sarme Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 You will totally regret it if you tell. It is opening up a whole can of worms for yourself and you have no idea what the woman is capable of. "Hell hath no fury..."you know?Why would you instigate and bring on all this potential drama into your life that can harm you further? You are meddling in two other people's lives whom you have no clue how they will react, you have no idea what type of people they are or what they are capable of. If I were you I would stay clean, you got rid of a loser husband who was worthless, what more could you ask for? I think you already won. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 The H might be hurt at first, but the hurt is due to his W's behavior - not yours. You'd be doing him a HUGE disservice by not letting him in on what's been going on behind his back with his W and your STBX. Keeping anyone from continuing to be sh-t on is anyone's business who has any caring for others. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ashlyn11 Posted January 18, 2008 Author Share Posted January 18, 2008 Thank you bentnotbroken! How has she directed anger to you, has she tried to approach you in the street? Just curious I'm 34 and haven't been in a fight since high school (lol). And I don't know what this broad is capable of she is 25 and very immature and loud. I guess that is what my STBX likes because I'm total opposite. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 What will OW do? She will lie, deny and gaslight her BS. Will she convince him? Maybe, maybe not - but at least he will have more cards in his hand. Chances are, he has had gut feelings too and perhaps this will be the puzzle piece that he needs to put it all together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ashlyn11 Posted January 18, 2008 Author Share Posted January 18, 2008 You will totally regret it if you tell. It is opening up a whole can of worms for yourself and you have no idea what the woman is capable of. "Hell hath no fury..."you know?Why would you instigate and bring on all this potential drama into your life that can harm you further? You are meddling in two other people's lives whom you have no clue how they will react, you have no idea what type of people they are or what they are capable of. If I were you I would stay clean, you got rid of a loser husband who was worthless, what more could you ask for? I think you already won. TOTALLY Feel you on this Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 I wouldn't do it! I'd put this whole mess behind me and move on with pride and dignity! I would leave them alone in their miserable marriage until the husband caught onto what was happening on his own. I wouldn't stoop to such vulgar and crass behaviour. I wouldn't go down to her level. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Sarme said it better. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Thank you all for your comments and thoughts. I think I'm going to expose the pics to him and not give warning. I know she is still going to deny it because when I confronted her on them she said they are "photo shopped" and it's not her. I had never heard of that until then? I'm sure OW hubby will know his wife's body. OW and my hubby I'm sure think they are in the clear because weeks have gone by. I know it's none of my business and I'm one of this most drama free human beings you will ever meet that's why it's was so easy to tell my STBX that it is over. I don't share men and I just think people who cheat on their spouses should be man or woman enough to say I want to be with somebody else instead of lying about it. I think the OW hubby does deserve know because he is being played as a fool. I will keep you all updated!! I don't think you should show the pictures unless he doesn't believe you...If you are merciful you will just tell him about the A and see what he does with the info...You left your H and that's your right...It's also her H right to decide to R or not...If you show him the pictures that is something that he will never be able to get out of his head...I would spare him the visual... Link to post Share on other sites
sarme Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 TOTALLY Feel you on this Yeah you have to think of your well being Ashlyn, it is not your job to save their marriage. If anything you might even do it some good, a lot of BSs who find out about an affair work harder to keep their spouses because it becomes a reality check they might lose them. Look around this forum there are TONS of examples of men who faught harder to keep their straying Ws after they found out. In fact you might do the OW a favour .Telling on them however will do absolutely nothing for you. You will feel great for the split second you tell and then you will realise that you had absolutely nothing to gain from telling them, you will feel bad about what you did and totally empty because your reality will not change in the least. This woman's husband may even already know. Look a lot of people on here love drama and will tell you "yeah tell, tell! it's your job it's your duty" well if you end up beaten up in a ditch because this woman pulls a 180 on you, where will all these good advisers be? I'll tell you where, not by your side trying to nurse you back to health that's for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 The only "vulgar and crass behavior" would be if you didn't let this poor guy know what his snaky wife was about behind his back when you knew the whole time. And he may not believe you, or she may convince him you've misunderstood something, if you don't at least tell him you have pics. If he wants to see them to cement in his mind that she actually is screwing around behind his back, then he can see them. All the people on here who are telling you NOT to tell him (except maybe Beautiful Mystique) are OW's, so they have a particular agenda. Keep that in mind. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 How hilarious! The OW in the OW FORUM might have an agenda! *giggle* If you don't like the agenda here, perhaps the infidelity forum is a better place for this thread...*wink* Link to post Share on other sites
