Question for OW?

[BeautifulMystique]

I called their home # and OW hubby is on the answering machine and provided their cell #'s in case of emergency. I called OW hubby cell. I told him who I was and that I have some information on OW and my STBX relationship. He said he couldn't meet today but he wanted to see what I had. I forwarded him the info and stayed on the phone while he checked his email.

 

He was silent for awhile. He said he thought something was going on but like me wasn't sure no hard evidence. HE SAID THE PHOTOS WERE TAKEN AT HIS HOME I was totally floored. He said that is our bed...our couch. I thought they were at a hotel. He thanked me for this and I could hear his voice starting to crack. I told him I'm was sorry but I didn't want him to be in the dark. I told him I was getting a divorce and he wanted to know who my attorney was and how much it cost etc.

 

5min after I got off the phone with him. The OW called me:eek: yelling, cursing and she said the only way we can get this cleared up is for me, my STBX and her hubby to meet. (Not sure what that is going to do) I let her yell and scream and then I hung up.

 

How do I feel? Better, at least the hubby knows now. I feel like I did a good deed today and know some of you disagree and we all have different opinions. I thank everyone for their opinions. The truth will set you free, right? I feel like now I can move pass this situation and not having to wonder if OW hubby was still sitting in the dark.

 

Hi Ashlyn. I hope you're doing okay.

[norajane]

I called their home # and OW hubby is on the answering machine and provided their cell #'s in case of emergency. I called OW hubby cell. I told him who I was and that I have some information on OW and my STBX relationship. He said he couldn't meet today but he wanted to see what I had. I forwarded him the info and stayed on the phone while he checked his email.

 

He was silent for awhile. He said he thought something was going on but like me wasn't sure no hard evidence. HE SAID THE PHOTOS WERE TAKEN AT HIS HOME I was totally floored. He said that is our bed...our couch. I thought they were at a hotel. He thanked me for this and I could hear his voice starting to crack. I told him I'm was sorry but I didn't want him to be in the dark. I told him I was getting a divorce and he wanted to know who my attorney was and how much it cost etc.

 

5min after I got off the phone with him. The OW called me:eek: yelling, cursing and she said the only way we can get this cleared up is for me, my STBX and her hubby to meet. (Not sure what that is going to do) I let her yell and scream and then I hung up.

 

How do I feel? Better, at least the hubby knows now. I feel like I did a good deed today and know some of you disagree and we all have different opinions. I thank everyone for their opinions. The truth will set you free, right? I feel like now I can move pass this situation and not having to wonder if OW hubby was still sitting in the dark.

 

You believe you did the right thing, and it seems her husband agrees. I also agree - it's what I would have done, and if I were the BS, I would want someone, anyone to tell me so I too can make choices about my marriage just like my cheating partner made choices!

 

And I agree with those who said it is the affair that causes the harm. Telling the BS so he knows about it only causes confrontation with the fact the affair has been going on.

 

Take care of yourself ashlyn. Good luck to you.

[sour grapes]

did she ask you before she decided to take a ride on your H ? didnt she ruin your relationship the way i see it she knew he was married she didnt care if your going to sleep with another womans H well you just better be ready for her rath if i had the chance i would do it i see nothing wrong with that she ruined your marriage well now u have the chance to ruin her's

[child_of_isis]

Ashlyn didn't ruin OW's marriage. OW did.

[Trialbyfire]

I called their home # and OW hubby is on the answering machine and provided their cell #'s in case of emergency. I called OW hubby cell. I told him who I was and that I have some information on OW and my STBX relationship. He said he couldn't meet today but he wanted to see what I had. I forwarded him the info and stayed on the phone while he checked his email.

 

He was silent for awhile. He said he thought something was going on but like me wasn't sure no hard evidence. HE SAID THE PHOTOS WERE TAKEN AT HIS HOME I was totally floored. He said that is our bed...our couch. I thought they were at a hotel. He thanked me for this and I could hear his voice starting to crack. I told him I'm was sorry but I didn't want him to be in the dark. I told him I was getting a divorce and he wanted to know who my attorney was and how much it cost etc.

