confused and hurt

[moi]

I have been involved with Richard for the past two years. Initially

 

our relationship was wonderful. Even though he is in The US and I am in

 

South Africa, we spoke almost daily and we sent each other email daily as

 

well.

 

Last November I went to see him in the States and things went badly from

 

the very beginning. When he fetched me from the airport he was in a bad mood,

 

then he dropped me off at a hotel 25 miles from his house and only came to see

 

me once a day.

 

In the 10 days that I was there he only made love to me 3 times and even

 

then it was over so fast I wasn't sure that it had happened.

 

While I was there I found out that he is having relationships with a number

 

of other women in and around his town (all in the US) and that he is not divorced after all although he is living apart from his wife.

 

I don't want to lose this man and the pain that I am feeling right now is

 

incomparable to anything else I ever thought possible.

 

I sent him a mail last week and he hasn't even called me to talk about it.

 

"You really don't want to hear this but our friendship is not what I wanted

 

it to be and I feel we cannot go on like this.

 

In your world, you make the rules, expecting everyone else to follow them if

 

they wish to play your game. Which I think I have come to understand. But,

 

compatibility is two people, who communicate, share major likes and

 

dislikes, and are motivated by similar goals & philosophies. Stimulated by

 

the same wants & desires and above all, can co-exist in harmony. Doesn't

 

sound like us does it?

 

I don't know why it took me so long to figure this one out. I guess I'm

 

stubborn when it comes to my heart. Excuses, Excuses, Excuses. I've made so

 

many excuses. But, you taught me the most important lesson of my life. I

 

realise the dreams I thought we shared together were mine alone.

 

Do you know what happens when you settle for less than what you want? You

 

get it every time.

 

Too bad it's all bad.

 

C-ya "

 

This reflected the way I felt at the time and still do but, I can't seem to get over him and it takes every ounce of strength I have not to pick up the phone and call him.

 

I need help

[james]

MOI, you have not been treated right by this man. I would suggest that you go on with your life with out him. Of course it hurts but use the strength you have been using inside and leave it alone. Time will heal. Be stronge there is some one out there for you. don't look for him, he will find you..

I have been involved with Richard for the past two years. Initially our relationship was wonderful. Even though he is in The US and I am in South Africa, we spoke almost daily and we sent each other email daily as well. Last November I went to see him in the States and things went badly from the very beginning. When he fetched me from the airport he was in a bad mood, then he dropped me off at a hotel 25 miles from his house and only came to see me once a day. In the 10 days that I was there he only made love to me 3 times and even then it was over so fast I wasn't sure that it had happened. While I was there I found out that he is having relationships with a number of other women in and around his town (all in the US) and that he is not divorced after all although he is living apart from his wife. I don't want to lose this man and the pain that I am feeling right now is incomparable to anything else I ever thought possible. I sent him a mail last week and he hasn't even called me to talk about it. "You really don't want to hear this but our friendship is not what I wanted it to be and I feel we cannot go on like this. In your world, you make the rules, expecting everyone else to follow them if they wish to play your game. Which I think I have come to understand. But, compatibility is two people, who communicate, share major likes and dislikes, and are motivated by similar goals & philosophies. Stimulated by the same wants & desires and above all, can co-exist in harmony. Doesn't sound like us does it? I don't know why it took me so long to figure this one out. I guess I'm stubborn when it comes to my heart. Excuses, Excuses, Excuses. I've made so many excuses. But, you taught me the most important lesson of my life. I realise the dreams I thought we shared together were mine alone. Do you know what happens when you settle for less than what you want? You get it every time. Too bad it's all bad. C-ya " This reflected the way I felt at the time and still do but, I can't seem to get over him and it takes every ounce of strength I have not to pick up the phone and call him. I need help

[Roxanne]

i think that you need to just walk away now. if he has lied to you for the past two years he will lie to you for the next fifty. i was once in volved with a married man that would tell me he loved me and that he was going to divorce from he and never did. we were together for like 6-7 months and i finally got sick of the lies and him. he isn't going to ever divorce her. if he hasn't yet he won't. that would be to easy. think about it. you would be better off with out him. find someone that will love you for you and won't lie to you.

 

roxanne

I have been involved with Richard for the past two years. Initially our relationship was wonderful. Even though he is in The US and I am in South Africa, we spoke almost daily and we sent each other email daily as well. Last November I went to see him in the States and things went badly from the very beginning. When he fetched me from the airport he was in a bad mood, then he dropped me off at a hotel 25 miles from his house and only came to see me once a day. In the 10 days that I was there he only made love to me 3 times and even then it was over so fast I wasn't sure that it had happened. While I was there I found out that he is having relationships with a number of other women in and around his town (all in the US) and that he is not divorced after all although he is living apart from his wife. I don't want to lose this man and the pain that I am feeling right now is incomparable to anything else I ever thought possible. I sent him a mail last week and he hasn't even called me to talk about it. "You really don't want to hear this but our friendship is not what I wanted it to be and I feel we cannot go on like this. In your world, you make the rules, expecting everyone else to follow them if they wish to play your game. Which I think I have come to understand. But, compatibility is two people, who communicate, share major likes and dislikes, and are motivated by similar goals & philosophies. Stimulated by the same wants & desires and above all, can co-exist in harmony. Doesn't sound like us does it? I don't know why it took me so long to figure this one out. I guess I'm stubborn when it comes to my heart. Excuses, Excuses, Excuses. I've made so many excuses. But, you taught me the most important lesson of my life. I realise the dreams I thought we shared together were mine alone. Do you know what happens when you settle for less than what you want? You get it every time. Too bad it's all bad. C-ya " This reflected the way I felt at the time and still do but, I can't seem to get over him and it takes every ounce of strength I have not to pick up the phone and call him. I need help

