luvmy2ns Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Thanks again for all your comments keep them coming. Gosh, this is so difficult...I see everyone's point and I know it's my choice at the end of the day. I know she is going to deny it to her hubby because I confronted her in person at my house when she dropped him off from work. (He had a DUI and can't drive for a year) I asked her what the F was going on and she said nothing and that I was crazy. I said crazy huh so I guess I need glasses too huh and I showed her the pictures. She said whatever B those pictures are photoshopped. I said what the F is photoshopped. She said that is not me and I said that is your face B. She said whatever and had the nerve to call me a stank (sp?) whore. I just walked away and told STBX to get his $hit. I'm pissed because I hate to be called a lier and I want to put her on blast. I found emails too from them both telling each other that they were going to leave us and be together. HOW CAN PEOPLE IN THIS SITUATION DENY PHOTOS? Would you think a cheater caught red handed would be remorseful? I don't know:rolleyes: So you've already confronted the cheating wretch, and she didn't hurt you? Good. I doubt the hubby would. I know I would appreciate knowing if it were me. Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 It's about doing the right thing, not about gaining something for yourself. I know that's a strange concept for a lot of people.... Telling someone a painful truth does take courage. I vote that you tell her husband, and offer the pictures for his evidence. He probably will thank you for your concern. If his wife should attempt to project her anger onto you then see it for what it is, a desperate reaction to being discovered. Avoid her as best you can and be careful. She will probably have other things to focus on once her husband finds out. I wish you courage and strength in what must be a painful time. Link to post Share on other sites
sarme Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Thanks again for all your comments keep them coming. Gosh, this is so difficult...I see everyone's point and I know it's my choice at the end of the day. I know she is going to deny it to her hubby because I confronted her in person at my house when she dropped him off from work. (He had a DUI and can't drive for a year) I asked her what the F was going on and she said nothing and that I was crazy. I said crazy huh so I guess I need glasses too huh and I showed her the pictures. She said whatever B those pictures are photoshopped. I said what the F is photoshopped. She said that is not me and I said that is your face B. She said whatever and had the nerve to call me a stank (sp?) whore. I just walked away and told STBX to get his $hit. I'm pissed because I hate to be called a lier and I want to put her on blast. I found emails too from them both telling each other that they were going to leave us and be together. HOW CAN PEOPLE IN THIS SITUATION DENY PHOTOS? Would you think a cheater caught red handed would be remorseful? I don't know:rolleyes: WOW that is just absolutely crazy, that woman sounds like total trailer trash. and that is hilarious that she would deny it is her photos. Just by the way she directed her insulting comments at you when it is not your fault she got caught doing something she should not have, I can see that she is a violent and agressive person. Think about it, why would you even want to mess with someone like that? It sounds like she will stoop really low to get her way, and doing something to you is not out of the question. Ask yourself this: what do you hope to accomplish from telling? That is the bottom line you should be focusing on. You don't deserve to get hurt further by someone so low it sounds like she would have nothing to lose in making your life miserable, when people are that low they will act out because they have nothing to lose anyway. Just like the people here telling you to do something tha could potentially put your life at risk, have nothin to lose either. I am thinking of your wellbeing, their world will come crumbling down in its own with or without your influence you see? ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
lost4ever Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 LS should have a feature where we give the BS's address, and a "questionaire" is sent to there email asking Would you want to know if your spouse was having an affair (choose one) than they could send us an email...she/he said yes, tell them...all of our problems would be solved Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 All the people on here who are telling you NOT to tell him (except maybe Beautiful Mystique) are OW's, so they have a particular agenda Wrong! I am not an OW!!! Sarme, Again. your post shines through! Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 All the people on here who are telling you NOT to tell him (except maybe Beautiful Mystique) are OW's, so they have a particular agenda Wrong! I am not an OW!!! Sarme, Again, your post is shining example of civilised thought. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 All the people on here who are telling you NOT to tell him (except maybe Beautiful Mystique) are OW's, so they have a particular agenda Wrong! I am not an OW. I was a long time ago just as I was a BS a long time ago. Sarme, Again, your post is shining example of civilised thought. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Sorry for the multiple post. Somehow my posts were intercepted. