Spidr Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 (edited) Hey to all, I am 21 years old from a tiny island in europe called Malta. one and half months ago I met a girl which she was studying in my country for a few weeks, we imidetaly fell in love for one another.She is 20years old. We passed nearly 3 weeks living together.It was something which we never felt before. We clicked well with eachother in many things which are hard to describe.When the time came for her to leave, it was so hard.Together we agreed that we will continue on a long distance relationship. She is from France. We are now using every means possible on the internet. I even sent her letters by normal mail. We started talking till late nights at first, she always make me feel that everything will be ok. And we even talked about our future (maybe it is a bit early). I have bought her a nice neckles before she left which she is still wearing till this day. She is a kind of person which like to spend a lot of time with her friends too (mixed sexes), which i have accepted that. I made friends with them too, and they all tell me that she loves me and looking forword to see me.She has a friend which she was close to him from a long time ago and she tells me that she talks with him alot, but she only wants to remain a friend with him and she tells me not to worry about it. I accepted this fact, but what do you think about it?is it right? Now she just started school again and she comes home at 8:00pm. Yesterday she told me that she can't talk that much at these times becuase of her school work and studies after school.She told me that she will be online in 3 days (this is very hard for me but I don't want to interfere with her studies).I told her that i will phone her instead, and she said yes its good but only phone one time. This really confused me. I know she loves me but sometimes she thinks in ways which i cannot really understand. Yesterday she also told me that she hopes that I am not seeing other girls, which made me feel more secure in a way that she cared. I am going to see her in 2 weeks time, which there i will meet her family and friends.We have planned it before she left. We look forward to it everyday, and she even moved her birthday party from the 6th of janauary to the week when i will be with here. What do you think I have to do? Shall i keep listening to my heart and stay with her?Is it a fantasy? I had been with other girls (3years was the longest). But i never felt this way for a girl. What is really confusing me is the sudden time limit of our communication.Altough she blames herself for this. Thanks for your help [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][/sIZE][/FONT] Edited January 21, 2008 by Spidr Link to post Share on other sites
Leia Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 Do you live in Valletta? Why don't you give it a few more weeks? Maybe until you see her. The thing with long distance is that you really don't know what's going on with your other half. It takes lots of assurance from each other and sometimes it's too much work to make it happen. Some people are cut out for this kind of relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spidr Posted January 21, 2008 Author Share Posted January 21, 2008 (edited) I work at valletta. You came to Malta? Yes i think you are right, and i am ready to wait for how much is needed.Altough i never tought that this would happen. I just hope that she will not grow out of me.and i just dont know if sometimes I bother her by maybe phoning to much or by wishing to talk to her on msn everyday. I find it very hard to understand why doesnt she have at least 5mins everyday for me.Knowing that she is hoping that we be together in the near future. Shall i message her on her mobile today? if i do will it be a sign of obbsession? which i dont want to be like that. since she told me that she will be very busy the next few days. Edited January 21, 2008 by Spidr Link to post Share on other sites
Leia Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 I have been to Valletta. Very nice. I would send an sms but that would be it, nothing more. Just something short and simple. Sometimes people are so caught up with work or studies that we tend to neglect the people we care about. I try my best to keep in touch with my friends or when I was seeing someone but at times, especially during my exam week.. I concentrate more on what's more important which is my studies. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spidr Posted January 21, 2008 Author Share Posted January 21, 2008 Thanks for that advice...it made me feel a lot better! I guess i shouldn't be that paranoid. maybe i have to go slow. and have more faith in her. Yes valletta i nice with alot of history!and thats where i met this girl too Link to post Share on other sites
Leia Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 Yes it is very nice! I love the history behind it. Yes, take it slow. Your relationship is still very new and usually, when it's new... people tend to worry too much that it won't work so they get really paranoid over it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spidr Posted January 21, 2008 Author Share Posted January 21, 2008 yes you are right. any other advice about LDR early stages? Becuase this really helped. No physical contact is hard...but i guess that knowing a fixed date when you will meet her next makes you feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
