Female friends asking about my sex life

[Phateless]

Occasionally female friends will ask me about my sex/love life and if I've met anyone and what happened, etc. I don't consider myself a man-whore by any means, but I have had casual sex before. Well, sometimes girls seem disgusted by my response, so why ask? I'm just confused here... should I lie? So I had a one-night stand. Big deal. So have most people.

 

Just fishing for some perspective. Thanks guys and girls!

 

btw, in case anyone asks, I'm ALWAYS safe.

[Pyro]

You shouldn't have to lie to a friend about anything. Maybe you are trying to impress her? Maybe you have secret feelings for a particular female friend?

[Pyro]

....................

Edited January 21, 2008 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Double post

[Citizen Erased]

Just tell them it's none of their business OR just say "fine, went on a few dates". If they ask for details, then it is their own fault.

[Leia]

People shouldn't ask if they don't really want to know the answer. Easy as that.

[angelina78]

yeah, girls do that... i don't think they're disgusted by it, though, not really... they know as well as you do that casual sex happens... maybe they're sizing you up to assess if you are "relationship material." I definitely wouldn't lie to them if they're asking you, but if you're worried about giving them the wrong impression about you, maybe just say that you're a guy and you have needs, but that's not to say you wouldn't want to have something more with the right girl... something along those lines...

[Phateless]

You shouldn't have to lie to a friend about anything. Maybe you are trying to impress her? Maybe you have secret feelings for a particular female friend?

 

Yeah there's one particular girl but I'm done obsessing over her. She's not the only one I've had this reaction from anyway. Most girls say something like "ew gross! :p" to me. I usually reply with "YOU asked!" and shrug it off.

 

I have wondered if that female friend has disqualified me because I told her too much? She knows about most of the girls I meet and most of the ones I hook up with, but not all.

 

Angelina - please elaborate on the sizing me up theory, because I've been thinking the same thing, but I don't really know where to go with that.

[Pyro]

Yeah there's one particular girl but I'm done obsessing over her. She's not the only one I've had this reaction from anyway. Most girls say something like "ew gross! :p" to me. I usually reply with "YOU asked!" and shrug it off.

 

I have wondered if that female friend has disqualified me because I told her too much? She knows about most of the girls I meet and most of the ones I hook up with, but not all.

 

Angelina - please elaborate on the sizing me up theory, because I've been thinking the same thing, but I don't really know where to go with that.

 

To answer that last part, she was testing you to see if you have had any ONS or if you have been around. Some guys and gals will be turned off by that from someone.

 

Well if she is considered just a friend to you, then you shouldn't have to hide anything from her, but she asked.

[Phateless]

Well there are plenty of threads about this girl, but I believe I am only a friend to her, but I have deeper feelings. I've been attempting to make it work as just friends and hide my feelings as best I can, because I enjoy her company, but I am fully aware of the position I am putting myself in. I have no clue if she knows how I feel, I try to hide it. So yeah...

 

Beyond all that, I don't want my female friends to think I'm a dirty man-whore.

[Pyro]

Well there are plenty of threads about this girl, but I believe I am only a friend to her, but I have deeper feelings. I've been attempting to make it work as just friends and hide my feelings as best I can, because I enjoy her company, but I am fully aware of the position I am putting myself in. I have no clue if she knows how I feel, I try to hide it. So yeah...

 

Beyond all that, I don't want my female friends to think I'm a dirty man-whore.

 

If anyone asks again, just tell them that you like to keep your sex life private.

[Phateless]

If anyone asks again, just tell them that you like to keep your sex life private.

 

Is that gonna fly with somebody I'm used to sharing relationship details with? I don't think that would go over so well.

[klee]

Is that gonna fly with somebody I'm used to sharing relationship details with? I don't think that would go over so well.

 

 

I don't think that just because you told her once some juicy details that that means now you must divulge everything for the rest of your life! If she keeps asking you for details, just politely tell her it is none of her beeswax. You can even explain that the last time you told her anything, she got all grossed out, so why should you even bother wasting your breath!?

 

Or you can keep giving her the truth and accept her reactions as such. I understand you like this girl (but, I have not been following your threads, so I cannot really say...)but who cares what she thinks about it?

 

I also completely agree with leia. Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to!!!

