For The Guys... For Fun

[JustinWolf]

Actually sex helps a man, it heals the mental wounds. You have sex and you start forgetting the people who hurt you because you feel better and you're getting some.

[HarryR]

First, tell him, straight out, dont expect him to know what you mean as we dont have a clue, (speaking for myself) we are not mind readers and do not read all the latest articles , second, stay away from the dating scene, that is the quickest route I know to run me off. I wont compete for what was once mine already. I would rather move on at that point. Just mho , Speak it straight, thats how guys talk to each other, we can tell each other off one minute , the next we are laughing. Ever notice how guys can do that. Its ok to yell at us but then calm down and say what you mean. We have feeelings too. and ears so we can hear. I know some of us do anyway.

Yes we need a brick up beside the head from time to time. so do toss it , let us bleed and we will hear it loud and clear. Dont throw in the towel so easilm. I for one an gun shy anymore of handing my heart out there seeeing how easy for todays woman to take it for granted. sorry if that came across as cold , wasnt intended that way at all. But we do have feeelings too.

.

[Teuen101]

thanks for the words of wisdom all was a huge help !

[THE THRONE]

Once again, the Book of the Seven-Legged Lamb will be our final authority. However, THE THRONE needs to eat and get some sleep, so he'll provide an in depth response tommorow. However, THE THRONE does agree with KMT and his POV about women and advice.

 

In the mean time, feast your eyes on this and tell me if this guy was wrong for this email he sent to his commitmentphobe of an ex:

 

-----------------------

The reason why I've been calling you is not so I can offer an apology, or insult you. The reason why I was contacting you was so you would know the reason why I feel the way I do, and it is important that you understand it, because I need to walk away clean knowing I did the right thing, and that you also know its the right thing. Now that I look back at our entire relationship, I can say that I unconsciously allowed you to do things that I normally wouldn't have let someone else do. The reason I say this is because I think we were both more attracted to the idea of each other more so than actually being attracted to each other (you more so attracted to the idea than actually being attracted to me.) Now that I look back, my interest was much higher than yours, but I'll make sure for future references that it doesn't happen with the next person I become involved with.

 

When I think about everything I now see a lot of things were too soon and done in haste. You and (insert name here) were only broken up for like 6 months when we met thus making me the rebound guy, and not only that, you told me when you were leaving for (insert city here) that you didn't have time for a relationship, so I should have cut my losses then before an emotional investment was made. Also, I can't forget about the ordeal where you stood me up, or where we were supposed to meet but different issues prevented it from happening so those are other instances where I should have walked. In fact, I remember asking you not too long ago if the roles were reversed and if you would deal with a person doing those things and your answer was NO, so I need to do the same thing.

 

Yes, I understand you don't like some or maybe the majority of the things I've said, but I can't change the way I feel about certain things. I'm not making excuses, nor am I apologizing, I'm just saying I feel this way because it is what you've chosen to constantly show me. No, I'm not pointing the finger and making you out to be the bad guy, but what I'm saying is there were plenty of chances were you could have stepped up to the plate and shown me certain things, but because of your friendship with others, lack of commitment/priority to me, and more emphasis placed on your work, you chose not to. All of that, and more, leads me to believe you weren't really interested in anything with me, but more interested in the idea of someone like me and waiting for the BBD to come along. You know cheating is a no go with me--total cut off--and you even ended a relationship with a past boyfriend because of the APPEARANCE of something faulty going on even though it wasn't. So, if you hold others to that standard, it is only right that I hold you to that standard as well--especially when I have been cheated on before. No, people don't like to be accused of things they aren't doing, but ANY sane person, male or female, black or white, rich or poor, could and would look at things from my P.O.V and question everything about the relationship.

 

I was once told I was a FOOL for having a LDR and that I would always have problems with this because not a lot of hands on time was invested. The sad part about all of this is things could have been soothed over and worked out if a little bit of time, compromise and courtesy were involved. I never asked you for much (insert her name here). Only your time and to be with you. It wasn't your money, wasn't how you looked, it was more of you and who you were. I'm a person that needs time with my S.O., and no I don't mean I need to be with them 24-7, but to be "with" someone in a relationship, but not be with them physically is a bit too much--especially when you're with someone and have spent not too much time with them. That's what used to get me the most, the fact that we invested time and never got to see and do things couples do. That is what forced me to look at everything, question the relationship, and often resent it, but now that isn't the case anymore. Now I look at things, and I see I learned a lot about patience, and that I could love and trust someone albeit for a season and until things were past critical. However, your hangup is "you don't talk to me right", and because you feel I'm not talking to you right, you feel it is in your power to "ration" love or time as you see fit. I can't be with a person like that, and the fact that you DID NOT make an effort when I was SILENT/WAITING or when I was trying to correct the problem shows once again that you want to do what you want to do.

