how do you know when to give up?

[DayDreamer75]

we've been living together for the past 6 years. We've come long way but there are still so many things that bother me. Sometimes I just don't feel loved. Am I right to feel this way? Is this just something about me? I mean, he's a sweet boy, huggy & cuddling... but this as long as you spend your entire day home... Apart from this, I wonder whether this is all I can get from life. I am 32... And I just dream about the way I would like my life to be. Sometimes I just feel so lonely.

 

We both work long hours. Get home at 8 PM sometimes even later. I have a good job that pays me well and I feel challenged so I have nothing to complain about it. But no matter when I get home I'm always the one who has to cook the dinner and then clean up because he hates cooking.

 

I'm the one who always has to go to the groceries because he hates it.

 

I'm the one who has to clean the house. OK, he helps me out but I have to ask. He does not wash, does not iron... I mean I have to work outside and inside...

 

But this would still be ok if it were not for other stuff. Right after the dinner during the week days he spends almost all of his time working. I tell him I would like us to spend some more time together... But he has to work.

 

I am so full of energy. I want to walk, run, bike, go to the movies, go to the theatre, go bowling, travel. Ok, we go often for a walk... but he gets bored soon. His only option to do something together is always to rent a movie... come on... I just want to go dancing. No, he hates it. I wanna go bowling, no, it's so annoying...

 

He's not at all romantic... Never swamps me with gifts, flowers, not even on my birthday. He never takes me out for my birthday either... and what even gets worse we make love once a month at the most...

 

He's always tired... He just wants to stay in bed all day long and cuddle... he's sweet with words... he's a huggy type of person... He's very intelligent and warm... There are many things in his character that I admire... but am I so strange to feel that I just need so much more?

 

The worst thing is that I can't even talk to him... whenever I try telling him that I need more... that I don't feel loved this way, that I want him to sometimes helped me out by preparing a dinner... And he gets mad... He replies: you just never change... you just keep nagging like this... and walks away...

 

Everybody tells me that I am so gorgeous and yet I feel so undesired ... We never fight...or almost never... but now I start thinking this is not such a good thing because how can we fight if every time I have anything to say he just walks away to avoid the fight?

 

And with all this he keeps telling me: how can you not feel how much I love you...

 

What is going on with me or with all this stuff? Sometimes I just think: it's enough... get out of this... you'll be better off alone... but I still feel affection for this guy... although I feel I deserve much more... I deserve some passion, a life full of interests and activities, more compassion & understanding...

 

Am I just wanting too much?

[Sierra Sunrise]

Our guts and our minds tell us that something is wrong. I don't think you're wanting too much out of it all. I understand how this is very complicated. My hubby was pretty much the same way, minus the touchy feely snuggly stuff. But all the rest, oh yes. This eventually lead me to cheating, habitually. I'm not saying it will you. I'm saying to you to sit down by yourself and really factor in everything and seriously think about it. Don't let anyone else tell you differently but if you're not getting out of him what you need in all the six years you've been with him, if you want to try and salvage it then I say try counseling, if not then you have no kids and you should walk away from it.

 

Living in a relationship miserably does nothing but create more misery. That's no way to live your life. At all. You need to make yourself happy. Life is way too short.

[DayDreamer75]

Does this mean you fixed your marriage and you're happy together? I wonder if that's really possible .

[Sierra Sunrise]

Yes we fixed our marriage and are still together. Almost 18 years now. In March it will be 18 years. It took a lot. Some was good, some was bad, and some downright ugly. But we got in there and both made a committment to the counseling and despite some of the ugliness we pulled through. We still go on these retreats which is a part of our counseling sessions as well. We still have counseling about once a month now and we're almost done.

 

We did not stay together out of necessity for the children either. We put in a lot of effort, and much hard work. I can only tell you what I have told you. I haven't cheated in years. I don't even think about it. I may find some people attractive and I've had ample opportunity arise since but I just handle in the way that most people should. NO thankyou!

[HisLove]

Sometimes love isn't enough.

 

You know it's time to end things when the pain of staying overwhelms any goodness in the relationship. You know it's the end when you accept that things aren't going to change and you have to decide whether what you have is enough, or if it isn't. If it isn't, you change things.

 

The end of a relationship is not the end of the world. You will love again. He will love again. You are responsible for your own happiness - so don't blame him if you're not happy. Go and find happiness.

