MW in love with MM why is he treating me this way now??

[LILA BELL]

hi a am a 29 yr old MW ihave been M for 8 yrs with 2 kids. i work with this man who is also M he is 29 and he has been M for the past 10 yrs with 4 kids.

 

we have worked together for 6yrs i have always been attracted to him i guess you can say i have always flirted with him and been friendly with him he never flirted back until about 1 yr ago we were basically just flirting on and off i guess i was coming on strong with the flirting comments i basically would complain about my sex life like my husbands penis being to small and not able to satisfy me i would ask him if his wife would mind if he had a GF on the side.

 

to make a long story short he was the one who asked to met up after work basically we both knew what was going to happen im not the one who asked to met up it was him.

 

so yes we were having a affair it was going on for 4 months we started telling each other we love one another and would tell each other how much we miss each other how much we cant stand to be without each other.

 

we never went out with each other like tothe movies or hung out to spend time together we just spent time at work talked to each other whenever we had a free chance and well had sex after work and off he went .

 

his wife found out about us he told her she called me up at work and seem to be a great person she told me if i love her husband and if he loves me and we truely want tobe together than shes not going to stand in the way she didnt even talk bad to me she basically gave me the ok to be with him she said they were done.

 

at work that day i didnt see him or talk to him it seem as if he was staying away from me the next day he calls me and we talk for 30 mins he basically tells me we cant see each other anymore i was so hurt i mean i thought we loved each other i thought we were going to be together and then he tell me this.i stayed away from him for a few days but i missed him to much i called him up asking him if we can met up telling him i missand love him he turned me down .

 

i found myself calling him everday at work and after work as he was driving home trying to get him to met up with me for sex and telling him i love him so much he told me no he said he is back with his wife and he wants to work it out with her my heart was crushed i then told him he can still have me on the side if he wants if i cant be with hm completely then i'll settle for just sex with him he told me no

 

if he keeps telling me no why would he continue to answer his phone when i call yeah he would make it short but he still answer's it i went up to him at wok he told me didnt i tell you already that i dont want to talk to you anymore he told me go pay more attention to my husband .

 

i cant get him out my head ithink about him everyday im still in love with him i miss him so much to make things worse i went up to him a few days ago at work and he kind of yelled at me and said dont talk to me he then called me every name in the book i was crushed i walked away went back to him and asked why are you treating me this way he began to still call me every name in the book and he walked away from me and i just stood there trying to talk to him . i try to go around him for any reason i look for him at work i pass by him just so i can see him and he doesnt even look my way .

 

my question is why would he tell me he loves me and treat me so nice and now he's treating me so bad his wife basically left him after finding out about the affair we could have been together like we planned why did he have to go after her she basically had givin up on him what do i do i still love him and want to be with him he he came up to me today and told me he wanted to be with me i would jump even if he just came up to me and just wanted sex i would jump do you guys think we will ever be together again even it is just for sex??

[LucreziaBorgia]

1. my question is why would he tell me he loves me and treat me so nice and now he's treating me so bad his wife basically left him after finding out about the affair we could have been together like we planned

 

2. why did he have to go after her she basically had givin up on him

 

3. what do i do i still love him and want to be with him he he came up to me today and told me he wanted to be with me i would jump even if he just came up to me and just wanted sex i would jump

 

4. do you guys think we will ever be together again even it is just for sex??

 

1. He told you that he loved you and he treated you nicely because he was getting away with it at the time. Once he got caught, he threw you under the bus because he had to make a choice, and he chose his wife. He didn't want his wife to leave him. He only wanted to be able to have an affair while keeping his wife.

 

2. Because he wants her and wants to stay with her. Just because he helped himself to a side dish doesn't mean he wants to give up the main meal.

 

3. Solve your problems at home with either divorce or counseling. I have a feeling once you clear that up, you'll see that MM wasn't your greatest love - he was more like a drug that allowed you to escape your situation. You needed him like a crackhead needs crack - and hopefully you'll see that in time and put down the crackpipe, so to speak.

