agirlwithquestions Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 (edited) I have this friend that I've been hanging out with a lot lately. I think he's really fun, intelligent, and interesting. We seem to have a lot of common interests. He has let it be known that he is interested in me. But the last time I saw him I told him that I hoped he didn't think I was leading him on, and that I wasn't interested in anything more than friendship. However now I am not so sure if that is the truth. About four months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of six years and moved far away from where he lives. We still talk on the phone, say I love you, and talk about getting back together. We broke up because he didn't appreciate me or our relationship anymore after all of those years, and I found out he was lying to me. I am the one who broke up with him. Now that I am gone, he is regretting everything and wishes that he had it all back. I am not really sure I can ever fully trust my ex again. Every day brings something new that I question. I have days when I think that he only tells me the truth 50% of the time. So, back to the friend. Before I realized that he liked me, whenever I'd go shopping for clothes I'd think to myself "would he like this?" and when we do things together I try to look nice. Also I really look forward to seeing him and think about him a lot. The thing is, I am not sure that I am physically attracted to him. He's cute, but not my normal "type". I don't know if I do like my friend, or if I just want myself to like him so I can get some distance from my ex. Also, if I do like him, I now feel like a jerk for telling him that I'm not interested. I think if I really do like him, part of not being able to admit it is due to my ex. My ex told me that if I date anyone he never wants to speak to me again, since he wants to get back together with me in the future. Also, I am not ready for a relationship. But I wouldn't mind dating, and having a friend to fool around with. Do you think that there's a possibility that I truly like my friend, or do you think that I just want myself to like him so I can get over my ex? Any other thoughts about my situation? Edited January 19, 2008 by agirlwithquestions . Link to post Share on other sites
BeautifulMystique Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 I don't know if I do like my friend, or if I just want myself to like him so I can get some distance from my ex. Also, if I do like him, I now feel like a jerk for telling him that I'm not interested. I think if I really do like him, part of not being able to admit it is due to my ex. My ex told me that if I date anyone he never wants to speak to me again, since he wants to get back together with me in the future. Also, I am not ready for a relationship. But I wouldn't mind dating, and having a friend to fool around with. Do you think that there's a possibility that I truly like my friend, or do you think that I just want myself to like him so I can get over my ex? Any other thoughts about my situation? There is a possibility that you really like your friend. I know I wouldn't dress for anyone else but myself and maybe a tiny bit for the guy that I like/have a crush on. If that is so, then that to me means I like that guy. So yeah, you probably like your friend a bit more than you'd like to think so. Ex is an ex. He lied to you and you feel that you can't trust him anymore, not 100% anyway so why would you want to go back to him? Why leave a space for him to get back to you? You said it yourself that you're not ready to be in a relationship, the best thing to do is to let your friend know that you need some time to but you would like to get together as often as possible to see where it might lead to. It doesn't have to be rushed, just go with the flow. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 yeah you do like him as something more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author agirlwithquestions Posted January 19, 2008 Author Share Posted January 19, 2008 Thanks for the replies. You are right, I'm just going to go with the flow and see what happens. Any other responses are appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 Ex is an ex. He lied to you and you feel that you can't trust him anymore, not 100% anyway so why would you want to go back to him? Why leave a space for him to get back to you? How very true. Run away, don't just walk away slowly. For the interim, keep your friend at a distance. You don't want to lose a good friend over rebound emotions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author agirlwithquestions Posted January 19, 2008 Author Share Posted January 19, 2008 For the interim, keep your friend at a distance. You don't want to lose a good friend over rebound emotions. So you don't think I should say something to my friend about how I feel? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 So you don't think I should say something to my friend about how I feel? Not until you've completely let the ex go, unless you don't have any problems potentially losing a friend over this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author agirlwithquestions Posted January 19, 2008 Author Share Posted January 19, 2008 To be honest, I'm not sure i'll ever let the ex go. Even though I think I want to. I just want a friend to make out with. haha Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 To be honest, I'm not sure i'll ever let the ex go. Even though I think I want to. I just want a friend to make out with. haha Then listen to me I told you what was what Link to post Share on other sites
Author agirlwithquestions Posted January 19, 2008 Author Share Posted January 19, 2008 Then listen to me I told you what was what You said that I like my friend... but what then? Tell him I may be interested in a casual relationship, but nothing serious, because I'm still hung up on my ex? Or is that just a bad idea, and I should keep my mouth shut to him about it? Link to post Share on other sites
BeautifulMystique Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 You said that I like my friend... but what then? Tell him I may be interested in a casual relationship, but nothing serious, because I'm still hung up on my ex? Or is that just a bad idea, and I should keep my mouth shut to him about it? Are you ok with the whole FWB thing? If you do, then go ahead. I wouldn't recommend it unless both of you are ok with it. I would talk to him beforehand though. Most of the time, FWB do not come out right in the end, one will fall for the other or ruin the friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 Are you ok with the whole FWB thing? If you do, then go ahead. I wouldn't recommend it unless both of you are ok with it. I would talk to him beforehand though. Most of the time, FWB do not come out right in the end, one will fall for the other or ruin the friendship. she just wants a make out sesion at this point, I say she just says something like " I wonder what it would be like to kiss you" the guy will either make a move or give an answer that gets this sorted Link to post Share on other sites
BeautifulMystique Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 Make out session... FWB.... well, it's her life. I just don't go there. OP, do what you think you can live with. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 He has let it be known that he is interested in me. Better make sure he's only interested in an FWB, as well. Otherwise, you're using your friend and that's not cool! Link to post Share on other sites
Author agirlwithquestions Posted January 19, 2008 Author Share Posted January 19, 2008 Its not like my friend is in love with me or something... he thinks I'm attractive and fun to be around. I think this thread has confused me more. Link to post Share on other sites
Eagle362 Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 You do like him as something more from my view. Its the decision of what to do or not do is the hard part. Link to post Share on other sites
ULTRA MONKEY Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 WOW! If you trip over my posts you'll see that I love that you feel unsure about your feelings! For you, however- I think you have feelings for your friend but don't see him as your "dream guy". I think most people once they end a long relationship ponder the perfect mate. That is why so many rebound relationships fail. Not ONLY because you're on the rebound but also because you were looking for perfection and of course the new guy ISN'T perfect. Take some time and enjoy what you have with your friend. If it's meant to be more you'll let him know when you are ready. Link to post Share on other sites
Author agirlwithquestions Posted January 27, 2008 Author Share Posted January 27, 2008 Last night I saw him and we hung out for about 11 hours... it was so much fun! I didn't try to make out with him though or say anything to him about how I think I feel. I realize that if something is going to happen, it will happen. But if it doesn't happen that's fine too, because it's a good friendship either way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author agirlwithquestions Posted February 2, 2008 Author Share Posted February 2, 2008 I have an update of sorts, and a question... I saw my friend a few days ago. We were at a reastaurant having dinner and the topic of conversation turns sexual in nature (he brought up the subject). It wasn't about us doing it or anything like that. So we say our goodbyes and I go home. I get home and I realize I'm pretty turned on from the conversation. So, uhh, I guess that means I am into him afterall? Physically too? I imagine that a female who has sexual conversations with a male friend who she isn't into wouldn't get turned on? Or she might not even talk about sexual things with a male friend she wasn't into? Is it possible to get aroused after having a sexual conversation with a friend if you are not attracted to them? I've never been in this situation before, so I'm not sure. Link to post Share on other sites
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