[SoleMate]

WHOA THERE!!!!! You do not need to be thinking divorce until you're tried WAY more than this! What you describe is a marriage in the doldrums....bored...stale...but basically with many good things about it. Think of it as a 3 year old car that needs its brakes replaced. You don't go and drive it off a cliff as your first option, right??? Likewise with this. Please read a copy of His Needs, Her Needs and learn about the changes YOU can make that will get you more of what you're looking for....the easy way.

 

Long story short: Men and women have different emotional needs (ENs). When someone fulfills your ENs consistently and thoroughly, you love them. Mean and women tend not to understand each others' ENs because they are so different, e.g. many women have an EN for intimate conversation, while 98% have a powerful EN for intimate physical expression. The man shows his love the way he wants to be shown...whereas he'd work a lot less hard and get better results if he showed her love the way SHE wants it. And vice versa of course.

 

When 1 partner starts understanding the other's ENs and fulfilling them well, they are in a stronger position to teach the partner about their own ENs and get them fulfilled. As a slightly oversimplified example, if your H wants frequent passionate lovemaking and you cheerfully give him that, you'll find him more receptive to show you the domestic support and companionship that you yearn for. That's the theory and many poeple have benefitted from it.

[OpenBook]

When 1 partner starts understanding the other's ENs and fulfilling them well, they are in a stronger position to teach the partner about their own ENs and get them fulfilled. As a slightly oversimplified example, if your H wants frequent passionate lovemaking and you cheerfully give him that, you'll find him more receptive to show you the domestic support and companionship that you yearn for. That's the theory and many poeple have benefitted from it.

 

That sounds great. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way IRL. It's been mine (and others') experience that when you give so much, the man becomes complacent and stops trying. He gets spoiled and lazy. And when you stop giving it, he's outraged - "You've changed" - he's operating under the assumption that because you've always consistently given that to him, that you somehow OWE it to him now.

 

No, the best way I've seen to work it (from a woman's perspective) is to always keep your man on his toes, slightly off-balance, always on probation.

[DayDreamer75]

Why is there such a widely spread misconception that it's always the man who wants a passionate love making and does not get it. Did you read my post carefully? I've spent my years in trying to interest him. I've been the one negated love and sex in general. Do you know who it feels for years when your man keeps saying I love you so much but when you approach him in sexy underwear almost completely nude and you tell him you want to make love and he replies to you: I'm tired.

 

How else could I show my love to this person? I do everything: wash, clean, cook, do everything he wants to do, have sex ONLY when he wants. I feel like I've completely forgotten my own needs. I don't scream, don't yell, try to live him his life the way he wants... But this is way to tiring for me... I need all the same things that everybody else needs: being cared for, being made passionate love to, feel that my needs are as important as his... So, what am I mistaking? Is that again my fault that regardless I am attractive (as everybody tells me) he does not desire me?

[DayDreamer75]

and oh, I forgot to say that we are not married yet... But I am seriously reconsidering marrying him and have a child with him. I imagine myself being alone in looking after the child while he's either working or watching TV in bed. Such a positive outlook

[OpenBook]

do everything: wash, clean, cook, do everything he wants to do, have sex ONLY when he wants. I feel like I've completely forgotten my own needs.

 

Actually, you are eloquently illustrating my point. I wasn't referring specifically to the "giving sex to the man" problem... I was talking about "giving" in general.

[HisLove]

Daydreamer...that's where you fall down. Men think you do this stuff because you WANT to. They can't comprehend doing stuff if you aren't perfectly happy offering it.

 

If you don't want to do it any more because there is no benefit to you. DON'T DO IT ANY MORE. That is the only thing that will get his attention. Go on strike. If it doesn't work for you any more, then don't do it.

 

Put it this way...you knock yourself out...cooking, cleaning, making sex different and exciting...so to him that means you are perfectly contented doing so. Why would he possibly think you are unhappy when you knock yourself out doing all these things for him?

[DayDreamer75]

oh, openbook, thank you so much for your responses. In fact my post was in response to that of SoleMate... People always think that if you give enough you will get something back... But I don't think that's fair... I feel like I am giving, giving, giving. it's not that I don't get something back... But I just feel like to am giving everything in and up in order to have what is not sufficient for me... I don't feel loved and desired... would counseling really help with this? He refuses to see the problem and walks away every time I try to speak about my needs not being met.

[IzUrLoveReal]

we've been living together for the past 6 years. We've come long way but there are still so many things that bother me. Sometimes I just don't feel loved. Am I right to feel this way? Is this just something about me? I mean, he's a sweet boy, huggy & cuddling... but this as long as you spend your entire day home... Apart from this, I wonder whether this is all I can get from life. I am 32... And I just dream about the way I would like my life to be. Sometimes I just feel so lonely.

