ii) simply getting more experience with women e.g. approaching them in public, online, dating just for the sake of dating etc. It just put me more at ease and after a while I began to realise how the game was played. When I look back now at my 24 year old self, I cringe at all the terrible mistakes I made.

 

So, don't fret too much - just apply yourself and get out there! Don't forget to have fun while you're at it

 

Oh yeah - try not to worry too much about being a virgin. At your age some women might even find that a turn-on - it's not often in today's society that you get the chance to be someone's first lover. So just chill, don't be afraid to mention it if someone asks (e.g. if a girl says how many women have you slept with, admit you are a virgin). Alternatively, if you find it too big a psychological block, you could go on a single-minded mission to lose it just to get over that hurdle, and not care too much about who you lose it to. It depends on your attitude - if you think it's a big deal, probably better to wait for Ms Right. If you couldn't care less, then just go out, get drunk, and then you will be too plastered to feel anxious.

[eightvalve]

thank you.