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Thank you bentnotbroken! How has she directed anger to you, has she tried to approach you in the street? Just curious I'm 34 and haven't been in a fight since high school (lol). And I don't know what this broad is capable of she is 25 and very immature and loud. I guess that is what my STBX likes because I'm total opposite. She is just doing stupid high school stuff, like googling my user name(which Mr. Messy Pants gave her to monitor me when they were hot and heavy) and cyber stalking. She would post on and infidelity sit e that I was on. She said some horrible things about my children and where she left her cum stains in my house. She and a girlfriend like to go to some of the same functions that I attend and make a scene. I even spotted her on campus with me last week. I think that she feels as if I ruined her life, because we live in the same neighborhood and everyone just kind of turned their backs on her. Like I said she is a repeat offender. Mr. Messy said that it is because she is a game player and she saw me as beneath her. But when I beat her at her own game, it pissed her off. Typical NPD, that's why they deserve each other. Even though she doesn't want him anymore. I can take care of myself, but I choose not to engage her physically,unless she puts her hands on me. Then I will use my years of kick boxing, boxing and weight lifting to whip her @$$. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ashlyn11 Posted January 18, 2008 Author Share Posted January 18, 2008 Ok, what would I gain, that is the question? Maybe doing a good deed to OW husband who is probably in the dark. I mean I wish someone would have told me what my STBX was doing. Yeah this girl is insane but I'm sure STBX has told her that I have a permit to carry. So I don't think she would be that dumb to attack me. Although I would not harm anyone unless I was truly in danger. I've never been a vengeful person and I feel maybe I would gain satisfaction in knowing that she was exposed. I don't want my anger to get the best of me. Yes my STBX is garbage and I should be celebrating get rid of him but it still hurts cause I was betrayed. Like I said before why cause your spouse pain by cheating just leave them alone and go be with the other woman. Don't continue to lie about it. Link to post Share on other sites
BeautifulMystique Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Like I said before why cause your spouse pain by cheating just leave them alone and go be with the other woman. Don't continue to lie about it. That could very well be that they are selfish and feel they can get away with it. A few do leave their marriages to be with OW/OM. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Yeah you have to think of your well being Ashlyn, it is not your job to save their marriage. If anything you might even do it some good, a lot of BSs who find out about an affair work harder to keep their spouses because it becomes a reality check they might lose them. Look around this forum there are TONS of examples of men who faught harder to keep their straying Ws after they found out. In fact you might do the OW a favour .Telling on them however will do absolutely nothing for you. You will feel great for the split second you tell and then you will realise that you had absolutely nothing to gain from telling them, you will feel bad about what you did and totally empty because your reality will not change in the least. This woman's husband may even already know. Look a lot of people on here love drama and will tell you "yeah tell, tell! it's your job it's your duty" well if you end up beaten up in a ditch because this woman pulls a 180 on you, where will all these good advisers be? I'll tell you where, not by your side trying to nurse you back to health that's for sure. I feel great for more than a second. It is entirely your choice whether or not to tell him, but not matter what the consequences were, I knew that I couldn't live with myself if he got a disease from her or Mr. Messy Pants and I could have warned him. He has 4 children and he needs to take care of himself for them. They need at least one parent who is responsible, and has some type of character judgment. I would do it again and even with her crap, I don't regret it. I did what I believed was right, still do. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 I wouldn't do it! I'd put this whole mess behind me and move on with pride and dignity! I would leave them alone in their miserable marriage until the husband caught onto what was happening on his own. I wouldn't stoop to such vulgar and crass behaviour. I wouldn't go down to her level. I didn't stoop to anyone's level. I handled the situation that was handed to me, to the best of my ability. I handled it with much more respect and diginity for her and her children, than she had for mine. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Keep in mind that a lot of the people telling you to tell are BSs who took their spouses back after they found out about an affair, they fought even harder to salvage the marriage to win over their spouses after they found out. So you personally will gain nothing from telling. I didn't take Mr. Messy back, he wasn't worth the effort. I am happy with my choice. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 I don't think it is about wanting to do good by the husband. It's pure vengeance. Shakespeare said it better, " Hell hath no fury like a woman in sccccorn." Ahsh, you will only get a momentary sense of satisfaction. Nothing more. In all likelihood, they will continue in the marriage. Protect yourself. Keep a distance. Why would you want all this drama in your life? It will backfire on you. And you will be more miserable. . Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 This woman has already dissolved her marriage and kicked her H out, she has doen much more than a lot of people on here have failed to do what could she possibly gain from telling the other guy? If someone can name me one thing she gains then your advice might actually make sense. Some of us REALLY do live our lives without always looking at what's in it for us. It just the right thing to do. By giving him the opportunity to protect himself. If he chooses to ignore what she tells him, so be it. But she will give him that choice, something that his WW didn't do for him. She made all the decisions about her life and his, that's who has something to gain. