MW in love with MM why is he treating me this way now??

[JamesM]

 

his wife found out about us he told her she called me up at work and seem to be a great person she told me if i love her husband and if he loves me and we truely want tobe together than shes not going to stand in the way she didnt even talk bad to me she basically gave me the ok to be with him she said they were done.

 

 

I am going to assume that this is a real story, because even if it is not, it has enough reality that others may find the answers helpful.

 

This is what struck me the most. This is the wisest response a BS can give. It is incredibly difficult, but it puts all of the decisions in the MM's "court."

 

She loved her husband, but she knew that if he loved her, then the best way for him to realize it was if he had his freedom to choose. When he saw the OW as a potential wife and compared her to his current wife, he suddenly knew that what he had was the best for him.

 

My advice to you, Lila, is leave him be. He called you names and was angry because in his mind (which may be the truth), you seduced him and caused him to almost lose his wife. Now that his wife has accepted him back and is working on reconciliation, he does not want to ruin that possibility for happiness again. I am guessing that the W is fixing what the MM saw as a problem.

 

Move on, fix your own marriage, and learn from this.

[whichwayisup]

i just dont understand how someone can say i love you and treat you with such respect and now look at you in anger and not pay any attention to you at all.

Look in the mirror. How can you continually be obsessed with a MM and still love your husband? How can you not see that this MM doesn't want the affair to continue, he doesn't want to have anything to do with you anymore and you can't let go?

 

You are addicted to how the MM made you feel, the drama and intensity of your affair. THAT is not love, it's lust and now borderline obsession with you..If you truly loved your MM you would let him go and want to see him happy, with his wife.

 

can someone please answer my question (do you think it is possible to love someone and yet cheat on them ?)

 

Do you love your husband? What made you marrry him years ago? Why did you have children with him? Long lasting love is what you have with your husband, lust is what you have with MM. You're too emotionally attached to MM and that is why you are questioning this love/inlove thing.

[LILA BELL]

ok nextel you do believe that he may come back to me right?

 

i did not exactly want MM to fight my H MM would hurt him i dont want my H hurt i just wanted to see if MM would do as i say and tell my H what i wanted him to say i wanted to see if he would put up a fight for me with words .

 

my M before MM was normal it was ok but obviously something lacking i love my kids which is the main reason why i stay with my H .

 

im just so confussed right now i guess i mean what do you guys think this is im feeling for MM i feel im in love with him i get butterflies when i see him i love every part of his body he is strong he has a great body very attractive i was attracted to him the very first time i ever seen him i miss him i think about him even during sex with my H i think about MM

 

you know we didnt hang out like go places together the only time we met was to have sex and it wouldnt even be at a hotel or anything it would be in a parking lot in my vehical i wanted to have it inhis vehical 1 time but he didnt want to it kind of bothered me but i didnt say anything .

 

i just wonder what is this im feeling for him i think its love what do you guys think i hope he will realize that i am the woman for him and not his W what i dont understand is why can't we keep having sex without W finding out we did it before im sure she would never know right?

[JamesM]

must have pulled some trick.

 

my husband doesnt have anything to do with this im willing to be with him and would love to be MM on the side how is that wrong??

 

 

 

i think W does need to know the her H was allowing another woman to give him oral and all the other sexual details i mean im sure shes curious better she know now rather than later right?

 

I am beginning to wonder if this is a trick.

 

Your husband has everything to do with this IMO. But if you don't think he does, then I guess you can just ask him if he thinks he is part of this. I am guessing that you won't because you know the truth is not what you say.

 

What makes you think the wife does not know many or all of the details? What makes you think she will listen and want to share stories of what you and her husband did? And I doubt she thinks you were the innocent party in all of this.

 

As a guy, I can say that he does not want you complicating his life. And if you pursue him at work, the next thing that could happen is that he could charge sexual harassment. He has nothing to lose, because his wife knows all of what happened. You on the other hand, have everything to lose.

 

Move on.

[whichwayisup]

you know we didnt hang out like go places together the only time we met was to have sex and it wouldnt even be at a hotel or anything it would be in a parking lot in my vehical i wanted to have it inhis vehical 1 time but he didnt want to it kind of bothered me but i didnt say anything .

 

Then your affair was SEX for him and because he never took you out, spent time building up a friendship, let alone some intimacy, all the more reason for you to PLEASE wake up and see that you are better off without this MM in your life.

 

Get counselling because you WILL lose your husband and the life as you know it now soon.

