Has anyone ever experienced, "Dark Night of the Soul"?

[THE THRONE]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_Night_of_the_Soul

 

Here is another pov of it. THE THRONE would like to know if any of you have ever experienced this, and if so, what was the outcome?

[Lovelybird]

I don't know if I experienced this 'dark night', but definitely I was aware of my 'ego fight with God or higher order'; the more I don't think "myself" is the ultimate right judge, the easier I can let it go. The more hold onto ego, the more suffer

 

usually when a person is in a negative situation, he probably put himself on the very center, and think he is the one ultimate right. if he is very egotistic, he probably blaim God, or someone else for his suffer, he never checked himself if he did right or not. so he probably will stay in the suffer more than necessary. But if he let his ego go, and check himself, ask God for guidance, then he can bring some improvement. A pride person or a Nacissist suffer a lots because they don't let their ego go. A person can do many good works and become very pride as a result suffer, so "God weigh heart"

 

'dark night' probably is a 'ego struggle process', or 'surrender to God' process, or purification? if so, I had this experience, it was dark during. The result is clear awareness of ego work, and more quick ego surrender to God, and more trust in God than myself. like the article said "when ego go, the light come in; rejoice and peace replaced the agony"

 

If a person guard his ego too much, he cannot be close to God

Edited January 19, 2008 by Lovelybird

[LucreziaBorgia]

I lead a pretty busy life, and am not alone too often. I see my exH every day, a couple of times a day usually, and I have my daughter most nights but when I don't and I lay in bed alone at night I have these 'dark nights of the soul' moments. Most times I have to leave the light on because it feels like the darkness on the outside will find some way to connect to the darkness on the inside of me and I will simply plunge into that black hole I've been teetering on the edge of for a while now.

 

My life has taken such a crazy turn. Separation from exH, an emotionally exhausting relationship with an emotionally unavailable man, cancer, being dumped by said emotionally unavailable man, not being able to work, the pain, the sickness, my body fattened from the steroids and wrecked from the cancer, my heart and soul shriveled, my future plans dissolved, seeing the rest of my life stretch out before me bleak, lonely and with no professional or emotional promise or anything to look forward to.

 

I have been stripped down, exposed - I have lost everything now except my daughter. My motherhood is all I have left now. It is my anchor in life - but I look and I see nothing else around me but that. Everything about me that is not 'mother' is wasted now. My dreams of my own personal happiness and success outside of my role of 'mother' are dim and I find myself trying to resist letting them go and settling into a black complacency of acceptance that the little I have before me now is all I will ever have in life.

 

I'm not sure where this is leading me. All I know is that I am plunging toward the bottom. I haven't hit yet, and I don't know what will happen when I do. What is the outcome? Your guess is as good as mine. Some people come out of this for the better, some for the worse, some don't come out of it at all.

 

What does this have to do with my beliefs? I am spiritual, but not religious. This for me is like the Tower card in my tarot deck: utter destruction followed by renewal. As I tumble down, so one day will I rebuild. At least I hope so. See? I at least have hope still, so I guess that is a good thing.

 

I don't dwell on it though regardless of how awful it sounds. In fact, thoughts like this don't consume me because I simply don't have the time or inclination to let them. I don't want to give up, so I simply push these thoughts away.

 

However, when it is late at night or early in the morning and I am alone, I push the thoughts away only to find that they push back...

 

Does that count as the dark night of the soul? I would say so.

[lindya]

I lead a pretty busy life, and am not alone too often. I see my exH every day, a couple of times a day usually, and I have my daughter most nights but when I don't and I lay in bed alone at night I have these 'dark nights of the soul' moments. Most times I have to leave the light on because it feels like the darkness on the outside will find some way to connect to the darkness on the inside of me and I will simply plunge into that black hole I've been teetering on the edge of for a while now.

 

My life has taken such a crazy turn. Separation from exH, an emotionally exhausting relationship with an emotionally unavailable man, cancer, being dumped by said emotionally unavailable man, not being able to work, the pain, the sickness, my body fattened from the steroids and wrecked from the cancer, my heart and soul shriveled, my future plans dissolved, seeing the rest of my life stretch out before me bleak, lonely and with no professional or emotional promise or anything to look forward to.

 

I have been stripped down, exposed - I have lost everything now except my daughter. My motherhood is all I have left now. It is my anchor in life - but I look and I see nothing else around me but that. Everything about me that is not 'mother' is wasted now. My dreams of my own personal happiness and success outside of my role of 'mother' are dim and I find myself trying to resist letting them go and settling into a black complacency of acceptance that the little I have before me now is all I will ever have in life.