 

So yes, this entire experience has taught me valuable lessons about myself, how people work for their self-interest, and ultimately about relationships in general. So the next relationship I'm in, I'll be ready because like I said this ordeal has taught me a lot, and no I'm not saying anything about next relationships to throw another woman in your face. Its just that I really feel the best thing for US is for me to step away and REALLY do me without any regrets or thoughts about the past that can hinder me. I can stay pursuing someone and trying to chase the same dream I've been chasing for many years, or I can live for me, find someone who is closer, and be happy with the choice I made. I think the latter is the best not only for me, but for the both of us, because it allows you to get your work done and to test the waters and see what it is life has to offer for you. I'm not trying to remain friends, not trying to rehash anything with you, because as far as I'm concerned now, those things are simply dreams and desires that have no place in either of our realities. We can't keep going over the same loop, and we certainly can't do it if the person who REALLY has the power to end it isn't making an effort to end it.

 

So to wrap it all up, nah, I'm not holding any grudges, but I'm getting all this off my chest because I need to walk away clean knowing that you know the reason why I'm doing it. Yes, it's sad that things couldn't work out for the best, that we didn't get to spend one second together, but hey that's life, and the only thing I can do is look at my hand in this, make sure I don't repeat the same mistakes, and look at your hand in this and know that certain things I won't allow a person to do. So take a bit to read over this a couple of times, and know that my feelings of resentment and anger are gone. I can't force you to like me or be with me, and those things are choices you had to make and didn't. We have a lot of growing to do individually, and who knows, one day things might be right, and we can speak on good terms, but as of right now a relationship between the two of us is out of the picture, and friendship between the two of us, knowing all of this **** has occurred, just isn't the right thing for either of us.

 

Be cool, much success, I'll keep your Grandma in my prayers.

-----------------------

 

Ladies, if a guy sent you a letter like this, and you already felt guilty about something you did, how would a letter like this sit with you emotionally? Would your ego be ripped and trampled on?

Edited January 21, 2008 by THE THRONE

[HarryR]

Once again, the Book of the Seven-Legged Lamb will be our final authority. However, THE THRONE needs to eat and get some sleep, so he'll provide an in depth response tommorow. However, THE THRONE does agree with KMT and his POV about women and advice.

 

In the mean time, feast your eyes on this and tell me if this guy was wrong for this email he sent to his commitmentphobe of an ex:

 

-----------------------

The reason why I've been calling you is not so I can offer an apology, or insult you. The reason why I was contacting you was so you would know the reason why I feel the way I do, and it is important that you understand it, because I need to walk away clean knowing I did the right thing, and that you also know its the right thing. Now that I look back at our entire relationship, I can say that I unconsciously allowed you to do things that I normally wouldn't have let someone else do. The reason I say this is because I think we were both more attracted to the idea of each other more so than actually being attracted to each other (you more so attracted to the idea than actually being attracted to me.) Now that I look back, my interest was much higher than yours, but I'll make sure for future references that it doesn't happen with the next person I become involved with.

 

When I think about everything I now see a lot of things were too soon and done in haste. You and (insert name here) were only broken up for like 6 months when we met thus making me the rebound guy, and not only that, you told me when you were leaving for (insert city here) that you didn't have time for a relationship, so I should have cut my losses then before an emotional investment was made. Also, I can't forget about the ordeal where you stood me up, or where we were supposed to meet but different issues prevented it from happening so those are other instances where I should have walked. In fact, I remember asking you not too long ago if the roles were reversed and if you would deal with a person doing those things and your answer was NO, so I need to do the same thing.