 

Maybe if she gives you grief about your answers the next time she asks, you should just say that!

[tanbark813]

Yeah there's one particular girl but I'm done obsessing over her. She's not the only one I've had this reaction from anyway. Most girls say something like "ew gross! :p" to me. I usually reply with "YOU asked!" and shrug it off.

 

It sounds like she might have a little thing for you and is a bit jealous.

[underpants]

It sounds like she might have a little thing for you and is a bit jealous.

 

That is my impression as well.

 

Is this the 'friend' that you would like to date but you are not sure how to address the topic with her?

 

Are these 'feelings' you have just attraction or do you think you would like to go into a relationship? If yes to this are you willing to sacrafice the friendship for a chance at a relationship?

[Phateless]

That is my impression as well.

 

Is this the 'friend' that you would like to date but you are not sure how to address the topic with her?

 

Yes.

 

Are these 'feelings' you have just attraction or do you think you would like to go into a relationship? If yes to this are you willing to sacrifice the friendship for a chance at a relationship?

 

No, it's not just attraction. I think the friendship is already in jeopardy because I'm not sure how to act around her.

 

It's weird, circumstantially, it seems as if she is a little into me, but her body language tells me otherwise, and she constantly reminds me we're only friends without me even asking. But then I hooked up with one of her friends over summer and she was furious, and gets pissy if I mention that one of her friends is cute. I don't know what to make of it. Mixed signals coming out her ass.

[underpants]

Yes.

 

 

 

No, it's not just attraction. I think the friendship is already in jeopardy because I'm not sure how to act around her.

 

It's weird, circumstantially, it seems as if she is a little into me, but her body language tells me otherwise, and she constantly reminds me we're only friends without me even asking. But then I hooked up with one of her friends over summer and she was furious, and gets pissy if I mention that one of her friends is cute. I don't know what to make of it. Mixed signals coming out her ass.

 

Oh, I see.

 

To be honest. I would be scared to death to date you.

 

Sounds like she is considering your past behaviour towards her friends and letting that reaffirm her choice to not date you.

 

You would be also sending mixed signals when you dated her friend and comment on your attraction to other friends of her's. Do you see that side of the coin?

 

I just don't know.

 

If you really do want to embark on a relationship with her and you sense she might just be (and reasonably so) apprehensive about it. Then you need to stop checking out and dating her friends. Express to her a genuine interest in taking your friendship to the next level and then let her decide if she is willing to try. You might want to tell her that while you have played the field a bit she is someone that is worth taking a relationship seriously.

 

She will probably test you a bit. She might not warm up to the idea immediately. If you are sincere then tell her what you would like and give her the space to come to you. Respectable space...don't let her catch you out with another girl or you will be toast. If you don't hear anything in a couple of weeks then I guess you have your answer. Either way an honest effort has to be better then the mixed signal game.

 

Good luck Phateless. That sounds like a tough situation.

Edited January 21, 2008 by underpants

[Phateless]

Thanks Unders, that means a lot and helps a lot. My background is that I was in a 5 year relationship and got my heart broken. I've been single a bit over a year. I'm dating around because I never did before, so I'm just trying to figure out what I like and hopefully find someone worthwhile. I guess I expect my friends to understand that.

 

I hooked up (one time) with her friend because my friend had reminded me I don't know how many times that day that we're just friends. With those words burning in my mind I thought "well what's stopping me?"

 

Why would you be scared to date me? Just because I'm dating around now does not mean I'm not capable of fidelity. In fact, I've never cheated on anyone and I'm very proud of that. If I'm with someone, I'm WITH them and that's it. Thanks for your input though, that's exactly what I was hoping to get out of this.

[underpants]

Thanks Unders, that means a lot and helps a lot. My background is that I was in a 5 year relationship and got my heart broken. I've been single a bit over a year. I'm dating around because I never did before, so I'm just trying to figure out what I like and hopefully find someone worthwhile. I guess I expect my friends to understand that.

 

I hooked up (one time) with her friend because my friend had reminded me I don't know how many times that day that we're just friends. With those words burning in my mind I thought "well what's stopping me?"

 

Why would you be scared to date me? Just because I'm dating around now does not mean I'm not capable of fidelity. In fact, I've never cheated on anyone and I'm very proud of that. If I'm with someone, I'm WITH them and that's it. Thanks for your input though, that's exactly what I was hoping to get out of this.