 

4. No. He made his choice, you may as well find a way to deal with that.

 

What about your husband in all of this? Why are you still married?

[Computers]

he then called me every name in the book

 

Maybe that's what you are. He obviously just used you for sex and now the love of his life is about to leave him, he doesn't give a damn about you. He cares about his wife and he loves his wife. It was never you and will never be.

 

Now, do the right thing and confess to your husband what you did and start going to counseling or get a divorce.

[OpenBook]

Uh, no I don't think you will ever hook up with him again. You've blown it completely with him by pursuing him so relentlessly. You are acting like a psycho. Men do not like unstable women. And once you behave that way, they will always peg you that way.

 

You need to get away from this situation COMPLETELY and take a deep breath. YOU ARE OUT OF CONTROL!!! GET A GRIP!!!

 

And where is your H in all this?? Surely he must notice signs of your obsession. You are projecting WAY TOO MUCH on your MM. He is NOT the be-all and end-all of your existence. No... he is simply a HUGE MISTAKE you've made in your life. He used you. And to tell you the truth - I can hardly blame the guy, you threw yourself at him over and over again. You appear to have no clue how you're coming across to him (and to others at work... and if you think they haven't noticed, you're wrong). Snap out of it, why don'tcha!!

[LILA BELL]

cant i love both men i mean i think im just use to my husband plus im not satisfied with my husband with the MM i was satisfied i think about him all day i know i love him.

 

my husband kind of knows of the A i told him about it but later blamed it on the MM i told my husband my co-worker was harrassing me i wanted to see if the MM would fight for me i went toworktold the MM that my husband was going to call and the MM got upset he said he didnt want any trouble with his wife or her finding out so he agreed to take the blame and tell my husband that all this was him and nothing has happen between us he told my husband that he takes the blame for everything ,so why did he do this for me if he didnt love me ??

 

why do i have to give up on him if he wasnt interested he wouldnt have done it to began with do you think he may have thought he loved me and than realized he doesnt love me now or doyou think he was lying to me the whole time.

 

as for his wife i hate her how could she let him go after the A and tell me im free to be with him and then take him back a month later i really,really hate her i mean dont get me wrong she seem so nice and sweet when she talked to me i mean she didnt even yell at me not even rude,she said she basically called me because she had a right to she said if your going to be sleeping with my husband than i have every right to call you she said she wasnt going to fight for him so doesnt that mean she doesnt love him.

 

i can work things out with my H and still be with the MM cant i ?

 

what i dont understand if his wife is the woman that most men at work say's she is than why did he cheat on her .i hear guys who have met the MM wife say shes beautiful,nice outgoing person,great cook blah,blah,blahbut obviously shes not satisfying him sexually right?

 

since we are going to continue to work for the same company dont you think we have a high chance of hooking up again ?

 

do you think you can love someone and cheat on them ??

[LILA BELL]

why ami crazy for not giving up on the man that i love ,you know i wasnt always bothering him like this when we were hooking up it was smooth if it happen that day then it happen but when he broke my heart i found myself trying to stay above water and fight for him and wanting him more i cant just stand here and let him walk out of my life..WHY IS THAT SO WRONG?? i made him feel good about himself obviously his wife was neglecting him i complimented him in every way i mean he really is a good looking guy and is great at sex but its not just the sex im in love with him .do you think the reason why he cursed me out so bad was because he cares i mean if u dont love someone than they cant get you that pissed off right?? im just so confussed

[OWoman]

why ami crazy for not giving up on the man that i love ,you know i wasnt always bothering him like this when we were hooking up it was smooth if it happen that day then it happen but when he broke my heart i found myself trying to stay above water and fight for him and wanting him more i cant just stand here and let him walk out of my life..WHY IS THAT SO WRONG?? i made him feel good about himself obviously his wife was neglecting him i complimented him in every way i mean he really is a good looking guy and is great at sex but its not just the sex im in love with him .do you think the reason why he cursed me out so bad was because he cares i mean if u dont love someone than they cant get you that pissed off right?? im just so confussed

 

Let it go. He's made his choice. What you are doing now is harassing him and it's driving him further away. Walk away with some dignity before this blows up in your face professionally.

