Probably the most weird request you'd ever have to read. :S

[WishEater]

Ok.. this is even too odd for forums, but I just can't bare this anylonger.

I am a guy of 16 years old and my quastion is simple: How do I stop liking girls?

 

Why do I want it? Well, it is quite a long story and hard to tell but the main principle is that I just simply can't bare it anylonger! I am not a bad looking person (eventhough the only poeple who said that I looked good were my mum and my aunt >_<)... but I just simply (almost) never talk to girls.

 

I don't know why, perhaps it is because everyone in my school live very close to each other... and I live 30 minutes away and can't just spontaniousley go out without making a day or two appointment in advance... instead have to sit in my dark room playing games and talking on MSN. I am verry bad at properly talking to girls... I am VERY shy talking to girls.

 

In our group there are hardly any girls as well... when I look around at lucnhtime, it seems like the further you get from our gorup, the more girls there are per group. o.0

 

 

I guess that the final drop that made me come to this decision was this girl that I liked.. but for some reason just like since a few weeks ago I started to 'love' her... like I couldn't stop thinking about her... I still recall my maths teacher saying "You didn't pay enough attention to my lesson today, you kept thinking about someone else"...

She is really nice but she is NEVER around guys, unlike other girls who have like at least 5 jumping around them.. I don't know why, she is shy as well and such but the main thing is... I don't even have damn bolls to say hi to her! Or anything!

 

Other people get girls without ANY problem... more and more people are getting GFs, getting kissed, getting laid and all that crap... even the people who I think are complete di*ks! As in.. the people who I would hire an assassin to kill get girls... I've never had a GF or a good friend that was a girl.

 

 

I used to watch a lot of 'stuff' on the internet... I've now said to myself that "I don't need anyone... there is no point to it... I don't need to do 'stuff' on the internet... there is no point to it".... I've deleted my 'stuff' folder now and decided that I never will do that thing that man usually do under their pants... it's been a week, and any time I even have a small thought of starting to do it, I tell myself of not to.

 

So I just say "I don't need to talk to girls..." and all that stuff... but deep inside I still want a GF, especially the one I mentioned earlier... and it is just agonising... I am torturing myself waiting for something which will probably never happen... I don't know why... perhaps it's just my luck... my luck as been sh*t through my whole life. :S

 

So I don't want to be agonised any longer, I want to stop liking girls and stop wanting to have a GF and basically whenever someone sais "Hey guys! I finally got unvirgined yesterday!!!" I would just simply think "Yeah cool I guess >_<" instead of remembering my sad life.

 

 

So can anyone tell me where I can go or what I should do in order to get rid of my will to get a Girlfriend? I know you guys probably think that I am some kind of a psychatic guy who escaped from a mental hospital, but no, I just no longer want to feel less of a person than everyone else cuz they have more attention from girls than me, and just simply think 'so what?'.

 

And yes yes, my friends keep on going "Yeah you just need to have self confidence and it'll be alright" and "Just go and talk to her... she was sitting like next to you at lunch talking to her friends".... well... if I really could do all that, I won't be writing in this forum.... :S

 

So I really need your help guys, please tell me how to get off my will to get a girlfriend... that will drastically improve my life and perhaps will take away my will to commit suicide (Yes, I really feel that depressed now), I am not a bad guy, or a bad looking guy... it's just that the luck hates me more than anyone else in the school and gave this personality of being so shy and not being able to go for it. :S

 

Really hope someone can help me, thank you.

Edited January 19, 2008 by WishEater

[sb129]

Oh and PS: I live in Holland, just so if you knowany good places in there... :S

.

 

Good places for what?

[WishEater]

Good places for what?

 

Where I could go for my problem... I thought of visiting a psychatrist... but there is no way how I can do that without my mum notising. :S

[THE THRONE]

You either seek professional help or you follow the Doctrine of the Seven -Legged Lamb. Honestly, THE THRONE says you need to seek professional help and THEN seek out THE THRONE so he can teach you the ways of the Seven-Legged Lamb.

