I need some breakup advice

[Eric]

Forget about the screen name I just wanted some advice. My girlfriend 17 and I 18 recently broke up with me because I wasn't making her happy and she didn't want to hurt me anymore. I was too controlling over her and now I finally realize that. She told me that she is not in love with me anymore and that she stills cares for me a lot and wants to be my friend because she still loves me as a friend. I wanted to know because I guess in a way I'm kind of stubborn but I was just wondering what the chances are of her ever falling in love with me again? I wanted to know if we could ever be a couple again.

 

thanks,

 

Eric

[Roxanne]

if i were you i would give her time. who knows what might happen. if at one time she truly loved you at one point she could not just fall out of love. she proubly just needs time away from you if you tried to contol her. no one likes some one to act like they own them. it seems to me that you need to work on your self before you try to be in a relationship with someone.

 

roxanne

Forget about the screen name I just wanted some advice. My girlfriend 17 and I 18 recently broke up with me because I wasn't making her happy and she didn't want to hurt me anymore. I was too controlling over her and now I finally realize that. She told me that she is not in love with me anymore and that she stills cares for me a lot and wants to be my friend because she still loves me as a friend. I wanted to know because I guess in a way I'm kind of stubborn but I was just wondering what the chances are of her ever falling in love with me again? I wanted to know if we could ever be a couple again. thanks, Eric

[Totally Confused]

Honestly, it's doubtful -at least for now. That's the mistake most people make. A person who is in love with them will only take so much abuse before they tire of it. She was sick of your controlling and stubborn ways (usually a sign of insecurity on your part). She got over it and slowly started realizing that she didn't want that kind of quality in a man in her life. It's like she's built up an immunity to it. Now whenever she starts to date anyone who's controling or too stuborn, she'll most likely get turned off by those qualities and leave the guy. She already knows that you are the way you are and she knows you can't just change. Even if you want to change, she knows it's part of your personality. She's not going to want to deal with it. You guys have probably had this fight many times. You've probably promised to change or may have even backed off with your controlling side a bit, but eventually (after 2/3 weeks of toning it down) you go back to your old ways. She finally got sick of the ups and downs, accepted that you are who you are and weren't going to ever change. She then said to herself, I don't want this, I don't love these qualities in him, they make me incredibly unhappy, therefore if I don't and can't accept these qualities, I don't fully love him and therefore don't want to be with him. She wants to be with someone who doesn't drag her down or make her feel yucky. She wants to look forward to seeing the person she's dating, not be miserable and dread the moments with him or constantly fight with him. Your significant other is supposed to lift up your day and make everything that is ordinary a whole lot better. They're supposed to be there for you and lift your moods, not cause you to be stressed out and depressed. You're missing her, cause she made you happy and fulfilled the needs you had. She's not missing a relationship with you, cause you made her unhappy and didn't fulfill all the needs she wanted. Listen to what she's telling you. She's been telling you what was making her unhappy in the relationship for a while now, and you obviously weren't listening, because you've lost her. She does care for you as a person - I believe that. You have other great qualities that she really likes, plus you guys did spend time together and there is a friendship and she will miss that part of it, but she's not in love with you, because you don't possess the qualities she wants in someone. In her mind, the negatives are outweighing the positives, even though there are probably more positive qualities about you than negative. It's just that the negatives are more unbearable to her. It doesn't make you a bad person, it just makes you two a bad match in her eyes.

 

Now if you learn from this break-up that maybe you may be a bit too controlling and stubborn, you might want to take some time alone and work on that, so you don't make the same mistake with another girl in the future.

 

In the meantime, try to stay friendly with this girl (but not too chummy, because you don't want her to get too comfortable and start looking at you as just a friend). You never know if she could start feeling for you again, if over time she sees that you've really and genuinely changed. If she sees you going back to your old stubborn and controlling ways, even slightly, you'll lose her much more quickly than you did the first time.

 

Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.

[Shirley]

Forget about the screen name I just wanted some advice. My girlfriend 17 and I 18 recently broke up with me because I wasn't making her happy and she didn't want to hurt me anymore. I was too controlling over her and now I finally realize that. She told me that she is not in love with me anymore and that she stills cares for me a lot and wants to be my friend because she still loves me as a friend. I wanted to know because I guess in a way I'm kind of stubborn but I was just wondering what the chances are of her ever falling in love with me again? I wanted to know if we could ever be a couple again. thanks, Eric

 

Hi Eric

 

It all depends on what you mean by "too controlling". And what you mean by being stubborn. Any amount of "controlling" is too much. And stubbornness can be a good thing once in a while, but not when it comes to relationships. A good relationship means opening up, and sharing your life with that person. Letting your guard down with her.

[Leeza]

I would say there's a good chance of you two getting back together. She may have broken up with you cuz she's confused about the relationship. Try being friends (going to movies, the mall, parties). Dolittle things for her like helping her with homework or buying her a pop when she's broke and let your sweetness shine through. Hopefully, she'll realize that you really dig her and that any girl would be lucky to have you as a boyfriend--hint:her. Look at it like this: your love hasn't ripened yet. It takes time and work to prove your sincerity.

Forget about the screen name I just wanted some advice. My girlfriend 17 and I 18 recently broke up with me because I wasn't making her happy and she didn't want to hurt me anymore. I was too controlling over her and now I finally realize that. She told me that she is not in love with me anymore and that she stills cares for me a lot and wants to be my friend because she still loves me as a friend. I wanted to know because I guess in a way I'm kind of stubborn but I was just wondering what the chances are of her ever falling in love with me again? I wanted to know if we could ever be a couple again. thanks, Eric