[LILA BELL]

sometimes i feel like calling his wife and telling her all the sexual details of the relationship her H and i had just because ithink she has the right to know i mean we really didnt have sex alot we had sex like 5 times but it was always great i mean i didnt care where we had sex the sex took place in my suv or in my H truck i dont know why but i absolutely loved giving him oral even if he didnt return the favor i still loved pleasing him with oral when he see's me do you think he remembers the sexual things we did together do you think that will make him come back to me i mean him and his wife couldnt possibly be having better sex then we did right????

 

i dont know do you guys think it is a bad idea to call W and tell her all the details i mean if they are going to work it out then shouldnt she know everything??

[reboot]

Tell your own husband first.

[LucreziaBorgia]

You ask all these questions about MM, his motivations and whether he loved you. Does it matter? He threw you under the bus, told you to leave him alone, and clearly wants to be with his wife rather than you. Why is it so hard for you to see that what he is doing now is how he truly feels about you, and nothing he said or did prior to that matters anymore.

 

You say you hate his wife - well, hate away. Your efforts will be wasted. I see what she did play out on infidelity boards all the time: W tells OW 'you can have him', tells her H that it is over and that he needs to get the f*ck out and you know what happens? OW finds herself thrown away as forcibly as possible as MM does everything possible to win back his wife. All his wife did was walk away - why hate her for that? If you hate anyone, it should be MM who fell all over himself to keep his marriage after throwing you away.

 

If you want to think she doesn't satisfy him, and that he was unhappy with her then go right ahead. I'm sure it makes you feel great to know that he got rid of you as quickly and firmly as possible to be with someone he dislikes, isn't satisfied with and unhappy with. C'mon now... do you honestly think that it was that bad? Obviously it wasn't or he wouldn't have busted his balls to get rid of you and get his wife back.

 

He may have wanted some side action, but it is very clear that you were never more than that to him. Some married guys simply like some excitement on the side, in addition to what they are getting at home. It has nothing to do with his feelings for you, or for his wife. Those sort of guys will say anything - true or not - to hook you into an affair - because it is easier to get into your pants if he can convince you that he is unhappy at home.

 

I'm sure he is deeply regretting it now, given your behavior. I predict a restraining order in your future if you keep this up.

 

As for your husband, I can only hope he finds a way to get himself out of this marriage, and can get himself and his children into a more stable and emotionally healthy environment. They need more out of life than what you offer.

 

As for you, you may want to consider some counseling to figure out how your life got this way, and how you can work your way to a healthier one.

[whichwayisup]

DO NOT CALL HIS WIFE. You'll be doing it out of revenge and a bad place! You have NO thought whatsoever of sleeping with him to begin with, knowing he was married from day one, so all of a sudden NOW you want to tell his wife? Hello, do that and she'll be calling YOUR husband and there'll be one big drama, everyone will get hurt, INCLUDING THE KIDS.

 

Think of your kids and stop being so selfish. Walk away from the MM, he obviously has changed his mind about the affair. Focus on your marriage, fix what is broken and maybe if you put as much energy into your husband and marriage rather than into a married man, your marriage would be better.

 

Think about getting some counselling because it sounds like you need it, as well as some marriage counselling to help you and your husband.

[LucreziaBorgia]

i dont know do you guys think it is a bad idea to call W and tell her all the details i mean if they are going to work it out then shouldnt she know everything??

 

Go ahead. I'm sure her next call will be to your husband. He should know too.