[Kamille]

First of all, my superior analysis technique tells me that what 'you do under your pants' while looking at 'stuff' is masturbation and I would suggest that you stop feeling guilt about something most humans also do. There is nothing wrong with masturbation, it has even been proven to help alleviate tension, anxiety and stress. Plus, you know what, you're a sixteen year old boy and your body is kind of designed so that at that age you have sexual desires. Masturbation is a great way to learn more about your body for the day when you do actually end up in bed with a girl.

 

I am also thinking that if you masturbate on a regular basis, maybe you will stop feeling like liking girls is a pathology.

 

It's normal to like girls at your age, just as it's normal to be shy on how to approach them. That girl that you see who never speaks to guys? She's probably shy to talk to boys.

 

Now don't think that you are always going to be the person you are now. There is a 95% chance that within the next three years, your personality will change a lot and you will gain more confidence. This happens to most of us when we leave home to either go away to college or to enter the work force. So, tell yourself that the awkwardness that you feel is only temporary and certainly something that you can overcome. You don't need to overcome it tomorow morning. Relax, and mostly, arm yourself with the best tool to deal with teenage angst: a sense of humor.

 

Yes, that is how I survived my teenage years. I learned to laugh at myself and laugh at the awkwardness. Now go reread your post and try to see the humor in it (really is shouldn't be too hard). Then go look at some porn. Masturbate, laugh, relax. Yes, that is my advice to you. Masturbate, laugh and ease up on yourself.

[Lovelybird]

Hi, I think you get rid of the 'stuff' is a good and brave idea. Knowing the difference of man and woman and knowing the act is one thing (knowledge is power), and constantly rely on the stuff on your computer is another thing (which cause depression even in adults' lives). And it is natural you want and like girls. I don't think you can oppress it, maybe you can channel the focus or energy to some other things?

 

You put too much pressure on yourself. If you think 'well, just make a casual friend, not big deal', that would decrease the pressure of 'I must get a girlfriend'. The key is 'try, if fail, try again', this is the key for everybody

 

the mindset, first of all, don't think failure is a big deal, because it isn't. The thing you do or don't do CANNOT define you. if you know how God look at you, you won't mind how others think about you at all. It is freedom. Most of us whole life is fighting this "how others think about me".

 

and the most successful men are those who experienced many failures and not afraid to try again and don't mind what others might think. The more you speak up, the more it gets easier. and I agree with above poster, learn to laugh at yourself, when you make a mistake, laugh at it, and do better next time. conquer your fear is like an adventure journey, a little by a little, you will love it and enjoy it.

 

maybe some male posters have more valuable advises how they managed through their youth

[Ronni_W]

How do I stop liking girls?

I am not a bad guy, or a bad looking guy... it's just that the luck hates me... and gave this personality of being so shy

If I understand correctly, you want to change your mental pattern so that girls and sex are not the most dominant thoughts in your head...is that right?

 

One way to do that is to develop lots of other interests...whether it's to really get your head into your studies, and/or learn about quantum physics, and/or how to compose a symphony, and/or rock climbing, sky diving, body building, etc., etc., etc.

 

Not that sexual desire and intercourse is something "bad" or something to be ashamed of...it is normal and healthy to have such feelings and to want to experience emotional, intellectual, spiritual and physical closeness with another person.

 

But if you don't want it to be part of your life right now, that's fine, too.

 

You can also undertake to gain some self-awareness and get to the roots of why your personality feels more comfortable acting shy than being outgoing. There are a number of excellent resources on the web. You can try coping.org to start, and then Google whatever you find interesting to find different perspectives.

 

I'd encourage you not to blame your current circumstances on "luck" (or anything else)-- that kind of victim mentality will only get you stuck in a cycle of negative and depressive thought patterns.

 

You have the intellect and therefore the power to change everything that you want to change, within your personality and your personal experiences!

You just need a strong desire for the change, and must be willing to put forth the effort that is necessary.

 

YOU CAN DO IT!!! -- Best of luck.

Edited January 20, 2008 by Ronni_W

[WishEater]

I would suggest that you stop feeling guilt about something most humans also do. There is nothing wrong with masturbation, it has even been proven to help alleviate tension, anxiety and stress.