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Doing the "right" thing is not worth it if it means putting your own life and wellbieng in danger. PERIOD. People do it everyday. Some because of jobs they have chosen, police, fire fighters, soldiers, teachers. If I saw a person being abused, my nature is to try and stop it. This BS is being abused by his wife. I recognize and respect that you aren't going to involve yourself in anything that isn't beneficial for you, but not everyone thinks that way. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Pretty sad, isn't it, when the first thing people think about is "what's in it for me?" So many leaning that way these days. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Thanks again for all your comments keep them coming. Gosh, this is so difficult...I see everyone's point and I know it's my choice at the end of the day. I know she is going to deny it to her hubby because I confronted her in person at my house when she dropped him off from work. (He had a DUI and can't drive for a year) I asked her what the F was going on and she said nothing and that I was crazy. I said crazy huh so I guess I need glasses too huh and I showed her the pictures. She said whatever B those pictures are photoshopped. I said what the F is photoshopped. She said that is not me and I said that is your face B. She said whatever and had the nerve to call me a stank (sp?) whore. I just walked away and told STBX to get his $hit. I'm pissed because I hate to be called a lier and I want to put her on blast. I found emails too from them both telling each other that they were going to leave us and be together. HOW CAN PEOPLE IN THIS SITUATION DENY PHOTOS? Would you think a cheater caught red handed would be remorseful? I don't know:rolleyes: Not Mr. Messy. We had e-mails, journals and pictures. They both denied it to the very end. Until they were served with divorce papers with each named as the reason. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 I don't think it is about wanting to do good by the husband. It's pure vengeance. Shakespeare said it better, " Hell hath no fury like a woman in sccccorn." Ahsh, you will only get a momentary sense of satisfaction. Nothing more. In all likelihood, they will continue in the marriage. Protect yourself. Keep a distance. Why would you want all this drama in your life? It will backfire on you. And you will be more miserable. . HELLLOOOO, Not miserable. And the satisfaction came in her my children not losing everything because of the two of them. I know that God will deal with them, I don't have to get revenge, it's a wast of energy and time. Link to post Share on other sites
sarme Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Ok, what would I gain, that is the question? Maybe doing a good deed to OW husband who is probably in the dark. I mean I wish someone would have told me what my STBX was doing. Yeah this girl is insane but I'm sure STBX has told her that I have a permit to carry. So I don't think she would be that dumb to attack me. Although I would not harm anyone unless I was truly in danger. I've never been a vengeful person and I feel maybe I would gain satisfaction in knowing that she was exposed. I don't want my anger to get the best of me. Yes my STBX is garbage and I should be celebrating get rid of him but it still hurts cause I was betrayed. Like I said before why cause your spouse pain by cheating just leave them alone and go be with the other woman. Don't continue to lie about it. Everything you just mentioned makes perfect sense, and in fact it seems you have nothing to lose in that you won't be in danger at all and it is the right thing to do for everyone. So what's stopping you from telling then? And out of curiosity what prompted you to reach out to people here to see what you should do? Link to post Share on other sites
sarme Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 People do it everyday. Some because of jobs they have chosen, police, fire fighters, soldiers, teachers. If I saw a person being abused, my nature is to try and stop it. This BS is being abused by his wife. I recognize and respect that you aren't going to involve yourself in anything that isn't beneficial for you, but not everyone thinks that way. Isn't your story where you were going to post flyers all over the shooll parking lot and expose them to all the neighbourhood kids and teachers and then you opted against that? If so you did the right thing, because you would have looked crazy not them....I don't see how revenge worked for you? Refresh my memory please.... Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Isn't your story where you were going to post flyers all over the shooll parking lot and expose them to all the neighbourhood kids and teachers and then you opted against that? If so you did the right thing, because you would have looked crazy not them....I don't see how revenge worked for you? Refresh my memory please.... That was in the first moments of "I want to kill those two JA's," and then she thought better and did things right. And she DID tell the other BS so he would have the right to make the decisions for he and his children that should be made. Just as she has said on this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 People do it everyday. Some because of jobs they have chosen, police, fire fighters, soldiers, teachers. If I saw a person being abused, my nature is to try and stop it. This BS is being abused by his wife. Likening the scorn and vengeance of a BS to people like teachers and firefighters who contribute to a better and safer society is blasphemy. Next you'll be telling us it is like being in the Peace Corps,LOL!! Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Likening the scorn and vengeance of a BS to people like teachers and firefighters who contribute to a better and safer society is blasphemy. Next you'll be telling us it is like being in the Peace Corps,LOL!! She was likening "doing the right thing even though you have no personal gain coming" to those things. Link to post Share on other sites
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