 

I'm not sure where this is leading me. All I know is that I am plunging toward the bottom. I haven't hit yet, and I don't know what will happen when I do. What is the outcome? Your guess is as good as mine. Some people come out of this for the better, some for the worse, some don't come out of it at all.

 

What does this have to do with my beliefs? I am spiritual, but not religious. This for me is like the Tower card in my tarot deck: utter destruction followed by renewal. As I tumble down, so one day will I rebuild. At least I hope so. See? I at least have hope still, so I guess that is a good thing.

 

I don't dwell on it though regardless of how awful it sounds. In fact, thoughts like this don't consume me because I simply don't have the time or inclination to let them. I don't want to give up, so I simply push these thoughts away.

 

However, when it is late at night or early in the morning and I am alone, I push the thoughts away only to find that they push back...

 

Does that count as the dark night of the soul? I would say so.

 

 

When a person can think and write like this, there's no question of there being nothing more to them than mother and cancer patient.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Man, what a difference a few hours makes. I was in a really bad funk this morning.

[shadowplay]

When a person can think and write like this, there's no question of there being nothing more to them than mother and cancer patient.

 

I agree. You're a lovely writer, LB. I don't know what you do professionally, but I hope it is in some way creative and fufilling because you clearly have a lot of talent. I'm sure you could accomplish a great deal with some persistence, cancer and all. It seems like the only thing standing in your way is self doubt and depression. Have you considered starting a blog? Or writing a memoir? Might help exorcise some of your demons.

 

Here's a book recommendation for you: "Darkness Visible" by William Styron.

[Ronni_W]

...I have these 'dark nights of the soul' moments.

I have been stripped down, exposed - I have lost everything now

LB, you have described what it's like to experience a 'dark night' so beautifully . I send you strength, Guidance and Protection.

 

My understanding is that the "purpose" of a 'dark night' is to get to this place and then to finally see a Light...and realize the Light is your own Spirit/Soul and that it is also the connection between you (or the 'you' of which you're consciously aware) and your Creator. Or something like that, as best I understand it.

 

I think for many others, "mid life crisis" is a spiritual crisis that has the potential to bring about a spiritual emergence...albeit perhaps on a bit smaller scale than St. John of the Cross and Mother Teresa.

[Lovelybird]

I know Dodie Osteen had cancel, and her doctor said she is uncurable, but she didn't believe what the doctor said, instead she called onto God, And God healed her. she has this amazing testimony about how God healed her, and write a book

Healed of Cancer by Dodie Osteen

 

If God can heal someone, I believe God will do it for everyone who put trust in Him

 

Life on here is just temporary, what matters is the fate of our soul who live eternal

[burning 4 revenge]

When a person can think and write like this, there's no question of there being nothing more to them than mother and cancer patient.

Yeah thats about as raw as it gets. I don't see expression like that very often. Anywhere really

[burning 4 revenge]

Man, what a difference a few hours makes. I was in a really bad funk this morning.

You were inspired

[Lovelybird]

you were inspired by God

[Trimmer]

What does this have to do with my beliefs? I am spiritual, but not religious. This for me is like the Tower card in my tarot deck: utter destruction followed by renewal. As I tumble down, so one day will I rebuild. At least I hope so. See? I at least have hope still, so I guess that is a good thing.

LB - am I just stating the totally obvious to say I read this as a direct metaphor to the physical, biological reality of your chemo?

 

I had a night - literally one night - where I was almost hallucinatory in my belief that my STBX and her OM had it in for me, and that he would - that night - be coming down the hallway to kill me. I even knew what kind of gun I would expect him to have, and that he would pull back the slide to chamber the first round when he was close enough for me to hear it before I died...

 

Even as I lay there all night, I knew - intellectually and objectively - that this was insanity and that it wasn't going to happen. But it was a feverish, horrible night. I was more afraid of the fact that I was under the influence of this delusion than I was of the actual scenario playing out, which I knew it wouldn't. I'm not sure if I was fully aware of it then, but I know now that the struggle, the conflict that night, was within me, not coming from outside.

 

I related this experience to my counselor, and she said "ah... the dark night of the soul." I never looked it up until now, but in a secular kind of a way (as I would not describe myself as religious, or even particularly spiritual...) it seems to fit the idea of the inner struggle, the ego, the psyche, the loss of a kind of faith, and a spiritual and personal turning point.

 

It was certainly as dark, and as out of control of my feelings and thoughts and my grip on reality as I have ever been.

