onda Posted June 20, 2003 Share Posted June 20, 2003 My boyfriend don't see why I have a problem with his mom wanting him to spend the night over. Let me begin by saying, that we live together and only under certain circumstances I can understand him staying over, for example if she is sick and if they where going out of town and leaving bright and early. PROBLeM The mother and ex keep in contact with each other, the ex was invited to attend a family gathering, in which she stayed at the mothers house. The mother called my boyfriend and told him, that she wanted him to stay over. He claims he did not know that his ex was in town when his mom told him she wanted him to stay over. I don't have a problem with the mother and ex being friends, but having her attend family gathering can cause serious problem with in our relationship of 16 months. The situation above is one of my main reason and the fact the he is a grown man in his own relationship. She is not thinking about how she would feel if she was in my shoes. If so, she would not be requesting that he stay out. How should I handle this? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 20, 2003 Share Posted June 20, 2003 Yours is one of the more confusing posts I have ever read. I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer...so maybe somebody else will come by and be able to decifer it. Meanwhile, I hope you will find it in your heart to repost and make the whos and wheres a bit more easier to understand. Many kind thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted June 20, 2003 Share Posted June 20, 2003 i don't think it's appropriate for his mom to ask him to stay overnight while his ex is at the house question - why on earth aren't YOU invited to family gatherings? -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Onda Posted June 20, 2003 Share Posted June 20, 2003 I am usually invited to the family gathering, but in this case I had to work and was unable to attend. I would have been uncomfortable with her being there and I have know reason to becomes friends with her. There are no kids or financial obligations between the two and their relationship ended on bad terms. My boyfriend, didn't come right out and tell me that she was in town. While questioning him about the event is when I found out about her and the fact that they stayed in the same house together. In the future, I probably will always turn down the invitation to family events. Because, I am unsure of the mothers motive for having them stay in the same house together. I, would have enough respect for my ex and the new person in his life to turn down the invitation. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted June 20, 2003 Share Posted June 20, 2003 I think you'd be better off making friends with his mother. She obviously had a nice relationship with his ex--why don't you try to have the same relationship with her? His mother may have some hope that they will get back together if she really liked his ex. So what? This doesn't make his mother a bad person, nor does it make her any different than many other mothers out there. (I know mine still asks about an ex I ended things with six years ago!) If you let his mother get to know you, maybe she will decide she likes you better. And for the record, you have no reason to feel uncomfortable around his ex. She is the one who should feel uncomfortable, and it's actually quite surprising to me that she would even show up at her ex's family events. You are the one in your boyfriend's life now, he's your guy, it's your "family", so...why are YOU uncomfortable? She's the outsider at these events. Link to post Share on other sites
km82794 Posted June 20, 2003 Share Posted June 20, 2003 Hi Onda, I beg to differ with you here, I think you're wrong to turn down future family gatherings. You live with this guy, you sleep with him and you have every right to be on his arm at every family function. Don't let this ex push you out of the picture. I would show up, put on a smile and be the most beautiful person you can be, inside and out. Kill her with kindness! Good luck !!! Link to post Share on other sites
wideawake Posted June 24, 2003 Share Posted June 24, 2003 What a momma's boy. Sorry, but if my mom was trying to manipulate my life like that I wouldn't sit around and let her ruin my wife/gfs life. I think the mother is a big problem and your boy needs to set her straight. He's in a relationship with you now and should go to bat for you. I don't think he should attend if he knows that his mom has invited the ex. Hey, great, they're friends. Let them meet for lunch or whatever, but when it's family tiime and you're now part of the family you don't need some other woman pooking her head into your biz. If my gf's mom was inviting her old bf's over for Xmas I would be through the roof pissed off. Your boy should have a sit down with your mom and let her know that he won't be coming to any family events that the ex attends....sorry if that sounds harsh, but I really feel strongly that children should not let parents get away with this kind of manipulative behavior. Jeez mom! Grow the f*** up! Link to post Share on other sites
rollercoaster334 Posted June 25, 2003 Share Posted June 25, 2003 hi onda, i'm going through almost the same thing. my boyfriend ex always hangs around his mom, always over,and always callin her. u know i cant stop them from being friends. but here comes my twist we all stay in the same city. i'm friends with the sister of the ex girlfriend of my boyfriend. and from what i hear from the ex's sis is that my boyfriend mother doesn't like me and she tells the ex all of our business. and yes my boyfriend and i have been staying together for almost 4 years and she is still in the picture.(the ex) after i found out the mother was being fake with me i stop visiting or if he visits i stay in the car or leave him there. and today he calls his mom house, and guess who answers the phone, the ex girlfriend and his mom wasn't even home. but he was on a cell phone and i could hear her asking was i around and could he talk. so i really got mad and i called back his mom house and asked to speak to her, and u know the b**ch wouldn't even come to the phone. my boyfriend sis is friends with her too, and she asking me why i wanted to speak to the ex and when my boyfriend got the phone she telling him i'm acting stupid. i know u have ur problem but to other readers what should i do? be mad with my man, completely cut the family off or what? because i personally don't give a f**k if they like me or not. but i want them to respect me and don't be trying fix them up,sh*t it's been over 4 years what is the problem with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts