pinkroses Posted June 20, 2003 Share Posted June 20, 2003 I have a male friend I've known off and on for a couple of years. I don't know him real well because I've only been around him during summers, the year before last and this year, when he has his little boy. Mainly I just see him through mutual friends of ours. This year we're both newly out of fairly serious relationships and we've spent some time together and have really helped each other feel happy and laugh and have fun. The difference is, he's very much attracted to me but I only want to be friends. I'm kind of confused, because he's given me a lot of attention and touching and he's a lot of fun to be around, and it's really grown on me. I'm drawn to that cuddly, doting part of him and I genuinely like and value him as a person, but I honestly don't feel any romantic attraction to him. He knows I'm not wanting a relationship, but I think in his heart he's determined to win me over eventually. How can I keep this very special person in my life without hurting him? I like being with him and the way he makes me feel. But I know we're never going to end up being more to each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 20, 2003 Share Posted June 20, 2003 This is a real tough situation. All you can do is be very firm and honest with him in letting him know exactly how you feel. In all ways encourage him to see other ladies on a romantic basis. Since you have a good time with him, you may be apt to want to monopolize his time but this only sends him a message that you may be interested. Giving him the time and encouragement to date around and find a nice romance will give him the signal he needs to receive. This is a very difficult situation because as long as you treasure him as a friend and respond positively to him in all other ways, he will keep his hopes up. Perhaps you ought to have a talk with him and set some boundaries. Let him know that while you really love him as a friend, certain ways he touches and cuddles you should be off limits in the kind of friendship you want to preserve. Remember, you MUST be very firm and consistent in your message. Sometimes men can be really stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
Heidi2 Posted June 21, 2003 Share Posted June 21, 2003 EVERYTHING you have just written sounds exactly like my *friend* & I. The difference if any.. is that we had a serious if not 411 conversation recently of our attractions or not towards one another.. beyond that friend type of deal... We both have known each other for so many years.. that I feel as though you have written everything that I was at one time puzzled confused about myself.. It's as though you don't want a relationship, 101 boy-girl thing with him, but you still want to be close where you trust most if not all of his insights, etc. And, still for whatever reason don't want to go further. I felt the same way.. kept asking myself is it because I don't want to get hurt?? Or is it because I'm too scared of all unknowns.. from what *could* ruin the *strong* bond 'we' both share.. If I were you.. I would just keep it as it is.. And maybe after time.. who knows.. perhaps something could develop into something that could last a life time.. These days it's hard to find people whom we feel strongly towards.. And, well it seems as though 'we' both have found that someone.. but aren't sure if we should make that next move.. without feeling emotionally perplexed!!! Best of luck!! :-D Link to post Share on other sites
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