Leia Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 I am sure other posters will chime in about long distance. I haven't had one myself. I don't really have the patience but will try almost anything. I hope it will work out fine with your girl. It's still early too tell so I hope you will keep your options open.... and by this I mean, what will happen or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spidr Posted January 21, 2008 Author Share Posted January 21, 2008 (edited) Yes, time will tell. I just hope that she is the one. The fact that i was in a 3 year relationship a 3 months ago (and i had to stop becuase we found out that deep inside we were way different) makes me feel to move on fast so that I reach the point were i was with my ex. lol wierd feeling, but I am the kind of person which if i am with someone I give my full life for...but his time i will try to give it time Edited January 21, 2008 by Spidr Link to post Share on other sites
TMichaels Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 The fact that i was in a 3 year relationship a 3 months ago (and i had to stop becuase we found out that deep inside we were way different) makes me feel to move on fast so that I reach the point were i was with my ex. lol wierd feeling, but I am the kind of person which if i am with someone I give my full life for...but his time i will try to give it time Spidr, It's always hard not to make comparisons to a previous relationship, and yearn for the feeling of closeness that you've had before and would like to have again. However, you're wise to take things slow. Right now, your girlfriend is focused on her studies. She needs to be, and you need to be patient and understanding. You have no reason to doubt that she won't be online for you in three day's time -- and she will appreciate your consideration of the duties and obligations she is dealing with while trying to pursue a long-distance relationship with you. I know you are worried about being apart, but there's a lot of truth in the old adage "absence makes the hearts grow fonder." The fact your g/f postponed her birthday party until you will visit, and that she wants you to meet her friends and family while you're there, are all good things. Don't worry! Take your time and see how the two of you are together in a much more "real life" setting when you visit her in France. No reason why things can't work out if you both are committed to the relationship. But, you'll have a lot better idea the more time you spend with each other. Have a great trip, and best of luck! TMichaels Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spidr Posted January 21, 2008 Author Share Posted January 21, 2008 Thanks alot Tmicheals! A very encouraging post! Yes i have to give her time for her studies. And yes its true "absence makes the hearts grow fonder." I know that i cannot know what is happening on the other part of europe but we trust eachother.Thanks once again! Link to post Share on other sites
HisLove Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 They take a bit of getting used to Spidr, but it sounds like things are fine. Don't forget you had a very intense time together for 3 whole glorious weeks, so afterwards is going to feel kind of empty. I am 3 months into my LDR and it takes a lot of trust, patience, and communication - and these are ALL great things to base a relationship on. My man is currently working away on a remote island that does not have phone access - he gets back on Saturday - but until then I will not have communicated with him AT ALL for 16 days. He only has access to an emergency satellite phone which he used to call me to let me know he arrived safely and when he would be home. I miss him, but I feel ok about it. Patience. Trust. Sticking to his word. He has never failed me on these things. I have only sent him 3 texts the entire time, which he won't receive until he gets back to the mainland, it was just to let him know I was thinking of him. They were cheery & upbeat. I want to see him (in mind) smile when he reads them. Give your girlfriend her 3 days and let her come back to you. She will be so thankful that you are understanding and care about her studies. This will impress her family too that you are a great guy. Get yourself into a routine that you both like. For us - I ALWAYS get a good morning text from him and I love to start the day that way. He is always long at work and I'm not usually out of bed yet, but it's just the thought that he's thinking of me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spidr Posted January 22, 2008 Author Share Posted January 22, 2008 (edited) Thats a very nice thing you are doing together Another problem which i have is that her family is poor, and she study and don't work (personely I prefer her being that way, becuase my previous relationship was with one which was the opposite.and it made me end it becuase of it). So she only communicate with mobile phones when there is a very important event such as Christmas.For example yesterday I have sent her a short sms to give her the usual love you and take care thing, but I didnt have any reply.SHe could have even replied from a website which we write messges and blogs to eachother. I know that she had used it for a few minutes yesterday, becuase it tells you when the person has last connected.is it ok when this happens? Is she maybe trying to have some sort of a talking break?Maybe she don't want to start a conversation so that she concentrate on her works? Or maybe she is getting fed up? Its just saying goodnight thats all i wish for.As much as I love her i don't want to be pest to her and make her do things which she doesn't want to do. Sorry for asking again, but I am really new to LDRs. Edited January 22, 2008 by Spidr Link to post Share on other sites