I know, I don't feel guilt doeing it... infact, I proudly showed off how I was able to do it for more and longer than my other friends. (Not talking about it in public ofcourse, just when we sit and joke around with friends)... the reason I stoped is to stop myself reminding of these things and hopefully not wanting to do it irl (in real life).

 

So, tell yourself that the awkwardness that you feel is only temporary and certainly something that you can overcome.

I've been trying to tell myself that I will get a GF for the past 4 years... as I still see even kids of 12 having GFs and BFs... at first I thought "naah , it's alright, I'm still young"... and the closer I got to 16... the more I started to learn about other poeple's lifes, and how everybody are getting GFs on like monthly basis, and how they are getting laid and go out every Friday night...

 

While I haven't advanced for jack... I mean... my success with any girl is as big as it was 4, or even 6 years ago (Eventhough 6 years ago I wasn't rly intrested... but my success was bad)

 

So basically I have been trying to 'lie' to myself for the past years that this is only temporary... unfortinutely the truth is just so obvious that me standing ther near the mirror and saying rubbish to myself isn't helping...

 

My mum's only way of comforting me is basically saying that everyone around me lies... every time they say they have a GF, they are lying... if they have SMS from their GF, they sent it to themselves... etc etc... and I just came up to the point where I can't fool myself into thinking anything else but the truth. :S

 

You put too much pressure on yourself. If you think 'well, just make a casual friend, not big deal', that would decrease the pressure of 'I must get a girlfriend'. The key is 'try, if fail, try again', this is the key for everybody

By 'well, just make a casual friend, not big deal' I guess you mean a female friend? Well, it's just simply that I in general feel more comfrtable with male friends, and the fact that... well, how can I state this... (almost) every guy has some 'feminine sides' and (almost) every girl has some 'musceline sides'... well, I am probably as 'stereotipically manly' as it gets, without any of the 'feminine sides'.... like I listen to metal/death metal music, wear skulls (I am nice, not evil or anything, but just like skulls ^^)...

I mostly play computer games and as profession want to develope millitary weapons.

So like all the things that you wouldn't 'expect' a girl to like.

 

Yes yes I ofcourse also have some 'neutral' hobbies like tennis and skiing... but like in general, all of the topics I talk about are really the topics that men, and not, women talk about... and that is the reason why I don't have female friends (that's what I recon at least).

 

About the 'try, if fail, try again'... I am not that concerned about trying.... I am very concerned about the 'failing' :S

 

If I understand correctly, you want to change your mental pattern so that girls and sex are not the most dominant thoughts in your head...is that right?

 

One way to do that is to develop lots of other interests...whether it's to really get your head into your studies, and/or learn about quantum physics, and/or how to compose a symphony, and/or rock climbing, sky diving, body building, etc., etc., etc.

 

Not that sexual desire and intercourse is something "bad" or something to be ashamed of...it is normal and healthy to have such feelings and to want to experience emotional, intellectual, spiritual and physical closeness with another person.

Well yes, I do have other hobbies as well... but it's about me going to school and having to constantly look all directions and looking how all the couples are like cuddling with each other, and the most I can do is to jackoff at a bunch of pixels... I know it is natural and nothing bad, but it is about me going in there and regreting my sad life thinking that I am less of a person, while other people are going out and having a great time which I can only imagine having. :S

 

You can also undertake to gain some self-awareness and get to the roots of why your personality feels more comfortable acting shy than being outgoing. There are a number of excellent resources on the web. You can try coping.org to start, and then Google whatever you find interesting to find different perspectives.

 

Well, I don't feel more comfrtable being shy... I absoluteley hate it...

I recon that the reason that I am shy is because I am always afraid that people wouldn't like me and that I won't get their apporval... or like the joke that I make won't be funny, and I'll be embaraced. I am not a psychaitrist but I think that that is the main reason. :S ... or perhaps I am afraid that I'll screw up and will have 0 chance of ever talking to that person again instead of 2%... I don't know. :S

 

About google and coping.com... what exactley you mean I need to search for?

 

I'd encourage you not to blame your current circumstances on "luck" (or anything else)-- that kind of victim mentality will only get you stuck in a cycle of negative and depressive thought patterns.