[OWoman]

sometimes i feel like calling his wife and telling her all the sexual details of the relationship her H and i had just because ithink she has the right to know i mean we really didnt have sex alot we had sex like 5 times but it was always great i mean i didnt care where we had sex the sex took place in my suv or in my H truck i dont know why but i absolutely loved giving him oral even if he didnt return the favor i still loved pleasing him with oral when he see's me do you think he remembers the sexual things we did together do you think that will make him come back to me i mean him and his wife couldnt possibly be having better sex then we did right????

 

i dont know do you guys think it is a bad idea to call W and tell her all the details i mean if they are going to work it out then shouldnt she know everything??

 

Well I guess by that logic you should start by telling your H everything - that he's too small, doesn't satisfy you, MM does, that you used his truck for sex, you didn't care where you did it, give him ALL the juicy details - I'm sure he'll really appreciate those.

 

If you really are for real then you might want to lift your finger off the autodestruct button long enough to think about what you're doing.

 

If you're not, troll away - now that "danavladeem" has taken off in her bankerboss's ferrari into the sunset, we can do with some fresh invention.

[LILA BELL]

i dont understand why pplhate on the OW i mean im jst as heart broken as she is does that even matter i have to see him everyday at work and its hard on me.

 

sure i try to go around him as much as possible i know he notices that when i see him i cant help but remember everything that we did and i miss him .

 

when he would tell me he loved me i trusted that he meant it he really looked like he meant it anyway he must have planned on leaving her if he told her about the affair right ?? but i guess he changed his mind she must have pulled some trick.

 

my husband doesnt have anything to do with this im willing to be with him and would love to be MM on the side how is that wrong??

 

maybe he was confussed because i was still calling him and he would talk to me yeah he made it short and yes he would say not tocall him anymore but why would he answer the phone when i called if he really didnt want to talk to me??

 

i think W does need to know the her H was allowing another woman to give him oral and all the other sexual details i mean im sure shes curious better she know now rather than later right?

[nextel]

He has told you what he wants. Sounds to me like there is nothing you can do to get him back. Even if you tell his W, you are pretty much wasting your time. He is done with you.

 

When love aint loving you back.....move on.

 

 

 

btw: could you please utilize periods and commas in your sentences?

[whichwayisup]

i dont understand why pplhate on the OW i mean im jst as heart broken as she is does that even matter i have to see him everyday at work and its hard on me.

Because you are married and have your own children and are CHEATING on your husband, betraying your children, your whole family. All that energy you have is being put into another man who is NOT your husband.

 

I dare you, go ahead and tell her the details. Just remember, what you put out there, WILL come back and that means you having to deal with the fallout, MM's wife calling your husband and telling HIM all the nasty details...Or even better, the MM himself calling your husband and telling him, "hey, your wife gives really good head." Anyway, you talk to his wife, you can guarantee that the affair WILL end forever as the MM will hate you forever. Do it. Call her, I dare you!

[LILA BELL]

have any of you ever even been in my situation to even understand how i feel ,the only way my H needs to know is if MM wants to be with me but since MM doesnt want to be with me my H doesnt need to know but his W should know since they are trying to work it out

[LucreziaBorgia]

You keep this going, Lila... you seriously will end up with a restraining order against you. I'm not sure why you fail to see that MM is through with you. He discarded you. He does not want you. It does not matter what he did before. All that matters now is that he is trying to get you to leave him alone. You may want to consider taking him up on that before he and his wife end up taking legal action against you to force you to leave him and his wife alone.

 

my husband doesnt have anything to do with this im willing to be with him and would love to be MM on the side how is that wrong??

 

Do you really need an answer to this? Why don't you ask your husband that if you want the answer to that.

 

i think W does need to know the her H was allowing another woman to give him oral and all the other sexual details i mean im sure shes curious better she know now rather than later right?