HisLove Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Well this is the thing with LDR's and why it's important to have good communication. It may appear that she logged on and off for a few minutes without bothering to say hello....but she COULD have logged on to chat to you or leave a message and been disconnected through no fault of her own. So don't jump to conclusions yet. Are you able to send her a calling card or some kind of credit? Or if you use the same carrier, where you can call or text each other for free? Just suggestions if you think that money is very tight for her. My advice to you would be the same as one I would give one of my girlfriends...just back off a little bit and wait and see. She may have some pressures with life, and it may not be about how she feels about you at all. Sometimes I get snippy or jump to the wrong conclusion. Why didn't my man send me a Happy New Year text at midnight??? Actually he was at the hospital with his daughter who had burned herself with candle wax. Things aren't always as they seem. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spidr Posted January 22, 2008 Author Share Posted January 22, 2008 she is infact passing trough a hard time, I forgot to tell you that she lost all of her data which she needs to pass from her next exam. I noticed that when that happened, communication decreased.But its been from last Friday now. When I called her and she was crying alot about it. SHe also had told me that when she feels sad she do not speak to people she love.Actually its already hard for me not to be physicaly with her in her hard moments, and not talking makes it worse. But i think that is something which i have to get used to. As in mobile credits its a good idea, maybe i can help her on that. Link to post Share on other sites
HisLove Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 I do that too when I am under pressure or have things on my mind. People can tell when I am troubled because I go very quiet and 'disappear'...I call it hiding. I tend to block people online, dodge phone calls, lock myself inside...until I get things clear in my head. Then I'm good to go again. I am a very private person, it is the way I am. Perhaps your girlfriend deals with things the same way. Oh the female mind!! She must be very stressed to lose a lot of her work. If her family is poor, she is obviously trying so hard to get out of that cycle and they may not be so understanding or supportive of how important her studies are. She must be working flat out to restore the data and get herself back on track. So don't become another chore for her right now. How about just a text at night before you go to bed. Hi baby, thinking of you, sweet dreams xxooxx Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spidr Posted January 22, 2008 Author Share Posted January 22, 2008 Thanks for getting back my spirits again I will do just that. I understand her now. Yes sometimes the female mind do get into hidings but thats ok. I trust that she will be ok soon. Link to post Share on other sites
j_hunt_12 Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 My LDR resume: 2 months as friends, 2 months as lovers, 2 months LDR... So far. Hey that stuff is completely normal. I really wouldn't worry. My GF hasn't written me for a week now, BUT I know she has a hard time getting to the internet. I've noticed she never writes her sister either, who lives in my area currently, for the same time periods she doesn't write me. It's just stuff my GF can't help and I just have to accept that... it's not her fault. She has guy friends too. I get nervous and jealous, but I know it is nothing to worry about. I also spend a lot of time with lady friends here, but I would never cheat, neither would she. 2 weeks is a really short time to gain the trust needed for an LDR, but I'm an optimist. Take it slow like everyone says. If you can get by this LDR stuff it will make some issues a lot better in the long term and will make your love a lot stronger. Other issues may form in the long-term relationship (like not learning how to deal with each other), but LDRs really do help out in ways. LDRs are a different type of relationship. It takes dedication, you have to know yourself, and you have to really love your SO. You actually have to recognize that this lady is better than the rest because LDRs are NOT FUN. Normal relationships are fun, so even if the couple is not right for each other they'll still pull through it a while. Even if she doesn't write you, keep writting her. Make her know you REALLY care about her and it will reciprocate. If it doesn't work it would have never worked at all. Peace and good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spidr Posted January 22, 2008 Author Share Posted January 22, 2008 Thanks! I just got my heart back on now after an sms that I have sent to her saying that i love her and miss her. she told me: [sIZE=2][COLOR=#008000]"hello sweet, nothing happen between us but i don't have the time to speak, i have a lot of studying. Please understand me. If I had the time I would speak with you! but i'm very busy today and tomorrow sorry. I love you! your angel who will never forget you." [/COLOR][/sIZE]You were all right, at least now I am sure of what is going on. Becuase i felt like i was hanging on nothing.And i was going to work with no power to make something! Phew....now i will let her contact me when she finishes. This forum RULES! If anybody need any help from me tell me, i will do my best Link to post Share on other sites
j_hunt_12 Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Another bit of advise: keep entertaining yourself with this forum. It help kills time and make you feel better while in an LDR.. Link to post Share on other sites
HisLove Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 Yay Spidr!!! That is one of the difficulties when you can't eyeball somebody to see what is really going on with them. And I totally agree with j_hunt - if you start to feel needy, come and vent here instead of taking it out on her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spidr Posted January 23, 2008 Author Share Posted January 23, 2008 Yes I definetly will! Link to post Share on other sites
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