Too late >_<

 

 

 

Well guys, thanks for the responses so far... I have a whole Sunday to think about everything... I hope that by the amount of effort I put into this, you see that I am not joking or trolling around, and actually am very serious about this stuff...

 

I am also feeling like I am going into what you might call a "Death Spiral"... that is a term in gaming world when: The game developers somehow screwed up... poeple quit and therefore less people play the game... less people means less feed back to improve the game... less feedback means the game becomes worse... means that more poeple will quit... even less feedback.. even worse game... even more poeple quit etc etc till the game is just chucked into the bin...

 

Now what is happening to me is that because of the 'not having a loved one' part... I lost the confidence in myself... which decreases the chance of getting a girl cuz girls like confident guys... means I have even less confidence because I don't have anyone... even less chance of getting a girl.... even less confidence, even less chance... etc etc till I just finally can't bare it any longer, like now.

[Moai]

About the 'try, if fail, try again'... I am not that concerned about trying.... I am very concerned about the 'failing' :S

 

Therein is your problem. Why be so concerned with failure? You are so afraid of rejection that you aren't trying, and so will fail as surely as the Sun rises in the East.

 

Rejection is no big deal, and the more it happens the less it bothers you, and so the less you experience it.

 

What you like doesn't matter. You don't like all of the stereotypical things that girls like, yet you still like girls, right? It is the same for them. Girls aren't some alien race or different species--they are people, too.

 

Instead of worrying about "getting a girlfriend" worry about meeting somebody whom you like and want to be around and let the physical stuff take care of itself. You should be "auditioning" girls just as they are "auditioning" you.

 

Not everyone develops at the same rate. Just because most of your friends are ready to date doesn't men you are. Just relax. You may not have a girlfriend until college. So what?

 

You put too much pressure on yourself.

[Ronni_W]

I recon that the reason that I am shy is because I am always afraid that people wouldn't like me and that I won't get their apporval... or like the joke that I make won't be funny, and I'll be embaraced. ... or perhaps I am afraid that I'll screw up

 

About google and coping.com... what exactley you mean I need to search for?

Well, search for something like "shyness" or "overcoming shyness" or "dealing with shyness".

From what you wrote above, you can also try "improve self-esteem", "increase self-confidence", "fear of rejection" and/or "taking calculated risks".

 

Also, look up how many times Edison "screwed up" before he perfected the light bulb, and how many adjustments they had to make to the original flight plan (during the flight!) before they landed on the moon.

Cars, airplanes, telephones and computers did NOT just turn out "right" on the inventors' very first try...or even 50th.

 

They didn't look at it as failures and mistakes but as opportunities to achieve their ultimate goal...which was impossible without those initial mis-steps. And they certainly didn't take it that the mis-takes were somehow an indication of their worth as human beings.

 

PS - it is coping.org

[InferiorityComplex]

Hey I've been there....except I am a girl that dealt with the same problem.

 

You may be surprised with what I'm about to tell you, but I have never been asked out in my whole life. When I was 16 I met a guy online and chatted with him...he was really shy like you...(but I like that)...and so, I asked him out.

 

But when I was alone, I would stay on my computer for hours every night playing World of Warcraft and Diablo. I was a computer nerd. I also loved to draw, but my favorite thing to draw was Japanese animation and weapons. So...I was a 16 year old girl...who was lonely...shy...played computer...loved weapons...and masturbated...probably I don't know...4-8 times every night while looking at Japanese hentai and porn. (And none of the guy stuff...I mainly looked at lesbians and just women masturbating...and I'm straight!)

 

As everyone has said though...this is all completely normal...if you don't believe them then just look at me and how much we had in common. I got really depressed and ended up having to see a therapist for a little bit. And I learned alot about myself in those sessions. When I went to therapy my mother would yell at me saying that I was acting messed up to make her look bad to the neighbors etc.

 

But if your mother is understanding and you just say "Mom, I think I should see a therapist to talk to...I am just so confused with my life and don't know why I'm feeling the way I do" she should understand and be willing to take you. Now, I honestly believe that EVERYONE should see a therapist at least once in their life...because it's amazing that them just saying.. "And what do you think about that" will make you take a deeper look at yourself and make you understand what is actually bothering you.