 

We both work long hours. Get home at 8 PM sometimes even later. I have a good job that pays me well and I feel challenged so I have nothing to complain about it. But no matter when I get home I'm always the one who has to cook the dinner and then clean up because he hates cooking.

 

I'm the one who always has to go to the groceries because he hates it.

 

I'm the one who has to clean the house. OK, he helps me out but I have to ask. He does not wash, does not iron... I mean I have to work outside and inside...

 

But this would still be ok if it were not for other stuff. Right after the dinner during the week days he spends almost all of his time working. I tell him I would like us to spend some more time together... But he has to work.

 

I am so full of energy. I want to walk, run, bike, go to the movies, go to the theatre, go bowling, travel. Ok, we go often for a walk... but he gets bored soon. His only option to do something together is always to rent a movie... come on... I just want to go dancing. No, he hates it. I wanna go bowling, no, it's so annoying...

 

He's not at all romantic... Never swamps me with gifts, flowers, not even on my birthday. He never takes me out for my birthday either... and what even gets worse we make love once a month at the most...

 

He's always tired... He just wants to stay in bed all day long and cuddle... he's sweet with words... he's a huggy type of person... He's very intelligent and warm... There are many things in his character that I admire... but am I so strange to feel that I just need so much more?

 

The worst thing is that I can't even talk to him... whenever I try telling him that I need more... that I don't feel loved this way, that I want him to sometimes helped me out by preparing a dinner... And he gets mad... He replies: you just never change... you just keep nagging like this... and walks away...

 

Everybody tells me that I am so gorgeous and yet I feel so undesired ... We never fight...or almost never... but now I start thinking this is not such a good thing because how can we fight if every time I have anything to say he just walks away to avoid the fight?

 

And with all this he keeps telling me: how can you not feel how much I love you...

 

What is going on with me or with all this stuff? Sometimes I just think: it's enough... get out of this... you'll be better off alone... but I still feel affection for this guy... although I feel I deserve much more... I deserve some passion, a life full of interests and activities, more compassion & understanding...

 

Am I just wanting too much?

 

 

Let me say that for me your post was liberating. Someone like me with the same issues, complaints, etc. I have been married for 12 years now to a female version of your guy. I have too many details to name all of the here but yeah, she doesn’t clean, periodically cooks. She doesn’t like to go out much. There isn’t as much interaction with our kids as I would like but maybe I’m asking too much. She mainly really enjoys lying in the bed alternating between sleep and watching TV. I am her complete opposite. Intellectually, it feels like were incompatible. We’re just not on the same page and pretty much never have been.

 

Bottom line is that she is enjoys who she is, she has someone that takes care of her financially, someone who cleans so she doesn’t have to, someone who cooks, washes clothes, takes care of the kids, and basically makes her life a helluva lot easier than if she was single. She has no incentive to change.

 

Does your guy have any incentive to change/improve?

 

Giving more has never improved my situation. It only made my spouse more comfortable and content in the situation. Honestly, the only thing that worked for me was the threat of leaving. Major changes came when that threat existed. They also disappeared too after a while because she was tasked with doing things she really didn’t see any value in doing. That wasn’t who she really was.

 

Now there is so much resentment in the relationship that I think it’s just a matter of time. Please don’t end up like this. Go to counseling now rather than later. Also, check out The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. You both might find that helpful.

[DayDreamer75]