 

Yes, I understand you don't like some or maybe the majority of the things I've said, but I can't change the way I feel about certain things. I'm not making excuses, nor am I apologizing, I'm just saying I feel this way because it is what you've chosen to constantly show me. No, I'm not pointing the finger and making you out to be the bad guy, but what I'm saying is there were plenty of chances were you could have stepped up to the plate and shown me certain things, but because of your friendship with others, lack of commitment/priority to me, and more emphasis placed on your work, you chose not to. All of that, and more, leads me to believe you weren't really interested in anything with me, but more interested in the idea of someone like me and waiting for the BBD to come along. You know cheating is a no go with me--total cut off--and you even ended a relationship with a past boyfriend because of the APPEARANCE of something faulty going on even though it wasn't. So, if you hold others to that standard, it is only right that I hold you to that standard as well--especially when I have been cheated on before. No, people don't like to be accused of things they aren't doing, but ANY sane person, male or female, black or white, rich or poor, could and would look at things from my P.O.V and question everything about the relationship.

 

I was once told I was a FOOL for having a LDR and that I would always have problems with this because not a lot of hands on time was invested. The sad part about all of this is things could have been soothed over and worked out if a little bit of time, compromise and courtesy were involved. I never asked you for much (insert her name here). Only your time and to be with you. It wasn't your money, wasn't how you looked, it was more of you and who you were. I'm a person that needs time with my S.O., and no I don't mean I need to be with them 24-7, but to be "with" someone in a relationship, but not be with them physically is a bit too much--especially when you're with someone and have spent not too much time with them. That's what used to get me the most, the fact that we invested time and never got to see and do things couples do. That is what forced me to look at everything, question the relationship, and often resent it, but now that isn't the case anymore. Now I look at things, and I see I learned a lot about patience, and that I could love and trust someone albeit for a season and until things were past critical. However, your hangup is "you don't talk to me right", and because you feel I'm not talking to you right, you feel it is in your power to "ration" love or time as you see fit. I can't be with a person like that, and the fact that you DID NOT make an effort when I was SILENT/WAITING or when I was trying to correct the problem shows once again that you want to do what you want to do.

 

So yes, this entire experience has taught me valuable lessons about myself, how people work for their self-interest, and ultimately about relationships in general. So the next relationship I'm in, I'll be ready because like I said this ordeal has taught me a lot, and no I'm not saying anything about next relationships to throw another woman in your face. Its just that I really feel the best thing for US is for me to step away and REALLY do me without any regrets or thoughts about the past that can hinder me. I can stay pursuing someone and trying to chase the same dream I've been chasing for many years, or I can live for me, find someone who is closer, and be happy with the choice I made. I think the latter is the best not only for me, but for the both of us, because it allows you to get your work done and to test the waters and see what it is life has to offer for you. I'm not trying to remain friends, not trying to rehash anything with you, because as far as I'm concerned now, those things are simply dreams and desires that have no place in either of our realities. We can't keep going over the same loop, and we certainly can't do it if the person who REALLY has the power to end it isn't making an effort to end it.

 

So to wrap it all up, nah, I'm not holding any grudges, but I'm getting all this off my chest because I need to walk away clean knowing that you know the reason why I'm doing it. Yes, it's sad that things couldn't work out for the best, that we didn't get to spend one second together, but hey that's life, and the only thing I can do is look at my hand in this, make sure I don't repeat the same mistakes, and look at your hand in this and know that certain things I won't allow a person to do. So take a bit to read over this a couple of times, and know that my feelings of resentment and anger are gone. I can't force you to like me or be with me, and those things are choices you had to make and didn't. We have a lot of growing to do individually, and who knows, one day things might be right, and we can speak on good terms, but as of right now a relationship between the two of us is out of the picture, and friendship between the two of us, knowing all of this **** has occurred, just isn't the right thing for either of us.

 

Be cool, much success, I'll keep your Grandma in my prayers.

-----------------------

 

Ladies, if a guy sent you a letter like this, and you already felt guilty about something you did, how would a letter like this sit with you emotionally? Would your ego be ripped and trampled on?

 

 

WOW, if someone said that to me there is no way i would hold on for a second chance, thats more than thin mans brain can handle, glad you have it worked out, I wish you all luck on this board, but cant read this this kinda stuff anymore and heal, good luck guys, hope all turns out the way you want ot to,,,,,,,,,over and out

[heartoutside]

CalamitousJane, thanks for the advice. PLAYBRAT, I was wondering if you had/have any suggestions on my situation?......thanks