 

Good luck!

[WishEater]

Ronni_W... alright... I have a go searching for that.... perhaps it will do at least some good. :S

And about the http://www.coping.org... yeah that is what I ment by saying coping.COM ^^

 

InferiorityComple.... yeah... you are indeed reminding me a lot of myself. Even the type of stuff you're watching o.0... except that you actually had the guts to ask someone out. :S

Did you also live isolated from everyone? Like you had friends but they were lving VERY close to school while you were like 40-60 minutes away?

 

Yeah... I think that after the internet research, the therapist is the best thing I CAN do... everyone are sorta comforting me, online, IRL, on MSN.... nothing helps much... I am just like trapped between two feelings, the feeling of not wanting girls cuz it only brings pain.... and a feeling deeper inside telling me that I really want a GF that cares about me and loves me....

 

I would have went to a therapist, but it takes like 4 months to get a proper appointment, and then another month or two to get it fixed... which I am just not going to be able to hang out through...

 

So atm I will give a go on reading the internet articles and trying to sorta talk myself out of wanting a GF I guess... that's the best I CAN do. >_<

[InferiorityComplex]

Yeah,

I actually left all of my friends from Jr. High very suddenly because my parents moved. So all the sudden I had no friends. All of the friends that I did make were guys, because they were in the chess club, and the Magic the Gathering club, and the animae club. I was actually shy around girls because I always felt like they were judging me, and that they would think I was weird and a nerd.

 

Oh I should also mention...my boyfriend and I's favorite color is black...we are not goth or anything of that sort. But we both dress in black on a daily basis, and when I met him online he was wearing black pants with skulls on them. Plug Jeans is what they were called...unfortunately they don't make the pants anymore or he'd probably still wear them.

 

My friends never came to my house to hang out or anything because my mom is pretty much a psycho LOL. If a therapist isn't an option, then maybe a school counselor may be a better option. They do deal with high school students on a daily basis, and I'm sure they've come across situations similar to yours before.

 

Hope I helped...

[DutchGuy]

Maybe you could contact Riagg?

I don't know who they let in, but it's free psychiatric help in the Netherlands. On their websites you can find and request additional information, also for other forms of help if you don't qualify.

 

I had this sort of problem when I was your age too.

It's hard to be a 'nice guy' in high school, girls only like older guys, or the ones that act like *******s. And the longer you have to wait for a GF, the more awkward it gets. But you're young, give it time.

I think it's smart to take a step back from it all, before it becomes too much of an obsession.

 

Hopelijk heb je er wat aan,

welkom op loveshack.

[Lovelybird]

well, I am probably as 'stereotipically manly' as it gets, without any of the 'feminine sides'.... like I listen to metal/death metal music, wear skulls (I am nice, not evil or anything, but just like skulls ^^)...

 

I recon that the reason that I am shy is because I am always afraid that people wouldn't like me and that I won't get their apporval... or like the joke that I make won't be funny, and I'll be embaraced. I am not a psychaitrist but I think that that is the main reason.

maybe you can work on how to break this chain of 'how other people think about me'? If you have one superior and powerful friend who can define your value and who really care about you, and talk truth about you, do you listen to this superior and powerful friend or listen to those who really don't care so much about you, and some even try to put down you from time to time?

 

this powerful friend and superior friend in my life is God, He breaks those chains off me. actually I can relate to you when I think about my early 20's, there were lots of boxes and squares, and others expect me to enter them without considering what shape I was

[WishEater]

Well yeah... I guess that it would have helped if I wasn't an athiest. >_<

At the moment I have succeeded to stop thinking about pornography and not masturbate for 8 days! Now since yesterday I've began to make myself stop thinking about girls... now the next step is to stop looking at them and then to stop caring if someone else is with girls. So I guess I am going in the good direction.... ehm... I think. o.0

 

