Parent dissent

[lovelorcet]

Well here is a whole different issue... If you are this hard up for 3k (which is peanuts in terms of buying a house) why are you even considering buying a house right now??

 

You are going to take a loan from your parents for the down payment and then take on a mortgage for the rest??? And on top of that many housing markets in the states are seeing their prices start to fall.

 

You may actually be better off renting for a while and saving some cash.

[Keara]

yeah... like she said.

[dropdeadlegs]

As far as the down payment money goes, I think that whether it is a gift or a loan, the choice of how to use it should be yours. You mentioned that your fiance has $40k to put down, do your parents know about that? Maybe they don't understand that by both names being on title that he has more to lose (invested) than you will.

 

Still, any other creditor would not make that stipulation. If the funds are considered a loan, I think you should be the one to decide about whose name(s) go on title as long as they are used for the purchase of a home, as agreed.

 

I wouldn't even explain the offer to my fiance if I were you. It will only hurt his feelings and may negate any future relationship with your parents on his behalf.

 

I feel I should caution you concerning asking your parents about how they really feel about your fiance. Just be sure you are ready to hear their thoughts. Be sure you aren't asking a question that you really don't want the answer to. While I think getting all in the open is a good thing, I worry that you may have some resentment depending on how they word things.

 

I do think that talking to them about your brother and their financial help towards him needs to take place. It's hard not to become emotional when feeling like favortism is being shown, but I honestly think they are doing him harm and you are better off NOT being the benefactor of of parents who throw money at you. That wouldn't make me feel better emotionally, but logically I would know this to be true.

 

Whatever you choose to discuss, can it be done in person rather than by email? It's hard to read emotion via email and words often sting more without the benefit of vocal tone and facial expression.

[Walk]

I feel I should caution you concerning asking your parents about how they really feel about your fiance. Just be sure you are ready to hear their thoughts. Be sure you aren't asking a question that you really don't want the answer to. While I think getting all in the open is a good thing, I worry that you may have some resentment depending on how they word things.

My parents are notorious for choosing the absolute worst wording to convey their thoughts. For example, they've let me know on several occasions that they will never pay for another wedding for me again. I'm positive that concept could have been conveyed in a less hostile manner. I understand why they feel that way, and I have no problem with them not wanting to financially be a part of my wedding. But their wording SUCKS.

 

Anyway... what I'm saying is, I've developed a thick skin, and although I might have some resentment if they do tell me a billion reasons why they don't like my fiance, I'd rather they were honest about it then couch it in innuendo and stipulations. And they are really good hearted people. They don't mean bad, and they want the best for me.

 

But its good to have someone point out that I might not like the answer. I'll have to talk to them with a hugely open mind and be prepared for the worst.

 

I do think that talking to them about your brother and their financial help towards him needs to take place. It's hard not to become emotional when feeling like favortism is being shown, but I honestly think they are doing him harm and you are better off NOT being the benefactor of of parents who throw money at you. That wouldn't make me feel better emotionally, but logically I would know this to be true.

 

I have on occasion. They got get really pissed at me the first time. But lately they've been bringing it up themselves with an exasperated, defeated attitude of "what else are we supposed to do, he's our son?" They know what's going on. Nothing changes...

 

I want them to be happy. And if supporting my brother makes them feel needed and wanted, and it doesn't cause them to lack what they need in life, then there really isn't much harm to them. My brother sucks, but as long as they can draw a line I'm okay with it. But I still want to feel loved, and important to them too. Like I'm wanted and needed too.