 

I can certainly understand your perspective and I don't blame you for enjoying your singlehood.

 

I was just trying to give you the perspective of a woman who, although, might be attracted to a guy has reservations about dating him. I have let a few 'friends' go because they weren't over an ex, or they were in 'conquest' mode. Even when they really, really wanted to date me.

 

I don't understand whey she has to reaffirm your 'friendship' status so often? Also, if she does not want to date you then I don't understand why she would be upset if you date others. That is weird.

 

Can you talk to her about all of this? Yikies.

 

Good luck.

[Phateless]

I can certainly understand your perspective and I don't blame you for enjoying your singlehood.

 

I was just trying to give you the perspective of a woman who, although, might be attracted to a guy has reservations about dating him. I have let a few 'friends' go because they weren't over an ex, or they were in 'conquest' mode. Even when they really, really wanted to date me.

 

I don't understand whey she has to reaffirm your 'friendship' status so often? Also, if she does not want to date you then I don't understand why she would be upset if you date others. That is weird.

 

Can you talk to her about all of this? Yikies.

 

Good luck.

 

No Unders I'm really glad you piped up. The female perspective is exactly what I wanted and you're the first to tell me outright. Yeah, her actions really don't make any sense to me. It's probably just her age (she's 20).

 

If I ever do confess it all, I'll delete the other girls in my phone, right in front of her.

[BlueEyedGirl]

I actually think that girls that ask you about sex life see you only as a friend. I would NEVER ask a guy that I'm interested in about his sex life. It just doesn't feel natural to do that. But if she sees you only as a friend then it's like talking to her girlfriends.

[Florida]

Phate I can't read this friend of yours, so my advice is more general.

To be the guy who would find the girl he wants to be wth for the long haul you have to become that guy now.

 

Don't wait and give lip service to it, no girl is going to take a chance on a prospective new you.

 

Think of it like this, you are interviewing candidates for a job. One of them had 1 long term job and since then many short term jobs that never went anywhere. In fact, they even took some short term jobs with the competing companies. This candidate wants the employer to know they have the potential to be a committed long term employee, if they find the right position, regardless of current track record.

 

Another candidate has a sterling resume of a very long term employment where they gained in depth knowledge and understand the current company through committed actions, on a target course.

 

As an employer, who would you choose? Right. I'm just being honest. A stable gal who values fidelity isn't going to give you a chance *assuming* you will change after she puts her heart on the line.

Edited January 23, 2008 by Florida

[Phateless]

Phate I can't read this friend of yours, so my advice is more general.

To be the guy who would find the girl he wants to be wth for the long haul you have to become that guy now.

 

Don't wait and give lip service to it, no girl is going to take a chance on a prospective new you.

 

Think of it like this, you are interviewing candidates for a job. One of them had 1 long term job and since then many short term jobs that never went anywhere. In fact, they even took some short term jobs with the competing companies. This candidate wants the employer to know they have the potential to be a committed long term employee, if they find the right position, regardless of current track record.

 

Another candidate has a sterling resume of a very long term employment where they gained in depth knowledge and understand the current company through committed actions, on a target course.

 

As an employer, who would you choose? Right. I'm just being honest. A stable gal who values fidelity isn't going to give you a chance *assuming* you will change after she puts her heart on the line.

 

That makes a lot of sense. I haven't been in a relationship since my ex, just dated around and met a lot of people. I don't want to get into one until I'm really into the girl. Think of me as the guy who won't even sign onto a company unless I'm really confident I could stay there for a long time.

[swordfish01]

I agree with almost everyone on here. Who you chose to sleep with or don't is your business. Not hers. If she is into you she will always have trust issues b/c she knows too much about your history. Maybe you should just straight up ask her if she wants to stay platonic.

[Phateless]

I agree with almost everyone on here. Who you chose to sleep with or don't is your business. Not hers. If she is into you she will always have trust issues b/c she knows too much about your history. Maybe you should just straight up ask her if she wants to stay platonic.

 

She makes it clear, and her body language is consistent with that. If we accidentally touch she moves away, etc. Subconscious stuff like that gives away a lot. Oh well. I'll keep searching.