Seriousley at the moment I have no idea what the hell I am doeing, I am now like stuck between two sides of myself... the one that tells me to be myself and the one that tells me to stop torturing myself by stopping thinking about girls... so yeah, I am kinda going insane atm... I guess that is just the 'conversion process'... when I am fully into the 'not liking girls' I'll be fine. :S

 

If I can't do it on my own I will try to go to the terapist. I've just searched for Riagg, but it is too far away from my house... I guess I might be going to PsyQ again... but how the hell am I going to go in there and sneak past my mum? I am not suppose to have any secrets for her but I am not just going to say "Mum I want to have a GF too bad but just simply can't... so I've now desided to stop liking girls all together."... it might be just me but I don't think that she is going to say "Alright then, no problem"... and if I go to the school counsilor, he'll probably laough his ass off. >_<

Edited January 22, 2008 by WishEater

[WishEater]

BTW guys thanks for trying to help me out... I rly appreciate it. ^^

[Ronni_W]

...but I am not just going to say "Mum I want to have a GF too bad but just simply can't... so I've now desided to stop liking girls all together."...

Well, no. But can't you say something like, "Mum, I'm just not happy with my levels of self-confidence and self-esteem, and I'd like to go to therapy to overcome my shyness" ?

 

It is true that these are all issues a therapist will help you deal with, so you will be being completely honest with your Mom. It sounds as if you have a close relationship with your mom, so she probably will want you to feel as happy, confident and content as you can...and therapy will definitely facilitate that.

[Lovelybird]

Well yeah... I guess that it would have helped if I wasn't an athiest. >_<

Ever consider to make friend with God?

[sb129]

Ever consider to make friend with God?

 

:rolleyes::rolleyes:

 

He is 16, and going through a normal, (but awkward and painful) phase of being a teenager.

 

Befriending god isn't the answer to everything.

 

Wisheater- many many people feel the way you do. It does pass eventually, and things will get easier as you get older, I can assure you. You have the rest of your life to get a GF- and I bet you will one day.

Being a teenager is tough, but the older you get, the more sure of yourself you will become, and you will meet more people who are on your wavelength.

 

There must be online forums for teens where you can talk to people who feel the same way as you? What about forums on things you are interested in- you at least have something in common with these people... you might find you develop your social skills online,and can translate these into real life with time.

 

Good luck, sorry for thinking you are a troll. Please don't think there is anything wrong with you for feeling the way you are- it is much more common than you think.

 

And doing "that thing in your pants" is 100% NORMAL and don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise.

[Lovelybird]

Befriending God is the answer for everything for me, I can tell you that

 

others want or not, its their decision

[sb129]

Befriending God is the answer for everything for me, I can tell you that

 

others want or not, its their decision

 

For you- thats your prerogative. It is NOT the answer to many other peoples problems, particularly confused teenagers who merely need reassuring that they are normal. Esp since the OP has already said he is an atheist.

 

To tell a teenage male that masturbation is wrong, simply because thats what YOU believe is irresponsible.

 

You have no idea what kind of negative impact that may have on him. That kind of archaic attitude to masturbation is what breeds unhealthy and often pathological attitudes towards sex.

 

If you can't say anything constructive......

[Albucosor]

Do not fight the fact that you like girls. It's perfectly ok to like girls and be shy.

If you want, I can propose a solution. It is an easy solution, that you already know, and it is NOT a quick fix. This solution should take approximately 1 year for you to see the results you want.

 

You are a male, and usually, males like to be goal oriented. Here you have a wonderful opportunity to experience what it is like to be goal oriented and to pursue a precise goal.

 

the solution is simply this : Make it a goal to be more and more at ease speaking to girls.

For the next year, focus only on this goal.

First you'll have to define some step by step approach.

What can you do to gain more and more strength in this area of your life?

Look for others who have a similar goal to share their advice with you.

Start by saying "hello" to strangers, or cashiers at the shop for instance.

Record all your progress in a journal. Look for what you can improve and reward yourself when you do something that gets you closer to your goal.

 

I guarantee you will see results if you do that long enough. Learn the skill to speak to girls (and people in general). This is a skill you can learn.

 

The good news is that it will also teach how to act on a precise goal and this will be useful for all your life, including future professionnal life.

 

Good luck