 

5min after I got off the phone with him. The OW called me:eek: yelling, cursing and she said the only way we can get this cleared up is for me, my STBX and her hubby to meet. (Not sure what that is going to do) I let her yell and scream and then I hung up.

 

How do I feel? Better, at least the hubby knows now. I feel like I did a good deed today and know some of you disagree and we all have different opinions. I thank everyone for their opinions. The truth will set you free, right? I feel like now I can move pass this situation and not having to wonder if OW hubby was still sitting in the dark.

Well done, ashlyn, the OWs husband deserved to know!

 

You've got a lawyer and he will have one soon. Don't discuss anything with the other two unless the lawyers are present.

[BeautifulMystique]

if your going to sleep with another womans H well you just better be ready for her rath if i had the chance i would do it i see nothing wrong with that she ruined your marriage well now u have the chance to ruin her's

 

Two wrongs don't make it right. If I understood your post correctly, Ashlyn has no interest in sleeping with the OW's H. She has self-respect and wouldn't do it even if the OW's H wanted to bed her. What kind of an approach is that?

[norajane]

Two wrongs don't make it right. If I understood your post correctly, Ashlyn has no interest in sleeping with the OW's H. She has self-respect and wouldn't do it even if the OW's H wanted to bed her. What kind of an approach is that?

 

I read sour grapes' post to mean something like this (pronouns clarified in bold):

 

did she ask you before she decided to take a ride on your H ? didnt she ruin your relationship? the way i see it OW knew your H was married OW didnt care.

 

if OW is going to sleep with another womans H well, OW just better be ready for W's wrath. if i had the chance i would do it. i see nothing wrong with that. OW ruined W"s marriage; well now u have the chance to ruin OW's

 

and not that Ashlyn would sleep with the OW's H!

[BeautifulMystique]

I read sour grapes' post to mean something like this (pronouns clarified in bold):

 

Thank you norajane. Whoa, you must be really good at reading and understanding peoples' posts. I completely read it the way I did. That was how I see it anyway. Thanks again for clarifying it.

[ashlyn11]

I'm doing fine, and I have no intentions of sleeping with OW's hubby. Some of my friends made a joke about doing that but no because thats not in my character.

 

Her hubby said he was going to pack his things and stay with friends. I really don't think he is going to leave her. He called late last night and we talked for a good hour. I think he truly loves her. He is doing what I did in the beginning which is blaming my myself. All I heard was I don't know what I did wrong. I kept telling him you did nothing wrong, it's her.

 

OW called me again and asking for this "conference". I told her there is no reason to meet. She says there is because we need to clear this matter up.

 

STBX continued to call me (approx 20 times) saying I need to apologize to OW and her hubby and their family. I almost lost it. But I said don't ever call me again or I'm getting a restraining order your harrassing me.

 

I know I have to be ready for the OW wrath because she got caught literally with her pants down. And she is going to blame me for her marriage problems from now on.

 

Also, OW hubby said she is denying to him it's her in the photos too. When do cheaters finally admit? I guess they will lie until the day they die. That's pretty sad though. I don't condone cheating but it's like if your going to do be smart. Who would take photos with their face in the pictures, or write very detail emails and keep the evidence. Oh well I'm glad all the parties to this affair know now.

[CAT100]

But is your agenda for the good of anyone? OW's are helping the cheaters cheat. I don't think that's a good agenda. The OP came on here looking for objective advice, and it doesn't appear she is getting it from any of the OW's, except OWoman.

 

I am an OW & I think my advice has been objective. I told her to tell the OWs H so he can make his mind up regards his future, with or without her.

[norajane]

Also, OW hubby said she is denying to him it's her in the photos too. When do cheaters finally admit? I guess they will lie until the day they die. That's pretty sad though. I don't condone cheating but it's like if your going to do be smart. Who would take photos with their face in the pictures, or write very detail emails and keep the evidence. Oh well I'm glad all the parties to this affair know now.

 

Um, so how did she explain away the fact the pictures were taken in HER home, on HER bed, HER couch? How did your hubby manage to get into their house with another woman, have sex, and then photoshop her face onto the pictures...and WHY would he do such a thing?

 

I hope OW's H isn't in so much denial that he actually believes her bullsh*t.