After I posted this message one week back some things changed in my life... I wanted to hold off before writing about it... because I needed to understand how I felt. The same day I confronted my boyfriend (we are not married. Have been living together for 6 years) wanting to tell him that I was not happy this way and wanted more... But I did not even manage to end a single phrase, he walked out of the room and went to the bedroom and closed the door. I've been too used to this type of behaviour from him but I know that this is not right to me and this is not right to him. As if not talking about stuff would just make the stuff better. I mean we can never talk about anything that's wrong in our relationship. So this time I decided to not react the old way: begging him to talk to me.. I took my stuff and moved to another part of our apartment. So, it's been a week since we've been "separated" (living in the same apartment but actually living in 2 different bedrooms almost not seeing each other and not talking). Honestly, I was expecting that he would at least come and apologize but he is not doing this. But on another side, I al feeling better. It's making my mind clearer. The more I think about this, the more I feel that I was not getting anywhere near what I had desired out of this relationship. Plus if he does not want me in his life and is unwilling to pay attention to my needs, why should I sting to this relationship?.. I think a lot about our moments together... There are some characteristics of our relationship that are awsome... I love the way he makes me laugh, I love the way he smiles and looks (he's a very handsome guy), I love his intelligence and honesty... Plus he's the type of guy that never cheats... but then I think is this all so important when everything else is disfunctional? This XMas we went to Paris... Cause I had been asking for it for 2 years and in the end he listened to me. I loved Paris... But I felt so alone being there together. We spend the whole week there with his family. Not even a single time did he ask me how I was feeling. He would walk several meters in front of me without ever turning around to see where I was, how I was doing... every time I did something which was not "acceptable" to him he criticized me and yelled at me: I cannot go to the bathroom in the airport because everybody's gonna be late because of me. I cannot go have breakfast because I'm making everybody wait. We went to his uncle's jewelry shop. His brother bought a birthday gift for his wife. I guess he felt obliged to get me something for XMas because for these years I've been swamping him with gifts (this is just my nature) without getting any thought from him. So while we were in the shop he asked me if I liked anything in there but 1 minute after I started looking around, he got irritated: for God's sake, choose, we can't spend the rest of our day here... He's always been like this with me... I never go shopping. Every time we're together I have to follow him as a dog on a leash... If I deviate even for a second, he get's angry with me... I just don't understand, he's never like this with me at home. He's more caring and loving when we're alone: cuddling, hugging, kissing... But whenever we our outside: travelling, walking or visiting others, he's just different. Every time something goes wrong, it's my fault. Once he brought me on a vacation. I was on a phone for work emergency. He lost an exit from the highway and got angry with me. Drove back 1000 km without ever stopping or talking to me. He had not spoken to me for 3 days after that. Fortunately, these events happen less and less. But I feel that they've changed me... They forced me into becoming someone I am not because I don't want to fight. I hate fighting. In fact we never do. But I am starting to think that's because I have to put so much patience into it and just swallow silently all the sadness and disappointments. Whenever I talk to him about this, he says that he respects me for everything I am. I left my home when I was 17 and built all my life alone. I got a university degree working 3 jobs in order to pay for it and now I have a very high level role in my company paying me a very good salary. So, why would he disrespect me like this? I feel he lacks respect towards me. But I just don't get it why. I feel I deserve to be treated better. On the physical side we only make love when he wants. When he's not tired. After years we went on like this I lost all my sexual drive... It's not good on ones self-esteem having a person that you feel does not desire you. Yet, everybody tells me that I am good looking. Sorry if I chat so much. I just need it to spill all this outside. The bottom line is that this week of the separation is helping me to understand that he just does not love me. He cannot be in love with me taking me so much for granted and treating me like I am a little kid when I am so independent and strong and almost everything in this house is on my shoulders. The more I continue like this, the more I feel that I should get out because with all these disfunctional things in our relationship and after 6 years waiting for him to change, he will just never change, because he does not love me enough to change. And I deserve to be loved, just like any other being, for all my qualities and flaws... Is there anyone out there who thinks that I should give it another try? Or I should follow my rational and get out of this relationship because it has just drained me so much while receiving so little back? Thank you so much and sorry for such a huge post.

[Ronni_W]

Is there anyone out there who thinks that I should give it another try?

Well, you could give it another try ONLY if that will make you feel better about leaving. But you're not obligated to just keep trying and trying with absolutely no new hope coming out of your efforts, so only do it if you really feel that YOU want to.

 

From everything you've written, you are not feeling respected and appreciated and loved as you want...and deserve.

 

My situation was very similar, and my "last try" was telling him we had 6 months to improve things. He did nothing (and neither did I.) At the end of that time, I said I wanted a separation and his response was..."Let's give it 6 months"!!! . But I was done.

I guess he thought I was bluffing or something cos after that he started trying really hard. But I was done.

 

Best of luck. Of course there will be all the nice things about him and your relationship that you'll miss so it won't be an easy decision any way you look at it. In the end, do what your Heart is saying is best for you.