sarme Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Keep in mind that a lot of the people telling you to tell are BSs who took their spouses back after they found out about an affair, they fought even harder to salvage the marriage to win over their spouses after they found out. So you personally will gain nothing from telling. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Tell him. Trust me, he will thank you for it. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 The only "vulgar and crass behavior" would be if you didn't let this poor guy know what his snaky wife was about behind his back when you knew the whole time. Had to bump this back at ya, 'cause it is soooo true. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 So you personally will gain nothing from telling.It's about doing the right thing, not personal gain. I realize there are a lot of people here have absolutely no concept of anything that they don't personally benefit from..... Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Keep in mind that a lot of the people telling you to tell are BSs who took their spouses back after they found out about an affair, they fought even harder to salvage the marriage to win over their spouses after they found out. So you personally will gain nothing from telling.It's about doing the right thing, not about gaining something for yourself. I know that's a strange concept for a lot of people.... Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 whoops.... Link to post Share on other sites
sarme Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 This woman has already dissolved her marriage and kicked her H out, she has doen much more than a lot of people on here have failed to do what could she possibly gain from telling the other guy? If someone can name me one thing she gains then your advice might actually make sense. Link to post Share on other sites
sarme Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 It's about doing the right thing, not about gaining something for yourself. I know that's a strange concept for a lot of people.... Doing the "right" thing is not worth it if it means putting your own life and wellbieng in danger. PERIOD. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Doing the "right" thing is not worth it if it means putting your own life and wellbieng in danger. PERIOD.And screw all the starving children in the world too, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ashlyn11 Posted January 18, 2008 Author Share Posted January 18, 2008 Thanks again for all your comments keep them coming. Gosh, this is so difficult...I see everyone's point and I know it's my choice at the end of the day. I know she is going to deny it to her hubby because I confronted her in person at my house when she dropped him off from work. (He had a DUI and can't drive for a year) I asked her what the F was going on and she said nothing and that I was crazy. I said crazy huh so I guess I need glasses too huh and I showed her the pictures. She said whatever B those pictures are photoshopped. I said what the F is photoshopped. She said that is not me and I said that is your face B. She said whatever and had the nerve to call me a stank (sp?) whore. I just walked away and told STBX to get his $hit. I'm pissed because I hate to be called a lier and I want to put her on blast. I found emails too from them both telling each other that they were going to leave us and be together. HOW CAN PEOPLE IN THIS SITUATION DENY PHOTOS? Would you think a cheater caught red handed would be remorseful? I don't know:rolleyes: Link to post Share on other sites
BeautifulMystique Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 All the people on here who are telling you NOT to tell him (except maybe Beautiful Mystique) are OW's, so they have a particular agenda. Keep that in mind. I don't have an agenda cos I am neither a BS nor an OW. As I mentioned in my previous post on the 2nd page, it didn't go well with my friend. I don't want Ashlyn to get hurt, that is all. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 It's about doing the right thing, not personal gain. I realize there are a lot of people here have absolutely no concept of anything that they don't personally benefit from..... Soooooo true for some folks. I'm so happy I found a man who is NOTHING like that. He always tries to do the right thing, even if it doesn't benefit him on single bit. Link to post Share on other sites
BeautifulMystique Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 All the people on here who are telling you NOT to tell him (except maybe Beautiful Mystique) are OW's, so they have a particular agenda. Keep that in mind. I don't have an agenda cos I am neither a BS nor an OW. My opinion came from what happened to a friend of mine as I posted on page 2 of this thread. It didn't turn out well for her when she told OW's SO. My concern is that I don't want Ashlyn to get hurt. That is all. Link to post Share on other sites
BeautifulMystique Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Ooopss... double post - sort of! Server went nutsy! Link to post Share on other sites
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