[OWoman]

Um, so how did she explain away the fact the pictures were taken in HER home, on HER bed, HER couch? How did your hubby manage to get into their house with another woman, have sex, and then photoshop her face onto the pictures...and WHY would he do such a thing? .

 

Yes NJ I agree that the WHY question on that one is a pretty big stretch. I've used Photoshop enough to know that to get a realistic result takes an enormous amount of time - even for a professional - unless the scene has been very carefully positioned and lit to facilitate that. Why would anyone want to go to those lengths?

 

Of course, her H would either recognise the body as hers, or dismiss the photos at the outset if it wasn't. He didn't.

 

Ashlyn I'm glad your decision is taken and has left you feeling good about it - and I hope that there's no further fall-out. I agree absolutely about not meeting - give them your lawyer's number as that's the correct channel for any further discussions. You have nothing to gain from such a meeting and I think the agenda is pretty clear!

[ashlyn11]

Um, so how did she explain away the fact the pictures were taken in HER home, on HER bed, HER couch? How did your hubby manage to get into their house with another woman, have sex, and then photoshop her face onto the pictures...and WHY would he do such a thing?

 

I hope OW's H isn't in so much denial that he actually believes her bullsh*t.

 

Norajane, I don't know how she is trying to explain those facts. I was cleaning house today thinking about that all morning...It's crazy. Not to be too graphic but some of the pictures are of them kissing, her and him nude on the bed and couch, her nude with her behind in the air and smiling etc. You can't photoshop that stuff. I'm sorry but OW hubby sounds like a little slow. He is 34 also and I don't see how he can not recognize B.S. And then the emails OW said I wrote them, how in the hell would I be able to write emails that in detail about her and her hubby's relationship and my STBX relationship. I just came to the conclusion he doesn't want to face reality. He called again this morning his exact words were OW said the pics and emails were made up but now she's not talking to me so I guess they are her. I sitting there on the phone like "DUH?":rolleyes:

[Trialbyfire]

I'm doing fine, and I have no intentions of sleeping with OW's hubby. Some of my friends made a joke about doing that but no because thats not in my character.

 

Her hubby said he was going to pack his things and stay with friends. I really don't think he is going to leave her. He called late last night and we talked for a good hour. I think he truly loves her. He is doing what I did in the beginning which is blaming my myself. All I heard was I don't know what I did wrong. I kept telling him you did nothing wrong, it's her.

 

OW called me again and asking for this "conference". I told her there is no reason to meet. She says there is because we need to clear this matter up.

 

STBX continued to call me (approx 20 times) saying I need to apologize to OW and her hubby and their family. I almost lost it. But I said don't ever call me again or I'm getting a restraining order your harrassing me.

 

I know I have to be ready for the OW wrath because she got caught literally with her pants down. And she is going to blame me for her marriage problems from now on.

 

Also, OW hubby said she is denying to him it's her in the photos too. When do cheaters finally admit? I guess they will lie until the day they die. That's pretty sad though. I don't condone cheating but it's like if your going to do be smart. Who would take photos with their face in the pictures, or write very detail emails and keep the evidence. Oh well I'm glad all the parties to this affair know now.

Gaslighting is common amongst cheaters. They'll lie until they die, unless you have sufficient evidence to combat the lies. You apparently do.

 

Don't worry so much about the OW's husband. If he doesn't want to believe the pics, that's not your concern. You've done the right thing in giving him proof of the affair and if he chooses the route of denial, he will live to rue the day. Keep in mind that regardless of what he says, he will be on alert and watching the OW like a hawk.

 

You've managed to shut down the affair, in that affair partners when caught with their pants down, will sometimes cannibalize each other. This seems to be what's happening so good for you!!

Edited January 19, 2008 by Trialbyfire
Hmmm...freudian misspelling...

[sarme]

Also, OW hubby said she is denying to him it's her in the photos too. When do cheaters finally admit? I guess they will lie until the day they die. That's pretty sad though. I don't condone cheating but it's like if your going to do be smart. Who would take photos with their face in the pictures, or write very detail emails and keep the evidence. Oh well I'm glad all the parties to this affair know now.

