jealous partner. is this my fault?

[oreli]

i need advice. my boyfriend has 2 cope with my quite shoking past, i am really emberased of it thou i know wot i have done and i regret it. ok..here we go; my boyfriend is the best friend of my ex partner, there was quite a time between the 2 relationships but thats not all, i have cheated on my ex partner with his other best friend. conclusion: i have had sex with both of his best friends. thats why i write here for help coz i cant talk about it in person. now my problem is that my boyfriend is very jealous. the the time i have been with him is about a year and only have gone out 2 or 3 times without him being there and one of it was yesterday where i relized that this problem is really serious. yesterday i felt how relaxt i am knowing that if a guy talks to me i dont need to worry about haveing someone behind me telling me nasty things. also we have the same friends thats why we always are out together. when he gets 1 of his jealous ataks he always starts to insult me infront of all and friends have to hold him back coz he dosnt stop. he cant controll himself when he has drunken especialy,last time i evan had to ring the ambulance coz he got crazy. after many times him telling me normaly the next days sorry and that it would never happen again and i take a few days off to breath to be ok with him again. thou latly i relise there are more situations, more sences. i even think he is cheating on me but its just an instinkt telling me thou i am not sure. i am going really mad and everyone tells me i should leave him thou i cant i love him and this is a problem of 1 day in 7 days. i believe through out self experience that jealousy (more than normal) is coz ur scared the other persona is able to cheat just like youself or hase the same capazitie.

is this my fault coz of my past?

 

(sorry for my spellings faults, i hope its understandable)

thx

[Lucasarts]

well im sure there'll always be some bitterness and jealousy over you (especially with that circle of friends you've been banging). I'm surprised that your b/f actually committed to you, with your history and past relationships/adultery with his best friends. But the fact of the matter is he did, and he must have for some reason (he probably likes you a lot); his jealousy is understandable, but he should be able to control it better knowing full well of what you're capable of. I don't see how you would know/feel that he was cheating...but again I'm not in your situation so i don't know all the facts. Jealousy arrives when your SO has a history of being unfaithful, a tease/flirt, or theres circumstances that arise in the relationship to create that tension. It is your fault that you did the things you did, but that doesn't mean you're like that forever. It's just hard for someone to really put their faith in you when you done something like that and the possibility of it happening again is always going to be in the back of their minds. You just have to prove that you're loyal and true, and eventually the perception will change in your favor.

[Trialbyfire]

it loks like u need drama in u'r life. why dat sum guy who gits into drunkin rags? mebbe its time to stawp the drama, lik cheatin on men wit der frenz an' fine a desent guy to treat nice an' stuff.

[Florida]

i need advice. my boyfriend has 2 cope with my quite shoking past, i am really emberased of it thou i know wot i have done and i regret it. ok..here we go; my boyfriend is the best friend of my ex partner, there was quite a time between the 2 relationships but thats not all, i have cheated on my ex partner with his other best friend. conclusion: i have had sex with both of his best friends. thats why i write here for help coz i cant talk about it in person. now my problem is that my boyfriend is very jealous. the the time i have been with him is about a year and only have gone out 2 or 3 times without him being there and one of it was yesterday where i relized that this problem is really serious. yesterday i felt how relaxt i am knowing that if a guy talks to me i dont need to worry about haveing someone behind me telling me nasty things. also we have the same friends thats why we always are out together. when he gets 1 of his jealous ataks he always starts to insult me infront of all and friends have to hold him back coz he dosnt stop. he cant controll himself when he has drunken especialy,last time i evan had to ring the ambulance coz he got crazy. after many times him telling me normaly the next days sorry and that it would never happen again and i take a few days off to breath to be ok with him again. thou latly i relise there are more situations, more sences. i even think he is cheating on me but its just an instinkt telling me thou i am not sure. i am going really mad and everyone tells me i should leave him thou i cant i love him and this is a problem of 1 day in 7 days. i believe through out self experience that jealousy (more than normal) is coz ur scared the other persona is able to cheat just like youself or hase the same capazitie.

is this my fault coz of my past?

 

(sorry for my spellings faults, i hope its understandable)

thx

 

I can't understand this-can you please re-translate it? Ok thx!

[New_Life08]

Hello, I've just joined the forum and browsing through threads and posts. I understand you slept with his two best friends and now with him. He's now insecure of the idea of you consorting with these men? It's hard for him to think about the intimacy you shared with them. He must wonder too if you may be inclined to sleep with them again since you mentioned you were unfaithful in the past.

 

There is a much more serious underlying problem than what is on the surface in your relationships. First of all it would be a good idea to step back and try to recognize why there was a desire to sleep with three close friends? I understand completely that somethimes things just happen for no apparent reason. But, somehow I get the feeling you have unresolved issues that need your immediate attention.

 

With that said, I am not qualified nor do I want to judge your motives. No one is perfect. I feel only concern and you may want to consider counseling to work on yourself before you can move ahead with the rest. I want to be honest with you, this is not a healthy situation for either of you emotionally or physically. Which brings me to him.

 

I wonder why he would choose to be with a woman who slept with his two closest friends? Why would he torture himself this way? His anger is way out of control, he assults or insults you and somehow you've found a way to forgive it? Are you blaming yourself for his actions bc of your past? I hope not, because we are adults capable of making our own decisions. He's making a concious choice (drunk or not) to behave this way. He's fighting his own demons and you're a nice little target.

 

I won't write a book here But, I would suggest talking to someone professional who can help you understand your own self before you can understand him.

 

All my best friend.

[lovelorcet]

it loks like u need drama in u'r life. why dat sum guy who gits into drunkin rags? mebbe its time to stawp the drama, lik cheatin on men wit der frenz an' fine a desent guy to treat nice an' stuff.

 

I am going to have to agree here...

 

1. Don't cheat on your boyfriends

 

2. Don't have sex with their best friends

 

 

Now while your past isn't a reason for him to act out his uncontrolled jealously it does set a tone as to what kind of woman you are and what might be going to happen to him

 

My suggestion would be to:

 

1. Grow up and start making better choices for yourself.

2. Dump your bf because either you or someone else is one one step away from getting their nose broken.

3. Stop sleeping with your group of friends.

4. Don't search for a partner in a group of males that you have slept with.

5. Think about finding some new friends all together.