[DayDreamer75]

Ronni_w, do you feel better in the end? Do you feel that you did the right thing for yourself? Do you think that the separation has helped you become a better person that you were with him? Thanks

[Frances]

After I posted this message one week back some things changed in my life... I wanted to hold off before writing about it... because I needed to understand how I felt. The same day I confronted my boyfriend (we are not married. Have been living together for 6 years) wanting to tell him that I was not happy this way and wanted more... But I did not even manage to end a single phrase, he walked out of the room and went to the bedroom and closed the door. I've been too used to this type of behaviour from him but I know that this is not right to me and this is not right to him. As if not talking about stuff would just make the stuff better. I mean we can never talk about anything that's wrong in our relationship. So this time I decided to not react the old way: begging him to talk to me.. I took my stuff and moved to another part of our apartment. So, it's been a week since we've been "separated" (living in the same apartment but actually living in 2 different bedrooms almost not seeing each other and not talking). Honestly, I was expecting that he would at least come and apologize but he is not doing this. But on another side, I al feeling better. It's making my mind clearer. The more I think about this, the more I feel that I was not getting anywhere near what I had desired out of this relationship. Plus if he does not want me in his life and is unwilling to pay attention to my needs, why should I sting to this relationship?.. I think a lot about our moments together... There are some characteristics of our relationship that are awsome... I love the way he makes me laugh, I love the way he smiles and looks (he's a very handsome guy), I love his intelligence and honesty... Plus he's the type of guy that never cheats... but then I think is this all so important when everything else is disfunctional? This XMas we went to Paris... Cause I had been asking for it for 2 years and in the end he listened to me. I loved Paris... But I felt so alone being there together. We spend the whole week there with his family. Not even a single time did he ask me how I was feeling. He would walk several meters in front of me without ever turning around to see where I was, how I was doing... every time I did something which was not "acceptable" to him he criticized me and yelled at me: I cannot go to the bathroom in the airport because everybody's gonna be late because of me. I cannot go have breakfast because I'm making everybody wait. We went to his uncle's jewelry shop. His brother bought a birthday gift for his wife. I guess he felt obliged to get me something for XMas because for these years I've been swamping him with gifts (this is just my nature) without getting any thought from him. So while we were in the shop he asked me if I liked anything in there but 1 minute after I started looking around, he got irritated: for God's sake, choose, we can't spend the rest of our day here... He's always been like this with me... I never go shopping. Every time we're together I have to follow him as a dog on a leash... If I deviate even for a second, he get's angry with me... I just don't understand, he's never like this with me at home. He's more caring and loving when we're alone: cuddling, hugging, kissing... But whenever we our outside: travelling, walking or visiting others, he's just different. Every time something goes wrong, it's my fault. Once he brought me on a vacation. I was on a phone for work emergency. He lost an exit from the highway and got angry with me. Drove back 1000 km without ever stopping or talking to me. He had not spoken to me for 3 days after that. Fortunately, these events happen less and less. But I feel that they've changed me... They forced me into becoming someone I am not because I don't want to fight. I hate fighting. In fact we never do. But I am starting to think that's because I have to put so much patience into it and just swallow silently all the sadness and disappointments. Whenever I talk to him about this, he says that he respects me for everything I am. I left my home when I was 17 and built all my life alone. I got a university degree working 3 jobs in order to pay for it and now I have a very high level role in my company paying me a very good salary. So, why would he disrespect me like this? I feel he lacks respect towards me. But I just don't get it why. I feel I deserve to be treated better. On the physical side we only make love when he wants. When he's not tired. After years we went on like this I lost all my sexual drive... It's not good on ones self-esteem having a person that you feel does not desire you. Yet, everybody tells me that I am good looking. Sorry if I chat so much. I just need it to spill all this outside. The bottom line is that this week of the separation is helping me to understand that he just does not love me. He cannot be in love with me taking me so much for granted and treating me like I am a little kid when I am so independent and strong and almost everything in this house is on my shoulders. The more I continue like this, the more I feel that I should get out because with all these disfunctional things in our relationship and after 6 years waiting for him to change, he will just never change, because he does not love me enough to change. And I deserve to be loved, just like any other being, for all my qualities and flaws... Is there anyone out there who thinks that I should give it another try? Or I should follow my rational and get out of this relationship because it has just drained me so much while receiving so little back? Thank you so much and sorry for such a huge post.

 

Does he have a health problem? If he has can it be fixed? How old is he?

From your first post you said you only have sex once a month, that is not healthy sign from a young man.

 

If he is not ill then run as fast as you can from him. You are young, you have your life ahead of you.

[DayDreamer75]

I don't think he's ill. He looks good and healthy. But this a taboo argument. He does not want to go to a doctor. To him its normal not having sex

[Ronni_W]

Ronni_w, do you feel better in the end? Do you feel that you did the right thing for yourself? Do you think that the separation has helped you become a better person that you were with him? Thanks

100%, absolutely, no doubt whatsoever!!!