[JamesM]

 

i just wonder what is this im feeling for him i think its love what do you guys think i hope he will realize that i am the woman for him and not his W what i dont understand is why can't we keep having sex without W finding out we did it before im sure she would never know right?

 

 

What you feel is the "happiness" of the fantasy affair. What you don't feel is what reality would be if you had your wish. For the sake of argument, let's say that tomorrow you woke up and were the MM's wife and no longer were married to your husband. Reality would set in and you would see that he is not so much different than your husband...except he will cheat when the going gets tough.

[whichwayisup]

he will realize that i am the woman for him and not his W what i dont understand is why can't we keep having sex without W finding out we did it before im sure she would never know right?

 

You are the woman he has sex with. If he REALLY LOVED YOU, he would have ended his marriage already and not be working things out with his wife.

 

You fell for this guy but he did not fall for you.

[LILA BELL]

i think i love my H i want him to be happy i love him for being the father of my kids. i married him because i loved him ,now i just dont know if im with him because im use to him or if i really love him.

 

the thing with MM i've known him for yrs and i have always wanted him we would talk at work and i just liked the type of person he was he never flirted with me not until about almost a yr ago i admit i was always flirting with him very strong flirting he would ignore me he's the one that asked to met after work so he must have wanted me all along also right?

 

why did he have to mislead me he didnt have to say i love you just to get a piece if me i even told him but he still told me he loved me i would have still had sex with him even if he did'nt say i love you .

 

it's not like i barley met the guy it's just i have always wanted him for yrs and now that i was able to have him it is so hard to let him go i don't want to let him go i think i really do love him .

 

do you ppl think he ever respected me from what i am telling you does it seem as if he respected me?

[LILA BELL]

well to answer the question if i were married to him i would have kept him satisfied in bed so he would'nt cheat after all that is why he cheated on W don't you think ?

 

do you think he will always cheat?

[Woggle]

I know this sounds blunt bit you were just a side piece for him. He wanted a cheap thrill and when you started falling in love he backed off.

[nextel]

ok nextel you do believe that he may come back to me right?

 

 

Let him go, if he is yours he will come back. If he was never yours, he will never come back.

[whichwayisup]

i think i love my H i want him to be happy i love him for being the father of my kids. i married him because i loved him ,now i just dont know if im with him because im use to him or if i really love him.

 

Okay, then you need to NOT have the MM in your life anymore so you can see if what you have with your husband IS worth saving and fighting for. Don't you think you owe it to yourself, let alone your marriage vows, to your kids and your husband? To try to keep your family under one roof? This is why I suggested for you to seek individual counselling, let alone marriage counselling.

 

Imagine how you would feel if your husband was cheating on you, had an OW on the side...THINK of him and your kids, stop thinking about YOU so much. Geesh..

 

the thing with MM i've known him for yrs and i have always wanted him we would talk at work and i just liked the type of person he was he never flirted with me not until about almost a yr ago i admit i was always flirting with him very strong flirting he would ignore me he's the one that asked to met after work so he must have wanted me all along also right?

 

Yeah, he wanted you but not for LOVE reasons, it was for SEX reasons. Some men can separate love and sex, this MM obviously was a pro at it. Accept that and try to move past it.

 

why did he have to mislead me he didnt have to say i love you just to get a piece if me i even told him but he still told me he loved me i would have still had sex with him even if he did'nt say i love you .

 

Again, he told you "I love you" to make sure that you would CONTINUE to have sex with him. Or maybe he had some feelings there, but realized he loves his wife MORE. What they share is deeper, stronger and long lasting...Let alone the fact (JUST LIKE YOU and YOUR HUSBAND) MM and his wife have a history together, families entwined, children and a life built. MM decided that he didn't want to lose all that.

 

do you ppl think he ever respected me from what i am telling you does it seem as if he respected me?

 

You want him to respect you? Honestly? Then this is what you do. NEVER contact him again and never speak to him again unless it's buisness/work related. You go about your own life and don't pay any attention to him. THEN MM 'may' respect you.

[LILA BELL]

jamesm why do you put the blame all on me and say i seduced him,yes i admit i did but it is not all my fault.

 

you do remember he was the one to ask to met up after work .

 

another thing if he was in love and happy he would have never had this A he is the one that is married to her his obligation was to her he is the one who figured having sex with me is worth losing his wife, i did not put a gun

to his head he made the choice to cheat i didnt make it for him .