 

If you call her and tell her these things, the W will find a way to make you pay and suffer for it. You can bet on it. You think MM is hostile toward you now? Just keep giving him and his wife ammo - it will come back at you tenfold. They will take a united front against you. I only hope that part of it includes exposing you to your husband so that he can have enough cards in his hand to make informed decisions about his and his children's futures.

 

If you expect to salvage anything, you need to back off of MM, go into counseling with your husband, and go into individual counseling for yourself in order to get your head, heart and life back together. If you stay the current course, you will lose everything.

[whichwayisup]

the only way my H needs to know is if MM wants to be with me but since MM doesnt want to be with me my H doesnt need to know but his W should know since they are trying to work it out

 

You need to stay out of MM's marriage, mind your own business and focus on your own marriage. It isn't up to you to decide what his wife does or doesn't know, that's up to MM. Just like I'm sure you don't want them messing in your life, your marriage or talking to your husband.

 

If you tell her, you CANNOT control MM or his wife. Your husband WILL get ALL the juicy details as well.

[LILA BELL]

dont get me wrong iunderstand where you are coming from , i cant help it if im still in love with MM if i was lying to myself about being in love with him wouldnt i be over him already.you dont understand i have to work with him i see him eceryday how could his wife feel comfortable sending him off to work knowing he's gonna see me. wasnt he obviously lacking something in his M to cheat on his W what do you guys think it was and do you really think i threw myself at him with my flirty comments ? if he loves his wife why did he cheat??? do you guys think you can love a person but still cheat on them???? i know you ppl are gonna throw my H into this but im not sure if i love my H he's a great guy but its just not there anymore which is why i cheat do you think MM told his wife all the details already and are you trying to say that MM only was screwing with me because i gave "good head"?? i dont think thats the case

[nextel]

have any of you ever even been in my situation to even understand how i feel ,the only way my H needs to know is if MM wants to be with me but since MM doesnt want to be with me my H doesnt need to know but his W should know since they are trying to work it out

 

 

You are displaying the last kicks of a dying horse!

 

If the man wanted to be with you, whatever you did would be your business. But understand that he prefers his W and thats who he wants. Leave him alone and if he wants to be with you, he will come back. Let him go in peace.

[whichwayisup]

Because he's probably told her he won't talk to you or have anything to do with you.

 

If you can't handle seeing MM at work and dealing with the uncomfortableness, then quit your job and find another one.

 

If you don't love your H then divorce him NOW, reguardless of MM.

 

NOT ONCE have you said anything about your children and the affect all this IS going to have on them. For the sake of your kids, you have to try to fix your marriage. Before the MM entered into your life, how were things between you and your husband? Why not just talk to him and allow him the chance to make things better? Why run off and cheat?

[Woggle]

Did you just say that you want your MM to fight your husband? In all honesty I can see why he backed away and said I want no part of this. He probably just wanted some cheap side action and got this.

[LILA BELL]

all all of these comments just from a woman's point of view ? what about a guy's point of view in this situation?

 

can someone please answer my question (do you think it is possible to love someone and yet cheat on them ?)

 

by the way if his W felt she had the right to call me frelly than why can't i have that same right and call her? i have thought about him getting mad st me if i tell W which is the only reason why i have'nt done it yet but i do think about it everyday i just dont understand how someone can say i love you and treat you with such respect and now look at you in anger and not pay any attention to you at all.

[nextel]

all all of these comments just from a woman's point of view ? what about a guy's point of view in this situation?

 

can someone please answer my question (do you think it is possible to love someone and yet cheat on them ?)

 

by the way if his W felt she had the right to call me frelly than why can't i have that same right and call her? i have thought about him getting mad st me if i tell W which is the only reason why i have'nt done it yet but i do think about it everyday i just dont understand how someone can say i love you and treat you with such respect and now look at you in anger and not pay any attention to you at all.

 

 

In life, people say a lot of things that they don't mean. Men say they love you when all they want is sex. Children say they will be good only because they want candy, and most people say they like eating healthy so that people admire them. Thats life, you live and learn. He's just not into you.