Well...it wasn't the separation that helped me grow...it was the "blood, sweat and tears" I put into it, subsequently .

 

But he was just not the person with whom I could have grown any further, nor he with me -- that's just the reality of what we had created together. We've remained friends in the 10 years since, and I still don't see that we would have been able to change the dynamics of our relationship enough to make a real difference in the most problematic areas. I suspect that with me around, he just wasn't motivated to see (or didn't want to see?) my ever-increasing...despair, I guess is a good word. He was fine and happy, and that's the only perspective he ever held.

 

At the same time, it sucks that it couldn't have been different -- like you with yours, there are things I respected and liked, about my ex. So, for me, there's always going to be a part that is a little sad...but that part seems to get smaller and smaller as the years go by .

 

And simultaneous to that, I am in a wonderfully supportive and loving and encouraging relationship now.

 

With all the heartache and "yucky stuff", I wouldn't change a thing. And I left at the moment that my Heart said to do it, even though it was a really difficult thing to do. Even after the separation, I considered reconciling (maybe 3 months after) -- and that's when I seriously had to just keep "feeling" what was best for me.

It's tough, it hurts, there is guilt and doubt and loneliness...but I wouldn't change a thing.

Edited January 26, 2008 by Ronni_W

[Frances]

I don't think he's ill. He looks good and healthy. But this a taboo argument. He does not want to go to a doctor. To him its normal not having sex

 

Maybe it is for him but you do not like it and that makes it a problem. Has he been like that from early on?

 

That is only one aspect of the relationship but a big one. Its how he does not share the household tasks as you both are out working how can he think that that is okay

Do not settle for a relationship like that you will end up hating him in years to come and you will lose out on the chance to meet someone who would suit you better and give you the type of love you really want. It would also give him the chance of making something of his life, he is comfortable at the moment.

[DayDreamer75]

I guess you're right. I've been pondering so much about all this during this week. I decided to do what I feel I want. This morning I went out on a bike for 3 hours which I never could do with him because he always kept saying "come one, stay with me... don't you wanna cuddle..." and it always made me feel bad about wanting to do things he did not want... All these evenings I have been coming back home late from work and not even a single try to let me find a dinner or anything else ready... While I (cause I am stupid or maybe too altruist) have been preparing dinners and breakfast for him although we don't talk and he keeps silently consuming them without even saying a thank you... I just cannot stop doing what I've always been: caring for others. From another point of view while I am pondering on my whole situation I don't feel the need to talk to him. Not at this point. I am not suffering so much... I am just trying to understand what's best for me... And while I am doing all this he's just doing what he's always done: lying in bed and watching TV... So, I've planned my day. Alone. I want to be alone without friends or anyone else to understand after all these years who I am... So I planned that right after I do some grocery shopping for "both" of us, I am going to have a long walk in the forest nearby. I love nature and the day over here is very sunny. And then I am going to order in some chinese food and may be go to the move alone in the night. I've decided that I don't want to see anyone... I just want to be alone and find the ways to be happy alone by doing what I like... Should I start seeing my friends or is it fine to just want to hang out by myself?

[Ronni_W]

Should I start seeing my friends or is it fine to just want to hang out by myself?

Whatever you want and need is fine . (For those who would quibble, I'd better add: ...as long as it doesn't infringe on the rights of others.)

 

You have a keen awareness of your needs and feelings, and the ability to express them most eloquently -- you'll easily help your friends understand that, for you, this is a time for inner reflection.

[DayDreamer75]

After I stopped writing updates regarding my story, I have left for a vacation... I was away from home for several days. We did not contact each other during my trip. Strangely I was feeling well and I thought that whatever way the life would take me I would be happy. When I came back, unexpected things started happening. The same day back he came to tell me that he loved me, that for him I was the right person and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me... But if I was unhappy with him then it was right for us to separate. I told him that I was taking all my time to think about this and once I was ready I would let him know my decision. But that I was not ready to talk about this right now... From that point on he changed so much... He stopped working all the time... Now when I come back home, he's always there to welcome me with affection, cleans the house up after dinner... asks me what I want. He even suggested that we go together on vacation for Valentine's... A weekend getaway???? as busy as he's with his work. In the past, I was the one asking for all this stuff and nagging... Now he's the one that asks me in the morning: where does my baby want me to take her this evening? I feel I am dealing with another person here... I feel I could live with him this way for the rest of our lives... But how long would this last? Is it possible that he remain like this because he realized that he was wrong? I am torn between making a decision right now and staying again for a while to see where this new development takes us... What do you think?