 

it seems as though you are just a typical guy taking up for another guy trying to put the blame on the woman

[BetrayedMM]

Why is he treating you this way? Easy! Men have the ability to completely separate sex and love. You are now getting the truth about how he feels and always felt about you. He never loved you at all, only said what he thought was necessary to continue the sex. The only reason he went for it at all was because you offered sex for so long you wore down his common sense with constant temptation. The fact that it took YEARS shows he just wasn't into you as a person at all. But, no-strings sex is an incredibly hard thing for any man to turn down. Everybody knows THAT.

 

Why would he choose his wife over you, why doesn't he love you? He knew from the moment you started throwing yourself at him that you cannot be trusted. You, a married woman, aggressively pursuing a married man, can not expect that man to believe you would treat him any different at all if you were his SO. Wonderful examples of betrayal like belittling your husband's penis don't help either, because it shows you to be not only untrustworthy, but incredibly cruel.

 

And, now you're acting just like a bunny boiler. Who on earth would want to commit themselves to someone like that?

 

Your husband doesn't need to know, huh? Why on earth are you married to a man you don't love, disrespect profoundly, and (apparently) doesn't satisfy you sexually? Why would you have married him to begin with? He (and his penis fer chrissake) were good enough for you at one time, now you are not good enough for him.

 

You know exactly what the right thing to do is. If not, great advice has been given here. I seriously doubt you have the courage and common sense to do it.

 

Yep, I'm being harsh all right. If this situation is painful, know this: you asked for it. What you have done, and the way you went about doing it is just plain wrong on so many levels. If this is the worst you get out of this, consider yourself lucky, because you have personally caused one hell of a lot of pain for a lot of people, including this man you claim to love. Has this not occurred to you?

 

My advice? Do what you want. You will anyway. Stick with the new 'wisdom' of self indulgence. It works well for you.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Why does it matter to you why he had the affair? Its pretty clear how he feels about you now. It will become even more clear the more you bother him and his wife.

[LILA BELL]

BETRAYEDMM you seem like another typical guy taking up for your fellow male.

 

i dont understand why you guys are putting all blame on me it takes 2 to tangle .he didnt have to give into temptation if he truely love his wife he would have never had sex with me over and over so obviously i was good enough right?

 

how dare you say i ruined his life and hurt him he is no innocent child in this , how do you figure i hurt him ?

 

im the one who is hurt and yes i do feel bad for my H i truely do i mean i had sex with another man in his truck and oral sex.

 

i know the A was wrong i feel bad for my husband ,but as for the MM and W i don't feel bad on that part i guess you can say i'm bitter and i have alot of hate towards W i feel as though she came between us.

 

i find myself trying to find things wrong with his wife trying to compare myself to her,i find myself trying to find things wrong with his M

 

after he ended things its strange but it made me want him even more why is this i started trying to get his attention more started call him more that is until he called me every name in the book that hurt me i was almost in tears well i did cry just not in front of him,but now i just constantly go around him i don't try and talk to him i just go around him in hopes that i will get his attention even if it is a glance my way although it has not happen yet but the other day i passed by and he did look up at me only thing is he gave me a disgusted look and shook his head why would he do that ?

 

trust me i want these feelings to go away life would be easier but i just don't want to give up on him if i'm in love with him should'nt i fight for him ?

[LucreziaBorgia]

i have alot of hate towards W i feel as though she came between us.

 

She didn't come between you and MM. I'm not sure why you think that. You tried to come between him and his wife and you failed. She didn't end your relationship with MM. MM ended it, by choice. He chose his wife. You say you want to fight for him but there is nothing to fight for, Lila. He can't even look at you without disgust.

[nextel]

BETRAYEDMM you seem like another typical guy taking up for your fellow male.

 

i dont understand why you guys are putting all blame on me it takes 2 to tangle .he didnt have to give into temptation if he truely love his wife he would have never had sex with me over and over so obviously i was good enough right?

 

how dare you say i ruined his life and hurt him he is no innocent child in this , how do you figure i hurt him ?

 

im the one who is hurt and yes i do feel bad for my H i truely do i mean i had sex with another man in his truck and oral sex.

 

i know the A was wrong i feel bad for my husband ,but as for the MM and W i don't feel bad on that part i guess you can say i'm bitter and i have alot of hate towards W i feel as though she came between us.

 

i find myself trying to find things wrong with his wife trying to compare myself to her,i find myself trying to find things wrong with his M

 

after he ended things its strange but it made me want him even more why is this i started trying to get his attention more started call him more that is until he called me every name in the book that hurt me i was almost in tears well i did cry just not in front of him,but now i just constantly go around him i don't try and talk to him i just go around him in hopes that i will get his attention even if it is a glance my way although it has not happen yet but the other day i passed by and he did look up at me only thing is he gave me a disgusted look and shook his head why would he do that ?