 

The cheater that is forced to come clean never does, the thing about admiting to an affair so that one can move on and replenish a marriage is that it has to come from within. That need to tell all and to come clean has to be from within the cheater. So it is not surprising that she will continue to lie over something as obvious as the pictures being her. Also don't count on the A ending just because you told, what happens now usually is that the cheaters try harder to hide the A and sneak around. They wait until the dust settles and then continue with the A. It only makes both people want each other even more because now they are being told they can't be together so it makes it much more exciting. You see what you did may feel right because you made the BS aware of what was going on but he as in MOST cases, will not accept the truths for what they are, BSs are often in denial and continue to buy into the lies, and the cheater tries harder to conceal the lies. This is why I was telling you it is no use to tell if you expect anything out of it. I speak from experience on this, my guy who I am now together with, he divorced his W to be with me, only tried to hide it more when she caught him. We knew we wanted to be together and that is all that mattered. He was not willing to walk away from me, so her finding out only made it more difficult for us, but in fact it sped up the process for him to decide what to do because we knew we could not be apart from each other. In a way I am happy she found out because then he was forced to choose, but I never wanted her to find out because I did not want her to hurt like that. I thought he would D her without her knowing I was in the picture and she would never find out and that would be that. Anyway the important thing is that you followed your gut and you did what you felt was right for the OW's H and now you feel good about your decision and you can go on with your life. :-)

Edited January 19, 2008 by sarme

[scaredinlove]

I'm not sure if I posted in the right place but need opinions and if been lurking around on the internet for a few days and decided I needed to post my dilemma.

I just found out Christmas Eve 07 my hubby was cheating with another MW. I saw signs 2 years ago but I wasn't sure until now. I found pictures of him and her naked in his phone. I finally decided to take a look one night while he sleeping. He started guarding the phone 24/7 and I'm wondering WTF is he hiding. Anyways I sent them to my email in case he deleted them. I was going to wait for more evidence but I couldn't so I confronted him, he admitted and now he's gone. But Whatever, he was a freakin loser anyways the cheating just put icing on the cake. I filed for divorce last week.

I confronted the OW also and she denied it but nearly $hit her pants when I showed her the photos. Well, I want to contact OW hubby. But I'm not sure what risk I'm taking by contacting OW hubby. I want him to know, he should know.

 

But my question for the OW out there is what would you do if you were exposed? Do I need to watch out for OW retaliating?

 

Just move on with your life, if you feel you H was a loser and you are happy he is gone, than just leave the OP go.

 

Good luck for you

[bentnotbroken]

Norajane, I don't know how she is trying to explain those facts. I was cleaning house today thinking about that all morning...It's crazy. Not to be too graphic but some of the pictures are of them kissing, her and him nude on the bed and couch, her nude with her behind in the air and smiling etc. You can't photoshop that stuff. I'm sorry but OW hubby sounds like a little slow. He is 34 also and I don't see how he can not recognize B.S. And then the emails OW said I wrote them, how in the hell would I be able to write emails that in detail about her and her hubby's relationship and my STBX relationship. I just came to the conclusion he doesn't want to face reality. He called again this morning his exact words were OW said the pics and emails were made up but now she's not talking to me so I guess they are her. I sitting there on the phone like "DUH?":rolleyes:

 

 

Look at the top of the e-mails. On it will be where they came from and who they are sent to,you can even get an IP number from somewhere, I'll have to ask my friend again to see where the computor where the emails came from. I did and I was able to trace her emails back to her house. Kinda like people who get banned from sites, by their IP address.

[bentnotbroken]

You have done all that you need to do. What he does or doesn't do with the info is his business and as far as she goes, tell her if she harasses you, you will have a restraining order placed on her( and you STBX) and if that doesn't stop them, use my threat. You will spread the emails and pictures around for everyone to decide if they are real or not. God bless you and many blessings.

[mopar crazy]

I didn't want the BH to find out about his W and my H A, I didn't want to hurt him. I was already hurting so badly, I didn't want to do the same to him. However, about a week or two later he came to me and told me everything. He had much more info than I had on the two of them. He was doing a lot of detective work and found us proof of their A. I was extremely grateful he came and talked to me. W/O him I would probably continued to be in denial.

I think the BH deserves to know.