Edited January 20, 2008 by Trimmer

[Lovelybird]

Maybe you all are on the turning point of a more bright future, Fulton J. Sheen called it 'dark grace of God', if we deal with it wisely, the 'white grace of God' will follow:), he says it beautifully:

 

Why does a hot coal placed on our hand burn it? Because the purpose of the coal contradicts that of the hand--the coal is a "not" to our hand, its negation and frustration; if the nature of our hand were the same as the nature of coal, there would be no pain, because there would be no contradiction. In like manner, if a human being, made to the image and likeness of God, aspires by every word, deed, and prayer to make his end purpose identical with God's Will, he has no contradiction in his nature, and therefore he is at peace. But the man who contradicts his end on earth by antispiritual living, who allows his senses to seek their ends regardless of the larger end of his whole nature, will suffer the pain of anxieties, fears, and mental disorder.

 

He also talked about ego struggle, dark grace (dark night of the soul) and white grace of God, in his book LIFT UP YOUR HEART. it is an amazing and inspiring profound book, help people get peace and liberation of soul, it can help you to go through 'the night of the soul'. everyone of us has a bright future no matter what we face

[THE THRONE]

What is the white grace of god?

[Lovelybird]

White grace of God is that 'God's light and amazing peace enter into our heart, finally we KNOW what matters in our lives, first time we have real relationship with God, first time we experience a little about God, darkness is driven out completely, it is almost like spiritual ecstasy, life is completely different to us now than before, we see things completely differently, and we can feel freedom and peace and rejoice', those things we worried before doesn't matter any more, fear leave us at the moment we surrender to God.

 

God uses black grace to draw us to himself, and bring us HIS white grace

[Citizen Erased]

Coco thinks crap like this is why people think Christians are off in la la land.

[THE THRONE]

Coco thinks crap like this is why people think Christians are off in la la land.

 

Please explain.

[quankanne]

I dunno, coco, it makes sense to me ... that when you're floating in all that darkness, untethered, uncared for, alone, somehow you sense the grace of God (or if you will, a Higher Power) reaching out to hold you close and you realize that you're not alone. That you are loved simply for who you are, that Someone believes you're incredibly special.

 

I guess my moment of darkness was when my mother died several years ago. Mentally, I was having a hard time, because although I knew she made her peace with dying it was rough reconciling the loss of the very person who could make my life "right" by the mere sound of her voice, because I identified love and goodness with my mom. Physically, it was rough because I was driving down to South Texas on average of every three weeks those last several months she was alive because I knew my time was limited. On top of that DH's mother was dying of lung cancer and my one brother, who was going through a bad divorce, was turning his whole experience into a drama and demanded that we choose sides – specifically his. So I was pretty much a mess, and it was all taking place during the busiest season of work ...

 

husband and I missed the rosary at the funeral home, so I'd gotten up early the day of the funeral to go see Mama one last time before she was put to rest. I remember being on the kneeler before her casket, looking at her then staring up at the crucifix above the casket and thinking to myself, "No one is ever going to love me like this in my life again," just feeling utterly alone. Because my life was very much wrapped up in my mother, we were close friends on top of the mother-child thing …

 

then I felt as if I were being embraced in a bear hug and the thought entered my mind that I really wasn't alone: God loved me and always would.

 

sounds hokey, I know, but I truly believe Christ stepped down from the cross in my moment of need and gave me the grace to carry on without my mother's physical presence in my life. I still miss her, yeah, but I also realize that the love she shared was like a beautiful introduction of what God had in store for me, and that particular grace has been priceless.

 

maybe those dark periods are so we can connect with our Creator, where there's no impediment of pride or material good, just ourselves one-to-one with the Big Guy? And where we can see that even if we feel we are flawed, we are beloved no matter what?

[annieo]

Quankanne, how beautiful (and sad - funny how those two things often go together).

I can't think of any specific incidents right now, but I do know that those times when I've been really alone, really untethered from life, there has been eventually a voice, an urging, to keep the faith.

[annieo]

Quankanne, how beautiful (and sad - funny how those two things often go together).

I can't think of any specific incidents right now, but I do know that those times when I've been really alone, really untethered from life or people I love, there has eventually been a whisper of a voice, an urging, to keep turning the pages.

So much of life is mysterious and unknown. So far, so good. That's all I know for sure.

[quankanne]

there has eventually been a whisper of a voice, an urging, to keep turning the pages.

 

I sometimes think that we go through those plummeting depths, those "dark nights of the soul" to help us cut through all the *ahem* crap going on around us to see exactly where our strength lies. In my experience, it's grounded in God ...

[annieo]

something, a pull, a power, brought us here, keeps us here for awhile and then pulls us back. maybe that's god. the ebb and flow of life.