 

trust me i want these feelings to go away life would be easier but i just don't want to give up on him if i'm in love with him should'nt i fight for him ?

 

 

 

I think both sides of the sexes are telling you the same thing only in different ways. MM has made his stance clear, you on the other hand are hoping for what he is not willing to give you.

 

If he was telling otherwise, then the responses would be different.

 

The best thing you can do for yourself is relieve yourself of this heartache. Certainly you cannot like feeling the way you do knowing that he does not want you but you are doing the chasing. Your shoulders must be heavy. We have all there, wanting something that you cannot have at one time or another. Just move on and leave well enough alone. You will feel better at some stage in your life. The pain will not last forever.

[LILA BELL]

i guess all the hate towards W is really from jealousy towards her and being hurt and upset for how MM has been treating me,i guess i kind of feel like a fool.

 

well i guess he didnt love me but i guess i have some hope in maybe he did care for me i see how bad he is treating me and the bad look he gave me so why cant i open my eyes ? why would i still sleep withhim if givin the chance??

[Computers]

why would i still sleep withhim if givin the chance??

 

Because you're a ...... never mind.

[nextel]

i guess all the hate towards W is really from jealousy towards her and being hurt and upset for how MM has been treating me,i guess i kind of feel like a fool.

 

well i guess he didnt love me but i guess i have some hope in maybe he did care for me i see how bad he is treating me and the bad look he gave me so why cant i open my eyes ? why would i still sleep withhim if givin the chance??

 

 

 

Don't mind the response from Computers. Just choke it up as a learning experience and move on.

[LILA BELL]

it is hard to move on when i have to see him monday-friday, i have thought about leaving the company i just don;t want it to look like he drove me out of the company ....

 

oh another thing i know i am going to get crap for this but well its 2 things a week ago i had my H come to the company to have luch with me and hang out i admit i did that to try and get him jealous was that crazy??

 

the 2nd thing MM has a brother who also works for the same company i have been flirting with MM brother and spending alot of time with him now im only doing this to get MM jealous and to see if he show's any type of reaction .

 

do you think the only reasonhe is with W is because of the kids i have asked myself that alot.

[LucreziaBorgia]

oh another thing i know i am going to get crap for this but well its 2 things a week ago i had my H come to the company to have luch with me and hang out i admit i did that to try and get him jealous was that crazy??

 

the 2nd thing MM has a brother who also works for the same company i have been flirting with MM brother and spending alot of time with him now im only doing this to get MM jealous and to see if he show's any type of reaction .

 

All this will do is convince MM that you are unstable, and that he dodged a bullet by ending it with you.

 

do you think the only reasonhe is with W is because of the kids

 

No, but if it makes you feel better to believe it go ahead.

[CraigAllen]

All this will do is convince MM that you are unstable, and that he dodged a bullet by ending it with you.

 

I'm afraid this gun is still loaded and isn't done firing yet.

 

To the original poster. Face the facts that this man thinks he made a mistake and doesn't want you anymore. There is a very good chance he never loved you. It's not a nice thing to hear, but it is probably true. What indication has he given you to prove otherwise? Just chalk this up as a huge mistake and get some help to straighten yourself out. This is YOUR life your talking about. Consider this man out of it. You're just going to get yourself hurt worse than you already are.

[whichwayisup]

it is hard to move on when i have to see him monday-friday, i have thought about leaving the company i just don;t want it to look like he drove me out of the company ....

 

Who cares what people think? This is YOUR life at stake and if you can't handle being around him at work, quit your job! He certainly isn't going to quit, or change his ways because you can't handle seeing him daily. HE DOESN'T CARE. If you stay, then learn not to care about him, ignore him and go about your work day as usual without including him in it.

oh another thing i know i am going to get crap for this but well its 2 things a week ago i had my H come to the company to have luch with me and hang out i admit i did that to try and get him jealous was that crazy??

 

I doubt seeing you and your husband together bothered him. He probably felt relieved.

 

the 2nd thing MM has a brother who also works for the same company i have been flirting with MM brother and spending alot of time with him now im only doing this to get MM jealous and to see if he show's any type of reaction .

 

Don't play games, forget his brother. Remember, your reputation at work?

 

do you think the only reasonhe is with W is because of the kids i have asked myself that alot.

 

He has his reasons and obviously they're strong enough that he has chosen to stay with his wife and kids. If he IS staying for the kids sake, then he has done the right thing by ending the A with you and doing his best to fix his marriage.