[Totally Confused]

OK, first you have to realize that this guy is being a total dog. Don't let him do it to you and don't be a part of his little game. I know you had something good at one time, but this man doesn't care for you, not the way you want him to. I know you don't want to believe it and it hurts a great deal to hear, but it is true. When a man/woman is in love, they show it. You can't help but show it. Both men and women feel the same when they are in love. Would you treat someone you were in love with the way he's been treating you...NO. Well, honestly, he wouldn't either. You've even heard that he's been seeing other women all over town. If this man loved you, he would never have treated you as poorly as he did when you came to visit...and it would never have gotten to the point where you had to write that email to him. Why are you settling? I know you love him, but what is it about him RIGHT NOW - the way he is, that you love so much? Do you love it when he drops you off at a hotel 25 miles away? Do you love the way he makes love to you like he just wants to hurry up and get it over with? Do you like the way you are hurting right now and when you email him to express your hurt, that he just blows it off with little regard? Why don't you want to lose this man? Personally, he doesn't sound like a prize and if he were in my life, I'd want to lose him - quickly. Is it that you really and genuinely are in love with him, or is it that you're in love with the way he USED to treat you? I can guarantee you it's because of the way it used to be and you want that back. Well, that man is gone. He probably never even really existed. The man already has one failed marriage and has been seen with many different women in the US. This man isn't even divorced, he's doesn't want to go right into another committment. He wants to play around and play the field. Sure he'll be nice to a girl at first, but once he meets someone else, he'll just move on. There's nothing wrong with what he's doing, except that #1, he's not divorced yet and #2 he hasn't been honest about his intentions and didn't consider your feelings. He's selfish. Because of this, HE'S NOT GOOD FOR YOU. You need a nice guy who will treat you like a lady. When you were little, I can bet you never said to your family and friends, "When I grow up, I want to marry a man who treats me like I'm not important, never considers my feelings, won't make love to ME -when we're making love, runs around with other woman and would put me up in a hotel 25 miles away from where he is and hardly see me." No, so why are you not giving yourself what you really want and need and wasting that on losers? You know what you want (deep down). Everyone knows how they want to be treated, don't compromise it. Think of you and what is good for you. It's all about your wants and needs and never settle for less.

 

Another factor is distance. You are too far away, don't do it to yourself if you don't have to. It is so hard to maintain a relationship with that distance. He isn't going to and doesn't want to maintain it...as you can already see. It's nothing you did, it's all him.

 

I know that nothing I say can take away the pain, but you have to look at this relationship in it's real light. I know you want to talk to him and I know you want closure, but he's obviously not going to give it to you, because he's selfish - and you don't need it. Unfortunately a person can't always get closure, so you have to close the door yourself. Once you close it to him, never open it back up. The pain will last for a while, but you'll get through it, we all do. Once you put up boundaries for yourself and you stop settling for less than what you want, you start to get it. I know you're hurting and you probably can't even consider dating anyone else, but one day you will and you'll be grateful it didn't work out with this jerk.

 

And DO NOT CALL HIM, everytime you want to call him, open this site and scroll down and read all the postings and advice from other people's situations that are similar to yours. It will be very helpful and it will make you feel less alone and eventually make you feel stronger.

 

Good luck, take care of yourself and you'll be just fine.

 

P.S. Everytime you start to miss him, picture him taking a d*mp on the toilet.

[Shirley]

I have been involved with Richard for the past two years. Initially our relationship was wonderful. Even though he is in The US and I am in South Africa, we spoke almost daily and we sent each other email daily as well. Last November I went to see him in the States and things went badly from the very beginning. When he fetched me from the airport he was in a bad mood, then he dropped me off at a hotel 25 miles from his house and only came to see me once a day. In the 10 days that I was there he only made love to me 3 times and even then it was over so fast I wasn't sure that it had happened. While I was there I found out that he is having relationships with a number of other women in and around his town (all in the US) and that he is not divorced after all although he is living apart from his wife. I don't want to lose this man and the pain that I am feeling right now is incomparable to anything else I ever thought possible. I sent him a mail last week and he hasn't even called me to talk about it. "You really don't want to hear this but our friendship is not what I wanted it to be and I feel we cannot go on like this. In your world, you make the rules, expecting everyone else to follow them if they wish to play your game. Which I think I have come to understand. But, compatibility is two people, who communicate, share major likes and dislikes, and are motivated by similar goals & philosophies. Stimulated by the same wants & desires and above all, can co-exist in harmony. Doesn't sound like us does it? I don't know why it took me so long to figure this one out. I guess I'm stubborn when it comes to my heart. Excuses, Excuses, Excuses. I've made so many excuses. But, you taught me the most important lesson of my life. I realise the dreams I thought we shared together were mine alone. Do you know what happens when you settle for less than what you want? You get it every time. Too bad it's all bad. C-ya " This reflected the way I felt at the time and still do but, I can’t seem to get over him and it takes every ounce of strength I have not to pick up the phone and call him. I need help

Hi!

 

You need to get over this man and forget about him. He doesn't care two bits about you as a person. We all love who we love, and there isn't anything that can change that. But there is nothing you can do to make him love you. This is the type of man who just uses women to get what he wants. He thrives on his ability to control people. Probably even laughs about it. This is not someone you want to get involved with.